


Better the Devil You Know

by leialovesfaith



Series: The Joy Chronicles [2]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-09-18
Packaged: 2018-04-19 12:07:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 133,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4745828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leialovesfaith/pseuds/leialovesfaith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Navigating the waters of parenthood is hard enough.  Throw in slayers, vampires, and evil entities bent on world domination and it's near impossible.  Sometimes the past is better left in the past and sometimes the past comes back to haunt you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dance Class?

There were three things that I would call “weird” about my daughter.  Harsh? Maybe… but I wasn’t going around spouting these things out to every stranger I passed.  I knew Buffy would kick my ass, and if I’d learned anything being around her… it was to keep my mouth shut.  Still, weird wasn’t like all bad or anything.  Different.  Let’s just go with different.

 

So yeah, three things _different”_ about my daughter. First, she had this accent. I didn’t know what the hell to call it. Somehow it was a mix of Scottish, English, and various regional American accents (though to be honest she preferred to sound like she was from California, but... I’m ignoring that fact). Anyway, so she always sounded well… distinct.  She had that kind of voice that would make people stop and raise an eyebrow. Most of the time they thought she was faking.  She wasn’t. It possibly didn’t help that she sounded like she smoked two packs a day (and she didn’t… felt I needed to throw that in for some reason) from the time she could toddle.  She got that honest, I guess.  It was obvious the influence of various nationalities and shit were gonna have an impact. I just didn’t realize how much of an impact they’d have. She had teachers, but so did the other slayers’ kids.  So I never quite figured out why she sounded so different.

 

Second, she was smart.  Way smarter than I was at that age.  Way,way smarter than I imagined Buffy was (something else I’d just keep to myself).  She studied with a lot of different people.  She could speak three languages, thanks to Giles and Dawn, before she was five. She was helpful when it came to research that was for damn sure.  Buffy and I would be moaning like little kids and she’d give us the side eye and look at Giles and Red all knowingly.  Cause apparently, eight year olds were bound and determined to believe their parents were either the coolest people on the earth or put on this planet to destroy their children’s soul based entirely on the day of the week. Research would always equal destroyed soul though.   

 

Third, she was trouble.  Now don’t get me wrong here… I knew kids got into shit. I didn’t expect her to like you know, sit on her hands or anything.  I mean she was my kid after all.  And Buffy’s. The fact she wasn’t born with the most severe case of ADHD known to man was a damn godsend.  But… well being smart and having what Red referred to as “slayer skills” and Ken referred to as “ass-kicking skills” didn’t help a damn bit. So… really strong for a damn eight year old and really smart equals… trouble.  When she was little, she was into shit.  Now… she was planning it.  Always planning something.  Once she got into Red’s magic books and conjured up a damn unicorn.  Side note – unicorns are not fucking friendly creatures. I didn’t know that. Neither did B. We chased that goddamn thing around the castle and outside for three hours before Buffy finally vanquished it. J cried for three hours afterwards. Tough shit… cause that thing came within two inches of stabbing me in the damn thigh.

 

She’d play me and B off each other all the time.  Tell one of us that the other one said she could… well fill in the blank… go to London with Giles.  Teleport to see Angel. Side note number two – she didn’t get sick during teleporting.  She got that from Buffy.  But not me, I’d still be throwing up like a dying woman every single time we popped anywhere. They found it hilarious. I didn’t.

 

And the list goes on for a while…. More times than I’d care to count, we’d catch her and Kennedy up to something.  Usually slayer related.  Usually dangerous. The amount of times I’ve almost throttled Ken bordered on ridiculous.  To be fair to her though, J could talk you into flying to Australia and paying her to go with you.  I still wasn’t too damn sure where the hell she got that skill from.

 

She did have friends, which was good. They were all slayers’ kids – also a plus.  It meant we didn’t have to hide the fact she was strong.  Some of the kids were here for study; others came and went.  We fought the battle of real school several times, but she always got voted down.  One, she had the best teachers around.  More importantly though, we couldn’t risk exposing her.  Too many people put in danger with that one, and that included her. Cause though a few things had changed since she was little, some hadn’t.  Case in point, I was still protective as hell.  Another thing that annoyed the shit out of her.

 

Most importantly, she was still our baby. Well, let me back up here. She looked a helluva lot like me. Dark hair, dimples, everything… I mean she had those wicked green eyes but that was it.  Everything else though… Buffy.  Down to the pout and the little walk she had when she was mad. Give her something pink and she still squealed like a howler monkey.  She’d bat those freaking eyelashes and everyone in the room was fawning and pulling out their wallets waiting to see what she needed.  Little devil worked it to her advantage more times than not.

 

 All this being said though, I loved her. More than I’d ever loved anything. Anyone.  Not a day went by that I didn’t think that. Even when she’d talked me in to “styling” my hair, which inevitably led to Buffy having to spend like seven hours detangling the shit.  Or the time she decided to paint her bedroom… with spray paint she’d found in the basement. Or the cookies she decided she’d cook after watching Andy one goddamn time… and almost burning the freaking castle down.  Or the time she magically locked me and B in the damn bathroom for six hours before Red and Giles were able to magically knock down the door.  Yeah… good times.  But still, every single time I saw her my heart did this little flip.  She was mine.  I still had to pinch myself every once in a while.

 

* * *

 

“Faith! I can’t find the ballet shoes! Seriously! What did you do with them!?!”

 

Here was the thing – Buffy screaming at me from the hallway, or the bedroom, or the kitchen, or just wherever the hell she was at the time was something I still had not gotten use to.  Something else our daughter had in common with her mother. A set of damn lungs. It must’ve run in the damn Summers’ family.

 

“I have no freakin idea where those shoes are!” I yelled back.  “I’m trying to block them from my memory,” I added, though not as loudly.

 

She came barreling into the living room. “I can hear you, you know.” She tossed her hair behind her shoulder and pulled it back in a bun. I found that incredibly sexy for some reason. “Hiding her ballet shoes does no one any good.  You might as well give it up.”

 

See here was the issue; I didn’t hide the damn shoes.  I wasn’t all for J taking ballet class cause she looked like a fairy but as I’d established numerous times over the last eight years, my opinion counted for jack.  So I’d relented, just like I always freaking did and let her take ballet.  And various other dance classes that pretty much were preparing her to be nothing but a friggin exotic dancer when she grew up. And that was gonna be a big fat hell to the no. 

 

“Seriously, mom?” My progeny, and often the bane of my existence, came sauntering in after her mother.  “Where are they?”  She had her hand on her hip.

 

“Are you two for real?  Why would I hide your damn shoes?”  I closed the book I was reading.  “Have you looked in your room?”

 

Joy shrugged her shoulders at me. “Wow, no… that’s a good idea.” Holy shit, the smartassness in this family. She turned to Buffy.  "Why didn't we think of that?”

 

I expected sarcasm to come a lot later than it did. I still wasn’t used to it. At least she wasn’t cursing… yet.

 

I rolled my eyes at her.  “Why don’t you skip it?”  Hey, it was worth a try.

 

“No way.  I have a recital in two weeks.”  She started lifting up various things in the room.  Like they were hiding under a book or something. “You just don’t want to come,” she pouted.

 

Aw fuck.  And there it was… Buffy’s evil stare.  “Is that it, Faith?  You hid them cause you don’t want to go to a recital?”

 

“I'm pretty sure they aren't under that vase. And seriously Buffy, I didn’t hide her freaking shoes. Ask Red.  Or Giles.  Or Dawn. Somebody responsible probably knows where they are.  And of course I want to go to the recital.  Don’t be stupid.” Okay, I was lying. Sue me.  Sitting through those dance recitals were like spending an afternoon researching.  Time fucking stood still until you were just about ready to hang yourself from the nearest rafter. But J rarely got to be a part of normal kid stuff and so we let her take the damn dance classes. And she was pretty good. I liked to watch her dance. I just didn’t want to suffer through the other hundred kids flitting across the stage to do it.

 

Red and Ken walked in then.  Buffy spun around.  “Wills, have you seen her ballet shoes?”

 

Red nodded because like I said - responsible one.  “Yep.  In the laundry room last I looked.  Getting excited about the big recital?  I know we are…” she asked J.

 

I watched Ken’s face.  She winced for a split second but thank god Red and B didn’t catch it.  They’d totally make us take Joy to class then. 

 

Joy ran up to Kennedy.  “So what are we doing later?  Can we go for a hike?”

 

Hike my ass.  They never just went on a hike.

 

Kennedy picked her up.  “Absolutely.  We can go check out those…” She faltered.

 

“…flowers,” Joy finished for her. Like a little evil partner in crime.

 

Oh hell no.  Threatening Ken was becoming my second job. “You two must think I’m the dumbest person on the planet.  Flowers, my ass.” I stood up.  “No hike.  No way. No how.”

 

Joy started pouting.  Nope.  Not happening. I didn’t give a shit.  She hopped out of Ken’s arms.  “It’s just flowers, mom.  It’s not like I’m going to slay or anything.”

 

Like I believed that.  “Nope. Go get your shoes.”

 

She huffed but walked out.

 

“It doesn’t hurt her to go out with Ken every once in a while, babe,” B said, wrapping her arms around me. “She doesn’t let her get near anything bad.  That and the other forty slayers you send with them keeps her pretty safe.”

 

“See, your hotter half doesn’t care.” Ken smirked.

 

“Thank you, jackass.  I didn’t ask you.” I grumbled.  “Between the two of you, I’m afraid I’m gonna get gray hairs or some shit.  And I like my hair.”

 

Buffy kissed my cheek.  “I’ll still love you when you’re all gray and wrinkly.”

 

“Eww,” Ken said, making a face. “I won’t.”

 

Red smacked her arm.  “You just want her to hit you for some reason. You know she will.” She turned to me. “I don’t know why they tease you so much,” she winked.

 

Never thought Red would be the one on my side. But K and Buffy were always trying to push every single goddamn button I had.  If it weren’t for Red, I’d probably been visiting the damn hair salon years ago.

 

Joy came running in dressed for ballet. All in pink.  I still wasn’t used to that.  Second twin wincing.  Pretty sure they noticed that time.

 

“Oh, I know!” Red said.  “Let’s all go!  I’ve got to get some supplies from town.  You and Ken can hang out at the studio and then we could go to dinner or something!”

 

Fuck me.  I looked to Kennedy.  She had the same face. But our significant others were looking rather excited about getting out.  Goddamn it.  

 

“Sure,” Ken said.  “We’d love to go.”  She turned around and made a face at me.  “This is your fault,” she mouthed.

 

“Yay!” Joy said.  “You can meet my new teacher.  She helps Ms. Mary.  I really like her. She told me I was the best dancer at the whole school.  The very best. And I was gonna be the best dancer in the world when I grew up.”  She was grinning from ear to ear.  Keep on grinning, kiddo.  Cause no way that was gonna happen.

 

* * *

 

We dropped Red off at the magic store and made our way to the studio.  As soon as we got there, J ran inside and B was off.

 

“Carmen!” She squealed, seeing another mother she knew. Buffy was like some weird, crazy soccer mom sometimes.  It was freaky and I usually just chose to ignore it.

 

I rolled my eyes and sat down in a chair at the back of the class.  So did Ken. “What the fuck did we do to deserve this shit?”

 

She shook her head.  “I have no idea.  I went over it in my head all the way here.  We had to have done something.  No way it was because we both pulled the eww face.”

 

She was wrong though.  That was totally why.   They had a way of punishing us without ever even seeming to. It was mind-boggling. “You know, I love J… but these kids… damn.  Who the hell would do this for a living?  Teach screaming kids how to synchronize anything? What a cluster fuck.”

 

“The only reason I’m going to that damn recital besides the fact Will is making me is to see Joy dance.  But really… if we put in time here, maybe…” She didn’t finish. She didn’t have to.

 

“Shit.  That’s a good idea.” I leaned back.  “And you know there is no way in hell they are gonna let us out of that,” I sighed.

 

She sat back and folded her arms across her chest. “Yeah, I know. Son of a bitch.”

 

There was absolutely no order in this room. There were moms mulling around all over the place, talking or squealing or whatever.  Kids were running around screaming.  I could see Ms. Mary at the front of the room. She was older than dirt. Seriously.  There was actual dirt that was created after she was born. She sat in a chair at the front of the room and basically tapped her big ass cane and the kids got quiet. She did have a weird kind of power that I kind of envied.  Anyone who could get thirty screaming kids dead ass silence with two taps of a stick deserved some respect.

 

“Class,” she started.  “We are breaking into our groups now.  So go find your helper.  Upper levels… stay here.”  She tapped with her cane. 

 

There were kids ranging from three to about sixteen or so in this class.  Everyone obviously knew where they were supposed to go. 

 

I was scanning the crowd looking for Joy. She had a new teacher apparently that thought she was just the coolest dancer in the whole freaking world. I wanted to see whose kneecaps I needed to break.  B always brought Joy to dance so I didn’t know one damn teacher from another.  It was nice to be blissfully unaware every once in a while. Except…

 

when it wasn’t…

 

K and I spotted her at the same time. I felt her put her hand on my knee. “Faith,” she said through gritted teeth.

 

I nodded.  I felt a long forgotten terror start to rise up inside of me. “Fuck me…” I whispered.

 

We both stood up at the same time. She made eye contact as soon as we stood and smiled the sweetest, most goddamn sickening smile I’d ever seen.

 

Joy ran up to us before we could make it over there. “Mom!” She said, tugging on my shirt. I couldn’t look down. “This is my new teacher, Miss Patty!” She was so excited.

 

I tried to stay calm. 

 

Buffy walked up.  “Hi, Patty!” She said from behind me.  “Joy was so excited you were going to be here tonight,” she smiled at her. She turned and looked at me. At least I think she did. Neither Ken or I had broken eye contact with Miss “Patty.”  “Faith? What’s wrong?”

 

I bent down and picked Joy up. “Put me down, mom,” she whispered. She was embarrassed. Wish I gave a fuck.

 

“Buffy, get her out of here.” I mumbled, handing her to B.

 

“What’s wrong with you?  You look like you’ve seen a ghost.  Why are you two being so freak out-y?” She took Joy from me all the same. 

 

The bitch was still smiling at me.

 

“Please get her out of here, Buffy. Now.” I got closer to her teacher. It didn’t escape my attention that everyone on this side of the room was watching us, including the seven or eight kids in Joy’s dance class. 

 

“No! I’m not leaving!”  J was screaming.  “Put me down.”

 

For whatever reason under the damn sun, Buffy must’ve believed me.  If it had been any other moment in our lives, I probably would have taken a damn photo with my phone or something and marked the date.  Cause she rarely did anything I asked without protest.  But she did this time.  She took Joy straight out the door, kicking and screaming the whole way. Now everyone in the room was watching us.

 

“I don’t know what we can do here,” Ken whispered next to me.  “Everyone in this room is watching.”

 

I nodded.  We both walked up to the teacher.  She smiled at us.  “I’m just keeping an eye on my girl,” she said in that bubbly accent that really fucking defied her age.

 

I was about to lunge, but Kennedy pulled me back. “Don’t.  There are thirty some odd kids here.”  She turned to her.  “She’s not eighteen, you skank,” she whispered.

 

Mother of all that was holy.  How the fuck long had she been watching her?  B had no idea what she looked like.  But we knew. It could’ve been months. I couldn’t feel my legs very well.

 

“You can’t touch her…” I whispered.

 

“Oh, I don’t plan on it, mommy. Like I said, just keeping an eye out.” She looked down at my hands.  “You know you can’t hurt me.  No point in trying. Don’t want to scar the kiddies, now do we?” She smiled at me.  “But, I’m glad you came.  Your partner didn’t know who I was.  I was about to try to figure out a way to get into your castle, but lookie here… you finally showed.”

 

“Why?” I muttered.

 

“Because she’s in trouble.  Your daughter.  Someone is after her.  Someone who is not me. And we can’t have that, now can we?”

 

“What do you mean?” Kennedy said. “Who the hell isn’t after her? She’s the daughter of…” she checked herself seeing as everyone was watching us with rapt damn fascination.

 

She nodded.  “Oh yeah but this one is different.  This one’s dangerous.  You’ll see. In her dreams it comes. She’s already started seeing it.”

 

I felt sick.

 

“What?  She hasn’t told you?”  She smiled and then shrugged.  “Well, you know how kids are.”

 

“So why help us?” Kennedy said.

 

She laughed.  “I want her alive as much as you do.  Can’t have anyone harming our baby now can we?”

 

It took more restraint than I knew I had to keep from slamming her into the wall.  One, it would have done no good.  Two, it would have scared the hell out of everyone in the room.

 

She patted my shoulder.  “I’d go now.  People are starting to think you’re weird.  And if you’re weird, so is your daughter.  And you don’t want that, do you?  People talking about her?  No, of course not. “ She smiled sweetly at the little girl in front of her. It made me sick. She looked back at us. “It’s coming for her.  In her dreams first. Remember that. Ask her about it. She’ll be honest if she knows you know…” She started leading us to the exit.  “I look so forward to the day when we get to play more.  Gonna be so much fun,” she said before turning and going back into the dance hall.

 

Ken and I stood there for a good minute. I was trying to get my breath. I guess she was too.

 

“Jesus Christ,” she finally said. “Should we fucking believe her or not?”

 

I shook my head.  “I have no fucking clue.”  I looked out the window.  B was trying to console our daughter who was crying her eyes out on the sidewalk in front of the dance academy. 

 

Ken put her hand on my shoulder. “Let’s go.  We’ll go get Will and figure out what the hell is going on here. But you are gonna have to promise me that you are gonna stay calm until the mini is out of the room. Cause there is no freaking out in front of her unless you want to be kicked out the bed for the next century.”

 

“What do we tell them right now?”

 

She ran her hand through her hair. Thinking. “That Ms. Mary is a demon we’ve been looking for.  Cause come on, obviously that woman has been around since Jesus was an infant.”

 

“Right,” I nodded.  “I guess…” I couldn’t think of anything else to tell them. I didn’t want to scare B in front of Joy and well… J didn’t know Ate existed.  And we sure the hell weren’t telling her.

 

I didn’t know whether to believe her or not. She obviously could just be fucking with our heads.  But something told me she wasn’t. And if there was something out there after Joy and that something was enough to scare a big scary ass goddess from the underworld, well… to say that I was terrified would have been the biggest understatement of my life.

 

 

 


	2. Firecracker

Chapter 2

 

When we got outside, Joy was crying so hard she was hiccupping.  I felt really bad about it.  So did Ken. We tried to play it down and we tried the “Ms. Mary is a demon” line, but she didn’t buy it and then she shoved the shit out of me in the parking lot.

 

“Jesus that hurt!” I tried to pull her to me. She was over the feeling sorry for herself phase and had quickly transitioned into the pissed off one. She shrugged me off again. “I can’t explain anymore than that right now, kiddo, but you have to kind of trust me,” I tried.

 

“No!” She screamed.  She absolutely was refusing to get in the car. Luckily there weren’t a lot of people mulling around, or I’d probably been arrested for kidnapping. “You always do this! I always just have to trust you! Every time I want to do something you tell me I can’t!  I can’t go to school!  I can’t have normal friends!  I can’t do anything but stay in that stupid castle all day with a bunch of stupid slayers and stupid adults!  I don’t get to do anything!”

 

We decided to go ahead and tell B what was up. Ken had pulled her to the side where Joy couldn’t hear her.  She’d bought the line we’d fed her about as well as she bought everything we told her. Which was not at all. We figured we’d have to tell her because her patience with me and Ken both was close to nonexistent.

 

“Joy,” I bent down.  She went to shove me again, and I grabbed her hand. “You hit me again, and you aren’t leaving your room for a solid week.” She put her hand down. “Now listen to me. Some things are just different. I know you’re mad at me. And I’m sorry about that. But you can stand out here until you’re forty throwing this fit and it’s not gonna change my mind. We’ve got to go home. And we need to do it now.”

 

She jerked away and started to run off. I grabbed her by the waist and pulled her back.  She was fucking stubborn as shit.  And irrational to boot. My patience was on this side of thin as well.

 

“Let me go!” She screamed. 

 

“Hell no! Stop struggling.”  When she stopped, I sat her down.  “Tell me something,” I said, looking her in the eyes. I stood standing because every freaking once in a while, it was good to intimidate her a bit. She forgot how damn strong she was… and that’s why she couldn’t do “normal” shit.  “You been having weird dreams?” I asked her.

 

Her entire body language changed then. Her shoulders slumped slightly and she looked over at Buffy.  “Why does momma have her hand on her mouth like that?”

 

“Don’t change the subject,” I said. “Dreams?”

 

“No.  Why would you say that?”  She was still watching B. 

 

Both of them, K and Buffy, were on the phone. I figured Ken was trying to call Will and get her back.  Buffy was probably on the phone with Giles.

 

I bent down again and forced her to look at me. “Don’t lie to me.”

 

She made eye contact with me. “Why not?  You’re lying to me…”  She started to get tears in her eyes again.  These were different tears though. 

 

Fuck me.  “I’m not lying to you, babe.  You don’t need to know everything all the time.  And until I can figure out what the hell is going on, you’re on a need to know basis.”  I sighed. “So… dreams?  What do you dream about?”

 

We stood there for a moment.  She was effectively holding my gaze.  I thought I had her and then… her face went blank. And she shrugged. “One time I dreamed about having a baby sister,” she said.

 

I rolled my eyes.  “You know that is not what I’m talking about.”

 

She shrugged again.  “It’s all I remember.”

 

I groaned.  I missed the days when she was too little to lie.  The kicker was I knew she was lying.  And she knew that I knew.  So we were at one of our infamous impasses here.  When she shut down no one could talk to her.  And she was most definitely in shut down mode.

 

“Will’s on her way,” Ken said, walking up with Buffy. She bent down next to Joy. “You wanna get some ice cream when we get back?”

 

Joy nodded and Ken picked her up. It was frustrating that she could comfort her, but she was way too damn mad at me.  She wrapped her arms around Kennedy’s neck and buried her face against her shoulder.

 

Buffy looked like she’d been sucker punched. “Joy, have you been having…”

 

I shook my head at B.  “Save it.  She’s checked out.”

 

Buffy nodded and rubbed her back. Joy flinched and pulled away. She wrapped her arms tighter around Kennedy.  “Do we have chocolate?” She asked her.

 

“Of course,” Ken said. “Sorry,” she mouthed to the two dumbass moms standing there feeling like assholes.

 

Will walked up and I was pretty certain her face was mirroring all three of ours.  She smiled sadly at Buffy and threw her bags in the trunk.  “We ready?” She asked.  She was at least trying to act normal.

 

“Aunt Willow, will you and Kenny sit in the back with me?” Joy asked her, crawling out of Kennedy’s arms.

 

Red looked at us and shrugged. “Sure,” she said brightly.

 

There were a lot of good things about having a kid that everyone loved.  Her using other people against us though wasn’t one of them. 

 

The drive back to the castle was uncomfortable to say the damn least.  I was pretty sure Red and Buffy were talking to each other because they did that shit all the time with their fucking minds.  It always creeped me out.  Ken was showing J something on her iPhone.  Some kind of new game that probably consisted of killing zombies or some shit.  I just wanted to get home.  I also wanted a drink, but I was betting against that happening any time soon.

* * *

 

As soon as we pulled up, Joy jumped out of the car and ran outside.  “Dawnie!” She screamed, before we’d even got out of the car.

 

Good, I thought.  Let her go find Dawn.  We needed to talk without her in the room anyway. 

 

Buffy pulled me to the side.  “Are you sure that was her?”

 

“No, I was just guessing.”

 

She raised her eyebrow at me. “Seriously, Faith.”

 

“Jesus, B.  Of course I’m sure.  You think I’ve forgotten that bitch.  She’s haunted my nightmares for years now.”

 

She nodded.  “How could I be so stupid?  I had no idea that she was dangerous.  She seemed so… so bimbo-y, I guess. Like a teenager.”

 

“Well, that’s the way I remember her.” I wrapped my arms around her.  “It’s not your fault though, baby.  You didn’t know what she looked like.  Next time we’re up against someone like that we should probably snap a pic or something.”

 

“Do you think she was telling the truth?” She asked me.

 

I followed her inside.  Ken and Red had already run in front of us. “I sure the fuck hope not. But… yeah.  I do.  Unfortunately, your daughter is being stubborn as shit and not telling us jack. But no way she’s not having some kind of dreams.  When I asked her about it, she went all tight-lipped, so she is definitely hiding something.”

 

“I don’t understand why she wouldn’t tell us. And don’t pull that _your_  daughter crap with me.  You know as well as I do, she gets that from you.”

 

“Oh hell no.  That’s totally you.” I rolled my eyes and sighed.  “It doesn’t matter.  She’s not gonna tell us anything right now since we just ripped her out of dance class.”

 

Buffy shrugged.  “Tough.  She’s gonna have to get used to being different.  I know it sucks, cause been there and all but… not much we can do to change it.”

 

* * *

 

Red and Ken were already in the library with Giles when we got inside.

 

“And you’re absolutely certain this was Ate?” Giles asked K.

 

She looked at me and rolled her eyes. “Well, maybe not. Faith and I did a lot of drugs in the parking lot.  Maybe it was another goddess bent on taking over the world.  Hard to be sure.”

 

“Your sarcasm is not welcome,” Giles sighed. “A simple yes would suffice.”

 

“Then yes,” She said.

 

Every once in a while, you had to feel sorry for the dude.  “We’re going to have to treat her warning as real.  I assume you asked Joy about the dreams.”

 

I nodded.  “And jackshit is what she gave me.  She’s more than a little pissed at me and B.”

 

“Yes, that is unfortunate, but it can’t be helped. She’s going to have to tell us. We can’t do anything until we understand what is after her.”

 

Xander walked in.  “After who?”  He looked at our faces.  “Okay, what’s going on?”

 

Buffy went to find Joy, who I assumed was in the kitchen with Dawn eating a gallon of ice cream, but whatever.

 

We filled him in on the situation. “Wow,” he said. “Dawn didn’t mention anything.”

 

Yeah… so Xander and Dawn were an item. Color me shocked as well. Cause it took me a few years to get used it.  B though, she was still stuck in big sister denial land.  And she sure the shit wasn’t coming out any time soon.  They’d been “together” for about two years now. It took both of those years before Buffy would even talk about it.  When the two of them did anything even remotely couple-y, Giles’ glasses came right the hell off and B closed her eyes like she was watching a horror film. The rest of us though had at least adjusted.  Except Andy. Not sure which one of the two was his big love lost, and I’d just as soon never find out, but he moped for a good six months.

 

Buffy walked back in dragging Joy behind her. Pretty awesome considering Dawn had come in before her and kissed Xander and B had her eyes closed the whole damn time.

 

“I wasn’t finished with my ice cream,” J pouted, running up to Xander.  “And it was chocolate.”

 

He was the easiest for her to subvert and she freakin knew it.  “Want me to go get it for you?” He asked her.  Jesus he was a pushover.

 

“No,” I said.  “She’s fine.  And she’s subverting. Good try and all,” I told her.

 

She ignored me. 

 

“Why don’t you tell us about the dreams?” Dawn asked her.  “And then we can do whatever you want,” she caught the death stare B and I were giving her. “As long as it’s in the castle,” she added, sticking her tongue out at us.

 

“I told mom,” Joy started.  “I had a dream about having a baby sister.”

 

I rolled my eyes.  “Not that dream.”

 

She huffed.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said, crossing her arms.

 

“Come on,” Ken said.  “You’re gonna have to tell us sooner as later. The faster we figure this out, the faster things can get back to normal.”

 

She still had her arms crossed. “Yeah right,” she mumbled.

 

“What was that?” Buffy asked her. She’d heard her just fine.

 

She threw her arms down.  “I said yeah right.  Nothing is ever normal here.  I’m not normal. Nobody here is normal.” Dawn and Xander raised their hands.  “Except you." She relented. "But not me. I have _two_ moms. No one I know has two moms.”

 

Red shook her head.  “That’s not true.  You know lots of kids with two moms, Joy.”

 

She pouted.  “No way.  Not two real moms. Cause I’m _special_ ,” she spat out the last word.  “Always special. Everybody tells me how special I am. I don’t want to be special. I want to be normal. With normal parents and a normal school. In a normal house.” Buffy went to touch her. “No!” She screamed, shoving her off. “I hate you.  I hate you both!” She yelled at me. “ I hate this!” She screamed, running out of the room.

 

B and I both moved.  Ken grabbed our arms.  “Nope. You both know this isn’t gonna end well if you go in there when she’s like this.”

 

Buffy had tears in her eyes.  She started crying when Dawn and Xander moved to go follow Joy. Of course… let the normal ones go. I was more on the pissed side right now.

 

“Goddamn it!” I wanted to punch a fucking hole in the wall, but I’d learned my lesson there. 

 

Red pulled Buffy into a hug.  “She’s just upset.  You know how much she enjoyed going to that class.  You’re gonna have to give her some time.”

 

“Well fuck that,” I said. “Time is something we don’t fucking have.  I’m tired of her acting like that.”

 

“Faith, it’s okay,” Buffy said.

 

“The fuck it is, B.  You think it’s okay for her to say things like that? Even if she is mad? She’s got you in tears for fuck’s sake. I don’t give a damn how upset she is. She doesn’t get to talk to us like that.”

 

B sniffled and nodded at me.  “Maybe I should talk to her,” she said, looking at the door.

 

I shook my head.  “Nope.  I’m gonna talk to her.”

 

“Maybe you should calm down first,” Ken said. “Because you know, she’s eight. And you going in there throwing the word fuck around like a goddamn homicidal sailor sure the hell isn’t gonna diffuse the situation.”

 

“I think Kennedy is right,” Giles added.

 

“Oh shut up.  I’m not going in there and cussing her out, cause contrary to belief, I've got some sense.” They both looked at me like… sure.  Fuck them. “We don’t have time to do this. I get she is upset but she’s gonna have to deal.  And whether or not she likes it, we are her parents.  Not you. And not Dawn and Xander.”

 

B was still crying.  I walked out and went to look for them.

 

* * *

 

It took me a minute.  I had a moment of crisis like they’d whisked her away to some normal life or something.  Of course they wouldn’t do that, but I was being less than rational at the moment. But they were just outside swinging on the swingset, like nothing at all was happening and her mother wasn’t in the castle having a freaking breakdown or anything.

 

“I need to talk to you,” I said to Joy when I walked up.

 

“Push me higher!” She squealed to Xander.

 

He looked at me like he couldn’t decide what to do. I wished he’d find his balls every once in a while.

 

“No.  Both of you leave us alone.  I need to talk to my daughter and she’s gonna listen.”

 

They turned and walked back into the castle. Neither one of them was two happy about it but I gave less than a shit.

 

Joy was still swinging and ignoring me.  

 

“Stop,” I said to her.

 

She waited until she was all the way up in an upswing to barrel out.  She landed on her feet like a gymnast.  She was seriously gonna give me a heart attack.

 

“Are you trying to break your legs now?” I asked her.

 

“You know I can do that? Remember? I’m _special_.”  She moved back to the swing and sat down. “Can I sit here or do you think I’ll break my legs?”

 

I ignored the smartass comment and shrugged. “Yeah.  Can I sit down too?”

 

She shrugged back. “Don’t break my other swing,” she sighed.

 

Oh what the hell?  Like I was too big to sit in a damn swing. I decided to ignore that since she was obviously looking for a fight.  “You know,” I started.  “You can’t say things like that.  Your mother’s in the house in tears.”

 

She winced and looked away.  “I didn’t mean to make her cry,” she whispered.

 

“Yeah, well… she is.  You kind of knew that would happen, I’m betting.”

 

She turned and looked at me.  “Why aren’t you crying?”

 

I shrugged.  Good question.  I figured honesty was the best policy here.  “Because I’m angry.”

 

She looked down at the ground and kicked her feet. “At me?”

 

I sighed.  “Yeah. A little.  But other stuff too.” I turned to look at her. “Look at me.” She raised her head slowly and made eye contact with me.  “This whole thing about being special is sorta getting old.” I said. “I get that it sucks. It’s not like I haven’t been through it. B and I both have. But we were older and I keep trying to remind myself of that.  Way I look at it though, you’re also lucky.  Because you’ve got two people who understand you and understand what you’re going through.”

 

 She looked down.

 

“Look munchkin, I’m not sorry that you’re different. And I’m not sorry that you’re my daughter.  I’m not gonna apologize for that.”

 

“I didn’t ask you to,” she muttered.

 

“Yeah,” I sighed.  “You just ran out of the room screaming you hated us… whatever... I get you’re mad.  And when people are mad their instinct is to hurt the ones they think caused them pain.  But there isn’t a lot we can do right now to fix what you're feeling.” She still wasn’t looking at me.  “I know you loved that dance class.  And I know you want to be normal, kid.  I get it. If I thought I could give you normal, I’d do whatever I could to make it happen.  But I can’t.  There’s really no sense in dwelling on the things we can’t change, baby.  You’re gonna have to work with us.  And that means telling us what you know.”

 

She kicked at the dirt again. She was staring off in the opposite direction.  “I really liked going there.  It was fun. I got to be like everyone else,” she whispered.  Her voice was choking.

 

I stood up and crouched in front of her and put my hands on her knees.  “I know,” I told her. “I know you liked it. I am sorry about that. But… you can’t go back. You’re just gonna have to trust me on that.”

 

She nodded.  Tears were forming in her eyes.  She wiped them away.  I hated seeing her like that. Sometimes I had to remind myself she was a little kid. 

 

“I didn’t mean what I said,” she whispered.

 

I put my hands on her cheeks. “Look at me.  Do you think I’m dumb?”

 

She shook her head.  “No, silly.”

 

“Well good,” I said, pulling her to me, “Cause I’m not. And I know you didn’t mean that. You were angry.” I shrugged. “I’m the same way. But you got to understand that it’s not okay to say things like that, even when you are angry. You’re gonna want to learn that lesson now.”

 

She nodded.  “Let’s go inside so I can tell momma I’m sorry.”

 

“And…”

 

“And so I can tell you about my dreams.” She said, grabbing my hand.  “But… I did dream I had a baby sister…”

 

I shook my head.  “So not gonna happen.  Sorry.”

 

She shrugged.  “I’ll just keep trying.”

 

“You do that,” I told her, leading her back inside.

 

* * *

 

B was sitting on the couch when we got back in. Joy ran up to her. “I’m sorry, mommy. I’m sorry I said those things. I didn’t mean them.”

 

I was mom.  B was momma or mommy depending on how much trouble Joy was in. She went with mommy here, which I had to say was a safe bet.

 

Buffy hugged her.  She sniffed.  “It’s okay.”

 

“I shouldn’t have been mean.” J said, hugging her back. “I love you.”

 

“I love you too,” B said, crying all over again. Jesus.

 

Ken smirked at me.  “She’s talented; that’s for sure,” she said.

 

I nodded. 

 

“So, you gonna tell us what you know now?” I asked her.

 

She nodded and sat down next to Buffy. We all watched her.

 

“I’ve been having these dreams about a monster,” she started, looking down at her hands.  “I don’t have them every night but I have them a lot.”

 

“What kind of monster?” Giles asked.

 

She shrugged.  “I don’t know.  It’s always dark. He chases me.  He can’t catch me but he’s always laughing.”

 

“How long have you had them?” Will asked. “Can you remember?”

 

“Since I started dance, I guess. A little after.”

 

About six months then.  How the hell had she not told us this?

 

“Why didn’t you tell us, baby?” Dawn asked.

 

“I wasn’t supposed to,” she whispered.

 

Buffy pulled her to her.  “Who said that?”

 

“The monster.  He said if I told you he would hurt you.  All of you.”

 

I sat down on the other side of her. “I thought you said he was chasing you.”

 

She nodded.  “Yeah but, he’s always talking.  Or laughing… but he talks a real lot.”

 

“You didn’t see him at all?” Ken asked her.

 

“Sometimes I can see him.  But not up close.  He’s just tall.  It’s really dark.”

 

“Where are you?” Buffy asked. “When he’s chasing you?”

 

“In this town.  Or at a school.  Sometimes I’m on a cliff. Cause I always see the cliff when I’m running outside.  I never make it to the edge though.  I always wake up before I have to jump.”  She looked at her hands. “I’m scared to jump cause Alice told me if you die in your dreams you die in real life.  And I think that cliff is really high.”

 

Alice was an older girl here at the castle. So, no more Alice for Joy.

 

“No,” Red said.  “That’s not true, sweetie.  That’s just superstition.  That doesn’t really happen.”

 

“Red’s right,” I said.  I didn’t fucking believe her though.  I’d never died in my dreams.  But we weren’t exactly normal.  Could be if she jumped she wouldn’t wake up. I couldn’t believe she’d been dealing with this without us knowing it.

 

Joy shook her head.  “I think this is different.”

 

“Does he say what he wants?” Giles asked. “Why he’s chasing you?”

 

She sighed and stayed quiet for a moment. “He said that I was supposed to go with him.”  She turned and looked at me. “He said you would know why. He said you were supposed to save him but you didn’t.”

 

Everyone looked at me.  I shrugged.  I was betting there were several people that could be.  “I don’t know,” I said to the room.

 

Giles bent down in front of her. “Does he say anything else? Anything at all?”

 

“Yeah.  He calls me firecracker.” She said.  “When he’s chasing me.  He says I’m just a little firecracker like my mom.”

 

“Oh my god,” Buffy and Red said at the same time.

 

I felt the blood drain out of my face. No one had called me that but…

 

“There’s no way, right?” Xander said. “No way.  He’s dead.”

 

“Who’s dead?” Ken asked.  “What are you people freaking out about?”

 

Buffy pulled Joy to her.  “No one.  Nothing. It’s probably just a silly old dream, right Faith.”

 

I swallowed the lump that was in my throat. “Uh, yeah.  Just a dream.”

 

Red jumped up.  “Dawn, why don’t you take Joy back outside?”

 

She nodded.  “Yeah, let’s go swing some more.  I want you to teach me how to do that awesome cartwheel you do too.”

 

Joy smiled.  “Okay.  But you can’t get hurt.  You know I’ll get in trouble if you do.”

 

Dawn tried to laugh.  “I’ll be careful,” she said, leading her out of the room.

 

* * *

 

When they were gone, Ken looked at us. “Uhhh… what the fuck?”

 

B had her hands on her head.  And I felt like I was going to faint.

 

“Yeah,” Red said.  “Do you remember us telling you about the mayor?”

 

Ken nodded.  “Oh, you think… really?”  She looked at me. “Really?  Isn’t he way dead or something?”

 

“Or something,” Buffy said.

 

Of all the things I thought I’d have to fight where Joy was concerned, I never thought they’d be my fault.  But it looked like my past was fucking catching up to me in the biggest way possible.

 

I jumped up.  “I need to get out…” I said.

 

“Faith! Wait!” Buffy said, grabbing my arm.

 

I shrugged her off.  “No… just no, Buffy.  Fuck… I… Just let me go,” I told her, storming out.

 

I needed to clear my head.  I hoped against hope that this wasn’t what we thought it was. That it was a coincidence and nothing more.  But truth was, there weren’t a whole lot of coincidences where we were concerned. I hadn’t thought about him in over a decade.  The fact that he could be back… that he wanted my daughter for something… I needed to get out of that castle…

 

* * *

 

So my time with the mayor… not the proudest moment of my life.  You spend as much times as I did feeling less than useless though and someone comes along and treats you like the father you’d never had, and you see if you aren’t swayed. Truth be told, everything I did the first time around in Sunnydale I did to get Buffy’s attention. And I mean everything. Probably meant I deserved this. But it didn’t meant that they did.

 

Even though I was older, I was far from being old. Couple that with the fact I’d been chasing a kid for the better part of eight years and I was still one of the fastest chicks in the castle. 

 

And I liked to run.  Normally it was because I was chasing something, or something was chasing me, but every once in a while, it was fucking nice to just run. Because right now, it was run, beat the hell out of something, or drink myself stupid. But I was still responsible (and B would beat my ass) so… running it was.

 

I made it to the end of the property. I was debating whether I should just keep going when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

 

“Holy shit, you are beyond fast.” Ken said. She bent over to catch her breath. “I’m gonna threaten you if you take off. Probably be pointless cause I can’t breathe and all, but still… this is me threatening to kick your ass if you keep going.”

 

“You’re real threatening.” I told her. “I’m shaking.”

 

“Well you’re the big badass running off in to the wild blue yonder cause you got a little freaked… what the fuck good does it do you to do that?  Every single time you get a little freaked out… off you go like a free-range chicken, roaming. I hate having to chase you.”

 

“Sorry to put you out.  Why don’t you take your ass back inside?” I growled.

 

She clenched her fist.  “Faith…I,” She kicked the ground.  “God damn it!” She screamed.  Which was weird, cause she never yelled.  “Ugh… Just listen to me…”

 

“I was…”

 

“Yeah, well… keep doing it.  Seriously.  I have been in this fucking castle with you for over a decade.  You realize that?” She paused.  “We’ve gotten old, huh?” She shook her head.  “Okay, so not the point.”

 

I turned around.  “Do you have a point?  Besides making me feel like an old woman?”

 

“Yes, asshole, I do.  I’ve watched you freak out more damn times than I care to count. And I get that that’s your thing. The freak out and run. That’s how you deal. But this is different, isn’t it?” She walked up to me.  “Cause you think this shit is your fault, don’t you?”

 

“What? You my shrink now?” I asked her.

 

“No, I’m your friend. You think I would bother to run out here after your fast ass if I wasn’t.  But sometimes, it’s really fucking hard.  Some times I want to choke the living hell out of you. But I know you.  Way better than I want to. This isn’t your fault, you know.” She tried, touching my arm.

 

I shrugged her off.  “Then who the fuck’s fault is it?  Buffy’s?  Yours? Joys? Nope.  All me.  Only person in this place up close and personal with the bastard was me.  Sorta makes it my fault.”

 

“You don’t even know it’s him. You’re going off a dream an eight year old had and a damn nickname, Faith.  It could be anyone.  It could be Ate fucking with us.  One thing I can tell you I know though… you running the fuck off is not helping us figure it out.”

 

“I just needed air…”

 

“Funny thing about air,” she said. “We got it back at the castle too.”

 

Goddamn it, she could be aggravating. “So what, Ken? You wanna hug me? Tell me it’s gonna be all better?”

 

She stomped her foot.  “Oh fuck you.  I wanna knock the shit out of you, but I’m afraid your girl would get mad at me if I do. And before you go all jealous cave girl on me, I’m talking about Joy.  Buffy’d probably high five me.”

 

I sat down on the grass and put my head in my hands. “I hate this.  I hate things can never just be…”

 

“Normal?” She finished for me. “Isn’t that what you just talked to the kid about?  How things aren’t normal? Now you’re out here acting like an eight year old.  It always amazes me how you can be all adult one second and revert right back to a big ole baby the next.”

 

“I’m glad you came to find me,” I growled. “What with the making me feel better and all.”

 

She sat down beside me. “I didn’t fucking come out here to make you feel better.  I came out for… well first, cause Buffy told me to, but… also, well because you’re my goddamn friend, Faith.  And if anyone is gonna literally get to kick some sense into you, it might as well be me. I’ve certainly earned that damn right…”

 

“Right…” I started.

 

She sighed. “Maybe it is your fault,” she said.

 

I jerked my head up.  “What?”

 

“No, hear me out.  Maybe years ago, you fucking screwed up.  So the hell what?  People screw up.  It’s what makes us people and not goddamn robots.  So the old Faith, yeah she fucked up.  But there’s no real point in the new one following in her footsteps.”

 

“I put my daughter in danger, Ken. Do you realize that?” I whispered.

 

“So what at sixteen, seventeen, whatever…. You were supposed to know you and Buffy were gonna have a baby?  That the mayor or whatever was gonna come after her? Did you get that little vision while you were on your crazy slayer spree back then?”

 

I shook my head.  “No, of course not.”

 

“Right.  So you did fuck up.  Bully you. But… no way anyone could have known this shit was gonna go down.” She put her hand on my knee. “Truth is, buddy, shit is always gonna come after her.  We knew this. We even talked about it, remember?”

 

I nodded.  “Yeah…”

 

“And we choose to let you two make with the magical love and have a baby anyway.  Doesn’t mean we should have done one damn thing different.  No one would ever wish that.  But we all signed up for this that day… and well… I, for one, am damn glad we did.  Cause I love the little monkey.”

 

I looked away.  “I know you do.”

 

“Well good.  Just needed to remind you.  We all do. We love her.  Not a thing any one of us in that castle wouldn’t do for her. Nothing.  And I mean that.”

 

“I know that too…”

 

“So,” she said, standing up and holding her hand out to me.  “You go back inside with me and we figure this shit out.”

 

I nodded, and grabbed her hand.

 

She pulled me up. “You know, if we don’t find anything else for Joy to do like another dance class or something… I think Will is gonna make me teach.”

 

I stopped walking, “Uh… why?”

 

She sighed.  “Okay. I really fucking hesitate to say this because I know you but… well I can dance.  I took those classes for like fifteen years of my life.”

 

Holy shit.  Why had Red never told me that?  I turned and started walking to the car.

 

“Whoa, asshole, where are you going?”

 

I smiled at her.  “I’m gonna run to town and get you a tutu…”

 

She smacked my arm.  “Goddamn it.  Fuck you. I swear to god, I told Will…”

 

I put my arm around her shoulder. “No. Thanks.  For you know, the pep talk and all.” I squeezed her. “And for the ammunition that I’m gonna use for the next twenty years against you.”

 

She shrugged out of my grasp. “If it weren’t for your extremely delectable wife inside and those big pouty lips and lustful green eyes, I’d have already killed you.”

 

Mother of all that was holy… and just like that, she won again.

 

But she was right.  We had to deal.  We always had to deal. And first things first – figure out if this was the mayor or not.  It was something I was beyond dreading.  I was more than curious about what he wanted with my daughter.  But I was also a little afraid to find out.

 


	3. Coming Clean

Chapter 3

 

Everyone was pretty much in the same place they were when I ran out.  Except now they had books in their laps or in front of them or whatever… Research. Right the freak up there with dance recitals in terms of fun.

 

“Faith?” Buffy asked when I walked in. “Are you okay?”

 

I nodded.  “Yeah, sorry…”

 

She shook her head.  “You’ve seriously got to stop running off every time you get a little freaked.  Especially since this…”

 

“Since this is my fault.  Is that what it is?” I asked her.

 

“No, that’s not what I was going to say.” She shut the book she was holding.  “But… you do know him.  And you are the only one that can give us something to go on.  So you’re gonna have to be less with the running away and stuff.”

 

“Faith?” Giles asked.  “Have you had any contact with the mayor since the First?”

 

I spun around.  “Really?  Don’t you think I would’ve told you if I had?  Last I checked he was dead.  So the answer is no… Not a lot in the contact department.  Cause again – dead.”

 

Xander picked up another book. “Yeah, we get he’s dead. You know how things don’t always stay dead though.  You haven’t had any dreams about him?”

 

I sighed and shook my head.  “No.  Nothing. Do we really even know if it’s him?”

 

“No,” Red said.  “We don’t.  But until we learn different, we kinda gotta treat it like it’s him. So if, you know, I mean if you know something… well now’s the time and all.  Cause you know later… it wouldn’t be uh… now.”

 

Great, so it’s good to know that it doesn’t take much for me to become number one suspect again. “Well, I’ve got nothing for you there, Red.  But thanks for the vote of confidence and all.”

 

Kennedy noticed my reaction. “Of course she doesn't know. But how do we find out?” She asked her.  “You got a Ouija Board lying around?”

 

Red shook her head.  “No.  I haven’t figured that out yet.  I mean there are ways to contact people on the other side but… we usually reserve that for people who didn’t try to kill and maim us when they were alive.”

  

“What about her dreams?” Buffy asked. “What do we do when she goes to sleep? I’m afraid she’s gonna go all Faith and just keep running till she jumps off the cliff he’s chasing her towards.”

 

“Yeah,” I started.  Hey.  Go all Faith? “Wait a second…”

 

“That is a problem,” Giles interjected. “We’ve got to find some way to protect her while she’s sleeping at least.  It’s bothersome that we don’t know what she’s seeing or really where she is.”

 

“There are a few spells I could try, you know, to protect her from those dreams while she’s sleeping,” Red told us.

 

“Uh…” B started.

 

We’d talked about the whole spell thing where Joy was concerned.  I didn’t like magic. At all.  Call me jaded if you wanted, but magic had pretty much brought a damn shitstorm with it every time we tried to use it to help us. Red raining down the mojo on my daughter sounded like a bad idea.

 

“You know how we feel about that,” I told Willow. I didn’t particularly want to hurt the witch’s feelings or anything but… shit, she was my daughter.

 

She nodded.  “Yeah, I know how you both feel.  How bout you give me a better option then?”

 

“She’s right,” Ken added.  “It’s not like you can keep her awake for the rest of her life.”

 

Buffy sighed.  “I don’t know.  We don’t know enough. It’s not like she gave us a bunch of details to go on.  Oh, maybe we can hypnotize her or something?”

 

“That’s still magic, B.”

 

“I do know that, Faith.  I’m just saying we’ve got to do something. Are we just gonna sit here until the big bad snake man comes crawling in the house?”

 

“No.  But she didn’t say he was a snake.  I mean she did call him a monster, but… she described him like a man. Snakes aren’t tall.”

 

“Uh, I beg to differ, there,” Xander turned to me. “He was pretty freaking tall and scary last I saw him.”

 

“Why don’t we just ask her?” Ken said. “Instead of sitting here arguing about something she can answer.”

 

“I don’t know, Ken.” Buffy told her. “Don’t you think that would just scare her more?”

 

Ken shrugged.  “Seems to me she’s the least scared of the bunch.  She’s been having these dreams for months. None of us even noticed. She may be a little weirded out but all in all, she’s not taking off and running out of the castle like a moron cause she’s afraid.”

 

“Aw, screw you, K,” I told her.

 

“Just saying…”

 

“She’s right,” Giles said.  “Which is annoying to me for some reason. Nevertheless, Xander go get her and Dawn, please.” He waited until Xander left.  “Maybe if we are more pointed in our questioning, she’ll be more forthcoming.  Sights, sounds, that sort of thing.  We aren’t even exactly sure where she is when she’s dreaming.”

 

“I’m thinking Sunnydale,” Red told him. “I mean with the school and all. I’m not sure what the cliff thing was.”

 

“Maybe it was that big ass giant hole we left in the ground,” Ken answered.  “That is pretty damn cliff like.”

 

She had a point.  She said she was in a town.  And a school.  “So she’s in a place she’s never seen before.  And knows next to nothing about.” I groaned and sat down.  “Which means these aren’t just dreams.  Someone’s taking her there.  Someone who’s been there.”

 

Giles started cleaning his glasses. “Right, well let’s not get ahead of ourselves.  It might not be Sunnydale at all.”

 

“Hey, Sunnydale… that’s where I am in my dreams,” Joy said, sauntering in the room like not a damn thing in the world was wrong.

 

“Ugh,” B moaned next to me.  “Don’t you think you should have told us that?”

 

She shrugged.  “I just remembered.”

 

B looked at me.  “Still think hypnosis is stupid?”

 

“Yes,” I told her, crossing my arms. “I do.”

 

Ken rolled her eyes.  “Joy, you gotta give us something here.  Details.  Tell us exactly what you see in these dreams, okay?”

 

She eyed Ken for a minute.  “Okay.  But why are you guys asking me so many questions?  It’s just dreams.”

 

I hated that we had to scare her. I wanted to protect her from everything.  The fact we had to tell her these dreams could mean something, probably did mean something… I just hated it.

 

Buffy cleared her throat.  “You’re right; it's just dreams.  But sometimes slayers have dreams that may mean something. It probably doesn’t, but since… well, we just sorta have to know is all.”

 

Wow, good explanation.  No way she was buying that. 

 

She turned and looked at me.  “Mom?  Why?”

 

“Because we said so,” I told her.

 

Buffy rolled her eyes.  “Yeah, what she said.”

 

Joy shrugged.  She didn’t believe a word we were saying.  Tough shit, I thought.  “Okay.  I’m in Sunnydale. I mean I guess it’s Sunnydale cause that’s what the sign says on the road.  And it’s called Sunnydale High School or something.”

 

“What else do you see?” Dawn asked her. “Anything in the town at all?”

 

“Yeah there are a lot of graves there. Lots of dead people in that town.” She looked thoughtful for a moment.  “Oh right… cause of the vampires.” She scrunched up her nose. “I don’t like it there. Anyway, I am always running through them.  Mom said I wasn’t supposed to walk where people are buried, so I try to jump over them but he keeps getting closer.  So now I just run over them.”

 

“Good. Just run over them,” I muttered. B looked at me. “I mean cause it’s just a dream and all.”

 

“What does he say to you?” Giles asked. “You told us what he called you and that he threatened us, but what else does he say?”

 

“Most of the time he’s just talking. He told me I needed to brush my teeth longer before I went to bed, cause some times I just pretend.” I fucking knew it. “And he said that I should eat all the yucky vegetables because they do a little slayer good. And once when Ken let me…”she started and then stopped.  “I mean… nothing.”

 

“Oh, hell no… when Ken let you what?” I asked.

 

“Nothing,” she tried.

 

“It’s nothing, Faith,” Buffy interrupted. Great.  She staked a vamp.  I knew it.  I knew Ken let her stake a damn vamp.  And B knew it too. They probably bought an ad in the paper or some shit, as long as I didn’t know.

 

“Kennedy,” I started.  “What is she…”

 

“Not now, Faith.” Buffy said, standing up. “What else, Joy?”

 

I gave Kennedy a snarl.  She shrugged her shoulders and went and stood behind her big protector Buffy. She couldn’t protect her forever though.

 

“He told me if I…” she faltered for the first time. “If I went with him… I could see…” she frowned at us.  “Umm… I could see my grandma Joyce.”

 

Dawn gasped.

 

“You don’t believe that, do you?” Buffy asked.  “You know my mom is gone.  That’s a trick.”  She was trying to hide the fact it had upset her.

 

Joy nodded.  “I know.  It’s just a dream. Sometimes when I do something bad that night he tells me I shouldn’t have done it.  The night he told me I could see her, it was because I was asking you about her, remember?”

 

B nodded.  “Yeah.” She looked down at her hands for a moment.  Joyce was a sore subject still and one we didn’t broach very often. She got herself together though and turned to Joy. “What does he say he’s gonna do to us?”

 

“He said he would kill you.  If you didn’t let me go, he would kill all of you,” She turned to me.  “Except you. He likes you for some reason. He said you used to be a lot more fun though.  When you were younger you liked to play mini golf with him.  But he lies a lot too, so I don’t know…”

 

“Why do you say that, Joy?” Giles asked her. “What do you think he lies about?”

 

She shrugged.  “One time he said that Mom killed someone.  And he said that Momma stabbed her.  He makes stuff up.”

 

No one said anything. 

 

“Yes, yes… of course.  He’s lying to you.  It’s very perceptive of you to see that,” Giles told her.  He walked over and picked up a pad and paper and handed it to her. “Do you think you could write down some more things you remember?  Or draw pictures?”

 

She nodded at him and took the pad. “Sure.”

 

He patted her on the head.  “Good job.” He turned to Dawn.  “Do you mind…”

 

“Not at all,” she said.  She took Joy’s hand.  “Let’s go outside and draw.  It’s more fun outside away from all these grumpy adults.”

 

“Okay,” Joy giggled.  When they got to the door, she stopped.  “Momma?” She asked B.  “He was lying, right?”

 

B nodded.  I was going with the fact that she felt like I did and wasn’t exactly trusting her voice at the moment. 

 

Joy stood in the doorway for a moment, like she was trying to decide whether to believe her or not.  She turned and looked at me.  I tried to smile and nod as well.  She narrowed her eyes… Fuck the conversation we were gonna be having later.

 

* * *

When she was gone, Ken spoke up. “I hate to say I told you so…”

 

“Then don’t,” I muttered.

 

She shrugged.  “Wasn’t the way I figured she’d find out, but… I mean you two can protect her from a lot of things, but your past is not really one of them.”

 

Buffy looked at me.  “Great,” she mumbled.

 

“We should focus right now on what exactly we know, “Giles told us.  “You can worry about the conversation you need to have with her later.”

 

“And what is that?” I asked him. “Nothing.  Except she’s having dreams about him and he’s trying to get her to jump in that big ass hole we left in the ground that probably leads all the way down to fucking hell. What exactly do we know?” 

  
Buffy put her hand on my arm.  “I know you’re upset but you need to try and stay calm.”

 

Ken nodded.  “And seated.  Cause no running for you. I don’t think my lungs can take chasing your speedy Gonzales ass again.”

 

“Would you be faster in ballet shoes?”

 

“I hate you,” she mumbled, sitting down next to Red.

 

B shook her head.  “I’m not even gonna ask.” She looked to Giles. “What can we do? I mean until we figure this out there’s gotta be something that we can do.”

 

Giles nodded.  “Yes.  But you are going to have to let Red…uh… I mean Willow at least research a spell that can offset the dreams.”

 

“Okay, well ignoring the fact that Giles just called me Red, he’s right.  There are spells I can do that won’t hurt her, Buff.  You’ve got to trust me.”

 

Buffy nodded.  “I do…”

 

I raised my hand.  “Uh, I don’t.  I’m not trying to hurt your feelings or anything, _Red_ ,” I said pointedly, “But, let’s examine the magic you’ve used in the past where she’s concerned and see how it goes. Unicorn come to mind, anyone?”

 

“No way, Faith.  That was totally not my fault.  You know she’s sneaky,” she shook her head.

 

I nodded.  “That’s fair but remember the red hair?”  Joy went on a kick about a year ago and wanted to be just like her Aunt Willow.  She thought it would be “way awesome” to be a powerful witch with red hair.  So Red cast a glamor.  The kid’s hair was red for a week.  It was creepy and she couldn’t turn it back.  They tried everything.  I was certain she was gonna be a little ginger the rest of her natural life until she woke up one morning and it was just gone.

 

Xander laughed.  “Well, creepiness aside, that didn’t really hurt anyone.”

 

“No, not physically, but… I had nightmares for a week,” I told him.

 

Red huffed.  “I didn't know you were so averse to us gingers, Faith. I’ll keep that in mind next time you need a magical hangover cure,” she scoffed.  She turned to Xander. “And creepiness?  Really?”

 

Ken raised her hands up.  “Okay… let’s all calm down.” She turned to me, “You know that Will isn’t gonna let anything happen to the bug.  And we’ve gotta try something.”

 

I shrugged.  “I’m open to other suggestions,” I told them, crossing my arms.

 

Buffy sighed.  “There aren’t any, Faith.  I’m sorry you and the magic don’t get along but she’s different.  She takes to it better than you.  You know with the non-puking and stuff.”

 

So I was the wuss.  Screw them. “I don’t like it,” I pouted. “Magic screws me every single time we use it.  Every time.”

 

“Well, yes… it seems to,” Giles remarked. “However, we wouldn’t be casting a spell on you, would we?  So besides your overzealous protectiveness, I’m not sure what it could harm.”

 

“I’m gonna play devil’s advocate here,” Ken said. “Say we use the magic…”

 

“Fuck no,” I muttered.

 

She rolled her eyes at me.  “Say we use it.  How are we gonna figure out what he wants if we keep her from seeing him? Shouldn’t we like… I don’t know… go into her dreams or something?”

 

Great. I hated going into people’s crazy ass dream worlds.  Let’s not forget B’s spooky house with her spooky trees and two suns and shit.

 

“She has a point,” Xander added.

 

“Too bad no one asked you, buttmunch,” I told him.

 

“Faith, are you twelve?” B asked. “I get you’re scared, but stop knocking every suggestion we have unless you have a better solution…”

 

I didn’t say anything.

 

“… which you don’t.  Which is why you’re going to have to deal. Nobody likes this. But we’ve got to do something besides sit around and wait for her to jump in the big ole Sunnyhole.”

 

“Whatever,” I mumbled.  I get I was being childish, but screw them. I was not liking any of this. I didn’t fucking trust magic. Excuse me for distrusting the one thing that seemed to constantly fuck with my life.

 

“And magic has done some good things,” Will added, motherfucking reading my mind.  I hated when she did that…

 

“You just proved my point, which you just magically ripped from my brain.”

 

“Yeah,” Ken said, ignoring the fact her girl had just invaded my privacy.  “It brought you Joy. So…ha.”

 

“Fine.  Do what you all think you need to do,” I stood up.  I was frustrated as shit.  “Cause I know you’re going to anyway and just keep me in the dark about it like…” I spun on K.  “…the staking of vamps by my freaking eight year old daughter.”

 

Buffy jumped up in between us. “Nope.  No way.  Not her fault. I was there…”

 

Oh right.  This shit just keeps getting better.  “Of course you were…” 

 

“Have you ever thought we keep you in the dark because you go all protecto mom?” Ken mocked behind B.

 

“Whatever.  You can’t hide behind her little short ass forever, K.” I looked at B. “We’ll talk about this after all the other stuff we have to freaking deal with.  Just figure it out.” I looked at Red and G. “But… nothing happens without me knowing.  I mean it. Everything goes through me. Not B.  And Not her little lapdog,” I said, looking at Kennedy.

 

She smirked at me and raised her hands up in the air. “I’m sorry.”

 

“Aw, fuck you.  You are not sorry.  I’m not stupid.”

 

Xander patted me on the back. “No, you’re just worried. It’s why we love you.” He tried pulling me in a hug.  “Cause we do wuv you, Faithie.  You big ole mush ball.”

 

I pushed him off.  “Ugh.  I’m getting a drink…”

 

“Faith…” B started.  If I didn’t know better, I’d say she was trying not to laugh. “We need to be focused.”

 

I flipped her off. “Focus on this,” I told her, storming off.

 

* * *

 

…and bumped into Dawn in the doorway.

 

“Whoa, Faith, what’s the rush?” She said, rubbing her head.

 

“Where’s J?” I asked her, looking around her shoulder.

 

“Andrew made her something to eat. He said we should stop forgetting to feed her and that she was a growing slayer and… well I stopped listening after that, but… she’s in the kitchen with him.”

 

“Probably setting it on fire,” I mumbled.

 

She nodded.  “Probably,” she said, less than concerned. “Anyway, we need to talk,” she told me. She looked at Buffy. “She asked a lot of questions about… you know… stuff in Sunnydale.  You two lie about as well as you research.”

 

Which was to say, like shit.

 

“What did she ask?” B asked her.

 

Dawn frowned.  “Just if what he told her was true.  You know if you stabbed Faith.  If Faith really did… um… hurt someone,” she faltered.

 

“What did you tell her?” I groaned.

 

Dawn shrugged.  “That I didn't really know cause I was a magical key then and all my memories were false.”

 

“Dawn!” Xander, Red, and Buffy yelled at the same time.

 

“Kidding,” she said.  “I’m kidding.  I told her I was a kid then and that I don’t know what happened.  She bought it cause I am a good liar.  And a good researcher,” she added.

 

Xander put his arm around her and kissed her on the forehead. “I don’t know if you should be proud about the first part.”

 

Buffy covered her eyes.  “Ugh,” she moaned.  “I guess we should…”

 

I nodded, not that she saw me. “Yeah.  Let’s go talk to her.”

 

“Well, I for one think that’s a good idea,” Ken said.

 

“No one asked you… again.” I muttered.

 

Giles nodded.  “She does need to know.  Not everything but you can’t hide who you were from her.  It would be pointless to try.  She is quite brilliant, Buffy.  She will figure out you’re hiding something from her sooner or later.”

 

B nodded.  “I know…”

 

“Go,” Red said.  “We’ll start looking around for some way to help with the dreams.” She turned to me.  “And all information will be divulged to you, protecto.”

 

“Great…” I moaned. 

 

* * *

 

J was in the kitchen with Andy.

 

“… and then I pushed the stake right where Kenny said…” she looked up and saw me and shoved a piece of food in her mouth. “Oh, hi!” She said, around the bite.

 

I looked at Andy, “Scram.”

 

He put his hand on his hips.  “You’re welcome.  You know for providing your daughter with much needed sustenance.”

 

Buffy patted his shoulder.  “Thanks, Andrew,” she smiled at him.  “You’re the best nanny ever.”

 

He smiled at her and gave me the look he always does. Because he loved B. I didn’t know why. Whatever. 

 

When he was gone, Buffy sat down next to Joy. “We need to talk…”

 

“Yeah, about this vampire…” I said.

 

“No, not about that, Faith,” B said. “About other stuff.”

 

Joy was watching us.  “Am I in trouble?”

 

“Why?  Should you be?” I asked her.  The answer to that question – yes, probably.  I was sure she’d done something.  Cause trouble should have been her fucking middle name.

 

B smacked my arm.  “No, you’re not in trouble.  Ignore your mom.  You know how she is.”

 

J nodded all knowingly.  Aw, screw them.  “Whatever. Sorry I’m the responsible one.”

 

B put her arm around me.  “Oh baby, it’s why we love you.”

 

J put her hands over her eyes. “Please.  Please don’t kiss.  Please.”

 

B smiled and pulled away.  “Okay, no kissiness.” She sighed.  “But… we do need to talk.”

 

“About what?” Joy asked.

 

Buffy looked at me.  Damn it.  “Umm… about when your momma and I were kids.”

 

She nodded.  “Okayyyy… what about it?”

 

“Umm those dreams you’re having,” Buffy said. “Some of the things he told you… some of those things were well… some of the things we did when we were younger were… Ugh… there’s a lot of stuff from Sunnydale, baby.” Explanation was not her best skill.

 

“What kind of stuff?” Joy asked us. “You mean what he said?”

 

I nodded.  “Yeah, some of that stuff was kind of… well, we made some bad choices… and we didn’t…” know how to freaking talk to eight year old obviously.

 

She put her fork down.  “What kind of choices?  You mean you stabbed her?” She asked Buffy.  “Why would you do that?”

 

B groaned.  “It’s complicated.”

 

“That’s what you always say…” Joy told her. “You say ‘it’s complicated, Joy.’ I’m not a baby.”

 

“We know that, honey.” B started. “But sometimes things are not that easy to explain.”

 

Joy looked at me.  “Did she stab you?” 

 

I made eye contact with Buffy. How the hell were we supposed to do this?

 

J’s face changed.  “That’s the scar…” she whispered.

 

“What?” I asked her.

 

“On your stomach.  That’s the scar you’ve got.  I’ve seen it.”

 

She was right.  It was still there.  It didn’t make a lot of sense, because most of our scars faded.  But that one… that one hadn’t gone away.  I had my theories…  


She watched our faces for a moment. “You did stab her,” she said to Buffy.

 

“Yes,” she whispered.  “I did.”

 

Joy got very quiet and looked down at her plate. “And that means…” she looked up to me. “You killed someone.”

 

“It was a mistake,” Buffy jumped in. “She didn’t mean to.”

 

“The first time,” Joy muttered. Okay, so obviously the mayor had told her a little more than she let on.  “But he said you did it again.” She looked off.  “He was right about it.  Wasn’t he?”

 

I nodded at her.  I didn’t know what to say.

 

“When people kill people they go to jail.” She looked up at me.  “Did you go to jail?”

 

I stared at my hands.  “For a while…”

 

She nodded.  Her face had become a mask.  Emotionless. “Did you?” She asked B.

 

“Go to jail?” Buffy asked her. Joy nodded.  “No.  I didn’t…”

 

Joy shook her head.  “No.  You stabbed her. You tried to kill her. Why didn’t you?”

 

“I… uh…” B was starting to freak out.

 

Fuck it.  I didn’t want her to start the guilt train up again.  “No, she had to.  I was… we were fighting. She didn’t have a choice.”

 

Buffy closed her eyes and shook her head. “That’s not…”

 

“Yes, it is.” I stopped her.  “That’s what happened.  I lost it.  She had no choice. I would’ve hurt her if she didn’t. It was her or me. And she was quicker. Even back then.”

 

Buffy looked away.  I knew that wasn’t exactly true but there was no reason the kid needed to know that.  She needed to think one of us wasn’t horrible.  That shit was totally my fault… all of it.  No way B was taking the fall for that.

 

“So you were bad?” J stated.  I couldn’t read her face or her voice.

 

“I was…” I whispered.

 

“And he was right,” she muttered. “My dreams are true, aren’t they? Real and stuff? And you know him?”

 

“Maybe, baby,” Buffy tried.  “We aren’t sure.” She smiled sadly at me. Like she was sorry we had to do this. Right there with you, babe. “But… that was a long time ago. And things have changed. Your mom was… he took advantage of her.” She looked down. “Lots of people did. We both made really, really stupid mistakes.  There were things I should have seen and I didn’t.  I just didn’t.  I ignored them.” She was trying very hard not to cry.  “We’ve paid for our mistakes.”

 

Joy didn’t look like she believed her. “Why would you…” her voice got really quiet.  “Why would you marry her? If she was bad?”

 

And just like that… I honest to god felt my heart break in my chest.  I looked away. Every instinct running through me was telling me to take off.  It took a helluva constitution to stay put.

 

B shook her head.  “She wasn’t bad.  She was stupid.  We both were. But… people make mistakes, baby. I made as many as Faith. After a while you realize though that people can change.  I love your mom. And that’s not who she is anymore. That’s not who either of us are.” She put her arm around Joy.

 

J shrugged her off.  “What else?”  Her mask was breaking and she started crying.

 

“That’s it,” I whispered.

 

“I didn’t ask you,” Joy told me.

 

“Joy, be respectful.  You can’t talk to her like that,” B said.

 

“Why do I have to be respectful? Why?  I’m supposed to tell the truth about stuff.” She looked at me. “You always tell me I have to be honest. Tell the truth. But you lied to me.”

 

“We did it for your own good,” Buffy told her. Oh shit.  Wrong thing to say.

 

“No!  You didn’t! You did it because you didn’t want me to know.  That’s what you say when you don’t know what to say! What else is true? What else happened!?!”

 

“Nothing,” I said.

 

“You’re lying!” She cried.

 

“Joy, please.” B pulled her to her again. She tried to shrug her off this time, but Buffy was still a helluva a lot stronger.  Still, it’s hard to try and hug a really strong, really pissed off mini slayer.

 

“No!  Where’s Kenny?” She finally wriggled out of B’s grasp.  “I want Kenny!  Has she hurt anyone!?!”

 

We both shook our head.

 

She jumped up and ran out.  “Kenny!” She was screaming in the hallway.

 

“Well that went fucking wonderful…” I sighed. I sat down next to Buffy and put my head in my hands. “I knew I would fuck this up sooner or later.”

 

“Don’t, Faith.  Please don’t check out on me…” She stood up and wrapped her arms around my waist and put her head on my back.  “I love you.  She loves you. It’s gonna be okay, baby,” she faltered.

 

I felt the tears welling in my eyes. It wasn’t like I didn’t fucking know this shit would come up one day.  I was just hoping it would be on my deathbed surrounded by my great grandchildren or something.  “I’m sorry…” I whispered, laying my head on the counter.  “I’m so sorry…”

 

She hugged me tighter.  “I know, Faith.  So am I,” she whispered back.

 

* * *

 

We should’ve both gotten up. Gone in the other room and checked on the daughter we’d scarred for life.  But we didn’t.  I turned around and put my head on against her chest.  And she held me.  I didn’t want to deal.  Not yet. And based on the fact Buffy wasn’t moving, neither did she.  I wrapped my arms around her waist.  B was right about one thing.  I had changed. There would’ve been a time when I wouldn’t have let her hold me like this.  But I knew the safest place I’d ever be was in her arms.  It was a lesson I wished I’d learned many years ago. Then we wouldn’t have had to go through this.

 

But life was never easy.  Especially the life of a slayer.  Especially the life of a slayer who was also a mom. And I knew we’d figure it out. And hopefully, Joy would get over it. I just didn’t look forward to the time in between.

 

And in the very back of my mind… the mayor. It was most likely him visiting my daughter in her dreams.  I didn’t know what he wanted.  And I didn’t want to revisit that fucked up portion of my life anymore.  I was afraid of what I’d find.  And more afraid of what it all meant…

 

 

 

 


	4. Broken Childhood and Broken Hands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So just a heads up, this chapter has a past mention of child abuse. Nothing even near detailed or specific, but it's there in case anyone doesn't want to read it.

Chapter 4

 

“So…” Buffy started, pulling away from me slightly. “I guess we need to go in there.”

 

I pulled her back to me and buried my head in her chest.  “No. I don’t want to.”

 

She rubbed the back of my head. “We can’t just stay in the kitchen the rest of our lives,” she chuckled. 

 

“Yes, we can,” I muttered, not looking up.

 

“Well, we could I guess… but the counters are pretty hard.  And you know… people eat in here.  I’m thinking if we were… you know ‘shacking up’ in here, they’d get kinda grossed out.” She kissed the top of my forehead.

 

“I don’t care,” I whined back. I spread my legs slightly and pulled her in between them.  She bent down and kissed me.  Maybe I’d mentioned it before, but I loved just kissing her.  I loved the way she moaned, just slightly, against my mouth when I pressed my tongue against her lips.  And that tiny little sucking sound she made when I finally got her to relent and let me inside. It was crazy the way she always tasted like peaches and something just a little bit salty.  It totally drove me nuts.

 

She tried to pull away.  “Faith, we can’t…”

 

I pulled her back to me and wrapped my arms tighter around her waist.  I kissed the side of her neck, right under her ear.  It was definitely one of those spots, as she called it. “Can’t what?” I whispered.

 

“Uh… huh?” She breathed back.

 

I moved back to her mouth.  She put her arms over my shoulders and pushed against me. My back fell against the counter, but she kept pushing.  I let go of her waist so I could grip the counter behind me.  She moved her hands to my thighs. 

 

“Whoa!” We heard from the doorway. “Oh my god… eww!”

 

B jumped back.  “Dawn!  Jesus!” She wiped her mouth.

 

I sat up and quickly pulled my legs together.

 

“Seriously, do you two know how traumatizing that is? Are you trying to make me throw up or something?  Not only does your offspring frequent this kitchen, but so does your baby sister. Please think of that…”

 

Buffy rolled her eyes.  “Now you know how I feel…”

 

“Oh whatever.  When is the last time you saw me, you know… practically… you know…” she waved her hand around, “doing this… whatever it is, with Xander. That’s like third base or something.”

 

“No it’s not,” I muttered.

 

“Not helping,” B told me.  “And I haven’t,” she said to Dawn.  “Because if I did, Xander would be dead.  And he’s still alive.  Might want to pass that message on to him, by the way.  Just in case.”

 

Dawn shook her head.  “Oh my god, I so don’t care. Listen, Will thinks she’s got a spell… and because Faith is apparently freaking out about being in the know as soon as someone decides anything or you know, like blinks or something… lookie here, here I am being messenger girl.”

 

“Where’s Joy?” I whispered.

 

“Uh…” She was hedging.  “She and Ken are downstairs.  Doing that punching bag thing they do.” She looked down at the ground before she made eye contact with me.  “She was kinda upset.” She gave me a fake smile. “But… she’ll be fine.”

 

I shook my head.  “No.  What did she say?”

 

She walked over and put her arm around me. “Come on, let’s go see what Willow found.”

 

“Come on, Faith,” Buffy tried.

 

I eyed Dawn.  “Tell me.”

 

“You know how kids are, Faith. She was just mad. Me repeating what she said would be secondhand and I wouldn’t get it all right or anything.  Then you’ll be all mopey.  Or run around outside or something.  You should just talk to her when she’s more… adjusted to the news.” She smiled at me when I stood up.  “At least the punching bag is getting some good use.” She walked in front of me.

 

“She said I was bad, didn’t she?”

 

She stopped but didn’t turn around. “Seriously, Faith…”

 

“Dawn, damn it.  Just tell me.”

 

“Something like that.” She turned around and looked at me.  “I don’t understand why you carry so much guilt…”

 

“You know what I did…”

 

She nodded and smiled sadly at Buffy. “Yeah, but… I mean… well, there aren’t many people in this castle that haven’t done something just as… I just don’t get it.”

 

I shrugged.  “I liked it.  I don’t think they did.”

 

“That’s not true, Faith.” B whispered, grabbing my hand.  “Please don’t do this…”

 

I shook my head.  “I’m not doing anything, Buffy.  But I am being honest.  I liked it. I did it because I enjoyed it. Not for revenge. Not because I was soulless. Not because someone I loved was being hurt.  None of those things.  I didn’t do it to fit in.  I didn’t do it because I was under the control of someone else.  I did it because I liked the power it gave me.  I liked being in control.  And I liked being out of it.  It was motiveless.”

 

That wasn’t true.  I had a motive.  My motive was staring at me with a frown on her face.  She shook her head sadly.  “It doesn’t matter. It was over a decade ago, Faith. It’s not you anymore. We’ve all taken human lives. It sucks.  I still have dreams about it.  But… we can’t really keep dwelling on it.”

 

“Yeah, Faith.  Your club’s not that exclusive. Sorry if you thought you were the only member,” Dawn told me.

 

“No.  I am,” I moved past them.  “It’s all good. Let’s go see what Super Glenda found.”

 

Buffy moaned behind.  “Please, if you value your freedom, please don’t call her that to her face.”

 

“I’m not stupid, B…” I turned to Dawn. “Don’t tell her I said that…”

 

“What?  You think I want to see her turn you into a frog?  I can only imagine the therapy I’d need seeing my sister make out with an amphibian.” She laughed at herself.  “Eww.  Come on… let’s go see what she found.”

 

* * *

 

Ken was back in the library when we got in there. Joy wasn’t.

 

B and I both looked around the room, about to speak.

 

“Save it,” Ken said, holding up her hand. “She’s downstairs with some of the other kids and some of the girls.  They’re watching some movie.”

 

“What movie?” I asked.

 

“I don’t know… there was a lot of moaning…” She noticed our faces.  “I’m joking. Some cartoon.  Chill.  I made them popcorn. They’re fine.”

 

B nodded.  “So, uh… what’s up, Will?”

 

She smiled.  “So, I’ve figured out a way for you and me to get inside her dreams when she’s sleeping,” She was speaking kinda fast.  Like she always did when she got excited.  “I mean I was worried about popping in to random dreams. Cause you know, people dream weird stuff.  Especially kids. I didn’t want to like be on a merry go round for hours or anything… you know how sick those things make me.”

 

“Red…” I started.

 

“Yeah, okay… so me and Buffy. We have to be asleep, right? We’ll go to sleep the same time as her. I can work that. And then, well I teach her a code word… something only the three of us know, and when she’s in one of her Sunnydale dreams or whatever, she can call us.  That word will bring me and Buff both straight to her and then we can figure out what’s going on.”

 

“What if she doesn’t remember the word once she’s all in dream world?” B asked.

 

Red frowned slightly.  “So, yeah… there’s gonna be a little hypnosis. Something the three of us will have to do together.  With Giles, cause he’s gonna hypnotize all three of us.  That way… we’re all connected and presto… we can figure out what the nasty ole mayor wants and vanquish him,” she said, clapping her hands together.

 

“Why B?” I asked.  “Why is she going with you?”

 

Everyone kind of made eye contact. Giles was the one who spoke. “Yes... Well... Obviously... well, first of all... it wouldn't be prudent to send you.  Because we know about your connection to the mayor… well, we don’t know what he wants with you.  We may be sending you straight into his grasp.  We can’t risk it. It’s too dangerous to put you into contact with him.”

 

I nodded.  Right. “And second?”

 

He took off his glasses and started cleaning them. “Hmm?” He asked.

 

“You said first of all… so second of all? What else?  What’s the other reason?”

 

Buffy put her hand on my arm. “I’m sure that’s it, baby.”

 

“No way,” I told her.  “Giles, seriously.  What else?”

 

“Umm… she, well… we spoke with her… about trying it. Just briefly though… but she…” he looked to Red for help.

 

“Yeah, she just thinks that Buffy would be…” She stopped talking and looked down.

 

“Right,” I growled.  “So, whatever…” I started to walk off. 

 

Ken touched my arm.  “Faith, don’t.”

 

I shrugged her hand off of me. “What?  You have some smartass comment to add?  Something cute to say?”

 

She shook her head sadly.  “No.  I don’t.”

 

Never thought I’d be alive to see that. “And that tells me all I need to know…”

 

“Faith,” Xander started.  “She’s just angry.  I mean she’s a kid.  She’ll deal.” He looked at B. “I don’t really get why she thinks Faith’s the big bad in all of this though?”

 

Buffy sighed.  “Because Faith’s spin on events makes her look that way.” She frowned at me.  “Want me to talk to her?”

 

“No, Buffy.  I don’t.  I want you and Red to run and do the magic bullshit you need to do so you can hop on in there and see what’s up.” 

 

“And what are you going to do?” She asked me quietly.

 

“Seeing as I can’t help and my daughter won’t talk to me… I’m going for a drink.  Out of this castle.  And away from everyone.”

 

She looked down at the ground. “You know that’s not a good idea.”

 

“Yeah… tough shit.  Cause I’m going.”  I muttered.

 

“I’ll come with,” Ken said.

 

Red smiled at her.  “That’s a good idea, baby.  It’d be nice for you two to get some energy out of your system.”

 

I shook my head.  “Fuck no.  It would not be nice.” I turned to K.  “I don’t want you to go.  Stay here… with someone who made need you.”  I walked out the door. “Don’t wait up. I mean, not that you will since you’ve got shit to do and all…” I said to B.

 

She stared at me for a moment and then shook her head and walked off.  I grabbed my keys and slammed the door.  I could hear Ken yelling for me but I jumped in the car before she could get to me. Cause… still faster than her. I figured I had a few minutes to get a little lost before she left. 

 

* * *

 

So… I’d driven past this bar several times. I mean I knew it was friendly, so to speak… what with the clientele coming in and out and the sign and all… but, Buffy and I didn’t frequent many bars and the only places Ken and I had drinks were the local pub, seeing as Xander would usually tag along. And he would stick out like a big non-lesbian here.

 

I wasn’t even sure Ken knew about the place, which was certainly a good thing.  I got out of the car and put my phone on vibrate.  We had a code.  Sort of like an SOS. No matter how bad shit got, no one used that code… text, whatever… unless someone was needed. It meant shit had hit the fan. I got that code… I went back. Otherwise, fuck it. I needed time to think.

 

I walked inside.  There was way more women than I had figured would be here. Especially on a weeknight. But what the fuck ever, I wasn’t looking for company.  I was looking to get a drink. I sat down at the bar.

 

The bartender was an older woman. Definitely leaning towards the biker mama side of things.  She leaned on the bar.  “New in town?”

 

“New in this bar,” I mumbled.

 

She glanced at the wedding band on my hand. I moved it to my lap. “Bourbon.”

 

She raised her eyebrows at me, but didn’t say anything about the ring.  “Sure.”

 

She poured the drink and handed it to me. She looked like she wanted to say something else, but my lack of eye contact probably dissuaded her and all. “Yeah, so just let me know when you want another,” she said, walking off.

 

I took a drink.  My phone buzzed on the counter next to me. 

 

* _Just checking to make sure you’re okay._

 

It was from Buffy.  I started to ignore it, but then I figured I’d get a thousand more and she needed to be focused on other shit at the moment.

 

* _I’m good. No worries._

 

I took another drink.

 

* _Ok._

 

I was gonna catch ten kinds of hell tomorrow.  I downed the drink and motioned for another one.  It was in front of me before I could set my phone back down.

 

I felt someone sit down beside me. Fuck.  I didn’t want to be rude but…

 

“Hi,” she said.  “You’re American, aren’t you?”

 

I turned to tell her to fuck off, but she looked, I don’t know… sort of afraid or something.  Aw fuck it.  “Yeah. How could you tell?”

 

She smiled slightly.  “I heard you order.  My name is Kari.  I’m from the States too.”

 

It wasn’t like I couldn’t tell. She was definitely from across the big pond.  Southern definitely, but she had an accent I couldn’t exactly place.  She was about my age or maybe a little younger.  Shoulder length blond hair.  Pretty in that southern belle sorta way. 

 

I didn’t really say anything so she tried again. “So, uh… are you on vacation?”

 

I shook my head before taking another drink. “Nope.  Live here.  Have for a while now.”

 

She started to speak but my phone buzzed beside me.

 

This one was from Ken.

 

* _Where the fuck are you?_

 

She didn’t see the message or at least she didn’t act like she did.  I dismissed it. “You on vacation?” I asked her. I motioned to the bartender to refill her wine and bring me another.

 

“Kind of.” She took the wine. “Well, not really… my girlfriend, she lives here.  Well not here, but in London. But she’s an artist and she’s got this show… so she travels a lot.  So we’re here.  But she’s at the gallery. She… um… well sometimes, she ignores the fact…” she shook her head and looked at her drink.  “I kind of just left. She won’t even notice.” She smiled at me. “Thanks for the drink…”

 

I nodded.  “She sounds like a winner.”

 

“No! I mean, I didn’t mean it like that. She’s just busy is all. I get it.  I can’t expect her to drop everything because I… I don't know; it’s complicated,” she finished.

 

My phone buzzed again.

 

* _Seriously Faith I am not fucking around here_.

 

And… ignore.

 

She noticed the ring on my finger. “Is that your, umm…” she studied me for a moment.  “… your wife?”

 

I looked at the phone.  “No that would be my overzealous best friend.”

 

She smiled shyly.  “Oh, I thought with the ring that you were… sorry.”

 

I shook my head.  “It’s cool.  I am married. If that’s what you’re asking.”

 

She looked around.  “Oh, is she here?”

 

I shook my head.

 

“I mean it is a she isn’t it?” She took another drink. “I’m sorry that’s presumptuous of me.”

 

I laughed.  “It’s all good.  It’s a she. But no… she’s not here. She’s at home.”

 

She smiled sadly. 

 

* _Faith you are a dumbass.  I hope you’re getting this.  Dumbass. I’m going to kick your stupid ass all the way back to the castle when I find you._

I stared at the phone for a second and then rolled my eyes.  “It’s kinda hard to get lost nowadays, huh?”

 

“Yeah,” she smiled.  “Kind of.  Your friend seems kind of worried about you.”

 

“She’s just pissed I didn’t invite her. She’ll get over it.”

 

I ordered us two more. 

 

“So, how long have you been married?” She asked me.

 

“Five years.  But we’ve been together for nine.”  It hit me how the fuck long that was as soon as I said it.

 

“Wow,” she whispered.  “You guys must have been young…”

 

I smiled at her.  “Nah.  I just look really good for my age.  I’m actually sixty-five.”

 

She stared at me a moment and then giggled. “I highly doubt that,” she said.

 

* _When I find you…_

Holy shit.  I was about to throw my phone across the room. 

 

Kari looked at the phone.  “Is that her?”

 

I started to tell her no that was still my stupid best friend but then I realized she was talking about the picture on the background of my phone.  “Oh yeah. “ I handed the phone to her.  “Umm, I’m Faith by the way.” I motioned the bartender for another round.

 

She grinned before taking the phone. “Nice to meet you Faith.” She grinned. “Wow, she’s pretty.  Who’s the little girl?”  Cause, I don’t know what you thought, but obviously Buffy wasn’t the only one in the picture.

 

“Oh, that’s my… I mean our daughter.”

 

“She’s gorgeous.” She stared at the phone for a moment before handing it back to me.  “I don’t mean to intrude and please feel free to tell me to shut up… but, are you the… you know biological mom?  Cause she looks just like you.” She looked at the phone again.  “Well, except for the eyes.  But, I don’t know… you just seem to be the, you know… other type.”

 

I laughed. “The butch type?”

 

Her face turned red.  “No! I didn’t mean…”

 

I held up my hand.  “It’s okay.  I am. Well not exactly, but yeah… I’m not the biological mom.”

 

She nodded.  “I’m sorry.  That’s none of my business.”

 

I shook my head and went with the party line we gave everyone.  “I had a brother. A twin brother. He’s the donor.”

 

“Oh.  Is that hard?  I mean, is he in her life too?” She took a drink.  “You can tell me to shut up if I’m overstepping my boundaries here.”

 

“No, it’s okay.  Seriously. He’s dead.”  We tried to keep it simple.  Tell the same story every time.

 

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

 

I shook my head again.  “No problem.  He was a bastard.  No love lost.”

 

She nodded sadly.  She looked around the room.  “You know; can I be honest?”

 

I shrugged.  “I suppose so.”

 

She looked at me shyly.  “It’s just… I don’t know.  Out of everyone in here tonight... I mean most everyone in here… you’d sort of be the last one I’d think would be a mom.”

 

“What makes you say that?”

 

She looked down.  “Oh, I don’t know.  You’re just sort of… well, hot and all.”

 

I signaled the bartender again. I was watching her out of the corner of my eye.  If this were ten years ago…

 

…but it wasn’t.  “Yeah… good genes.”

 

My phone buzzed again.  I didn’t bother to read it.

 

“You know, if I didn’t have a daughter, I’d probably throw this fucking thing in the river.” I told her, twirling it around on the bar.  The sixth drink was definitely the charm.  I could feel that little buzzed warmth spreading through my body.  “So,” I asked her slowly.  “When do you think your girl will figure out you’ve gone all AWOL?”

 

She giggled and checked her phone. “Uh… probably in the next hour. Once the show’s over.”

 

“Think you’ll be in trouble?” I asked her. My voice had gotten deeper. Yep, definitely good bourbon.

 

She put her hand on my arm.  “If she saw me talking to you,” she smiled at me, “yeah, probably.”

 

I looked at her hand.  I had a moment of clarity like ‘I should fucking remove that.’ And then I figured… aw fuck it.  My body sort of moved on its own, closer to her and shit. “Well, how bout we don’t tell her?  Save us all some trouble?” My voice was low.  Damn good bourbon.

 

She ran her fingers across my bicep. “I won’t tell if you don’t,” she whispered, her lips brushing the side of my ear.

 

…and then she was gone.

 

“Oh, I’m gonna fucking tell, no worries.” I heard Ken growl behind me.  She moved in between us and took the girl’s hand and placed it back in her lap. “Are you fucking insanely retarded?  Like have you completely jumped into the goddamn deep end into the crazy pool? I’ve sent you like ten thousand friggin texts and here you are chatting up some tart.”

 

“Fuck off, Ken,” I muttered turning around and taking a drink. 

 

“Hey!” Karla, or whatever the hell her name was, said behind Ken.

 

Ken spun around.  “Lookie here, princess.  I think you should just mosey on over to the other side of the bar or wherever it is that you fucking came from.”

 

She put her hand on Ken’s shoulder. “I was talking to Faith.”

 

Ken took her hand.  I figured she squeezed it or something.  Probably not hard.  Well… not hard for a slayer.  But I wasn’t even watching.  Fuck I just wanted another drink.

 

“Back off,” Ken growled at her.

 

It must have had the desired effect because Krystal got up and left.  She stopped and touched my shoulder though.  “Nice to meet you, Faith.  Thanks for the talk and all.”

 

“Oh she’s so fucking welcome. Thanks for trying!” Ken trilled after her. She turned to me.  “You are so stupid.”

 

“Leave me alone, Ken,” I slurred. “Just sitting here talking to Karen or… whatever.”

 

“Are you kidding me?  You're drunk.  And you’re slutting around with some Georgia Peach like you aren’t married and your sweet… and might I add way way way hotter wife is sitting at home worried sick. About you and your daughter. You dumbass.” She added. She called the bartender over. “How much?” She asked her.

 

The bartender gave her the bill. Ken looked at it with her mouth open. “Are you kidding me? I’ve gotta buy that skanky whore’s drinks too?” The bartender ignored her little fit.  “Oh fuck it,” she muttered, shoving the money across the bar. “Keep the damn change.” She pulled my arm. “Get up.  Let’s go.”

 

“I’m good,” I told her.  “All’s good.  Leave me alone.”

 

She took my keys.  “You are not good.  You’re wasted. And tomorrow, if you magically grow some fucking brain cells to replace the ones… oh, who are we kidding, if you magically grow some extra brain cells, you’ll fucking thank me for this.”  She pulled me out.  “Dumbass… drunk… just… ugh…” she muttered under her breath.

 

She opened the door for me.  “Hey… my car.” I said, looking across the parking lot.

 

She snorted.  “Yeah, good one.  Like you’re driving. Please. I for one want to stay in Buffy’s good graces.”

 

“Maybe she’ll let you fuck her while you’re there,” I muttered.

 

I felt the wind before I felt her palm. And then she slap the ever-living shit out of me.  “Jesus, Ken. Fuck.” I said, putting my hand to my cheek.

 

She started the car.  “I should’ve punched you.  Next fucking time I will,” she added.

 

“Go ahead,” I whispered.

 

She put the car in drive and drove out of the parking lot.  “Faith, if you think for one second I’m jumping on your pity wagon, you can just fucking think again. No way.  Not gonna happen.  Ain’t a damn reason in this world for you to be all ‘woe is me’ so you can just get the fuck over yourself.  And I’m not kidding.”

 

I folded my hands across my chest. “Whatever,” I mumbled.

 

“Just sit over there and shut the fuck up,” she muttered.  She leaned over and turned the radio up as loud as it would go. 

 

* * *

 

When I woke up, we were pulling up outside the castle.

 

“Sleep well, princess?” Ken grunted, opening her door.

 

I ignored her and got out of the car. I was still drunk. I’d drank way too fast and way too much without eating.

 

When we got inside, the lights were off downstairs.

 

“Where is everyone?” I mumbled.

 

“Asleep, ass. It’s what people do at night. Well people who aren’t whoring around.” She said, moving by me to the stairs.  “Go to bed.  Sleep this shit off. Learn a goddamn lesson or something. And pray to all that is holy, I keep this shit from your wife.”

 

“Whatever,” I said, moving past her.

 

She grabbed my arm.  “I’m not going to say shit to her, Faith. And here’s why… I don’t want to hurt her.”

 

“Of course you don’t…”

 

She shook her head.  “You are so goddamn blind it’s disgusting. Go to fucking bed.”

 

She stormed off and probably would’ve slammed her goddamn door but she didn’t want to hurt Buffy.  Whatever.

 

* * *

 

I fumbled around till I found our door. I probably hit the wall about sixty-seven goddamn times before I fell into our bedroom. I didn’t bother turning on the light cause I didn’t want to wake B. Of course, trying to get undressed half-lit was a little more difficult than I thought and I stumbled taking off my shoes. “Fuck B, I’m sorry.” I muttered to the room. 

 

I waited for her to say ‘it’s okay’ or ‘fuck you’ (okay, she wouldn’t say that) or something… but nothing.  I searched around for the light switch.  “Buffy?”  I finally found it and turned it on.

 

And nothing.  She wasn’t in here.

 

I had a moment of panic and bolted out of the room in nothing but my bra and panties.  I ran next door to Joy’s room and threw open the door.

 

“Faith!” Buffy cried, when I threw open the door.

 

She and Red were sitting on the bed with Joy. Buffy was rocking her. J was sitting in her lap like a baby. I thought she was crying but she didn’t look at me.

 

“What’s wrong!?!” I asked them, running over. “Why are you two in here? What happened!?!”

 

Buffy studied me for a second, before pulling Joy tighter against her..  “I sent you a text. I told you we were sleeping in here tonight.  She just got scared, so we haven’t gone to sleep yet.”

 

Red cleared her throat.  She was covering her eyes.

 

I realized I was standing there close to freaking naked. In a red bra.  I looked down.  And red thongs.  This shit probably didn’t look good, but come on… wasn’t like I got dressed this morning thinking half the castle would see me.  Kind of glad I matched, come to think on it.

 

“Where are your clothes?” B asked.

 

“Oh…” I looked down.  “Uh… in the bedroom?”  Like she fucking knew.

 

She narrowed her eyes at me.  I walked over to the bed and put my hand on J’s back. “You okay, sugar?” I asked her.

 

B was still staring at me.

 

Joy, for her part, wouldn’t look at me. She was crying against Buffy’s chest. B was holding her like she did when she was little and couldn’t sleep. 

 

“Joy, baby…” I tried again.

 

Neither one of them would speak to me.

 

Red was trying to keep her eyes covered. “Uh.. Joy, why don’t you and me go get some water and tell Ken good night?  You wanna do that?” Red asked her.

 

She nodded and crawled into the witch’s arms. She still wouldn’t look at me. Red took her in the hallway.

 

“Buffy…” I started.

 

“Oh my god,” she said.  “Please save it.  You’re drunk.”

 

I shook my head.  “No I’m not.”

 

“Faith, you’re drunk.  You’re standing in our daughter’s bedroom in the middle of the night, after stumbling through the damn hallway and upstairs like a buffalo by the way… in your freaking underwear,” She eyed me for a minute. “You’re ‘way too sexy for Willow and Joy to see’ underwear.  And you stink. You smell like alcohol.” She stopped for a minute. She moved a bit closer to me  “And…Marc Jacobs…” She rolled her eyes.  “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

 

“Who the fuck is Marc Jacobs? And how do you know what he smells like?” Who the fuck was she talking about? Now I had to kill a Marc dude.

 

She moved closer to the edge of the bed and sniffed the air beside me.  “Marc Jacobs. It’s a perfume, you jackass.” She sat back and put her head in her hands.  “I cannot believe you. Where were you?”

 

How the fuck could she smell that? And more importantly, how did that bitch’s perfume get on me.  Damn it. “A bar.”

 

“Which bar?” She wouldn’t look at me.

 

“I didn’t do anything, B.” I went to sit down beside her but she pushed me away. 

 

“Why?  Because Kennedy stopped you? Cause here’s the thing Faithie, you smell like someone else’s perfume and you’re practically naked.” She stood up and started shaking her head.  “ No. No. No. You know what… I don’t care. Get out before our daughter gets back in here.”  She put her hand on my chest and started backing me out of the room.

 

“She’s my daughter too, Buffy.” I grabbed her hand. She was still pushing me. “Will you fucking stop, please? Listen to me…”

 

“I do realize that she’s your daughter, Faith.” She jerked her hand away.  “But, only one of us is drunk and half-naked.  I’d prefer her not to be dreaming about us fighting tonight.  And I’d rather get this dream walk over with, if you’d be so kind as to take your STUPID ASS TO BED!”  She yelled the last part.  Okay, she was mad.

 

Ken came running in the room. “Holy shit! What’s wrong?”

 

“Where’s Joy?” Buffy asked her.

 

“Will took her to get some milk. What’s wrong?” She asked turning to me. She eyed me for a second.  “And where the fuck are your clothes?”

 

“Nothing’s wrong, Ken.  Will you just get her back in the other room before they get back and she scars both of them for life.”  Buffy said, turning away from me.

 

Ken went to grab my arm and I jerked it away. “Fuck off!” I yelled at her. I moved past her. “Buffy, listen…”

 

She spun around.  “Faith,” she started. Her voice was low.  She was beyond pissed.  “I do not want to hear what you have to say.  You smell like someone else.  You are beyond drunk.  And you just barreled into our daughter’s bedroom half-naked in the middle of the night. We are in the middle of a crisis and you run out.  You run. I’m so damn tired of the stupid avoiding and the stupid running.”

 

I felt Ken come back behind me. “Ken if you fucking touch me…” I growled.  A shirt hit me in the back of the head.

 

“Put this on…” she muttered.  “And hurry up, before Will and Joy get back.”

 

I shrugged the t-shirt on.  “B, please.”

 

Buffy shook her head.  I expected tears.  Something. Not this.  This was B’s ‘way the fuck over it’ face. It’d been a really long time since I’d seen it.  “I cannot talk about this right now,” she said.  Her voice was clipped and she was angrier than I’d seen her since she was pregnant. It didn’t help that the room was fucking spinning like a tilt-a-whirl.  “Do you even realize what I have to do tonight?  Do you?  Or are you just so pissed off that you weren’t invited to join?  What is it Faith?  You can’t save the day?  Is that it? So you go do…” she motioned at me with her hands.  “This shit? Go get drunk and find the first thing to… to… fuck,” she spat out. 

 

Oh holy shit.  This was bad.

 

“B, I did not… Nothing.  Seriously.  I didn’t do anything.  I promise.” I turned to K.  “Tell her.” I pleaded.

 

“Buff, she wasn’t doing anything,” Ken said, moving between us.

 

Buffy eyed her.  “Was there a girl there, Kennedy?”

 

Kennedy looked down but didn’t speak.

 

This wasn’t her fight.  “Yes,” I answered.  “But it was innocent.”

 

Buffy looked at me over K’s shoulder. “Right.  Innocent enough to get close to you? Innocent enough to get her perfume on you?” 

 

I shrugged.  I didn’t know how the fuck she got her perfume on me. And I had not one clue how the hell B could smell it. 

 

She looked at Ken.  “Am I right?”

 

Ken kept quiet. 

 

B put her hand on her shoulder. “You know what… I shouldn’t ask you that.” She smiled sweetly at her.  “It’s not right of me to put you in the middle of all of this. You’ve been nothing but good to Faith. And me.”  She kissed her on the cheek.  “Thanks.”

 

Oh, you know what.  Fuck this.  I lifted my fist. And Ken grabbed it. “Yeah right, dumbass.” She shoved me back.  “So fucking blind.”

 

The room was spinning like a motherfucker now. I felt Ken pick me up. “What the fuck are you…” Oh god. I felt sick.

 

She threw me over her shoulder. “Taking your stupid ass to bed.”

 

“B,” I muttered.

 

“Fuck you, Faith,” I heard her say behind me.

 

“Oh goddess!” I heard Red say when we got in the hallway.

 

“Joy, I…”I was crying against Ken’s shoulder.

 

“Mom?” She whispered.  “Are you okay?”

 

“She’s fine,” B said and slammed her bedroom door.

 

* * *

This was so beyond fucked.  Ken laid me in bed.  I guess I was crying.

 

“Come on, Faith.  Sleep this off, okay?” She was shaking her head sadly. “It’ll be okay in the morning.”

 

I shook my head.  I fucking hated crying in front of her. 

 

She sat down beside me.  “Son of a bitch,” she muttered, pulling me into a hug. “It’ll be okay. I promise.  We’ll fix it tomorrow.”

 

I nodded against her.  I didn’t trust my voice when I was like this. But… it was so far from okay. We both knew it. I was totally fucked. And…

 

* * *

 

…I rolled over and threw my arm over…. Kennedy, “Jesus Christ! What the fuck!” I screamed, jumping back a goddamn mile. I looked down. Thank the freaking gods I was dressed. Well sort of.

 

“Oh my god! Why are you screaming?” She sat up.

 

“Why the fuck are you in my bed?” I jumped up.

 

And then it hit me.  Oh memoires… you are not fun to have in the morning.

 

“Aw, goddamn it…” I muttered, sitting back down. I turned to her. “How fucked am I?”

 

She pursed her lips.  “Umm… yeah, I think you’re gonna have to get a new scale to measure this.”

 

“I wasn’t… you know I didn’t…” I trailed off.

 

“Yeah, I know.  You may be stupid, but you aren’t a complete moron.  I just think, you know, that if I hadn’t… you know… well, I don’t think you’d have done anything.” She thought for a moment. “It was just compromising and stuff…”

 

We heard a knock on the door and both turned towards it.  “Can I come in?” Red asked.

 

“Yeah,” we both said.

 

She smiled sadly. Like she saw us together in bed every day.  “How are you feeling?”

 

I shook my head.  “Like the asshole that I am.  The very hungover, very stupid asshole.”

 

“Yeah, I was gonna… you know, with the cure and stuff, but… uh, Buffy, she said… well, I can still do it.  We just don’t have to tell her.  You've just got to act like you still feel bad is all.”

 

“No.  It’s okay. I think I’ll just go ahead and suffer through this.  Pretty sure I deserve it right now.” I moaned, my head in my hands.  “How did it go?  Last night.”

 

“Uh yeah, about that… so we went last night. Or, well I did. Buff never really went to sleep…”

 

I was such a fucking asshole.

 

“You went to Sunnydale?” Ken asked. “Seriously?  Did you see him?”

 

Red shook her head and then nodded. “No.  I mean yes.  I saw him. But we weren’t… Umm… we weren’t in Sunnydale.”  She sat down on the bed beside me.  “We were… umm… Faith, we didn’t stay long and we didn’t see much.  I woke us up as soon as I realized… who… what…” she moaned. “Oh for the love… we were umm… in Boston.”

 

My eyes shot open.  “What!”

 

“In Boston.  And you were… you were… so yeah, a little girl.  And umm… I woke us up.  She didn’t see.  I covered her eyes. But the mayor was there. He was talking and… I just think we need to go tell Giles…”

 

Ken put her hand on Red’s knee. “What's in Boston?”

 

Red looked at me sadly.  Pity.  Right the fuck up there with a knife in the gut.  “Faith was a little girl.  We didn’t realize who she was at first.  She wouldn’t… umm talk to us.”

 

I felt the bile rise in my throat. “Please, Red.  Please tell me… Joy didn’t…she didn’t see…”

 

Red shook her head.  “No! I made her close her eyes and I got her out of there. She didn’t see…” she trailed off.

 

I nodded.  “But you did…”

 

She looked down.  “I’m sorry.”

 

“Did you tell, Buffy?” 

 

Red shook her head.  “No.  We just told her what Joy saw.  Which was you as a little girl.  Nothing else.”

 

I jumped up and grabbed some clothes. “Good.  Don’t.  I’m taking a shower,” I said, moving past them.

 

“Faith, wait!” Ken said.  “Let’s…”

 

“If you say talk about this… I will deck you.” I called from the bathroom. “I’ll be downstairs after I’ve puked my fucking guts up,” I told them, slamming the door.

* * *

 

My childhood… well, yeah.  Not happy Red had seen that.  Not the fuck happy the mayor had tried to show my goddamn daughter that. What the fuck was he doing? And how could he even… I couldn’t think about what Red saw.  About what Joy almost saw.  I could imagine though. Lots of things it could’ve been. Nothing either one of them ever should have to witness though. 

 

At least Joy didn’t see.  Red said she didn’t.  And I wanted to believe her.  I hoped she was right.  And… and at least B didn’t go.  I was glad I fucked up last night.  And I was more than glad it kept her awake.  There was no way I could take that look of pity that Red gave me on B.  No way.

 

After throwing up everything I’d eaten since I was a toddler, taking a shower, and brushing my teeth forty-seven times, I made my way downstairs. 

 

I ran into Andy in the hallway. “Umm… there’s some coffee in there if you want?” He asked me.  “And some food?”

 

“No. No food.  But coffee, yeah…” I looked at him.  “Is B… you know… where is she?”

 

“She’s in the library with everyone…” he looked down. “Want me to bring it in there?”

 

I shook my head.  “No.  I feel the need to avoid a few more minutes.”

 

He nodded like he understood.

 

I made the coffee and leaned back against the counter. No one was in the kitchen, which was good.  I was trying to buy myself a little more time before I had to face them.  I wasn’t sure whose face I wanted to see least. It was a toss up what with Red’s pity, B’s anger, and Joy… fuck.

 

* * *

 

I finally made my way into the library. Everyone was in there. Joy was sitting at the table doing some sort of schoolwork.

 

“I don’t see why I have to…” she stopped talking when she saw me.

 

“Hi,” she whispered.

 

I bent down and kissed her on the top of the head. “Hey baby,” I said.

 

She half-smiled at me for a moment. She looked like she was going to say something and then thought better of it.  “Math is stupid,” she muttered.

 

Normally I’d be all… you have to do your schoolwork, and blah blah blah… mom shit.  Instead I said.  “Yeah, I know.”

 

“Faith, she has to do her work. She can’t stop every time something happens here,” B spat out.

 

I turned to look at her.  “Yeah.  I know… I was just…”

 

She turned her back on me.  “So, Boston?” She asked Giles.  “How would the mayor know anything about that?”

 

Everyone gave me that ‘sorry you’re a dumbass’ look.

 

Giles shook his head.  “Maybe that’s a question for Faith?”

 

She turned and looked at me, her hands on her hips. I waited for her to say something but she didn’t.

 

“Uh… yeah,” I glanced at Red. She was staring at her hands. “I don’t know. First time I met the guy was in Sunnydale.”

 

He nodded.  “Yes, well, Willow assures us that it was definitely the mayor. Or someone taking his form. We have to assume that he’s amassed a different sort of power if he’s able to see into your past.”

 

Joy was still working on her math problems. Probably solving some equation I couldn’t even read.  She flinched when Giles spoke though.

 

I watched the back of her head. “Yeah.  But, maybe it wasn’t… you know me.  Maybe he just wanted them to think it was.”

 

Joy turned around and looked at me. “You think so?”

 

I smiled at her.  “Probably, baby.  He didn’t know anything about my life there.”

 

Red glanced at Ken.  “Maybe that’s it,” she said to us.

 

“It would help if we knew exactly what you saw, Willow.” He turned to me.  “She hasn’t been very forthcoming.  Maybe if she described the surroundings, we would be able to see if they were just illusions or if the mayor is truly able to infiltrate your past.”

 

Red and I made eye contact.  “Uh… yeah.  It was really dark.  And bare. In the bedroom we were in. It didn’t look like a kid’s room.”

 

I turned to Giles.  “So see?  Not my childhood. Just a glamor or something.”

 

Joy shook her head.  “It was you.”

 

Buffy moved over to her. “Why do you say that?” She asked.  “What did you see?”

 

She shrugged and walked over to me. “You had a teddy bear, didn’t you? It was missing an eye. It was black with a brown belly, wasn’t it?”

 

I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me.

 

She didn’t wait for me to answer. “You slept with it. Like you sleep now. On your side.  Momma sleeps on her back, but you sleep on your side. And you slept with the bear under your chin.  Like you sleep with me.” She went and sat back down.  “It was her,” she said to the room.

 

I sat down on the couch across the room. She was right. No one knew that. Not the mayor. Not B. No one.  My grandmother gave me that raggedy ass bear when I was a baby. I slept with it until I lost it on the way to Sunnydale.  I’d had to vacate the premise of some sleazy motel room one night and I left everything behind. Kakistos was hot on my ass. I went back in the daytime, to try and find it, but I didn’t have anything for shit and I guess the maid or whatever had chucked what was in the room.

 

“Is that true?” B asked me. 

 

I nodded.

 

I saw Red across the room.  She was opening and closing her mouth.  It meant she’d seen more.  A lot more.  Depends on how old I was how much she’d seen.  And who she’d seen doing it… Fuck.  Just fuck.

 

B turned to her.  “What else, Will?” Her voice was shrill.  “What aren’t you telling us?”

 

Red looked at Joy and back to me. She didn’t want to tell them what she saw.  She didn’t want to say it in front of Joy.  And she definitely didn’t want to say it in front of me.

 

Buffy seemed to get what was bothering her. She walked up behind Joy. “You know what? Forget math today. It’ll be there tomorrow. Why don’t you and Dawn and Xander go into town?  To the park?” She looked at Dawn. 

 

“Yeah.  That’d be great!  Let’s get outside of this stuffy ole place.”

 

Xander clapped his hands.  “Totally works for me!”

 

“Take some of the girls with you,” Buffy said. “The stronger ones.”

 

Xander nodded, walking out.  “Already on it.”

 

Joy stood there for a moment, eyeing me. She turned back to B. “Okay.  I know I’m not supposed to be in here for the grownup talk. But,” she crossed her arms. “I’m not doing math when I get back.”

 

B shook her head.  “Nope.  No math. You’re good today.”

 

She stared at her a few more moments like she didn’t believe her before walking over to me.  I tried to smile at her.

 

She bent over and kissed me on the cheek. “I love you, Mom.”

 

I nodded at her.  I didn’t want her to see me cry.  “I’m sorry.”

 

She scrunched up her nose.  “For what?”  She was being genuine.  It was one thing you had to love about kids.  They’d forgive you anything. I had a feeling that wasn’t always gonna be the case.  There was more than one teenager running around this place.

 

I shook my head.  “Nothing.  Go. Have fun.” She smiled at me and ran to Dawn.  “Oh.. and..”

 

She turned around.  “I know. I know. Be careful.”

 

I shook my head.  “Well, yeah that… but, um… I love you more…” I said quietly.

 

She smiled at me.  “I know, silly.”  She ran up to B and hugged her and ran out with Dawn.  They were whispering all conspirator like.   Maybe I should have reiterated the be careful thing…

 

Buffy turned to Red.  “Okay, she’s gone. Now spill.”

 

“Buffy, I…” Red stuttered.  She was watching me.  “Uhh… I didn’t see much.  And… well, I’m not sure it’s my place… it’s just…”

 

“It’s just what?  What can’t you tell me?  Why are you protecting Faith?”

 

It was weird how blind and naïve B could be sometimes. Her childhood was all bunnies and ice-skating and shit.  She had no idea that life was fucked up for some kids.  Seriously though, I saw it as a good thing.  No reason for her to be jaded.  But still… I mean, you’d think she’d figure some shit out without me having to relive this goddamn nightmare.

 

“I’m not protecting her,” Red said, well… protectively. “It’s just…”

 

At least Giles seemed to be getting a fucking clue. “What did the mayor say, Willow?”

 

She breathed a tiny sigh of relief. “Yeah… well, he didn’t talk to me at all.  Only Joy. He said ‘I need you to see your mom, when she was little.  Look how sad she was.’ Joy asked him if that was really her Mom, and he said ‘have I ever lied to you?’  She didn’t answer him.”

 

“Did he even know you were there?” Ken asked.

 

Red shrugged.  “If he did, he didn’t say anything.”

 

“What else did he say?” Giles asked her. “Anything?”

 

She looked at me sadly.  “Uh yeah, he said, ‘here he comes.’ And then he kind of laughed and disappeared.”

 

“He?  What’s that mean?  Who’s he?” B asked her.

 

Red looked at me.

 

 Goddamn it.

 

“What’d he look like?” I asked her. “Short? Tall? Tats?”

 

She nodded.  “It was dark.  He was blond, I think. But he had a tattoo, uh… on his… uh… stomach.” She pointed to the top of her navel.  “Right here.  It was like a dragon or something.”

 

I nodded and sat back.  “Joe.  Yeah…”

 

Buffy looked confused.  “Wait, what?  Who’s Joe? What does he want with Joy? And why did he have his shirt…” And just like that, the light bulb that had been glowing above everyone else’s head finally came on above hers.  “Oh. Oh… uh…” She sat down across the room. She was sorta staring past me. “I… oh god… oh my god…” she was just whispering.

 

I ignored her.  No way I was dealing with that.  “Did J see?  Red, are you sure?”

 

She kept shaking her head.  “No.  I’m sure. I’m sure.  I grabbed her and her pulled her to me.  She kept calling your name.  Well she kept saying Mom.  But either you didn’t hear us or… you were ignoring us.  I don’t know.  But she didn’t see.  She heard him say… well, uh… she heard him say ‘Hey, Faith,’ and tell you to wake up. But she didn’t see. I… you were pretending to be asleep. I said the spell then… and we woke up.” She looked down at her hands.  “If she hadn’t been with me, Faith… I would’ve… I could’ve…”

 

I shook my head.  “Nothing you could have done.  Believe me.  You did the right thing.”

 

Ken put her hand on Will’s knee. “She’s right. You did the right thing, baby.”

 

B was still sitting across the room. Giles went and sat beside her. “Are you okay, Buffy?”

 

She nodded.  She wouldn’t look at me.  “How old was she?”  She asked Red.

 

“Six,” I muttered from across the room. “I was six then.”

 

Her mouth made that ‘O’ face, but no sound came out. She sat back against the couch and put her hands over her eyes.  “I… I didn’t know,” she whispered.

 

I mirrored her movements.  “Wasn’t like I was advertising the shit,” I grumbled. My head still fucking hurt like a goddamn bitch.  This shit wasn’t helping at all.

 

Giles nodded.  “I’m sorry.  For all involved,” he said, looking at me.  “But… we do have a little more to go on.  And this will help us figure out what we need to do to help your daughter.” He looked at Ken and Red. “Maybe we should do a little computer research?”

 

They both nodded.  “Sounds good to me,” Ken said way too fucking brightly. Yeah right, she’d rather gouge her eyes out.  But I got it. They were leaving us alone. Cause we needed to talk. This was gonna be a shitload of sucky non-fun.

* * *

 

Even after they left, B didn’t move from the couch she was sitting on. I closed my eyes and moaned internally. Several things were going through my mind.  Did I say I was sorry? Possibly not the best time to bring up last night.  Maybe she was waiting for me to explain what Red saw?  Uh… yeah, that was a big fat no.  When I opened my eyes, she was still sitting on the other side of the room; she was looking out the window beside her.  And she was crying.

 

Normally, I’d go over there and pull her to me. Wasn’t sure I could do that right now. I decided it best to just stay quiet until she wanted to say something.  We sat that way for about five, ten minutes.  Seemed a helluva lot longer what with the silence and all.

 

I was staring out the same window she was when I finally heard her speak.  “I didn’t know,” she whispered.  I wasn’t sure if she was talking to me or not so I stayed quiet.  “How could I not know that?  I mean am I really that naïve?  Self-centered? What is it?”

 

“You see the good in people, Buffy.” I said softly. “It’s one of the reasons I love you. You don’t understand the bad.” I closed my eyes.  “Nothing wrong with that…”

 

She shook her head.  “No.  No. I’ve seen bad, Faith. I’ve seen plenty of bad. I’ve seen more than most people.”

 

I sighed.  “You’ve seen bad demons.  And bad witches. And bad shit that goes bump in the night.  But not… you don’t understand that.  You haven’t seen that. And that’s a good thing. You shouldn’t have to see it. Or know it.  Or anything.  You don’t deserve that…”

 

She looked at me.  “And what?  You do? You deserved that at…” her voice choked. “…at six?  You deserved something that horrible? Why would you think that?”

 

I couldn’t look at her.  “No.  I didn’t. It was bullshit or fate or whatever but no… I didn’t.  Luck of the fucking draw I guess.  But, I can deal with it now. There’s no reason for you to have to deal with it.  Just because one of us is fucked up, doesn’t mean the other one has to be.”

 

She stood up and started pacing. “Why would you think that? You’re not fucked up. It wasn’t your fault.”

 

I shrugged.  “Never said it was.  Just saying…”

 

“No, I mean… why didn’t you tell me? Why would you keep that from me?”

 

I looked away.  “Not about you.  What do you want? You want me to tell you what they did to me?  You want details? Pictures? What?  Want me to go through it, relive it, so that you fucking understand it?  Is that it?  Cause I hate to tell you, blondie, but there is no way that’s fucking happening.”

 

She stopped pacing and looked at me. “No.  I didn’t mean I had a right, but… well, it’s kinda coming back, isn’t it? And now, with Joy… we can’t ignore stuff.”

 

“Uh, yes we can.  Have Red cast that spell.  The one where she can’t dream.  Get her to do it now.”

 

She sat down beside me.  “Really?  Now? All of a sudden you are pro-magic? We can’t run from this, Faith.” She put her hand on my knee. “But, we can fix it.”

 

I jumped up. “Fuck that.  There’s no fixing this shit.  Are you kidding?  Have her cast the damn spell, B.  No way, no how she is fucking going back there.”

 

She stood up and faced me.  “You’re right… she’s not.” She turned to walk out. “But I am…”

 

“Buffy…” I started.

 

“No, Will’s gonna have to find me a way to get in. Soon.  There’s more than one guy I need to beat the hell out of.” She started to leave.

 

“Buffy, you can’t motherfucking fix this,” I said behind her.

 

“Ha. Watch me, Faith.” She walked out, and headed to find Red.

 

“Fuck!” I screamed.  I punched a hole in the wall next to the bookshelf. When I pulled my hand back it was covered in blood and swollen.  And hurting like a motherfucker.  Goddamn it! At least the fucking headache was gone. I stood there for a while just sort of staring at my hand.  No doubt it about it, the fucker was way broken.  I looked at the hole.  Giles was gonna fucking kill me.

 

“Oh my god,” I heard behind me. “Giles is gonna fucking kill you.” Ken walked in and took one look at my hand.  “Good job.” She went to grab it and I pulled it back.

 

“Ow!” I moaned.  “Fuck!”

 

She took it gently.  “Definitely broke.” She put her arm around my shoulder. “Come on, let’s go see if we can patch it up.”

 

“Okay,” I muttered.  “Uh Ken, about last night…”

 

She shook her head.  “Later.” She smiled at me.  “We’ll do that later.  I bring you back to Buffy with a broken and bloody hand and…” she shuddered. “You know what, let’s just go get this fixed.”

 

I let her lead me out.  I was worried about Joy.  About Buffy.  About a lot of shit. There was no way B could go there though.  No way she could see that. And she couldn’t fix it. I just wanted her not to try. She… there was no way she could try. I couldn’t have her look at me the way Red had. 

 

I couldn’t live with that. 

 


	5. Normal?

Chapter 5

 

One of the nurses on duty (Sarah maybe?) wrapped my hand.  “How did you do this? I didn’t think there were any missions out today?  You better be glad I was here,” she smiled.

 

“She punched a wall.” Ken offered.

 

The nurse looked at me strangely. “You guys do have like punching bags and stuff, don’t you?”

 

I grunted.

 

“Yeah, but she’s too lazy to walk down there,” Ken told her. 

 

She nodded as if that were a perfectly good explanation.  “Just give it a few days.  I know how fast you heal but if you use it, it’s gonna take longer to get better.”

 

I nodded.  “Yeah, thanks.” I mumbled.

 

“It’s my job,” she said.

 

“No seriously, thanks.  We’re glad you’re here, Christy.” Ken told her. “She’s just… you know not big with vocabulary and stuff,” she said, motioning to me.

 

So I guess her name was Christy. Still sucked at names.

 

* * *

 

We made our way back to the front of the castle. 

 

“Where are they?” I asked Ken. “Cause Buffy’s got this brilliant plan of going into Joy’s dreams and kicking somebody’s ass. From my past… Like that’s possible. Or needed.  Or really… ugh,” I flexed my hand.  It hurt like fuck.  The nurse had offered me some pain medication, but I declined due to the bender I was on last night and the fact I needed to be focused.  At least the pain was a more adjustable distraction. “She’s going to… ugh… where are they? I need to talk some sense into her.”

 

“I don’t know.  They were in the study earlier.” She put her hand on my shoulder and stopped me.  “You don’t think Buffy should go back?  You know, figure out what’s going on?”

 

“No.  I don’t!” I snapped at her.  “I think that’s a really bad idea.  And not gonna help. I want your girl to work her mojo and just get rid of the dreams for Joy.  That way, no fuss no muss.”

 

She eyed me for a moment.  “You do realize that doesn’t solve a damn thing.”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I groaned. “She can’t go back there.”

 

She nodded.  “Well, no I agree with you there.  But… she… something is going on here, Faith.  We can’t ignore it because you don’t want them to see…”

 

“Fuck you.  Joy doesn’t need to see that.”

 

She sighed.  “No shit.  I just said that. But Buffy is an adult, Faith. And a slayer.  And, if you’ve forgotten, way stronger than you.”

 

“Whatever.  She’s not way stronger than me.”

 

“I don’t know,” she shrugged, looking at my hand. “I doubt that would’ve happened to her.”

 

“Because she wouldn’t have punched a hole in the fucking wall,” I told her. 

 

“No kidding.” She rolled her eyes. “Maybe that’s what I meant, ass.” 

 

She was right.  B had the control.  She’d always had control.  Even when she was freaked, she was in control.  Me – I had none. Nada.  Like zilch.  I wanted to punch everything in sight.  Always. No matter what the reason - The Celtics lose in the playoffs – I’m punching a hole in the wall. Our Internet’s down – I’m throwing the computer out the window.  We were sorta opposite that way.

 

I decided against telling her she was right. We’d been doing that a lot lately. She was gonna get all conceited and shit if I didn’t watch it.

 

She swaggered down the hallway, looking in doorways like she fucking didn’t have a care in the world.  So yeah, already sorta conceited.  And that control thing… yeah, I wanted to punch her daily. But the thing about Kennedy was… she would just hit me the fuck back.  And then tell me I was stupid.  And then flirt with my wife.  I would say it was sometimes hard being her friend… but, I’m thinking she’d give you a similar line about me.

 

“Hey,” I heard her say when she stuck her head in the library.  “Back in here,” she told me, motioning towards the door.

 

“I would ask who did this,” Giles said, waving at the hole beside his bookshelf, “but, by the looks of your hand, I don’t have to.”

 

“Are you okay?” B asked.  She looked overly concern. 

 

I nodded.  “Yeah, no big.  It’ll heal in a few days.”

 

She raised her eyebrow at me.  “You’ve broken a lot of walls, but not a lot of hands,” she said, sorta half to herself. “How hard did you hit it?"

 

I followed her gaze to the wall.  “Umm, pretty hard I’m guessing what with the multiple fractures and stuff.”

 

She mumbled to herself and looked at the hole.  “Okay,” she said softly.  “Don’t do that again,” she smiled slightly at me. 

 

“Wasn’t planning on it,” I told her.  I turned to Giles. “Sorry bout that. I’ll uh… I’ll watch Xander fix it.” I tried.

 

“I think based on everything else that is happening right now, I can overlook it,” he took off his glasses.  “However, I do ask if you are feeling like hitting something, you go downstairs. However at least this gives Xander something to do.”

 

B nodded. “Yeah, instead of making out with my sister.”

 

She was so never getting over that shit.

 

Red was busying herself with a few of the books in the room. 

 

“What are you doing, babe?” Ken asked.  She walked up behind her and took a book out of her hand.  “What’s this?”

 

Red made eye contact with Buffy.  “Uh, you know… just research and stuff.”

 

I narrowed my eyes at her. “We gonna keep playing this game? Cause I gotta say it’s getting more than a little old.”

 

Red shook her head. “No, I’m uh…”

 

B saved her. “She’s trying to find me a way into Joy’s dreams.  Without Joy. I know you don’t like it, Faith, but… if I can get in there; then maybe I can figure out what’s going on.”

 

I shook my head. “Not without me.”

 

Giles cleared his throat. “Faith, I still don’t know if that is a good idea.  We aren’t sure what the mayor wants with you.  Or even if it is the mayor.  We would be putting you at an unnecessary risk by sending you there with Buffy.”

 

“I can handle risks,” I told him.  “Hello? Slayer, anyone? I’ve been handling them most of my life. This is important. No way I’m sitting that shit out again.”

 

Buffy took my hand. She squeezed.  “Fucking A!  What the hell is wrong with you people?!?” I yelled, jerking it back. I pulled it to me. “Jesus Christ, that hurts.” I shook it, trying my damndest to get the shooting goddamn pain to stop.  “Fuck…” I muttered to myself.

 

B raised her eyebrow at me. “Faith, I barely squeezed it. Seriously…”  She kept looking from my face to the wall. I could tell she was thinking something.

 

“What the hell is wrong with you, Buffy?” I asked her.  She stepped towards me.  I backed up.

 

“Why are you backing away?” She pouted.  “I’m not gonna hurt you, Faith.  I barely touched it.”

 

“Bullshit, blondie. You must have taken a super pill or something last night.  Cause there’s no way anything about that was barely…” I told her, still backing up.  I pulled my hand to my chest. “Don’t touch it,” I mumbled.

 

“How many drinks did you have last night?” She asked me. 

 

“Uh… I don’t know… six, maybe?” I muttered.  “Enough…” I added, more for myself.

 

Her face flashed and I thought we were gonna go back to that bullshit again, but then she looked at Red.  They shared some kinda glance.  “You were really drunk.  Like really really drunk.  Like with staggering and stuff.”

 

“I’m well aware…” I started.

 

“Yeah, but… you never get that drunk.”

 

She’d just never seen me that drunk.  But she was right, six drinks… not a lot for a slayer.  Especially me.  But like I said… damn good bourbon… and now I felt sick again.  Great.

 

She turned her back on me and moved to the wall. She looked in the hole for a moment. And then she turned and looked back at me.  I could tell she was thinking something, but…

 

...and then she fucking punched a hole right next to it. What the hell?

 

“Buffy, my goodness!  What is wrong with you?” Giles cried.  “Hit the bag downstairs…”

 

She shook her head and motioned him away. “No.  Look,” She held her hand up for us.  “Nothing.”

 

“What?” Red and Ken asked at the same time.

 

Ken was looking at me like it was my fault my wife had finally lost her mind. 

 

“Listen… look at my hand,” she said, holding it up for us to see.  “Nothing. Not a scratch. No broken bones. Nothing.”

 

She was right.  She wasn’t even fazed.  “I hit it harder,” I mumbled.  How the fuck had she not hurt her hand?  And why had I broken mine so badly?

 

She was staring at me strangely, obviously having the same thoughts.  She looked at Ken. “Hit it.  As hard as you can.” She told her.

 

“I am going to put my foot down…” Giles started.

 

Ken punched a hole next to ours before he finished. “Oh bloody hell. What is wrong with…” He noticed Ken’s hand and the non-brokeness of it.  “Interesting. And neither one of you are in pain?”

 

They both shook their heads at him.

 

“Nope,” Ken said.  “And I think I punched through to other side,” She peered in the first hole I’d made.  “Look here, Buff. Hers doesn’t even go half as deep.”

 

I shook my head and moved over beside them. “Maybe I hit a stud or something,” I looked inside. They were right… nothing but drywall.  I turned around and then B punched me in my arm. “Goddamn it, Buffy! What the fuck is wrong with you?” I couldn’t rub it… cause hello, broken hand?

 

She put her hand over her mouth. She reached out with her other hand and pinched me.  “Fuck! Buffy, stop that shit!  If you want to fight…”

 

She backed up.  “No.  No way,” She turned to Giles.  “It can’t be. How could this happen?”

 

What the fuck were these dumbasses talking about?

 

Ken had the same look of horror on her face. So did Red.

 

B put her hand on my chest.  “Can you feel me?”

 

“Uh, yeah, Buffy… you’re touching me.”

 

She shook her head violently. “No Faith.  The connection.  Can you feel the connection?”

 

I closed my eyes for a moment. I could always feel her. I fucking loved her. “I don’t know…” I whispered.

 

“Wait,” Ken said.  “Let me.”  She put her hand in Buffy’s place.  She turned to them. “Nothing.  I don’t feel her at all.”

 

I started shaking my head.  I didn’t feel her either.  In fact, I hadn’t felt any of them since last night. I didn’t think anything about it. Six drinks wasted me. I’d been tired. Slower. This hangover wouldn’t go away. And… and I’d punched the hell out of several things in my day… more than a dozen walls… and never… I looked down at my hand.  “I… I can’t feel…” I started backing up.

 

“Oh hell no,” Ken said.  “No running.  None.” She looked thoughtful. “Even if I could catch you this time.”

 

I ignored her.  “Red, what the fuck is this?”

 

She shook her head.  “I don’t know, Faith.  Don’t worry though,” she sounded completely unsure of herself. “Cause we’ll figure it out.” She watched me for a moment.  “So you can stop, you know, with the backing out and stuff.”

 

I didn’t realize I was.  I held up my hands.  “Sorry,” I muttered.

 

Kennedy picked a book up from the table. She chucked at me. “What the hell…” I screamed when it hit me in the side.  “Are you all insane?”

 

She shook her head.  “Totally should have caught that…” She mumbled.

 

Fuck fuck fuck.  What the hell was happening? Where the fuck were my powers?

 

Buffy picked up a bookend from one of the shelves. She handed it to Red. “How heavy?” She asked her.

 

Red had to hold it with both hands. “Twenty?  Twenty-five pounds?  Heavy…”

 

B twirled it in one hand.  I had fleeting moment of ‘shit she’s gonna throw that thing at me’ but she handed it to me instead.  I took it with my good hand.  And dropped it on the goddamn floor as soon as she let go.  And… fuck me, again. 

 

“I really wish you would stop testing her strength with my things,” Giles told her.  He moved closer to me.  “Do you feel different?”

 

I shook my head.  “No… Yeah, maybe.  I mean… I am sorta hungover and all.” I was trying to breathe and not freak the fuck out. It wasn’t helping that they were starting at me like I’d grown an extra head in the past five minutes.

 

Buffy’s face was near panic.  “Do you think…” she stopped.  “Does this have something to do with the mayor?” She asked him.

 

“I wouldn’t begin to know, Buffy. I suppose we should run some tests. See if Willow can find some reason that her powers are being blocked.”

 

Red nodded and came closer to me. She closed her eyes.

 

“What are you doing?” I asked her. I started backing up again.

 

“Just seeing…” she held up her hand, stopping me. “Wait.” Her eyes were still closed and it was obvious she was concentrating on something.  She was mumbling some shit in Latin.  Did I mention how much I fucking hated magic?

 

She opened her eyes and studied me for a moment before turning to the rest of them.  “She’s still a slayer.  I mean, I can sense the essence.  But it’s like… well, like Giles said… blocked or something.  Nothing’s coming through.”

 

I turned to Giles. “What the fuck is doing this, G?”

 

“I’m not certain…” he seemed lost in thought. “I suppose it could have something to do with the mayor.  Or… did you see anyone last night?  Anyone suspicious?”

 

I shook my head.  “No.”

 

“What about that southern girl?” Ken asked. “Maybe she slipped something in your drink or something?”

 

Buffy mumbled beside her.  But, because of my slayer hearing being blocked or what the fuck ever, I didn’t hear her.  God damn it. “No.  She didn’t touch my drinks.  Look, I didn’t know anyone there… and there’s no way someone could’ve known I’d be there.  It wasn’t like I’d decided that shit beforehand.”

 

B crossed her arms against her chest. Oh just freaking lovely. There’s the pissed offness again. “Southern girl? Who was she, Faith? What did she want with you?”

 

I shrugged.  “I don’t know, B.  Nothing. She was just talking. I mean, we were… with the talking and stuff.  We talked. That’s all.  We didn’t move from the bar.  It was nothing.”

 

She narrowed her eyes and stuff, trying to figure out whether she should believe me or not.  She shook her head and turned to Red.  “You think someone gave her something?  You know to stop her powers or whatever?”

 

Red thought for a moment and then shook her head back. “No.  I don’t think it’s a potion or anything.” She put her hand on my shoulder and closed her eyes again.  “It’s like… I don’t know… mental or something.” She moved her hand to my forehead. “Close your eyes,” she told me.

 

I went ahead and did it.  No fucking sense in arguing with any of them right now.

 

She mumbled something else under her breath. I started to open my eyes.

 

“Closed!” She told me. 

 

“Fine, fine.” I closed my eyes again. “Just.. whatever. I don’t get…”

 

“Shh,” she said.  “Stop talking.” After a few seconds she backed up. “Okay, you can open them.”

 

“Really?” I asked the room.  “You guys aren’t planning on throwing some more shit at me or something?”

 

“Just open your eyes, Faith,” Buffy sighed. She turned to Red. “Well?”

 

Will nodded.  “Yeah.  It’s definitely in her mind.  Some type of spell. She’s still a slayer but… it’s like the slayer part is buried under something.”

 

“Under what?” I asked her.

 

“I don’t know.  I need to look into it some more.”  She thought for a moment.  “If we put you to sleep then I could…”

 

“Oh fuck to the no.  You are not putting me to sleep and going into my damn brain. You guys are way too quick to jump into each other’s minds.  Hell no.” I crossed my arms as best as I could with a fucked up hand.  I could be pissed off too.

 

“I’m not sure that you have a choice, Faith.” Giles said.  “We need you at full strength.”

 

I started to protest again, but then I saw Buffy. She had those big ass puppy dog eyes going and her lip was all stuck out.  Low fucking blow.  “Goddamn it. Just whatever. Do it.  I don’t care.”

 

She winked at me.  “Thanks,” she whispered.

 

“Yeah, whatever…” I moaned and sat down on the couch. “Just do this shit before the kid gets back.”

 

Red smiled.  “Okay! Just let me get a few things!” She squealed, running out of the room. She had way too much fun with shit like this. Ken and Giles followed her.

 

Buffy sat down beside me.  Her face was a mixture of… something. I could tell by the way she was tensed up she was worried.  Yeah… join the club. But… also, last night… she was going over that in her head too.  No doubt about it.  She’d worry and think about it for a while.  And then, when I least expected it… Bam!  That shit would come back full force and smack me upside the head.  She was really good at just sitting on shit till I had built up a false sense of security.

 

First things first though.  Somebody or something was blocking my powers. I didn’t really feel that different… just tired was all.  But I knew they were not there.  It was like I was sitting in the room naked. Especially the way everyone was acting like I was, well… fucking naked.  I flexed my hand again. “Ow!” I pulled it back in my lap. “Fuck…”

 

B raised her eyebrow at me and put her hand on my knee. “Why don’t you stop doing that?”

 

I looked at my hand. Good fucking suggestion. “Uh… I keep forgetting.  You know… like it’s gonna heal or something.” I thought about that for a second. “Jesus… this thing’s gonna be broke till we fix this shit.  How am I gonna…” I trailed off, whining.  “Damn…”

 

“How are you gonna what?” She asked me.

 

“You know… like do stuff.  I mean, when’s the last time you tried to do something one-handed? How am I gonna take a shower or… I don’t know, brush my teeth? Drive my car?” I feel back against the couch. “Oh my god, could this get any suckier?”

 

“I can help with the first two… but, your car… hey, where is your car?”  She turned to me.  “I didn’t see it this morning…”

 

Oh, Jesus Christ.  Why did I go and bring that shit up?  Fuck me sideways.  “We left it at the bar,” I whispered.

 

She nodded.  “Right.”  She turned to me, and I was sure I was about to get a big ole Buffy sized lecture, but she shook her head.  “We need to take you to the doctor…”

 

“Uh, why?” 

 

“You know, cause your hand is broken.”

 

I shook my head.  “No.  That nurse lady fixed it.  Crystal.”

 

Buffy rolled her eyes at me.  “Christy.  And she fixed it like she’d fix a slayer.  If Will can’t, you know… and stuff… then you’ll need a cast.  It won’t heal like that.”

 

I closed my eyes and groaned. “Jesus… okay, so let’s just hope that Red’s got the mojo under…”

 

“Okay,” Willow said, running into the room. “I need a few things. From the magic store in town. So we…” she motioned to her and Ken, “are gonna go into town and get them.  When we get back, we can get started and work the magic. And hopefully she’ll be all full-on slayer after.”

 

B stood up.  “We’re going with.  If Faith’s all normal girl right now, she needs to have her hand checked out. I think maybe it needs to be in a cast or something.  Isn’t that what normal people do?  Like get casts for broken things?”  She asked her.

 

I moaned.  “First of all, I’m sitting right here.  And second, I don’t wanna go to the doctor,” I whined, folding my arms across my chest.  And I bumped my hand. “Fuck!” I yelled.

 

Ken put her hand on my good arm and helped me up. “And that answered our question. Plus,” she whispered in my ear. “We gotta get your car.”

 

“I can hear you,” B said.  “And I know.  You guys can just drop us off, and I’ll drive it to the… hey, where do we go if we need like normal medical care?”

 

I left them standing there planning what to do with the “normal” girl.  I guessed Joy was getting her wish.  She wanted normal parents.  Looked like she was getting at least one.  Oh who the hell was I kidding?

 

I turned around.  “What about the kid?  Shouldn’t we be here when she gets back?”

 

Buffy nodded.  “Yeah.  I’ll just get Dawn to drop her off with us.”

 

I nodded.  I didn’t have much more to say to any of them.

 

She put her hand on my shoulder. “It’ll be okay, Faith. You know Wills will figure it out.”

 

“I know…” I didn’t finish.  I wanted to tell I was worried but I figured it would just come out like I was feeling sorry for myself.

 

She squeezed me to her.  “I still love you… even if you rolled around in someone’s perfume,” she added, squeezing harder.

 

“Uh…can’t breathe,” I choked out. Normal girl here.

 

She pulled back.  “Sorry,” she winked.

 

 Bullshit.

 

* * *

 

We pulled up outside the bar. My car was still there. Staring at us like the fucking traitor it was. 

 

B got out of the car before I could even unlatch my seatbelt.  Still one-handed... Ken reached in the backseat and helped me. 

 

“You can wipe the smirk off now,” I told her.

 

“What?” She asked innocently.

 

“Nothing,” I muttered and got out.

 

B was looking around the parking lot. Like some chick was gonna jump out and run over to me or something.  She turned around.  “How did you know about this place?”

 

I shrugged.  “We’ve driven by it like a thousand times.  How haven’t you noticed it?”

 

“I’ve seen it.  I mean how did you know it was for… you know… girls and stuff?” Her face was as red.

 

I shook my head.  “Lesbians?  You mean lesbians, Buffy?” I asked her.  “Cause that’s what it is… a lesbian bar.”

 

Red and Ken were chuckling behind me.

 

“Yeah… that.  How did you know?”

 

“Why can’t you say lesbian?”  I asked her.  She was so fucking weird sometimes.  “Cause, you are a lesbian.  Hate to break the news to you ten years after your started screwing girls and stuff.”

 

She shook her head.  “Whatever.  I don’t label.”

 

Oh my god.  It was like arguing with wood.  I would have continued the conversation but my hand felt like someone had dropped a train on it.  I looked down at it. It was turning blue way past the wrist. I had no fucking clue what I’d done to it… but shit; it looked like I’d punched through about forty walls.  

 

“Let’s just go,” I moaned.  “We can talk about this without an audience.” I motioned with my head at two women going in the bar.  “Please?”

 

Ken smiled at me.  “Have fun!”

 

Red at least felt kinda bad.  “We’ll figure it out.  Go get that hand patched up.  And I totally want to be the first one to sign your cast.  I’m gonna draw a little witch on it.”

 

“Red, if you can fix this.  I’ll let you write a novel on it.”

 

She got in the car.  “No worries.  You can trust me,” she said, before shutting the door and driving off.

 

Famous fucking last words there. 

 

B got in the driver’s seat.  See here was the thing I didn’t think of when we left… I couldn’t drive.  I mean I could drive one-handed, cause I wasn’t stupid, but I was in a shitload of pain at this point, and Buffy was looking all resolve-like.  But… B couldn’t drive with two hands.  And bumpers. The only way we were safe is if there was no one on the road, and she went the speed of a bicycle. That realization hit me when she jerked the car into drive. 

 

“Whoa, babe...” I started.  “Uh, easy on the gas.  We aren’t racing anyone.” I was trying to be light about it. Truth was my life was flashing through my mind.  I was way too young to die. And lacking the slayer strength and all… she could walk out of this shit with a mild concussion. I’d probably break into a million pieces or something.

 

“It’s fine, Faith" she said, turning to me. “I know what I’m doing.” She was fiddling with her phone, trying to find the address for the doctor.  She’d already called D and told her to meet us there.

 

Fuck! “Look at the road, Buffy. Jesus!” I jerked her phone out of her hand.  “Do not look back over here at me.”

 

She stuck out her lip but turned back to the road. Thank Jesus.  “I’m gonna ignore your crankiness cause you’ve had a crappy morning,” she muttered, turning the steering wheel like she was steering a cruise liner.

 

I made a mental note.  I was teaching her how to drive if it killed me. Now I just had to talk Giles into buying me a few expendable cars.  Cause, once we got home… no way in fuck she was getting behind the wheel of my car again.

 

“Maybe I should call Ken, see if she could drive us home?” I ventured.

 

She started to turn and look at me again. “What? You don’t trust…”

 

“Buffy! Holy shit! Do not look at me! Look at the road!” My heart was beating faster than her speedometer.

 

We swerved back into the lane we were supposed to fucking be in.  Oh my god, we were gonna die. How the hell were we gonna get Joy home? No way she was riding in the car with Buffy… I’d just drive one-handed.  Fuck it. I was glad I brought the automatic out last night. No fucking way we’d have gotten home in our other car.

 

* * *

 

After giving B directions twelve thousand times, and backing up and turning around in the middle of the goddamn road way more times than was necessary… we finally found the doctor’s.  I jerked the door open with my good hand and almost fell out. Holy shit… I was real close to kissing the damn asphalt at this point. 

 

Dawn and Xander were already there. Joy was sitting with Dawn on the trunk of the car. 

 

Xander looked at me sideways. “Have you lost your mind?”

 

I rolled my eyes.  “Apparently.” I walked up to him and whispered in his ear. “You guys have gotta stay here with us or something.  No way in hell she’s driving us home.”

 

He nodded.  “I will.” He shook his head.  “Will called us when they dropped you off.  Apparently she and Kennedy had the same epiphany.”

 

“Yeah, maybe they saw all the pedestrians jumping out of the street at breakneck speeds.”

 

B had told them what was up with the slay powers and shit.  “You okay?”

 

I nodded.  “I’m fine.  Not in full-on freak the fuck out mode yet.” I looked back at my car and then at Joy. “But, we gotta get back in there… I’ll be close if I have to ride with her again.”

 

He smiled cause he totally understood.

 

Joy hopped down and came running over. She stared at my hand. “That’s really gross.”

 

“Thanks.” I told her. 

 

“What happened to your powers?” She asked me. She was rubbing my other arm. Trying to comfort me and shit.

 

I looked over at B.  She shrugged like ‘what?’  I shook my head at her.  Dumbass. “Well, we don’t know. Your aunt Will’s trying to figure it out though.  But your momma thinks I should at least get my hand checked out.”

 

She scrunched up her nose. She lifted her hand to touch it and then, unlike her mother mind you, she put it back down. “Is it supposed to be that color?”

 

I followed her gaze.  The bruise was definitely coming out of the bandages. “Yeah…uh no.  Nothing is supposed to be that color on your body.”

 

We walked inside.  Dawn and Xander followed us.  I was silently thanking them with my eyes.  We sat down while B checked us in or whatever. 

 

J leaned over. “What makes it blue like that?”

 

Dawn leaned over too and looked at it. “Blood.  Under the surface.”

 

Joy looked horrified. 

 

I moved it to my lap.  Way to freak out my kid, Dawnie.  “It’s fine,” I told her.  “It’ll heal.”

 

“Does it hurt real bad?” She asked me.

 

Like a motherfucker, I wanted to say. But pretty sure Buff would knock me sideways.  “Uh… a little. It’s okay though.”

 

She kept staring at it.  She seemed fascinated.  I guessed it was because she’d never seen anyone really injured like this. We healed super fast. I mean of course she’d seen bruises and stuff… but my hand looked like it had been through a meat grinder. That and the fact I was wincing in constant pain, probably was scaring her.  I put my good arm around her.  “It’s fine, baby.  They’ll fix it right up.”

 

She nodded, still staring at it. She obviously didn’t believe me.

 

Before Buffy could sit down, the nurse came through and called my name.  “Ms. Lehane?”

 

“Mrs.” Buffy corrected.  “It’s Summers-Lehane,” she added. 

 

The nurse nodded, like what the hell ever and held the door open for us.

 

Joy ran up to us.  “Can I go? Please?”  She asked the nurse.

 

“Sure,” she said.  She looked at me.  “I mean, if you don’t mind?”

 

“It’s fine,” I told her.  I turned to Xander.

 

“Not going anywhere.  Just gonna read two year old magazines.  Promise,” he said, holding up the old Scout’s honor sign.

 

‘Thanks,’ I mouthed. 

 

* * *

 

When we got back to the tiny little room the nurse motioned for me to get on the table.  I looked down… this table had stirrups. What the fuck?  Let me go on record here and say how much I hated doctors. And hospitals. And all things medical… just wanted to remind you. 

 

“Let’s get the bandages off and have a look,” the nurse said.  She started unwrapping them. And that fucking hurt…

 

I jerked my arm back.  “You know what?  I’ll do it,” I told her. 

 

I unwrapped my hand. It was definitely blue. It was also swollen about twice the size of my other one and twisted at a weird angle that was anything but normal. So at least that was ironic.

 

 She furrowed her brows.  “Well, it’s definitely broken,” she frowned.  “But whoever treated it, did a great job with irrigation, so we can at least skip that part.”

 

Good, I thought.  Cause whatever it was, it sounded real fucking painful.

 

She patted me on the knee.  “We'll get a few x-rays.  See which bones are broken and then the doctor will come in and splint and cast it.  You may have to see a specialist.  It’s not your dominant hand, is it?” 

 

I shook my head. The nurse back at the castle had taken my wedding ring off as soon as it happened.  I just realized how glad I was.

 

Joy was watching the nurse like she was watching a movie.

 

“Good.  It’ll be difficult to do some things for a while, but I’m sure your…” she looked at Buffy. “Wife?”

 

I nodded. B smiled at her and then turned to me.  "Where's your wedding ring?"

 

"Pocket," I mumbled.

 

She nodded stuck her hand in and pulled it out. She stuck it on my other hand.  "Let's just keep that where everyone can see it."  Cause - priorities. 

 

“Right. Your wife will help you.  And your daughter.  You look like you’re a big help,” she said, smiling at Joy.

 

Joy shrugged.  “Sometimes.”

 

She smiled back.  “Well, sometimes is better than never,” she winked at her.

 

J nodded her head all sagely, like she understood. What the fuck? Could we not just get this over with?  

 

* * *

After the x-rays (which were not fucking fun) the doctor came into the room.  He introduced himself and sat down in front of me.  “How’d you do this?”

 

I looked at Buffy.  “Uhh…I hit…”

 

Buffy rolled her eyes.  “She hit a wall.  Literally.”

 

He nodded his head.  Maybe he saw shit like this all the time. He took my hand and started moving it.

 

I tried to jerk it back.  “Ow!” I would have fucking hit him if my kid hadn’t been in the room.

 

He shook his head and held it tighter. “Sorry.  Have to do this.”

 

He fumbled with it for a minute. I closed my eyes cause it was way fucking easier than watching.  I could honestly feel tears welling.  From fucking pain.  Weird thing about being strong for so many years and then losing it… pain is not fun. I mean I’d been in pain before but… shit… this was different.  This was how normal people fucking felt.  I squeezed my eyes shut.

 

They had me lay back while they casted it. He finally gave me a fucking shot or ten, I don’t know… but it numbed it.  Somewhat.  It still hurt and I still had tears welling. 

  
B asked the nurse to take Joy back to the waiting room. She came over and took my other hand and rubbed my forehead.  “It’ll be over soon,” she whispered.  “Promise. Uh… then you can have ice cream.” I nodded and turned my head away from her.  It’s what she told Joy when they gave her a shot or something. 

 

After about three or four fucking days, the doctor finished.  “All good,” he told Buffy. He gave her instructions and stuff… I don’t know.  Cause the last shot they gave me was full of some kind of pain medication.  And it was the best reason I’d left the house today. 

 

My hand still hurt but… I gave less than a fuck. Another epiphany I’d had… pain medication does some weird ass shit to people who don’t have super filters in their body.  Case in point… I almost fell down when I stood up.

 

“Whoa… okay, steady there, drunk girl,” B said, grabbing me.

 

“S’all good,” I smiled at her.

 

* * *

 

She led me out to the waiting room. Dawn had left, but Xander was still there with Joy.  He stayed to drive us home.

 

“I can drive,” I told him.  “Way better than Buffy.”  I think I was slurring.

 

He nodded at me.  “I bet you can. Even high… but, I think I got it.”

 

“What’s high?” Joy asked.  She turned to B.  “What’s wrong with her? That’s a cool cast,” she added.

 

“They gave her medicine.  It made her stupid.  Don’t worry, it’ll wear off.”  She told her.

 

She helped me out to the car. Pretty sure if we weren’t in public, she’d have just carried me.  My legs felt like they didn’t have knees or some shit.  “Just carry me,” I mumbled.

 

“Uh, I would, but… I think that’d freak everyone out.”

 

“So… I can’t walk.  And I’m tired.  Are we at home?  When are we getting home? Do you know they gave me a shot? Are you driving? Don’t drive.  You can’t drive.” I started giggling.  “You drive like a drunk four year old.”

 

“Oh my god, you walk like a drunk four year old.” She opened the back door.  “Get in.”

 

I shuffled inside.  “Are you sitting with me?” I leered at her. “In the back?  With me?  You know, like we used to?”

 

She shook her head.  “We never… what are you talking about?”  She turned to Joy.  “Get in.” She reached in and buckled my seatbelt.  “You know Joy has to ride in the back, doofus.  You’re just loopy.  You’ll be fine in a few hours.”

 

Joy got in the back and turned to me. She was watching me like I was an alien or something.  “What’s wrong with her, Momma?”

 

B turned around.  “It’s just the medicine.  She’ll be fine.”

 

Joy turned to me again.  “Okay,” she said watching me.  “Her eyes are all funny.”  She looked at the cast.  “But your cast is pretty…”

 

What the fuck was she talking about? My cast was pretty… aw fuck… it was pink.  “Buffy, are you fucking serious?  What the hell is wrong with you?”

 

“Oh my god… language!  And I don’t know… I told them whatever.  You weren’t offering up any suggestions what with the closed eyes and stuff.”

 

Xander was laughing.  “Oh, you win, Buffster.  You totally win.  That is the best thing I’ve seen all week.”

 

“Laugh it up, jackass,” I muttered.

 

“Faith… language.  Stop staying stuff like that in front of her.”

 

Joy started giggling.  “I think she’s funny.”

 

I leaned over and kissed her forehead. “Thank you,” I told her.

 

She put her hands on the side of my face and looked me in the eyes.  The she nuzzled my nose with hers.  “Glad you feel better, Mom.”

 

I kissed her nose.  “I fucking love you,” I told her.

 

She giggled beside me.

 

B rolled her eyes and turned around. “Please shut up. You are traumatizing our daughter. Just go to sleep,” she moaned, rubbing her forehead.

 

I moved my mouth while she was talking. Mocking her. We did that a lot when Buffy wasn’t watching.  She could talk your goddamn ears off if we got her started.

 

Joy giggled and patted my leg. “Go to sleep, Mom. I’ll wake you up when we get back.”

 

I laid my head back.  “Okay, but… only cause you told me to,” I said, closing my eyes.

 

 


	6. Into the Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, a brief mention of past abuse. Nothing graphic or anything cause I'm not sick.

Chapter 6

 

I must’ve fallen asleep when we left the doctor’s. Cause I woke up back at the castle. I could feel B leaning over from the front seat, trying to undo my seatbelt.  “Faith, baby… wake up.  We’re home.”

 

I tried to open my eyes.  They weighed more than a small child.  “Ugh.  What the fuck did they give me, B?” I moaned.

 

She groaned.  “Please, baby.  Stop saying that word around her. You’re killing me here.” I heard the seatbelt click. “There.” She smiled at me. “Can you get out?”

 

I nodded.  “I still have one good hand,” I muttered, trying to open the door. “Even if I’m not…” I trailed off. I couldn’t believe I had lost my fucking strength.  I was pretty much nothing if I wasn’t a slayer.  I closed my eyes again.  I felt like crying like a baby.

 

She jumped out and opened my door. “Oh no.  No way.  No crying. It’s just the medicine.” She helped me out of the car. 

 

Joy ran up and took Buffy’s things. “Maybe you should just carry her?”

 

I shook my head.  “I’m good.  It’s not like I broke my legs or anything.” I stood up, and almost fell over.

 

Buffy caught me.  “Yep, good idea,” she told her, picking me up.

 

“Buffy, fuck… put me down.  Seriously.” I was whining. 

 

“Stop wiggling.  I’m just carrying you into the library.”  She sighed. 

 

I closed my eyes.  I didn’t want to say it, but… my legs still felt like jelly. “Just don’t let Ken see.”

 

“Too late,” I heard her say from the doorway. “I already see.”

 

“Ugh,” I muttered.  I finally wiggled out of her arms.  “I can walk.  See? Look at me… walking like I still have legs.  Crazy huh?” I said, running smack into the side of the door.

 

“Yeah, you’re a regular expert at that,” Dawn said from inside.

 

Kennedy was laughing.  “You’re high.  That is so awesome.” She stopped suddenly when I finally stumbled in. “And your cast… oh god… whoever did that wins badass of the year.”

 

B held up her hand.  “That’d be me,” she told her like she’d just won the fucking lottery.  Whatever.

 

Joy took my hand.  “Come sit down, Mom.” We left them standing in the foyer.

 

“Thanks,” I smiled at her.  “I don’t want to be the butt of anybody’s jokes but yours.”

 

* * *

 

She led me to the couch and sat down beside me. “I wouldn’t make fun of you. I think it’s sad.” She frowned. “Do you hurt?”

 

I looked at my hand.  Yeah, it did still fucking hurt.  “No, not too bad.”

 

She watched my face.  “You’re a bad liar.  Like momma says.” She put her hand on my arm.  “I’m sorry that your…” she looked down at her hands.  “It’s my fault…”

 

I turned to her.  We were back to room spinning mode.  I put my other hand on my forehead so my eyes would stop jerking. “What’s your fault?”

 

“That you got hurt…” she was whispering. Normally I could hear her just fine, but… well, lacking powers and all… I had to bend down and listen.

 

“Your fault?”  I pulled her to me.  “What’s your fault?”  I held up my hand. “This?  This is not your fault, babe. It was my fault. All mine.”

 

She shook her head.  “No.  I said I wished you were normal.  And you hit stuff all the time.  And you never get hurt. And then when I said that… now you got hurt.  And you don’t have your powers and stuff.  That’s my fault.” She was frowning. “I’m sorry I said that.  I didn’t mean it.  I don’t want you to get hurt.” She looked like she was going to cry.  She crawled into my lap.

 

I laid her head on my chest and hugged her. “I’m fine, baby. We’re gonna fix it. And you didn’t do anything. Okay?”  She didn’t move.  “Okay? It’s not because you wished it or whatever… it has nothing to do with you.  Do you hear me?” I asked her again.

 

She nodded against my chest.  I could feel her crying.  “I’m still sorry…” she whispered again.

 

“Seriously, baby.  I’m all good.  And I got this awesome pink cast out of the deal.” I looked down at it.  Hot fucking pink.  B was an ass.

 

She sniffled.  “Okay…”

 

Buffy came into the room then, carrying a glass of water and some pills.  “The doctor gave me these.  You’ve gotta take them…” she stopped when she saw us.  “What’s wrong?”  Her face went from amused to alarmed pretty quickly.

 

I put my chin on Joy’s forehead. “She thinks this is because she wished we were normal,” I whispered.  “But I told her it wasn’t,” I said pointedly.

 

B sat the water down beside me. “Of course not,” she told her, bending down in front of us.  “This has nothing do with you.”

 

“I’ve been having those bad dreams. About that man Mom knows. He’s trying to hurt her. If I did what he said, he wouldn’t…”

 

“NO!” Buffy and I both yelled.

 

“It’s not you.  And you can’t do what he says.  You’re right about him.  Run from him,” Buffy told her.

 

I made eye contact with her.  “It’s okay, baby,” I told Joy, pulling her tighter. “This isn’t anyone’s fault. It’s just kind of the way it is… being a slayer.”

 

She sat back and looked at me. She wiped her eyes. “You’re not mad?”

 

I scrunched my nose at her.  “Do I look mad?”

 

She smiled slightly.  “No…” she hesitated.  “But, what if Aunt Willow can’t fix it?”

 

I closed my eyes.  It was a valid question.  I didn’t have a good answer for her.

 

Buffy sat down beside us.  “Honey, Faith’s powers are still there.  They haven’t gone anywhere.  Something’s just blocking them.  We just have to figure out what it is.”

 

She nodded at Buffy.  “Okay.” She put her arm around my neck. “I’ll protect you if something bad happens.”

 

I kissed her cheek.  “Sounds good to me.”  I loved when she was sweet.  And truth be told, she probably could protect me right now… at least better than I could protect myself. 

 

She hopped down and scooped up the pills B brought me. “Here, take these.” She said, handing them to me.  “And… drink the whole glass of water.  Cause water is good for you.”

 

“Yes mam,” I said, taking them from her. I drank the water after I swallowed them.  “Better?”

 

She patted me on the head.  “Yep.  You’ll get all better.” She looked at my arm.  “Can I draw a picture on that?”

 

“Sure,” B and I both said.

 

She clapped her hands together. “Okay!  Let me go get my markers!” She ran out.

* * *

 

Buffy put her hand on my shoulder. “You okay, baby?”

 

“Yeah,” I leaned back.  “Still feel sorta woozy.”

 

She pulled me to her and laid my head on her shoulder. “You’ll probably feel that way for a while.” She kissed the side of my head.  “You’re a good mom. You know that?”

 

“Mmm hmm,” I mumbled against her. “In between the being a dumbass mom,” I added.

 

She chuckled.  “No.  You’ve been a dumbass wife some.  And a dumbass slayer. But never… never a dumbass mom. I hope you know that. She’s lucky to have you.”

 

“You too,” I muttered.  “I love B…” Pain meds.  Must have been one of the pills she gave me, I guessed.  “I love Buffy.  I’m getting a tattoo that says I Heart Buffy.  Right here,” I pointed to my upper arm.  “With your picture.” I thought for a moment.  “Naked.”

 

She giggled.  “Uh… no you’re not.”

 

“Okay then... maybe if you just take a naked picture with my phone or something… I could like look at it and stuff.” I tried. 

 

She rolled her eyes. “We’ll see…”

 

Oh holy shit.  She sounded serious.  “Oh my god, Buffy.  Seriously?  Cause if you do…” I shook my head.  Everything was dark. “I’d be willing to do stuff for you. You know… like shit I don’t like. Clean and stuff.”

 

She smiled at me.  “If I knew that a naked picture of me would get you do chores, I would have already had a calendar made.”

 

I giggled.  “A calendar.  All Buffy, all year. I could sell those. Seriously, I know two or three assholes who’d pay good money for them.”

 

She play hit me.  “Only two or three?  I’d say at least thirty people.  I didn’t know you thought so low of me.”

 

I snuggled into her.  I was sleepy.  “Nope. No one gets to see the girls but me. Even without slayer power I’d kill them. I’d just have to be more creative about it.”

 

“Go to sleep, goofball.  No one sees them but you.” She looked down at me. “Same here, by the way. Anyone sees your… your girls… and well, I still have slayer powers.  And I’m way too cute to go to jail…”

 

I snuggled into her and fell asleep. Next thing I knew…

 

* * *

 

…Fuck.  I knew this place.  I was in a warehouse. Back in Boston. I looked around. I couldn’t fucking believe this. Jesus Christ…

 

“Mom…” I heard a whisper behind me.

 

I jumped.  “Joy! Jesus… what are you doing here? Are you sleeping?”

 

She nodded and wrapped her hand around my leg. “I was playing… in the hallway. I must’ve fallen asleep.” She buried her head against me.  “I don’t like this place.”

 

“It’s okay,” I whispered.  I bent down and scooped her up.  Wasn’t sure if I had any power here or not. But, I didn’t have a broken hand… so at least that was something.  “You think you can wake up?” I whispered in her ear. “Cause you kind of need to.”

 

She shook her head against me. “No.  I tried.  But then you came… I don’t like it here,” she told me again.

 

Two vamps walked in then.  They didn’t see us.  “I don’t think they can see us, babe.” I whispered.

 

She nodded.  “They can’t,” she turned and looked to my left.  “But he can.”

 

I followed her gaze.  Fuck…

 

“Hello, Fathie,” he said.  “You’re looking well. And don’t worry… she’s right… they can’t see you.  This is just for show.”

 

“You look good for a dead guy,” I muttered. “What the fuck are you doing?”

 

“Language, Faith.  Language.  You don’t want her learning those words, now do you?”  He put his hand on my shoulder.  “Such a pretty little thing.  Looks just like you.”

 

I shuddered and backed away from him. “Please stay away from her. Please…” I was pleading. I looked around the room. I knew what was coming. This was where…where my watcher died. She couldn’t see that. “She can’t see this,” I muttered.

 

The mayor nodded at me.  “Normally, I’d agree.  But… things are happening.  She needs to know the real you.”

 

Joy buried her head in my neck. “Keep your eyes closed,” I whispered against her ear.  “Don’t open them. Okay?  Not for anything. And try to wake up.  Please try.”

 

She nodded against my neck.  “Okay, Mom.”

 

I prayed to whoever was listening that she chose to obey me this once.  She wrapped her arms around my neck and kept her face hidden.  “Good girl,” I kissed her head.

 

“She’s a smart little cookie, isn’t she? Gets that from you, I’ve gathered. You were always a lot smarter than you gave yourself credit for.”  He was smiling at me.

 

I backed up some more.  I could hear scuffling outside the room we were in. Fuck fuck fuck… we needed to get the fuck out of here. Before… fuck.  “Please tell me why you’re doing this?” I asked him.  My voice was way too high.  I was close to terrified.  “Don’t let her see this… if you ever cared about me… please.” I was begging.

 

He was watching my face.  He nodded.  “If that’s what you think you need,” he snapped his fingers.  We were suddenly in a hospital.  “Better?” He asked.

 

I turned around.  I was rubbing J’s back.  “Don’t open your eyes, okay?”

 

She nodded.  “Okay.  I’m not.”

 

We were in my old hospital room, in Sunnydale. I was lying in the bed… obviously still in a coma.  Well, younger me anyway.

 

“This isn’t better,” I told him. “Why are you doing this?”

 

“Joy,” he said to her.  “Do you see your mommy there?  Lying in that bed?  That’s what your other… mother,” he spat the word out. “did to her. She tried to kill my Faithie. Did you know that?”

 

Joy moved away from my neck before I could stop her. “Oh…” she said quietly. She wiggled out of my grasp. Cause why the hell would she listen to me?

 

I went to grab her but she was too fast.

 

She ran over to the bed. “What’s wrong with her?” She touched my… or her… whatever… hand.  “Is she hurt?”

 

I grabbed her and pulled her to me.  I buried her head against my stomach.  “Nothing. She’s fine.”

 

She pulled away.  “Did Momma do this? To you?”  She was staring open-mouthed.  “You look so sad.”

 

I groaned.  Why was she so fucking obstinate?  “Come here.  Don’t make me say it again.”

 

She relented and put her arm around my waist.

 

“Your mother hurt Faithie.  She stabbed her.  Right here,” he motioned to his own stomach.  “And do you know why, Joy?  To save a vampire. A dirty old vampire. She was going to feed your Mom to him. Isn’t that just awful? But Faithie here, she had another idea. So she had to jump off a building to keep the other slayer from killing her.” He walked over and rubbed Coma Faith’s head. “She was always so strong. I knew she’d wake up one day.”

 

“Stop talking,” I told him.  “Just stop fucking talking.  Why the hell do you talk so much?  You’re dead.  Just, just… stay dead.”

 

He shook his head.  “Oh my, that potty mouth.  Your daughter needs guidance, Faith.  Not dirty words.” He tried to touch her but I blocked him.  He smiled at me “I need something from you. From both of you…”

 

“What?”  If he thought either one of us was helping him, he wasn’t just dead… he was stupid.

 

“It’s not time.  Not yet.” He looked at the clock on the while.  “But, time is ticking.  Always ticking.  And until you agree to help the one person that really loved you.” He walked over to me. “The real you… Joy and I will continue to partake in your colorful past.” He snapped his fingers again.

 

We were in a jail cell.  Goddamn it.  My old jail cell.  I wasn’t in there. “Please stop…” I was still begging. “Just…”

 

“Where are we?” Joy asked. 

 

“No where.” I didn’t know what was going on… in the prison.  Could be any fucking number of things.  None of which an eight year old should ever see.  “No eyes. I mean it.”

 

He smiled at me.  “Just think about it…” he said before disappearing.

 

“Hey!” I yelled.

 

“Oh, you can wake up now,” I heard.

 

* * *

 

…“I know it sounds strange, Buffy, but I don’t know what else to tell you…” Red was talking.  “She’s doing it.  I don’t know how or why, but it’s her.”

 

I opened my eyes.  My hand still felt like a house had fell on it.  Fuck me.  Where’s Joy!?!” I asked B.  She was holding my head in her lap.  I tried to sit up.

 

“Umm… in the hallway… she’s playing,” she said. “Why?”

 

I moved to sit up.  “Whoa,” I said grabbing my head.  “Ken, go get her.  Now! Please!”

 

Ken ran out.

 

Buffy helped me.  “What’s wrong, Faith? You’re scaring me.”

 

“She fell asleep.  When I did.  We…” I trailed off. 

 

Joy ran in with Ken.  “Mom!” She yelled, running over to me.  She looked terrified.

 

“Oh my god!  Are you okay, baby?  What happened?” B was starting to panic.

 

Joy nodded.  “We saw…” she looked at me.  She wasn’t sure if she should say anything or not.  She crawled into my lap and buried her head against my neck.

 

I wrapped my unbroken hand around her. Buffy was rubbing her back.

 

“What was it?” Red asked.  “What did you see?”

 

Joy shook her head.  “I didn’t mean to fall asleep, Mommy,” she told Buffy. “I was sleepy. I’m sorry.”

 

Buffy took her out of my lap. “It’s okay, baby. You didn’t do anything wrong.” She was staring at me.  “Were you there? With her?”  She was holding her to her chest.  Good thing the kid was a slayer.  She’d be crushed otherwise.

 

I nodded.  “Yeah. I… uh… he’s got a line on my past. A major one.  He can just randomly pop into any memory I have apparently. Even things I don’t remember,” I added.

 

“Like what?” B asked.

 

“Coma.  Sunnydale one.  That’s one of the places.” I groaned. “He’s got some sort of plan,” I told them.  “Something he needs us for. He didn’t say what but he did say times ticking or something.” 

 

“Where else did he take you?” Ken asked.

 

“To the warehouse.  Where my watcher…” I looked at Buffy.  “We left before.  But… I… it was too close for comfort.  No way she can see that.  No way anyone should ever see that,” I muttered.  “And prison,” I added.  “But she didn’t see anything there either.”

 

“But she did see you in a coma…” B stated. “I… how is this happening?” She asked Willow.  She was panicking.

 

“I don’t know, Buffy.  We need to do the spell.  The one to keep her from dreaming.  At least until we figure out what he wants.”

 

Buffy nodded.  “Do what you have to do.”

 

Joy pulled back from Buffy.  “Why did you really stab Mom?”

 

“Huh?” B asked her.  Fuck me sideways.  I wanted to kill him.

 

“He said it was so you could feed her to a vampire. Is that why?”  She was studying B’s face.

 

Buffy opened and closed her mouth a few times.

 

“No!” I said, a little too forcefully. “We’ve already been through this. He’s lying to you.”

 

She shook her head.  “I don’t think he is.”

 

Red interrupted.  “There’s something else…” she started, looking at me. “… your powers… uh… well, you’re kind of blocking them yourself.”

 

“Excuse me?” I asked her.  “How the hell would I put a spell on myself?”

 

She shook her head again.  “It’s not that simple, Faith.  I think… I think the guilt of everything.  Joy’s dreams and then… well what she’s seen has caused some sort of… mystical block.  Maybe brought on through guilt,” she whispered.  “Maybe the mayor has something to do with it.  It is mystical, but… it’s you.  You’re the one that’s causing it. And… I can’t do anything until… until you know why you’re doing it.”

 

“Great,” I told her.  “How the hell am I supposed to know that?”

 

She frowned.  “I think you’re gonna have to deal with some things.” She shrugged. “I know you don’t want to and stuff… but… there’s something going on…” I could tell she was nervous.

 

Ken took pity on her.  “Look Faith, maybe you need to talk about it. Tell Buffy or something. Get some of this… whatever it is, outta your system.  Will thinks if they hypnotize you… then you’d be able to see what’s causing it.”

 

I closed my eyes.  “Great.  Just fucking wonderful.”

 

“Mouth, Faith…” B mumbled.

 

“Fine.  Let’s just do it and get it over with.”

 

“Can I watch?” Joy asked.

 

“No.  Not gonna happen.” I told her.  I had no idea what would happen.  What I would say.

 

“Please?” She begged. “ I just want to see how she does it.  Then I’ll leave. I promise.”

 

 _How she does it_.  She wanted to see how Red did it so she could do it.  That kid would be hypnotizing us every other second if she could figure out how. No way in hell. I shook my head at Buffy.

 

“Not this time,” B told her.  “Sorry.”

 

What the hell?  When did we start apologizing for shit?  She’d be fine.  She didn’t need to know how to hypnotize me.  Next thing we knew, she’d have a damn pony or some shit.  She was sketchy enough without that extra power.

 

“Whatever,” Joy said, getting up. “I’m going to find Dawn.” She ran out. I attributed her lack of attention span to Buffy in times like these.

 

* * *

 

When she was gone, Red turned to us. “So, okay… once you two are good and sleepy, then you’ll probably…”

 

I held up my hand.  “Wait.  Hold up… what do you mean, you two?”

 

She looked at B. “Uhh you... and Buffy. She’s going with you.”

 

I shook my head.  “No she’s not. You didn’t say that.” I turned to B.  “She didn’t say that.”

 

Buffy crossed her arms.  “Faith… please.  Just let her do what she’s gotta do, okay?” She was pouting.

 

“No.  I don’t want you to go.  What if… no. That’s a big fat fucking no,” I said, mirroring her movements.

 

“It won’t work.  Not if she doesn’t go.”

 

I shook my head.  “Let Ken go… Anybody.  Just not B.”

 

Kennedy shook her head.  “No, asswipe.  I can’t go. We aren’t… you know… connected and shit. Will you just let Will do her thing? Stop being so damn proud all the time.”

 

“Screw you,” I told her.  “This isn’t about pride.”

 

B turned to me.  She looked sad.  “What’s it about then? Please don’t do this. We’ve got to figure something out before tonight.  We can’t…” She trailed off. She was queen of the low blows today. She knew if she brought up Joy, I’d relent.

 

“Holy fuck… fine.” I waved my hand at Red. “Do your shit. But no one sees the shit but the two of you…”

 

“Don’t worry, protecto.  No one comes in or out.” Ken smiled.

 

Willow smiled at me.  “Okay.  Hold hands.”

 

B grabbed my hand.  She smiled over at me.  I scowled back.

 

“Right.  Good. Now… close your eyes.” She moved closer. “You’re gonna get sleepy. Don’t fight it,” she said, touching my forehead.  I figured she was touching B’s as well.

 

I thought she was like gonna swing some watch on a string in front of our face.  I tended to forget she could just mouth a few words and…

 

* * *

 

I opened my eyes tentatively.

 

“Faith,” I felt B whisper beside me. “You okay?”

 

“Yeah,” I looked around the room. Fuck.

 

“Uh… do you know where we are?” She was still holding my hand. She squeezed it lightly.

 

I saw the body before she did. The body of my first watcher. We were right back where Joy and I had gone earlier.  I turned around and looked for the mayor. 

 

Buffy put her hand over mouth. “Oh my god… that’s… is that?”

 

“Yeah,” I whispered. 

 

There was a struggle in the corner. It was me.  Fighting with two vamps. 

 

“No!” I was screaming.  I jerked out of their grasp. 

 

“Oh my god! We need to help her. Uh… you,” Buffy said. She tried to pull away from me.

 

“Save it, B…” I couldn’t stop staring at what was left of the body on the floor. Jesus Christ, the things he did to her. Buffy… no one should ever see that.

 

She watched “other me” punch the vamp on the left. My alter ego ran out screaming.

 

“Where’s she going?” Buffy whispered.

 

“Sunnydale,” I muttered.  “I’m running.”

 

“Oh…” she looked over at my watcher again. “My god… did you watch that? What they… what they did to her?”

 

“Yeah. I couldn’t… I mean, I tried…” I wanted to cry. “It was horrible.”

 

Buffy nodded.  She put her arm around me.  “Okay, okay. So… this is something. Right?”

 

“Yeah, something.”

 

The floor shifted under our feet. Great.  Now where the fuck were we? 

 

* * *

 

We were standing outside.  It was daytime.  At least there were no vamps… I squinted.  My motel room. Never thought I’d have to see this shithole again.

 

“Hey… we’re in Sunnydale.” Buffy said. She let go of my hand. “The motel.  Let’s go in.”

 

I pulled her back to me.  “Wait.  I don’t know what this is…”

 

“It’s Sunnydale, doofus.” She seemed sorta wistful.

 

“I know that.  I’m just saying… I don’t know when.  Still my mind, remember?”  I told her.

 

She ignored me, because that’s what she fucking does, and moved to the door.  Her hand went through it.  “Cool… we’re like ghosts or something,” she squealed, walking through.

 

Why couldn’t she fucking listen to me?  I followed her inside. 

 

Other Me wasn’t in there.

 

“Where are you?” Buffy asked.

 

I shrugged.  “I don’t know.” I looked at the clock on the nightstand.  “It’s getting late.  Maybe I went out to slay or something.  You know… catch the vamps before they woke up.  I used to troll the cemeteries while it was still daylight. Looking for new graves and stuff…”

 

“Maybe…” she said.  “Wonder why we’re here?”  She was looking around the room.  Sad like. Yeah, the place was as dumpy as I remembered it. 

 

I didn’t see anything that could tell me why I was here.  Or why now. And then we heard someone outside the door.

 

“Mmph,” Stupid Past Me mumbled from the doorway. “Give me a second…”

 

Oh mother of fuck…”Okie doke, Buff. Seen enough here.” I closed my eyes really hard and grabbed her hand.  “Let’s go.” I was blinking like crazy.  “Yep. Time to go."

 

She jerked away from me.  “Stop, dork…” She said.  The door flung open.  “Oh… oh!” She threw her hand over her mouth.

 

Cause there I was… in all my former glory, sucking face with a hot little number I’d picked up over at Willy’s. “Clothes off.  Now.” My Dumbass Younger self said.

 

The girl grunted and complied. “You’re rough.”

 

“No talking,” Other Me mumbled.

 

I slid down the wall.  “B, we totally need to go.”  I knew what was gonna happen.  I mean… yeah, I was gonna fuck this chick.  And that was gonna set my marriage back like five decades, but… it was after. Fuck.  I stood up.  “Please.”

 

Buffy, for her part, was watching with a look of fascination and full-on horror.  She wasn’t even moving. 

 

I grabbed her arm.  “Buffy, seriously.”  I started closing my eyes again.  “Gotta go,” I was saying under my breath.  I opened them.  Fuck me… God damn it. “Fuck,” I groaned out loud. I turned to Buffy.  She was still watching the Other Me.  Yeah… I’ll spare the details here.  But let’s just say… I was a little wild back in the day. “Buffy?”

 

She didn’t even acknowledge that I was talking to her. Her eyes were as big as I’d ever seen them.  I tried to put myself in her shoes.  If this was her… with Satsu or… oh shit, okay… not going in her shoes. 

 

“Yeah.  So I’m just gonna sit down,” I mumbled to her.  There was no way I could look at that bed.  But Jesus Christ, I could hear the shit.  Damn the neighbors in this joint must have hated me.

 

And then, “Oh god, oh god… Buffy…” And that was fucking why we were here.  Cause my former self called B’s goddamn name out when she…I… whatever… 

 

“Oh my god!” The girl squealed. “Who’s Buffy?”

 

I watched myself pick the girl’s clothes up. And haul them out of the room. “Get the fuck out,” I mumbled.

 

“Wait!” The girl screamed.  “I’m not even…”

 

The door slammed in her face.

 

See here’s where it got interesting. And possibly why my fucked up mind had brought us back here… Fuck me.  The first thing younger me did was pick up the television. I hurled it across the room. It shattered like glass. I managed to pick up, in the next few minutes, every piece of goddamn furniture in the room and rip it to pieces.  The only sound in there was shit shattering and me grunting.  And then she/me turned and went into the bathroom. 

 

B moved to follow her.

 

“I think I’ll sit this one out,” I muttered to her.

 

She ignored me.  But I knew what she was seeing.  She was seeing me break.  She was seeing me two days after Gwendolyn Post.  Two days after I realized where I fucking stood in all of their lives. And I was lying in that bathroom, on the floor, naked. 

 

The first thing I did when I got in there… cut my arm. There were shards of glass everywhere and the first time, it was an accident.  But it felt fucking great… so I didn’t stop.  I sliced myself… and then I watched it heal.  And then I did it all over again.  Once I finished… the bathroom was covered in blood. I lay on the floor then, like a baby… or more like a wounded animal and I lost it.  I cried.  I couldn’t stop crying. I cried for two hours. I’d never ever cried that much… that hard. I cried that night until I lost my voice.

 

And I knew Buffy was seeing all of that. That was one of my lowest points. I kept closing my eyes. I wanted to put my hands over my ears; cause I could still hear the sobs… but I figured it wouldn’t do any good.

 

Buffy finally walked out.  I didn’t know how long it was. Time was passing differently. I did remember falling asleep on that floor and waking up the next morning covered in blood. So I guess I’d finally stopped cutting myself in there. 

 

B was white as a ghost.  She was sorta staring blankly.  Like past me or something.  I grabbed her hand.  “Let’s get the fuck out of here, please.”

 

She nodded.  “Yeah,” she finally mumbled. She was shaking.

* * *

 

I wanted to say something, but fuck if I knew what… I just closed my eyes and willed us the fuck out of there. When I opened them we were in a cell. The SHU.  Fucking A.

 

“Where are we?” Buffy asked.

 

“Prison,” I muttered, letting go of her hand. This was getting way too Christmas Carol-y for me.

 

“Where are you?” She said, looking around the room. “What kind of room is this?” God, she was so fucking innocent it bordered on heartbreaking. 

 

“Just wait… it’s the SHU…”

 

"The shoe?" God-bless her innocence.

 

"Solitary.  It's..." before I finished, the door swung open and someone threw Other Me inside.

 

This version of me was very different. No cocky attitude. No scared shitless. Nothing. I was gone.  Vacant.

 

There wasn’t a part of my body that wasn’t bruised. They’d beaten me with clubs until I’d stopped fighting.  They beat me closer to death than I’d ever been.

 

“Oh my god,” she said, rushing over to my near lifeless body.  “Faith? Can you hear me? Are you okay?” She tried to touch me and her hand went through my body.

 

I squatted down next to her. “Stop, baby.  She can’t hear you.”

 

She nodded but didn’t get up. “Why did they do this to you? Why did you let them?” She was crying. “What happened?”

 

“I felt you die…” I mumbled, standing up. “So… I tried to... you know… to get them to kill me.” I looked at the body before me.  It looked like meat.  “Almost worked, huh?” I whispered.

 

“Faith, god… why didn’t you ever… why couldn’t you tell me this stuff?”  She was sobbing.

 

I pulled her to me.  “It’s okay.  It healed. I was fine.”

 

“No.  We left you in here.  We could have…” She put her head against my shoulder.  “We could have…” she couldn’t finish.

 

I hugged her. She’d seen enough. “Let’s get going…” I told her.

 

* * *

 

We closed our eyes.  When we opened them, we were standing outside of a building.

 

Oh, no… not doing this shit.

 

“Red!” I screamed.  “Do you hear me?  Wake us the fuck up! Wake us up, Red! Now!”  I was yelling.

 

“Faith, calm down.  Where are we?” She was still shaking.  “What is it?”  She was turning around. Trying to get her bearing, I guessed. 

 

“Red! Now! Goddamn it! Wake us the fuck up! Now!”

 

B grabbed my arm.  “Faith, stop! Where are we?”

 

A little girl walked out of the building then. A little girl in pigtails and baseball cap.  She had on a dirty t-shirt and a pair of cut-off shorts.  And she was wearing a shiner worse than you’d ever seen on a kid.

 

“Is that… is that you?” B whispered. “Are we in Boston?”

 

I ignored her.  “I know you can hear me, Red! I’m going to fucking kill you when we get back!!! Wake her up! Now!”

 

B grabbed my arm and started shaking me. “Stop that! Faith, is that you?”

 

I nodded slowly at her.  “Yeah,” I whispered.

 

She turned around and studied the little girl. Kid Me was sitting on the curb, throwing rocks into the street. 

 

“You’ve got a black eye.” She announced.

 

“Among other things,” I mumbled.

 

B walked over to her. “Hi,” she said, sitting down beside her.

 

“Buffy really, save it… she can’t…”

 

“Hi,” the kid said.

 

Well, fuck.  Never mind then. I stood where I was. 

 

“What’s your name?” Buffy asked her.

 

“Faith,” the kid said.  “What’s yours?”

 

“B,” she told her.  She picked up a rock and threw it too.  It sailed a good thirty feet. 

 

“Wow,” the kid said.  “That was far.”

 

Buffy nodded at her.  “Yeah.  I’m strong.” She turned to her. “How old are you?”

 

“Seven,” she muttered back.  “Seven years and two months.  That means I’ll be eight in ten months.”

 

Buffy took a minute to do the math in her head. Good Lord.  “Yeah, that’s right.  You’re like a big girl and stuff.”

 

The kid nodded.  “Sometimes.” She fiddled with her shoes. 

 

“How’d you get that black eye?” Buffy asked her.

 

I wanted to stop her.  Yell, shut the fuck up… something, but I couldn’t move. I didn’t know why or what was causing it, but it was like a damn movie in front of my eyes for some reason.

 

“Just stuff…” the kid answered.

 

“Did somebody hit you?” Buffy tried. Yeah, good luck getting the kid to tell you anything.  I was stubborn then too.

 

The kid turned and looked at her. I had a habit of studying people back then.  Wasn’t many people I trusted. “I like your hair,” she told B.

 

Buffy smiled at her.  “I like yours too.”  She patted her knee.  “I know that someone did that to you.”

 

“I was bad,” the kid said.

 

Buffy shook her head. “No.  No one deserves that.”

 

“I was really bad.”

 

“What did you do?”

 

The kid sighed.  I couldn’t believe I was seeing this.  “I broke a glass.  One of my Ma’s favorites too.”

 

“She hit you because you broke a glass?” B asked her. She was trying to stay calm.

 

The kid nodded.  “Yeah.  That was wrong. I shouldn’t have done it. But it was wet, cause I was washing it, you know?  And I dropped it. I didn’t mean to. But my Ma, she heard. So I go in trouble.” She looked away.

 

Buffy touched her wrist.  And the kid jumped back.  Yep, cause Ma had broken that too.

 

“Can I see your hand?” Buffy asked her.

 

“It’s okay,” the kid mumbled. It was a twist fracture. I'll let you figure out how that happened.

 

“None of this is okay, you know that don’t you?” B told her.  “None of this.”

 

The kid shook her head.  “No.  I’m bad. I shouldn’t be bad. If I wasn’t, then I wouldn’t make my Ma mad.  And then she wouldn’t have to do this stuff.”

 

Buffy shook her head back.  “No.  She’s wrong. You aren’t bad. I promise you. You’re not the bad one. She is.  She shouldn’t do this stuff to you.  No one should hurt you.  Not ever.” She tentatively put her arm around the kid. I couldn’t believe that. No one ever hugged me like that as a kid. She pulled her closer.

 

“You can’t stop it,” the kid said.

 

Buffy sighed.  “I know, Faith.  And I wish I could but…” she looked over to the real me, standing here staring like a dumb ass. “See that woman over there?”

 

The kid looked up.  “Yeah…”

 

“Well, that woman right there… she’s the strongest person I know.  And trust me… I’ve known some strong people.  But she… she beats them all.  She’s so strong that she could throw that rock I just threw ten times as far.  And then she’d run and get it and throw it back before you could blink. But… she’s also strong here.” Buffy pointed to the kid’s heart.  “And that’s where it’s important.  In your heart.”

 

The kid was staring at me.  “Really?” She said open-mouthed.

 

“Yep,” Buffy told her.  She pulled her into her lap.  “And here’s the thing.  That’s what you’re gonna be like when you get big.  You’re gonna be the strongest woman in the world.”

 

“Nuh-uh,” the kid said, shaking her head.

 

B smiled at her.  “You think I would lie to you?”

 

The girl smiled.  “No. I think you’re an angel.” She whispered. 

 

Buffy giggled.  “Well, not really.  Just somebody that loves you.”

 

“But… you don’t know me.”

 

Buffy nodded.  “Yes I do.  I know everything about you, Faith Lehane.  And I know you’re a good girl.  And all of this… well I know it’s hard, but just remember… there’s someone that loves you just about more than anything in the world.” She thought for a second. “Well… two someones. But you’ll meet the other one later.”

 

“You?” The kid asked.  She was in awe.

 

“Yep, me” B kissed her forehead. “Most of all…” She said.

 

The little girl got up.  “I have to go in now.” She said.  She turned to me and waved slowly.

 

I waved back.

 

B stood up.  “Okay… will you remember that?  That someone loves you?”

 

She turned around and looked at Buffy. “Yeah… I like blondes,” she told her, smiling.

 

Buffy laughed.  “Oh trust me, sweetie, I know.” She smiled at her.  “Be good, Faith.  Always be good.”  She walked up to me.

 

“Bye, Buffy,” she said walking inside.

 

B looked at me.  “I didn’t tell her my name.”

 

I nodded at her.  “I know.”

 

She put her arm around me.  “Can we wake up now?”

 

“Yeah,” I whispered.  “I think so.”

 

 


	7. Old Foes, New Woes

Chapter 7

 

I opened my eyes.  We were back in the library.  Ken and Will were sitting in chairs across from us.

 

“Are you guys okay?” Red asked us.

 

We both nodded.  “Yeah.” I told her.  “I think so.”

 

Buffy turned to me.  “Are you… do you feel different?”

 

“Uh… I don’t know…” I told her. I flexed my hand. Fuck.  “Yeah, that still hurts.”

 

Ken threw her phone at me then. I caught it with my other hand without looking. 

 

She laughed.  “She’s better.”

 

Buffy looked unconvinced.  “So why does her hand hurt?”

 

Red smiled.  “Cause it’s broken.  And most likely cause she did it when she was less than slayerly.  It’ll heal, though.”  She stood up and put her hand on my forehead.  “No blockage.  Nothing major.” She scrunched her nose up.  “Maybe some residual, but… you guys did well.”

 

I turned to B.  It was the first time in a long time I couldn’t really look her in the eyes. “Can you feel me now?” I asked her. I put my hand on her chest.

 

“Yeah, I can,” she let go of the breath she was holding. 

 

“Good, cause I gotta say… that little thing you two just did… wicked weird,” Ken told us. 

 

“What did you see?” I asked her.

 

“Well, nothing dumbass.  But we heard.  Not a lot. Not till the end. Then you and Buffy had a whole conversation.  Apparently you were seven.” She smiled.  “Well… seven and two months.”

 

I glared at her. 

 

“What? It was cute.  Your voice was adorable.”

 

I looked down at her phone.  “If you videoed it, I’m smashing this damn thing.”

 

“Please give me a little credit,” Ken said.

 

Red cleared her throat.

 

“And, Will wouldn’t let me,” she mumbled. “Seriously.”  She reached for her phone.

 

I handed it to her.  Buffy was being abnormally quiet.  I rubbed her leg.  “Sorry you had to… you know…” I shook my head.  “I didn’t want you to see…”

 

She watched me rub her leg for a second. “No.  I think I was supposed to.  I just didn’t…” she sighed.  “It was kind of a lot. You know? To process?”

 

I nodded.  “Yeah. I’m sorry.”

 

“So that’s our cue to exit,” Will said. “Come on, Ken… let’s go find Joy and see what she’s getting in… I mean doing.”

 

Ken smiled at her.  “Oh she’s probably in there reading a book.”

 

“Yeah right,” B and I said at the same time.

 

Red smiled at us.  “We’re gonna work on figuring out how to stop her dreams and how to get you guys in there.  We’ll let you know when we find something.” She looked at Buffy.  “Talk.  It’s good for you,” she winked.  “You guys did a great job, with the mind walk and all.  I’m proud of you.”

 

B smiled at her. 

 

* * *

 

We waited until they left.  Neither of us was big with the talking right now.

 

“You sure you feel better?” She finally asked me. “I mean, slayer wise?”

 

“Yeah.  My hand still fucking hurts though,” I said, trying to flex it. “But yeah.  I’m me otherwise.”

 

She nodded.  “Good.  That’s good.” She looked away.  “You were a pretty little girl,” she said softly.  “Joy looks just like you.  It’s weird.”

 

“Yeah, well except for the dirt… and then general malnutrition and stuff.”

 

Buffy nodded.  “And the bruises…”

 

“B, I…”

 

“No, don’t.  It’s okay.  I’m glad I went. I’m glad I got to meet, well… you, then. I sort of wish it was real. Like it would’ve helped or something. But I get it was just in your mind.” She turned away. “If I could have… you know if I could change it…”

 

“Stop, Buffy.  You did help.  What you said… I can’t even begin to explain what that means to me… You have no idea how much I love you, do you?”

 

“Yeah.  I do. I just didn’t know…” she stalled. “I didn’t know how long. I had no idea… I wish I would have been more… when I was younger… you know? Just more observant and stuff.”

 

“It’s past.  All past.  It’s over, baby.” I looked away.  “It’s been over for years.”

 

She shook her head.  “No.  Not for you. You’ve been carrying all that around. So much pain.  God, so much.  You just had…” she sighed.  “You had a shit life, Faith.  I’m sorry about that. I’m sorry I ignored it. I’m sorry we all did.” She put her hands on my cheeks.  “I meant everything I said to her… to you.  You are the strongest person I know.  Always have been.” She closed her eyes.  “But… if I ever see you, you know… doing that stuff… that you were doing… with that girl and stuff… well, I don’t want to think about it.  I think I saw green.  Can you see green when you’re jealous? Cause I think I did.  I was trying to figure out how to rip her hair out the whole time I was watching.  Seriously, I wanted to hurt that girl.”

 

“I’m sorry.  We ever do that again… close your eyes.” I told her.

 

“Did you do that a lot?” She whispered.

 

That was a question I didn’t want to answer.  I didn’t say anything.

 

“Faith?” She tried again.

 

“I wasn’t what you’d call a ‘good girl’ if that’s what you’re asking.  None of them meant anything.  Which makes it worse honestly.”

 

She nodded.  “Oh! I had sex with Spike! That was bad.”

 

I moaned.  Fuck me.  “Yeah, babe. I know you did. Thanks for reminding me.”

 

She smiled.  “No problem.  Just keeping it fair is all.”  She giggled. “I was less uh… lesbian then,” her face was bright red.

 

“Say it again,” I teased.

 

“No,” she said, shaking her head like a kid.

 

“Oh come on… say it…”

 

“Lesbian,” she whispered.  She was still blushing.  “Ugh.  I hate labels.”

 

“You are such a dork.” I laughed.

 

Joy came running into the rooms. “What’s a lesbian?” She asked B.

 

Buffy shot me a death glare.  “Why don’t you ask your Mom?”

 

Joy giggled.  “I know what a lesbian is,” she told Buffy.  ‘You’re a lesbian. And Mom.  And Willow and Kenny.” She thought for a moment. “And Andrew’s a…” And hand over her mouth.

 

“A what, Faith?” Buffy asked me.

 

I shook my head.  My hand was still over Joy’s mouth.  “Nothing, B.  Jesus.”

 

Joy pulled away from me.  “Can I go play outside?”

 

I looked out the window.  “Yeah, until it gets dark.” I turned to Buffy. “You know what? Why don’t we go with you?”

 

Joy nodded and ran for the door. “Hey, wait… did you get your slayer back?”

 

I followed her out.  “Yeah… but my hand’s still hurts. I’m sure I’ll feel good soon.”

 

“Well,” she and B corrected at the same time.

 

I rolled my eyes.  “I’m sorry I must’ve missed my grammar lesson today.”

 

“Hey, where are you three going?” Ken asked. “Will needs you Buffy. Actually,” she said looking at me. “I was explicitly told to invite both of you to discuss the spells or whatever.  There are some things she needs to look up.  But… Faith just says she wants to be in the know… I know better.”

 

She was right.  That sounded like research.  “Go ahead, B.  We’ll go outside and play.”

 

Buffy scowled at me.  “Whatever.  I’ll be out in a minute.  With Willow,” she looked at Kennedy, “If I can drag her out of there.”

 

Ken scooped Joy up.  She giggled.  “So where are we going?”

 

“Outside…” I said again.  “Where the sun is and shit.”

 

“No kidding, jackass.  I was just saying…”

 

B stuck her head out of the door. “Really.  The both of you have go to at least attempt to try to control your mouths.  Please.” She looked at Joy. “Do you know that’s bad? Those words they use?”

 

Joy nodded.  “Yep, it’s… common.” She finished. All British and Giles-like.

 

Giles stuck his head around Buffy. “Yes and bad language equals…”

 

“A lack of vocabulary,” Joy finished for him.

 

“Good girl,” he told her and headed back in the room

 

We both rolled our eyes. 

 

“Be careful,” Buffy said, behind us. “Remember that your hand is still not healed.” She warned.  “So don’t do anything that could injure it.  We don’t want you…”  She kept talking.

 

I rolled my eyes at them.  “Yeah, yeah…” I muttered. I was moving my hand in that talking motion where she couldn’t see me.

 

“She’ll be good, Mommy.” Joy said, winking at me.

 

Ken shook her head.  She carried Joy outside and sat her down. “One of these days, she’s gonna catch you two mocking her.  Then your asses will be toast.  You know that right?”

 

Joy laughed.  “Mom’s faster than her.  And… I’ll just ride on her back or something.”  She saw Jaz and ran off.  “Jasmine!” She squealed.

 

The dog picked up a ball and ran to her. Joy threw it into the next town over. Okay, not really… but damn, the dog wasn’t a slayer. 

 

“You can’t throw it that far,” I told her.

 

She shrugged.  “Can too,” she said, running after the dog.

 

* * *

 

We’d had the dog since she was three. Joy named her after some damn Disney princess or some shit.  Ken and I chose to call her Jaz because Jasmine sounded like… well, a Disney Princess and shit. Trust me though; Jaz was a helluva lot better than the battle of “Miss Pretty Princess” that I fought for a week. No way we were calling her that. Good god, the pup would have no pride left.  I looked fondly on that memory cause it was one of the few battles I’d won.

 

“So the hand?  Still all broke and shit?” Ken asked.

 

“Yeah.  Weird huh.  Guess Red’s right. Since I broke it when I wasn’t at full strength, maybe it’s gonna take a while to heal.”

 

Joy was chasing the dog.  Jaz brought the tennis ball to me and dropped it at my feet. She turned quickly and looked at Joy, before panting at me.  That was my cue to throw the ball so she didn’t have to run a goddamn half a mile to get it. I patted her on the head.  “She’s killing you, isn’t she?” I asked the dog.  She wagged her tail at me.  Which I assumed meant yes.  I picked up the ball and tossed it.

 

“Hey! I was gonna throw that!” Joy said, running up. She watched Jaz run off. “You know what? I can beat her…” She said, turning around and taking after the ball too.

 

“She has way too much fucking energy,” Ken said.

 

We watched her beat the dog to the ball, pick it up and throw six thousand feet, and then proceed to do three cartwheels before landing in a round off on her feet.

 

“And she’s a super gymnast,” Kennedy added. “That’s really impressive.” She turned to me. “Think that’s the slayer in her?”

 

I shrugged.  “I don’t know.  I guess.” I was wincing. I looked down at my hand. “I’m waiting for the day she ends up in one of these,” I told her.

 

She patted me on the back.  “You know… extreme protectiveness aside, you are a really good dad, Faith.”

 

I glared at her. 

 

“Oh come on, you know you’re still the daddy right.”

 

“Whatever,” I mumbled.

 

“No seriously.  When she’s dating…”

 

I groaned.

 

“Oh please, look at her.” She said pointing. “She’s got all your… you know qualities, and Buffy’s big green eyes… and personality… good thing there, but… you know boys… or girls I guess, will be lined up.  And you know you’ll be the one hiding behind the doorway waiting to beat the shit out of them.  Makes you the dad. Hate to break it to you.”

 

“Well, since she won’t be dating for another thirty years or so, I’ll have time to adjust.”

 

She laughed.  “Oh my god… the amount of screwed you are is remarkable. I can’t wait.”

 

“Well, let’s just say I’ve had some experience in that area, and I know what’s on most people’s mind.”

 

She nodded.  “Get in line, but…” she looked down.  “Guess Buffy got a dose of that, huh?  In the mind thingie?”

 

“A small one,” I muttered.

 

Joy was chasing the dog now.  Or the dog was chasing her.  It was hard to tell.  Either way they were both running at breakneck speeds back and forth across the lawn.

 

“Want to talk about it?” She asked me. “I mean you don’t have to… since you’re no longer blocked and shit… but, I mean, if you want to…” She left the invitation hanging.

 

I sat down on the grass.  She sat down beside me. 

 

“It’s weird,” I told her.  “I mean, it wasn’t like I was controlling what she saw. But… even with my watcher dying, the prison shit, all the stuff she saw…" I shrugged,"I don't know. I guess it was tip of the iceberg kinda thing, you know? If we’d seen everything I felt guilty about, all my past fuck ups, we’d still be in dream world.  I just didn’t understand why…” I shook my head.  “It doesn’t matter.  We’ve got other stuff to worry about.”

 

She nodded.  “Yeah, I know.  But… I think sometimes we don’t understand why you do, or act whatever, they way that you do. I mean it’s weird how our childhood and past and stuff can effect us, isn’t it?”

 

“I guess.” I watched Joy.  “You know, a lot of that stuff I did in Sunnydale… I mean, it was all…” I stopped talking.  I could feel myself blushing.  “most of it was cause of Buffy.  Like I didn’t have a purpose before her.  I couldn’t decide if I hated her, wanted to be her, wanted to do her, or just wanted to kill her. It was so messed up.”

 

She shrugged.  “It worked out in the end, didn’t it?”

 

“Yeah.  It did. When I was kid…” I trailed off.

 

She held her breath.  I never ever talked about being a kid.  Ever.

 

“…uh, when I was a kid.  I didn’t have you know…” I waved my arm around. “…this.  What Joy has.  I didn’t have a mother like Buffy.  Someone who could make the bad stuff disappear.  It’s made me paranoid.  Like I could just fuck it all up any second.”

 

She smiled.  “I guess that’s why I’m here.  To keep your fuck ups to a minimum.”

 

“Bout that.  Thanks for, you know, picking me up the other night.”

 

She shook her head.  “I trust you, Faith.  I don’t think it would have gotten much further than that. I wanted to fucking punch you, but… I’m not about to let you screw this up.  You’ve got way too much riding on it here.”

 

“No shit,” I muttered. “And now we’ve got the mayor…”

 

“Yeah,” she sighed.  She sensed I was a little freaked out.  “But… remember, you’re not that person anymore. And… he can’t get to you. People that love you don’t take advantage of you.  He did. That wasn’t love.”

 

“I get that now.  Was not a lesson I’d learned at the time though.”

 

“Will told me about a lot of that stuff. What went down when you were in Sunnydale the first time around.  I kinda slept on the couch that night.” She added.

 

“Why?” I turned to her.  “What for?”

 

“Cause we got in a fight, didn’t we? I mean that’s why I sleep on the damn couch.  But… I stuck to my guns that night.  Normally that shit’s all my fault. But not that night. I mean I get it; they’ve changed too. Willow loves you. A lot.  She’s always talking about how you’re the reason Buffy’s happy.” She shook her head.  “But whatever… I just told her that they were selfish asses.  She went into the blah blah blah crap about not understanding what they were facing and I wasn’t there… but... I get it.  They have some kind of weird code or something. I don’t understand that whole Scooby gang shit.  So yeah… I was pissed.”

 

“Wow.  I don’t even know what to say to that.  Maybe thanks…”

 

She patted my knee again.  “What can I say?  You’ve had my back way too many times. And… I wouldn’t survive in this place without you.” She smiled.  “And that’s a vice versa I’m betting.”

 

“Again, no shit,” I muttered.

 

“So… I was irrational about it. But… you know...”

 

I nodded.  It was about as mushy as we were gonna get.  “I get it.”

 

“And the mayor shit.  We’ll figure it out.  I look forward to helping you… like rekill him or something.” She sighed. “I hope Will figures that out soon. How do you kill something that’s already dead?”

 

“I don’t know.  But we gotta do something soon…”

 

As if on cue, Buffy and Red walked outside. Joy was still playing with the dog, except they were rolling around on the ground.  They were apparently fighting over the tennis ball. I just chose to ignore them.

 

They sat down beside us.

 

“What is she doing?” Buffy asked, pointing at the kid.

 

“Who the fuck knows?” I answered. “Getting dirty.”

 

Red laughed.  “Ha.  That’s what eight year olds do.  Roll around in the mud and stuff.” She sighed.  “She makes me tired just watching her.”

 

B nodded.  “Gotta love slayer energy.”

 

“You guys find anything?” I asked them

 

Red nodded.  “Yeah.  I’ve found a way to stop her dreams.  We’ll have to stop all of them.  But… it can be done. With no side effects,” she told me. “So don’t worry. Then we can figure out what the mayor wants… maybe send you and Buffy there instead.”

 

I was glad at least I got to go now. “So, how do you do that?”

 

She sighed.  “Kind of the way we did the hypnosis earlier today.  We just have to make sure Joy’s asleep.  It’ll be hit or miss cause she said she doesn’t dream about him every night.”

 

“You know, that goddess bitch mentioned that he was coming in her dreams first.  Like maybe he could appear…” Ken left it hanging in the air.

 

“That’s what we’re trying to stop,” B told her. “Him crossing over into real word is not something I want to see. But if he does, I hope he’s not that snake thing again.  That thing was hard to kill.”

 

I winced.  “I wish I could’ve helped… you know the first time…”

 

She winked at me.  “You did, silly.  Remember the dream?  You told me what to do?”

 

“I guess.  Not really the same.” I looked away from them, “but… I guess if I was there, it wouldn’t have gone down that way anyway.  Good thing I wasn’t.”

 

“Ken shrugged. “Let’s just worry about now.” She turned to Red. “Any idea what he wants? I kinda feel we know less than jackshit right now.”

 

“I don’t know.  It’s why we’ve got to get Buff and Faith in there.  See if they can get anything out of him at least.”

 

Buffy put her arm around my shoulder. “So, see?  That’s what we’ll do.  We’ve fought worse.” She added.

 

“Yeah,” I mumbled.  But was worse wasn’t after my daughter.  And worse hadn’t fucked with my head like the mayor did. I decided it best to leave that part out.

 

Joy ran up to us.  The dog was ambling behind her, tongue stuck out. Poor thing. 

 

She plopped down between Kennedy and Willow. She looked back and forth between them. “Can we go to the beach?” She asked randomly.

 

“Sure,” they both answered.

 

Uh hello, parents here. 

 

“You can’t just ask people to take you places,” Buffy told her.  “Unless you take me with you…” she added.  “Cause that’s a good idea. After all of this is over.” She looked nostalgic.  “I miss the beach. Like the real beach. With sun and tans and bathing suits.”

 

I groaned.  Neither one of them could focus for shit.

 

“Yeah,” Red said, getting excited. “And I can transport us there…”

 

“NO!” Ken and I both yelled.

 

She laughed.  “The lightweights can take the plane if they want.” She nuzzled Joy’s head. “Cause we don’t want them throwing up all over us, do we?”

 

Joy smiled.  “No way.  That’s yucky.”

 

Not all of us have the constitutions of freaking steel like them.

 

Buffy got up and chased after Joy.

 

I smiled at Ken and Red.  “I’m lucky, huh?”

 

They both nodded. 

 

I watched them play.  Sometimes I thought I needed to pinch myself… sometimes things just didn’t seem real.

 

* * *

 

After dinner and the whole getting ready for bed... which, by the way… consisted of me watching Joy actually brush her teeth and timing her with a stopwatch, we were ready for our little meeting, as it were, with the mayor. 

 

We decided to do this “thing” in B’s and my bedroom. It was the biggest in the castle and since everyone was on edge and wanted to make sure we were okay… we needed the room.

 

“Okay,” Red started, once we were assembled. “Hop into bed, girls.”

 

Buffy and I crawled into bed and Joy lay down in between us.  “Is this gonna hurt?” She asked Red.

 

“Of course not, baby.” Red told her. “You’re just gonna go to sleep. Promise.”

 

Joy nodded, believing her way faster than she’d ever believe me or B.

 

“Okay, Red, let’s get this show on the road. I’m still sleepy from the damn medication Buffy’s been pumping into me all day.” I yawned.

 

“I wish we’d brought popcorn or something,” Xander said.

 

Buffy groaned.  “Oh my god, why are you all in here?” 

 

Dawn shrugged.  “We want protect the babe as much as you…”

 

“Quiet,” Red said, all authoritative like. She put her hand on Joy’s forehead and mumbled a few words and she was out.

 

“Holy shit,” Ken said.  “That’s pretty awesome.”

 

Willow clapped her hands.  “Okay. So no dreams for Joy.  She’s good.” She looked between us.  “You two ready?  Cause I’m gonna do the same to you soon.  And here’s the thing.  You’re just going into her dreams.  I don’t know what those are.  They may just be random… you know… whatever she normally dreams.  But… without her.  It’s hard to explain… Anyhoo, just say the word, and I’ll pull you out. But… hopefully it’ll be a mayor-centric one and you’ll get what we need to know… but in case it’s not say the word,” she said again, “and you’re out.  Don’t stay, cause kids’ dreams can be super weird.”

 

We both nodded at her.  She placed her hands on both of our foreheads. She started mumbling different words now, and my eyes got heavy…

 

* * *

 

…”Faith?” I heard someone ask.

 

Not the someone I was expecting…

 

“Where’s Buffy?!?” I asked him. We were standing in his office. The old one, back in Sunnydale.

 

“Faith,” he said, shaking his head and sitting down. “Have a seat, will you? You’re too jumpy lately.”

 

“Screw you,” I told him.  “Where is she?”

 

He looked around the room dramatically. “I don’t know. I imagine she’s in Joy’s dreams right now.”

 

“And I’m not?” I growled.

 

He waved his hand to the chair in front of me. “I’m willing to discuss this with you. But not until you sit down. Manners are important, Faith.”

 

“I’m not a fucking child,” I told him.

 

He crossed his arms.  He motioned with his hand, as if he were locking his damn lips and shook his head.

 

“Fuck you,” I muttered.  I sat down in the chair.  “Better?”

 

He nodded.  “Courtesy goes a long way.  It’s good to remember that.”

 

I crossed my arms and sat back. “Where the fuck is Buffy?”

 

“My what a mouth you have,” he shook his head. “Like I told you… Buffy isn’t here. I’m sure she is in your daughter’s mind, riding on the back of a pony or something equally childlike.”

 

“Whose head is this?” I asked him. “If it’s not Joy’s?”

 

He shrugged.  “Does it matter?”  I didn’t move. “Fine.  Be a spoilsport… it’s mine.”

 

Oh hell no.  Fuck this.  “Red, get me out!” I yelled to the ceiling.  “Red? Now!”

 

He smirked.  “She can’t hear you here.  Right now, they are trying to figure out just where you are.  They know something’s wrong.” He chuckled. “Ms. Rosenberg’s come a long way, hasn’t she?”

 

“Is there?” I asked him.  “Is there something wrong?”

 

He shrugged.  “Depends on whom you ask, I suppose.  I don’t think so.”

 

“Why am I here?  What do you want with Joy?” I sat up and moved closer to the desk. There was a paperweight in the corner. I moved to pick it up.

 

He laughed.  “I’ll save you the trouble,” he told me.  “Throw it at me.”

 

I picked it up and threw it as hard as I could. It went straight through him.

 

“See?” He smiled.  He threw it back to me.  “No worries, though.  I can’t hurt you either.” He smiled.  “Not that I would…”

 

I sat back and groaned.  “Just tell me what this is about.”

 

“I needed to warn you.  You’re in trouble.  So is Joy.”  He smiled sweetly. “She’s a beautiful little girl, Faith. In spite of the other one, you’ve done a good job.”

 

“We’ve both done a good job,” I spat out. “Stop beating around the damn bush here.”

 

I was shaking and I hoped he didn’t notice. As usual, he was infuriatingly vague. I didn’t fucking have time for it.

 

He sat back and put his hands together, fingertips touching.  If this wasn’t the real mayor, it was a helluva copy.  “I told you. The two of you are in trouble.”

 

“We’re always in trouble.  Shit is always after her.  Why do you think you’re any different?” I hoped I sounded cockier than I freaking felt.

 

He shook his head.  “No. You’re mistaken, Faith. I’m not after her. Not to hurt her. I would never hurt either of you. I’m sad you would think so.” He rose up.  “No.  I’m not the one who is going to hurt you.  But you know who is…”

 

I stared at him for a moment. “You gonna tell me who or are we just gonna sit here and play this damn game all night?”

 

He laughed.  “Still impatient.  It’s so good to see that you haven’t changed.  Still the same old Faithie…” He mused.

 

“Stop fucking around,” I growled. “It’s not working. Tell me what the hell is up.”

 

“Buffy, of course.” He scowled.

 

I sat back and rolled my eyes. “What the fuck ever. Is that all you’ve got? Buffy ‘s gonna hurt us? I’m not as naïve as I used to be. Tell me what’s going on or send me home.  I don’t have time for this bullshit.”

 

“No, you’re right.  You don’t have time.  But it is Buffy.  I know that you have… feelings for her,” he shook his head like it was a dirty word. “But, who are we kidding? You always have. But she… you know that Ms. Summers has other priorities, if you will.  And you are not at the top of that list, Faith.  You’ve never been.” He frowned at me.  “You know what? Most of the time, you didn’t even make this list, did you?” He shook his head.  “No, you didn’t.” He answered for me.

 

I flinched.  I didn’t know shit.  I had no fucking idea why I was here.  Him fucking with my head aside.  I stood up. “Send me home. If this is all you’re gonna fucking do… talk… just send me the fuck home.  I’ve had enough of your bullshit to last a lifetime.”

 

He put his hand on my shoulder. “And how long is that lifetime, Faith?”

 

I jerked away from him.  “If I gotta stay here much longer… too fucking long.”

 

He frowned.  “I want to show you something,” he said, moving towards the door. He raised his eyebrow. “Coming?”

 

“Jesus.  Whatever…” I muttered, following him out.

 

When we walked through, we were back in the castle.

 

“What the fuck?” I asked.

 

He put his fingers on his lips.

 

I looked around.  It was the same… but different.  Different furniture.  Paintings. Stuff like that.

 

“Mom!” I heard someone yell from the hallway. “Mom! Can I take the car?!? Please!” I recognized the pleading. The voice was deeper (if that was possible) and more mature.  But there was no way it wasn’t…

 

…my daughter, or a much older version of my daughter, came running into the hallway.

 

I felt weak.  “Joy!” I screamed.

 

The mayor shook his head.  “She can’t hear you, Faith.”

 

She was dressed in a short skirt and a top that should have been illegal… and it probably was in certain countries. But she looked… fuck she looked beautiful.  I couldn’t believe that was my daughter.  My teenage daughter.

 

“Mom! Seriously! Car?” She was still yelling in the hallway. 

 

“How old is she?” I asked him.

 

“Eighteen.  Three weeks ago,” he smiled sadly.

 

“But Ate… she… we defeated her.” I was in awe. I felt my heart jump.

 

“Well, someone did…” he mused.

 

And then B walked in.  Older, but… fuck.  I couldn’t catch my breath.  Was it possible for her to get more beautiful?  “Buffy…” I whispered.  “She’s so…” I couldn’t find my words.

 

He ignored me.

 

“Momma, please… can you ask Mom if I can borrow the car?  You know I’ve been waiting for this party all week.  She just doesn’t want me to go…” Joy pouted as well as she always did.  Fuck that, I thought… no way future me was letting her go to any party.

 

Buffy laughed.  “Honey, you know you’ve got to ask her.  I’m not fighting all your battles for you. She’ll let you take it. Just use the little lip pout thing. You know that turns her to jelly.”

 

Fucking A.  I knew B was training the kid. 

 

“Okay,” Joy whined.  “I just… you know how she is.  She’ll like want to go with or follow or something.” She put her hands on her hips.  “I am an adult, you know?”

 

Buffy smiled.  “Let's not tell your mom that.”

 

“Don’t tell me what?” I heard from the other room.

 

I turned to the mayor.  Who the fuck… “What the fuck is going on!?!” I yelled at him.

 

He pointed to the doorway.

 

“Mom, seriously!  I’ll be in by midnight.” Joy told her.

 

And through the door, well… it wasn’t future Faith that walked through… it wasn’t me at all.

 

It was Satsu.

 

I felt the blood rush out of my head. The entire room was spinning and I felt close to vomiting. 

 

“It’s not pretty, Faith…” I heard the mayor’s voice in my head… 

 

* * *

 

… “Faith!” B said, leaning over me.

 

I was back in the castle.  Back in our bed.  Everyone was standing around… watching me.

 

“Faith! We didn’t know what happened! We couldn’t wake you…” B was crying. “Please say something, baby. What happened? What’s wrong?”

 

Joy was lying beside me.  She was still asleep.  “Is she okay?” I asked Buffy.

 

She nodded.  “She’s fine.  She’s sleeping. No mayor dreams. I went into her dreams and they were about dance class but you weren’t there.  I looked for you everywhere, but… where’d you go?”

 

I shook my head at her.  And then I noticed one more person in the room. One person that wasn’t here when I went to sleep.

 

“Hey Faith,” Satsu said, way too fucking happily.

 

I jumped up before they could stop. I kicked her legs out from under her. She hit the ground hard. Element of surprise, I guessed. I threw myself on top of her.

 

An old feeling came back then. A feeling of power… a feeling of letting go…

 

I was gonna fucking kill her.

 


	8. Unicorn

I got in about five good punches before Satsu got her wits about her.  She slugged me in the stomach, knocking me off of her and on my back.  I felt her knee in my gut and she punched me twice in the face before I was able to hit her back.

There was yelling.  Various “stops!” and “Faith!” but they were fucking easy to ignore. I brought my knee up and connected with her chest.  She rolled off me. I was about to gain the upper ground, when I felt arms around my waist.

“Goddamn it! Stop!” Ken was screaming.

I was thrashing as hard as I could. Trying to get her off me.

“Fuck Willow, a little help here?!?” She yelled.

I was thrown against the wall.

Red’s eyes were black.  “Stay!” She commanded. 

B looked at me like she couldn’t believe what she was seeing.  Panic flitted across her face.  It was then I noticed that J wasn’t in the room.  And neither were Dawn and Xander.  Maybe they took her out.  I honestly didn’t know if she’d heard anything or not.  She slept like the dead. 

Buffy’s eyes moved to my hand and back to my face. She looked at Satsu, who was lying on the floor, holding her face.  My hand was fucking hurting now.  The cast was cracked and there was blood everywhere.  It took me a moment to realize the blood was mine.

I tried to move.  “No.” Red said. 

Ken bent down in front of me. That action alone set everyone else into motion. Buffy, for her part, checked on Satsu. I looked away.

Ken moved in front of me so I couldn’t see them. “Faith? Can you hear me?” She was screaming at me and shaking my shoulders.

“Fuck yes! Stop screaming!” I told her. I looked at Red. I was pinned against the wall and I couldn’t move.  “Gonna let me up?”

Her face told me the answer to that. “Uh no.  That would be a big fat no.”

B bent down and helped Satsu up, supporting her with her weight. 

“Buffy, I can walk.” Satsu whispered. She was breathing heavily.

I struggled against the invisible fucking bonds that were holding me still. 

“Stay put,” Ken whispered.  “Please.”  Her eyes were pleading with me.

“No you can’t.” B told Satsu. “You’ve got a nasty head gash.” She turned to Giles.  “There was a mission tonight, right?” She had her hand around the whore’s waist.

He nodded at her.  “Yes.  The infirmary is up and running.”

“I’m taking her down there.” She walked them towards the door.  “You may want to get her hand looked at,” she told Ken.  “But wait until we’re in another room.  She comes nowhere near Sats.  Do you understand?” She didn’t wait for Ken to answer. “Giles, check on Joy. Make sure she didn’t wake up.”

“Buffy…” I started.

She walked out, half carrying Satsu. She completely fucking ignored me.

“Faith, I’m not releasing the spell until I know you’re staying put.  You move… at all… and you’re going right back to the wall.  Got me?”

I nodded.  Red did her mojo and I felt the magic disappear.

“You okay?” Ken asked.  “What happened?  Did you see the mayor?”  She had her hand on my leg. I wasn’t sure if was to comfort me or to keep ahold of me in case I pounced.

“Yeah, I saw him.”  I relayed most of what I saw while I was out.  Including the shit with Satsu.  No point in not telling them. 

“Why would you believe him?” Willow asked.

“Why is she here?” I spat back.

“She just got back from Africa. We told you she was coming last week.” Will answered. 

I didn’t fucking remember that. But fuck them… I’d had a lot on my mind. “I want her out. Get her the fuck out of this castle. I mean it.”

Red sighed.  “We would but you gave her a severe concussion.  Not to mention the broken bones and stuff. Can’t really send her packing right now.”

Ken turned to her.  “Maybe she’s right, Will.  I mean if she wants her gone… the bitch has done it before.” Ken was the only person in the castle besides me who still didn’t trust Satsu.

“We can’t believe the mayor, Kennedy. Stop jumping to conclusions. Both of you…” She was shaking her head. “I don’t know how he did it. How he got you into his world, or mind, or whatever.  I just… are you sure it was him?”

“Pretty fucking sure, Red.” I muttered. I looked down at my hand. It was swelling out of the cast. I winced.  At least the hot pink cast Joy liked so much was…”Joy! Where is she?”

“As soon as you went all Rambo, Dawn and Xand scooted her out.” Ken told me.  “Don’t worry. She didn’t see anything. She was out.”

I nodded.  I should’ve felt guilty about what I’d done.  But I didn’t.  Not at all. That was a new feeling cause guilt and I are like a team or something.  But nothing.  I just wanted her… fuck, I still wanted to kill her.  And I said that shit all the time, about a lot of people, but I meant it. I really felt it. I felt it in my gut. In my bones.  My instincts were hyper-aware. I felt like…”Fuck, Red. Something’s wrong with me.”

“You think?” She asked like the typical smartass she was.

I shook my head.  “I’m fucking serious.  I… he did something.  Someone did. I can’t explain it. I feel different.”

She bent down next to Kennedy and looked me in the eye, studying me.  “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know… it’s just different. I want to… I want to hurt Satsu. Like deep down hurt her. I can’t… I haven’t felt like this in a really, really long time.” My hand was hurting but I couldn’t even bother to acknowledge it.  It was like something else was inside of me.  “It’s like blackness. I… don’t know.”

She nodded.  “Okay.” She put her hand on my forehead.  Her face was blank and then she looked startled.  “Okay… so… your aura, uh and stuff… it’s changed.”

“What do you mean?” Ken asked her. “Changed how?  What’s wrong?”

“There’s something there.  It’s like… like old Faith,” she muttered. “I, uh…I don’t know.” She backed up a little bit. “What are you feeling? Right now?”

“Rage,” I muttered. “Fucking rage.”

“It’s just what the mayor showed her, right Will?” Ken asked her.  “He just knew her weakness, right?” She was trying to smile at me.

Red looked scared.  Really scared.  “Maybe… I need… uh, I need to see Giles.  I’ve gotta…” she shook her head like she was shaking herself out of something.

I fucking hated when she did that. She always thought she knew what the fuck was needed.  I was tired of fucking following orders.  She and B, and their goddamn secrets…

Whoa, fuck… what was wrong with me?

“Get her hand checked out,” Red said, getting up. “Make sure it’s okay,” she muttered. She was lost in thought. “Uh and… get her pain medicine. Make sure they give her a shot. She needs to be… uh, calm.” She made eye contact with Ken.  It took me a moment to realize they were talking in their minds.

Ken nodded.  It was slight but I saw it. 

“What the fuck?” I growled.  “You guys talking now?  Need to keep me in the dark?” I jumped up.  “Fuck this…” I went to lunge…

…Fuck me.  Something was wrong.  I felt… angry. Dark.  I didn’t understand it. “God, I’m sorry… fuck… Red, something’s…”

She nodded.  “It’s okay.  Just try to stay calm, okay? Take the medicine, please?”

“Okay,” I whispered. 

When she left, I turned to Ken. “Lock me up.”

“What?!?”

“You heard me… downstairs… now.” We kept cells, supernaturally enforced for rogue slayers, captured demons, and… and shit like this.

“You’re crazy.  I’m not locking you up.” She grabbed my arm.  “Let’s go get this hand checked out.”

I shoved her.  “Get the fuck off me!”

“Faith… breathe, okay?” She looked scared. “Let’s just…”

I grabbed her and slammed her against the wall. I wanted to hit her. Every fiber in my being was telling me to hit her.  To smash her goddamn face into a bloody pulp.  I bit it down.

 “Now,” I rushed out.  “Please,” I begged her.

She nodded.  “Okay.  Okay. But… I think you’re overreacting.”

I glared at her. 

“…but okay.” She motioned with her hand. “You first.”

I grunted and walked out.  I stopped in the hallway.  “Take my hands.  Hold them behind my back.”

“Faith, I don’t…”

“Fuck you, Ken.  Do what I’m fucking telling you!”

She grabbed my hands then.  I felt the broken one as soon as she took it. But she was holding me as hard as she could and she was strong enough to overpower me.  I wanted to fucking hit her.  And I wanted to kill Satsu.  But I was still me… and I was fighting it.

We got to the basement with no distractions. She opened the cell with her other hand. “I still don’t think this… I don’t…”

I walked in.  “Lock it.”

She was standing on the other side with the door open. I could tell she was confused but I didn’t have fucking time for her to figure out what the hell to do. “I…”

I grabbed the cell door and slammed it. “Lock the fucking door, you idiot!”

“Fine!” She snapped.  “Because this is so fucking helpful.  Locking your stupid twisted ass up.  Jesus Christ!” She slammed the lock down. It was magicked and now she was the only one who could unlock it besides Red.  “Better?” She growled.

“Yes,” I mumbled. 

“Stay put,” she said.  I wasn’t going anywhere though.  And she knew it.  “Let me see if I can get someone down here to look at that mangled fucking mess attached to your arm!” She was freaking out.  “Can I trust you to not fucking do something goddamn stupid for two goddamn seconds?!?”

“Don’t let Joy down here.  I mean it.” I started to add ‘or Buffy’ but I doubted she was coming. 

And good fucking riddance.  She could stay up there with her whore.

She shook her head.  “Like I would… Jesus… Just… just shut the fuck up,” she mumbled, storming off.

I sat against the wall.  I felt a little less distracted here.  It was comfortable… normal.  Being locked up.  I could feel something inside of me.  Something wrong. Something trying to take over.

I shook my head.  I needed to clear my mind.  There was no way I was leaving this fucking cell.  Because there were thoughts at the very edge of my mind. And they weren’t pretty… they were…

…normally this is where I’d cry. Go all fucking pussy Faith with her goddamn protective tendencies.  But I didn’t feel that way… I felt like… like they were up there, right now… plotting. Plotting to get rid of me. They’d never trusted me. Never.  Even now.  I wasn’t a part of this.  I was a means to an end. I’d always been the means to the end. And Buffy… she knew this all along. They mayor said something about how long was I expecting to live… what the fuck had they been planning? All of this was to get rid of me? To kill me… is that how they fucking defeated Ate?  Killing me. I couldn’t figure out when they were gonna do it… but I knew it.  I knew they had planned this.  It was so perfect too.  I’d played right into their goddamn hands.  Just like I had before. Fuck if they thought I was doing it again… Fuck them.  I wouldn’t let them. I would never let them. They didn’t control me anymore. I needed to talk to him. I can’t believe I’d let her lock me up like this.  When they came back… to check on my hand… I’d escape.  I’d…

“Boss!” I screamed.  “Can you hear me???”

“Faith,” I heard from the corner. The mayor.  Thank god.  He’d get me out of here.  “I was wondering when you’d call me.  It took you long enough. I was beginning to get worried.“

I breathed a sigh of relief.  “Yeah, well, I was detained. I’ve gotta get out here. She’s gonna do it again.”

“I know.  I know.” He walked over and patted my head.  “But we’re not going to let her, now are we?  She’s not going to hurt my Faithie again. I won’t allow it.” He looked at my hand. “My, my that looks bad. I really wish you’d be more careful. This isn’t going to heal properly if you keep rebreaking it.”

I nodded, distracted.  “How do we get out?  The only ones who can open it are Ken and that fucking witch.  What do I do?”

“They’ll come back.  I can’t be here for that, or they won’t open the door. But once they do, I’ll come for you. And I’ll have a little incentive.” He winked at me.  We heard someone in the hall.  “Oh! Here they come!” He turned.  “I’ll be back before you can say jiffy! Don’t you worry now.” He told me, disappearing.

“Boss!” I whispered.  Fuck, where did he go?

The goddamn white hat brigade came into the room then. Okay, fuck… I could do this. Ken had brought Buffy, Red, and Giles with her.  He was holding a damn syringe in his hand. 

Jiffy, I kept saying in my head.  I’m saying fucking jiffy here.  I smiled at them. I had to play it smart.

“Faith! What the hell is wrong with you?” Buffy said, running over to the cell.  “Have you lost your mind?”

Fuck you, you stupid… okay, fuck… I could do this. I could… “I’m sorry, Buffy. I think something’s messing with me.” I looked at my hand. “It really hurts. I’m sorry.” I was trying to pout.

“I just… I don’t understand what’s going on, Faith? Why would you do that? You can’t believe what he tells you. You know that.”

Red was watching me.  Closely.  So was Giles. Jesus.  “I know.  I know. But I’m better now. I just…  I couldn’t see… he must have done something.” I flexed my hand as hard as I could.  Tears, thank you very much. “I’m so sorry, B. I’m so sorry.” Goddamn it, that fucking hurt.  Jesus. Where the fuck was he?

“Open the door, Will.” B told her.

Willow looked at Giles.  I’m sure they were psychically talking.  Fuck them.  I bent my hand again.  Sobs were good. I started crying harder.  I hoped I hadn’t just fucking ruined my hand.

“Willow! Open the door!” B screamed.

“Buffy, I’m not sure that we should…” Giles cleared his throat.  “Maybe it would be best…”

“Oh, fuck this…” Ken said, opening the lock.

The door swung open.  I started walking out…

“Hello everybody.  My how time has just flown by hasn’t it?  It’s like a funny little family reunion.” The mayor said from the doorway.  “Well, except you,” he said, looking at Kennedy.  “I don’t know you.”

Everyone gasped.  B put herself in between us.  Like she was the only fucking slayer in the room.  She always had that superiority complex thing going.

“And this one,” the mayor said, stepping to the side. Joy was peering around him.

“Joy!” Buffy screamed, moving towards her.

The mayor wagged his fingers. “Nope.  Nope. Nope,” He told her, putting his hand on J’s shoulder. “Stay put.”

B froze.  Will was mumbling some shit.  Fuck…

“I wouldn’t do that, Ms. Rosenberg. I dislike your dirty ole spells.” He kept his hand put.

“Joy, are you okay?” B whispered.

J nodded.  “He told me that if I came with him he wouldn’t hurt Dawn and Xander.”

“You did the right thing, sweetie,” Will said.

Buffy nodded. All fucking knowing like.

“Why don’t you go see your Mom, Joy?”

I nodded at her and smiled. 

“Okay,” she whispered. 

She started walking over to me and B went to grab her.

“Uh uh,” the mayor said. 

“Be calm, Buffy.” I muttered.

 She nodded. 

Red’s face was scrunched up.  This shit was about to be a first class mess soon. I needed to get Joy fast and get the fuck out of here before they did something to either one of us.

Once I had my hands on her, I picked her up. Broken arm be damned. “Wrap your arms around my neck and close your eyes.  Okay, baby?”

“Okay, Mom,” she whispered.

The Boss clapped.  “Well that was as easy as taking candy from a baby, wasn’t it Faithie?” He asked, moving beside me.

I nodded.  “Pretty fucking easy, boss.  Good job.” I smirked.

And like a curtain being lifted, Buffy finally got something first. “Oh my god,” B mumbled.  She lunged. I moved to the side and she fell into the cell. I locked it.  It would take them a few minutes to get her out.

“Faith, stop!” She screamed.  “Kennedy!”

Ken was in a state of shock but when Buffy screamed her name she pounced.  The mayor knocked her across the room.

“Stop this!” Giles yelled.  “Faith, I know you’re in there!  Don’t do this!”

I punched him in the face.

“Eyes closed, sugar?”

Joy nodded against my neck. 

Willow’s eyes were going black. I looked at the mayor. “Yeah, we need to fucking scoot. Cause the witch…”

He nodded and waved his arms. “Until next time,” he said cheerfully. You had to give him credit… he was a happy dude.  Course, I was too now.

“Faith, please…” B was crying…

I didn’t get a chance to say fuck you because we disappeared after that. 

Joy still had her arms around my neck. I rubbed her back. “You can open your eyes now, sweetie.” I sat her down.  I looked around the room. “Whoa.  Nice digs.” We were in a mansion.  The house was fucking huge.  I could see a pool in the backyard and behind it… the beach. “Dude, we’re not in Cali are we?”

He chuckled.  “No. No.  There’s that pesky vampire there.  No. This is Florida, Faith. Same sun, different beach. I thought Joy might like the beach. How bout it?” He smiled at her.

She wrapped her arms around my waist and hid her head. “I don’t like it here, Mom. Why are we here?”

“It’s okay, baby.  We had to get out of there.  They were gonna…” I looked down at her.  For fuck’s sake, she was scared.  And just a kid.  I bent down. “They were gonna hurt me, sugar. I couldn’t… and then… I couldn’t protect you.”

“Mommy would never do that.” She shook her head. “She’d never hurt you.”

“Actually that’s not exactly true, Joy,” the mayor said. “You know she’s hurt your mom before right? Remember me telling you about that?  And you saw your mom in the hospital after, didn’t you?”

Joy nodded slowly.

He frowned.  “I’m sorry.  No one likes bad news, huh?” He bent down next to us.  “We had to protect you.  And your mom. This was the only way.”

She was getting tears in her eyes. “I want to go home.” She looked me in the eye.  “Please, Mom. I want to go home.”

“Do you trust me?” I asked her, pulling her into a hug.

“Yeah…”

“Okay… you’ve gotta trust me. They were gonna hurt us. Something’s wrong. With them.  Your mom and Will and Ken and everyone.  And they were going to kill me.  And then… I need you to trust me, baby.  Okay?”

“Okay,” she whispered.

The mayor stood up.  “Great!” He said, smiling. “You know how to swim, Joy?” He asked her.

She nodded.  “Yeah. My mommy taught me.”  She was still scared.  But she’d have to get used to it.

He clapped his hands together. “Great! Wonderful! Cause come here,” he told her, walking to the door.

She looked at me.  I nodded.  “It’s fine. Go look.”

She followed him.  “Look at this pool here.  Isn’t it neat?  I made sure every toy you could think of was in that pool.” He got a bigger smile on his face. “But that’s not the best part. Wanna know what is?”

“Okay,” she said, quietly.

He put his hand on her shoulder. “Your room!  It’s pink! I hear that’s your favorite color! I sure hope so cause there are a lot of pink bathing suits and all kinds of good stuff in that room. Want to see it?” He smiled excitingly.  “I hope you like it!”

She looked at me again.  I nodded again.

“Umm, okay.”

He giggled.  “This is so great! Both my girls here with me.  Where I can protect them. I haven’t been this happy in decades! Come on,” he said, taking her hand.  “Follow me! You’re going to love it!”

I followed them to the back of the house. Joy kept turning around looking at me.  I smiled at her and motioned her on.

The room was massive.  Pink bed. Pink walls.  Dolls everywhere.  A dollhouse I could crawl inside.  He had this whole house stacked.  Damn.

“See that dollhouse there?” He asked Joy.

“Yeah.”

“I had someone make that especially for you. I thought you’d like it. Why don’t you run over there and see what’s inside.”

She watched me for a minute.  I nodded again.  “Go on. It’s yours.”

“Okay.”

He put his arm around me.  “I think she’ll be happy here.”

I nodded.  She was peeking in the dollhouse.  Moving stuff around. She kept making eye contact with me.  “Yeah,” I told him.

“What’s wrong, Faith?”

I shook my head.  “Nothing, boss.  This is awesome.” I kept my eyes on Joy.  She was shaking. 

He nodded and smiled at me.  “Good.  Good. I’ve got a few calls to make. Couple of old friends I need to round up.  Want me to show you to your room first?”

I shook my head.  “I’ll find it.  Probably need to make sure she’s okay first.”

He squeezed me to him.  “You’re a great mother, Faith.  I’m really proud of you.”

I nodded at him again.  “Yeah, uh… thanks.”

He frowned.  “Never could take a compliment.” He smiled at Joy.  “Look around, Joy.  Maybe later we can go swimming!” He was so excited.

“Okay,” she said.

“You like the room?” I asked her, after he left. “Lots of pink.”

“It’s nice,” she whispered.  Her hand was shaking.  She reached and picked up a doll and dropped it.

I walked over to her and sat down on the floor beside her.  “This is cool, huh?” I asked her, picking it up for her.

She nodded and took it from me. Her hand was clammy.

“Baby, I know you’re confused but everything’s gonna be okay.  Promise.”

She watched me for a moment and then tears started welling in her eyes.  Her lips were trembling.  She turned away.

I pulled her to me.  “Don’t cry, baby.  I’m not gonna let anything bad happen, okay?  I love you.”

She pulled back and wiped her eyes. “I want to go home.” She started sobbing. “Please, Mom.  Something’s wrong with you.  Can’t you feel it?”

She was just fucking scared.  I got it.  But there was no way I was sending her back there.  I knew B had some shit planned.  We needed to find out what.  No way she was involving my baby. 

“No, J.  It’s not me.  It’s your Momma. It’s Buffy.” I rubbed and kissed her head. “I just don’t want anything happening to you, baby.  I’m trying to protect you.”

She started sobbing louder.  “No.” She was hiccupping.  “Please, Mom. Please.” She was having trouble talking. “This place is bad.” She put her hand on my heart.  “Please. You feel it.  I know you do.  It’s in there.  This is wrong, Mom.” She started coughing.  I hated when she cried like this.  “Please.” She was begging. “I know that something’s wrong but Aunt Willow can fix it.  Please. Please. I’m so scared.”

Jesus, I hated she felt this way. I knew how new places could be scary. She just didn’t understand, I told myself. “No, Joy… you don’t understand.  You have to trust me.”

She wrapped her arms around me tighter. “I do trust you, Mom. I trust you more than anybody in the whole wide world.  But don’t you trust me too?”

Fuck. “Of course, I just…”

“This isn’t right.  You know that.  I know you feel that.”  She pushed her face against my neck.  “Please. Please take me home. I’m really scared. I miss Mommy.” Her tears fell on my neck.

What the fuck was I doing?  I jumped up, carrying her with me.  “Jesus Christ, Joy! I’m sorry.” I almost dropped her.  My god what was wrong with me?  How could I… How did I… Fuck he was fucking with my head.  I almost… I couldn’t… I started crying.

“No.  Don’t cry! Think.  Please, don’t cry.  We have to go.” She whispered. 

“I don’t know what to do,” I sobbed. How was I gonna get us out of this?  She was trembling. I’d never seen her so… so scared. What was happening to me?

“I do. I do.  I’ll just say the word.  The word Aunt Willow told me to say when I was in my dreams.  It’ll work.”  She hugged me. “Okay? Don’t cry…”

“I don’t know, baby.  This isn’t a dream.  We can’t...”

“Unicorn,” she mouthed.

And just like that… we were right back in the castle.

“Joy!” Buffy screamed, running up and grabbing her. “Get her!” She yelled to Kennedy.

Red’s eyes went black and a pain, which I was certain if I was asked to describe it I would’ve gone with boiling molten lave in my veins, shot through my body.  I screamed.

“Stop!” Joy yelled. She tried to pull away from Buffy. “Stop it, Aunt Willow!”

“No!” Buffy told her.  She held her tighter.  “Take her to the cell.  Now! While she can’t move!”

Ken and a few other slayers picked me up. I couldn’t see where we were going because I fucking couldn’t see.  I felt like I was on fire. Everywhere.  I hit the floor and I heard the door slam.  I was only aware enough to see that Buffy was the one who locked it.

She turned to Red.  “Let up.”

Red’s eyes flashed back normal. The immediate pain was gone, but I didn’t feel a fuck of a lot better.  I figured that would happen when all your fucking blood is replaced with fire…

“You sure he can’t get in here?” B asked her.

Red nodded.  “Mayor proof.”

“Are you okay, baby?” Buffy asked Joy. She kissed the side of her head.  “Did they hurt you?” She kept hissing her.

I scooted against the back of the cell. I didn’t want any of them to see me.

Joy was watching me though.  She was still struggling to get out of B’s grasp. “Mommy, let her out!” She screamed.  “She didn’t mean to! Let her out!  She’s sick! Can’t you see she’s sick!”

“No! Don’t!” I yelled.  “Leave me in here.  Don’t let me out.”

Buffy glared at me.  “Don’t worry,” she growled.  She turned to Red and handed her Joy.  “Don’t let her out of your sight.  For any reason.” She looked at the other slayers, Ken included. “Any of you.”

“Yes mam,” the girls muttered.

Ken was watching me.  Sadness flickered over her face.  “We won’t, Buffy.  No worries.”

“Mommy, please!  Listen to me! She’s sick!” Joy was wiggling in Red’s arms. Red was having trouble hanging on to her.

“May want Ken to hold her,” I muttered.

“No one asked you!” Buffy yelled. Ken took her all the same though.

The rest of the gang was still standing in the room. Buffy turned to them. “Get out! All of you!”

“Buffy, I think…” Giles started.

“Out!” She was screaming. “Get out!” I’d actually never actually seen her this mad. Her face was red and she was shaking.

They nodded and left.

She stood staring at me for a moment and then pulled a chair up and sat down about five feet away from the cell. I had my back pressed against the wall. We sat there for about five minutes. She didn’t say anything. I didn’t have anything to say. I just watched her.  Her face was… blank. I was pretty fucking sure her mind wasn’t. I wasn’t even sure she’d blinked.  Her body was completely still, except for her hands, which she kept flexing into fists.  I concentrated on her breathing and the rise and fall of her chest.

Red came back in with a cup.  “Here’s the antidote.  She needs to drink it.  All of it.”

B nodded and took it from her. “Leave,” she told her without breaking eye contact with me.

Once she was gone, she pushed it through the bars. “Drink this.  Every bit.  If you don’t, we have more and we’ll knock you out and put it in an IV.”

I nodded and took the cup from her. I turned it up. It tasted like what I imagined hell in a cup would taste like. I swallowed it down and tried to keep from gagging. As soon as it was gone my body jerked violently.  I hit the floor.  And I vomited.  I vomited for what seemed like forever.  What came out of my body… fuck… black tar?  I don’t know… but it smelled like death.  It bubbled for a moment on the floor. And then it evaporated right in front of us.

I sat up and wiped my mouth.  All the rage that was in my body was gone. Glad it left the guilt behind.

B was watching from her chair. She had her arms crossed and her face was still a mask.  “I’m not letting you out.”

“Good.  Don’t.” I muttered back to her.  I needed to stay in here.  I couldn’t put them in danger again.

“I don’t know how you got back… but…”

“Joy brought us back… she was scared so I told her… I’m so…” Sorry, I was going to say.

“Don’t you dare.” She told me. “I mean it.”

Well, this felt familiar.  Great.

I sighed and looked away. “Okay.”

“Where were you?” She spat out.

“Somewhere in Florida.  I don’t know where.  In a big ass house on the beach.”

“You were in the States?” She asked incredulously.

“Yes, Buffy.  Florida is in the States.” I answered. I regretted it as soon as I said it.

“Don’t get smart with me!” She stood up and threw the chair across the room.  “Are you… Do you have any idea… Any idea what almost happened, Faith? Any?”

I nodded slowly.  “Yes Buffy, I’m well aware.” I wasn’t fucking stupid. I had been there…

She slunk down the wall opposite the cell. She put her hands on her head. “And I know, Faith… I fucking know! It’s not your fault.  But you… Do you know!?! Oh my god! I can’t.” She stood up and started pacing.  “I can’t… My god, he could have killed her. Do you understand that?  He could have killed our child, Faith.  Our baby.” She choked back a sob.  “You have no idea what I was feeling. No idea… I can’t even think about it,” she muttered.

I shook my head.  “He wouldn’t have,” I whispered.

She lunged at the cell.  “What!?!  What!?! How do you know that Faith? What gives you any right to say that? You were the one that took her there! You!”

I sighed and scooted further against the wall. “I wouldn’t have let him, B. Even with that… whatever inside me. I… fought it.  Because of her.  I couldn’t do that to her.  She was scared and…” I started crying.  Fuck me. I wiped my face. “I fought it.  I fought it.  I fought it.” I was choked. I hid my head against my knees and wrapped my arms around it. I sobbed.  I wanted to die.  I wanted to fade into the floor and just disappear and die. They were better off… better off without… “Just… send me somewhere… please, Buffy.” I sobbed. “See if Red can send…” I hiccupped. “…me somewhere else. Far away.  I need to be far away. I’ll do whatever.  Go wherever.  Send me to hell, I don’t fucking care… just get me away from her.” The last part came out strangled.  I couldn’t catch my breath.

I didn’t hear her unlock the door. I didn’t hear her come in the cell. I didn’t feel her touch me.  Not until she pulled me all the way between her legs.  She didn’t say anything.  But she did hold me.  She held me as tight as she could.  She put her chin on my head and she pulled me as close to her as she could get. My hand was crushed between us and it was killing me.  But I would cut it off before I moved.  I didn’t want to ever leave her arms.  I sobbed against her chest.

There was a cot in the cell.  No bigger than a twin bed.  Standard prison issue really.  I didn’t feel her pick me up.  It took me a second to realize we were lying down.  She scooted her back against the wall and pulled me to her. I buried my head in her chest again. It crossed my mind briefly that she was always so warm. Like there was a light inside of her or something.  I wasn’t crying out loud anymore though.  I couldn’t. I was just shaking. Tears were running down my cheeks and I was shaking so hard…  I didn’t think it’d ever stop.

The other thing I didn’t hear… Joy. I wasn’t sure how she’d gotten down there… I guess Red or Ken had brought her.  But I felt her crawl in between us.  She rested her head under my chin and scooted against me. 

“Shh, Mom.  It’s gonna be okay.” She wrapped her arms around me.

I nodded.  I was trying to stop crying.

“Shh,” she whispered again.  She was rubbing my back.  Buffy had her arms around us both.  “Go to sleep, okay?  You’re sleepy, aren’t you?”

I struggled to answer her, but no sound would come out.

“Don’t talk baby,” Buffy whispered. “Just go to sleep. She’s right.  It’ll be okay.” She leaned over and kissed my forehead. “We love you, F,” she whispered in my ear.

“More than anything in the whole wide world,” my daughter finished. 

“I love you more,” I tried to say.

“I don’t think that’s possible,” Buffy said against the side of my head.  “No matter what. No matter who. Nothing will ever change. I always choose you. Always.” I felt her lips softly kiss my ear. “You’re the only one.  Our only one. And if you think I’m letting you go… you don’t know me at all.” I knew she was telling the truth. Because I did know her. I’ve always known her. Her breath was warm against my ear, and for some reason it made me feel safe.

I closed my eyes.  If I never said it before, it felt fucking great to be held by somebody that loved you.  I knew it was bad. But… I also knew it could wait until tomorrow.  Because nothing, nothing at all...  Nothing could make me move away from either of them tonight.

 


	9. You're Gonna Need to Call in Reinforcements

Somehow, I woke up in my own bed. Buffy was sitting up beside me, drinking coffee.  Joy sat next to her, a cup of juice in her hand.  They were both watching me.

“Morning,” B said.

“Hi,” I whispered.  I flexed my hand.  It was still broken definitely, but it was stable again.  I looked at it. They had put another cast on it, but this one was white. Wow.

“Will did it last night,” B said.

Joy nodded.  “Yeah.  You slept all the way through it.  And when Mommy carried you upstairs.  You slept really well,” she said thoughtfully.

“I don’t remember,” I muttered. I tried to sit up. I was dizzy.  I grabbed at my head with my other hand.  “I’m…”

B nodded.  “…dizzy.  Yeah. The antidote had some other stuff in it… just to help you sleep.  Nothing bad. Will was just afraid you wouldn’t be able to… you know sleep because it was going to make you ill.”

“Okay,” I whispered and sat up more slowly. “Yeah, head rush,” I muttered, lying back down.  My voice was hoarse. I guessed it was from all the crying? I tried to clear my throat. “I think my voice…” I scratched out.

“You sound funny,” Joy giggled. She bent down and kissed my nose. “I love you, Mom. I’m glad your hand is better.”

I smiled at her.  “Love you.” I told her.  I looked at my hand and frowned.  “Sorry it’s not pink.”

She shook her head.   “Sometimes you can have too much pink,” she told me, crinkling her nose.

The mayor.  His house.  Oh god… What the fuck was I thinking?  I knew it was whatever was inside me… whatever he had done to me… but how could I…

She must have noticed the looks crossing my face. “No.  Don’t do that.  Okay. No sad thoughts.” She rubbed my forehead. “You saved me. I knew you would.” She looked at B. “Even when she didn’t know, I knew she would.”

B wrapped her arm around her. “Well, that’s because she loves you more than anything in the whole wide world, right?  She’s always gonna save you.  No matter what happens,” she added.

I nodded at her.  That was an understatement.  I wanted to tell them that she saved me.  But they both already knew that.

I heard a knock on the door.

“Come in,” Buffy said.

Red and Ken both walked in.

“Hey,” Ken said.  “Feel like you got hit by a transfer truck?’

“Somewhat,” I muttered, my voice still scratchy.

She sat down on the edge of the bed. “Well, Will’s got something to tell you. She wanted to wait, but I know you and your broody ass is gonna start with the guilt soon.  So, yeah, I’d say shut up and listen, but you can’t talk. Remind me to make fun of you later,” she told me.

I smirked at her and turned to Will. I raised my eyebrow at her.

“Right.  So we know what was… what the spell was.  The mayor, or somebody working with him, used some very dark magic, Faith. When you were asleep and in his world or whatever.  Some of the darkest magic I’ve ever seen.” She moved next to Kennedy and sat down. “It should have… the spell cast, the stuff inside of you… I saw it forming after you woke up. It was sort of interlacing with your soul or something.  It scared me. And then, in the cell… I knew it wasn’t you.  I couldn’t get to Ken’s mind in time… I… I knew that if she opened that door it would be bad.”

I looked away.

She patted my leg.  “No listen, please,” she smiled at me.  “Once that magic gets inside of you, ahold of you… nothing can stop it.  Not unless you have an antidote.  It consumes everything inside of you… everything good.  It’s a pretty pure form of evil and it’s almost like… like acid or something. When you left with him, I knew we’d have to find you.  I told them we’d have to fight you. There was no way, with that poison inside of you that you were thinking right… that you’d do right.  So when you came back, with Joy, on your own because of her…. Because she was scared… I mean that you fought it,” she smiled softly.  “I… you need to understand how big that was. Huge.  Like, needs to go in one of our books huge. No one has ever come back from that on their own.  No one. It’s completely unprecedented.”

B winked at me.  I tried to smile at her.

“I spent all of last night, uh… until I fell asleep, anyway… trying to figure it out.  But, all I can figure is that it’s you.  Buff was right; you might be the strongest person in the world. I really think if it had been anyone else, any one of us, things would have turned out differently,” she said quietly. 

Ken smirked.  “Just thought you needed to know.  And no mayor in or out of here.  Will’s got us on lockdown. So no worries there.”

Willow nodded.  “And no dreams for you or Joy,” she added.  “Sorry for the magic and all but…”

“I get it,” I croaked out.  “Thanks,” I told her.

She rubbed my head. She turned to Joy. “We gotta research! Want to help?”

Joy squealed.  “Yep!”

Ken looked at me and rolled her eyes. “Which one of you carries that gene? You know the smart one?”

We both shrugged.  “Maybe it skipped a generation or something?” B mused.

“Sure,” Ken nodded.

“You guys take your time,” Red told us, scooping Joy up.  “We’re gonna go get our study on and look for some solutions to our little problem with the mayor and all. Why don’t you… you know… come down later?”

“Will do,” Ken answered, staying put.

Joy jumped on top of her.  “Haha! Good try, Kenny.  No way!” She giggled.  “You have to go with me.” She gave her the puppy dog stare.

“Jesus Christ,” Ken mumbled standing up. “Come on, you little devil,” she told her, shaking her head.

“Ken!” Buffy said, when they were leaving.

She turned around.  “I know; I know.  Not out of my sight. No worries.  She’s not even going to the bathroom without me.”

Joy put her hands on her hips. “Then you have to at least close your eyes and ears this time.”

They were arguing down the hallway. “I don’t know how you expect me to do both,” we heard Kennedy say.  “I only have two hands.”

“Use your feet.  That’s what monkeys do when they…” Joy’s voice faded.

Buffy laughed.  “Maybe we should get Joy a camera.  Wouldn’t you like to have a picture of that?”

I nodded and tried clearing my throat. “Uh yeah.  I’d probably hang it on the wall or something.” I sat up again. I was less dizzy this time. “B… Buffy, I uh… I’m sorry for…

“No,” she held up her hand.  “Don’t.  Did you hear anything Will just said?”

I coughed.  My voice was still scratchy and raw. “Yeah, but…”

“Seriously.  Don’t.  Last night she was like speechless or something.  She couldn’t believe you’d… that you even had enough of the ‘you’ you left to… to come back.  She told me, uh when you left that… that you were gone.  That nothing could stop that but the antidote she was making. We were planning on; we expected a much different scenario.  One where I would have to find you and you know… knock you out or something so we could administer it.”

I couldn’t look at her.

She tilted my chin up so my eyes met her. “I told her though.  I told her that you wouldn’t let anything happen to Joy.  I knew you couldn’t do anything to her.  Even when you were here, even with that stuff inside of you… You protected her, Faith.  You protected her.” She put her hand in my lap and grabbed my hand.  “That… you don’t realize what that means.”

I squeezed her hand. “She’s our baby. I don’t think some mystical tar shit is gonna change that.”

She shook her head again.  “It was supposed to.  That’s what you don’t understand.  All human emotion… gone.  But you fought it.” She brought my hand up to her mouth and kissed it.  “You did what no one else has ever done.  That’s pretty stinking amazing.”

I sat up more fully.  “I feel… I feel uh… fucking nasty.  You think I could take a shower?”

She breathed out and laughed. “Of course.  Come on,” she said.  She stood up and took my arm.  “Can you stand?”

“Uh yeah…  just a little, uh shaky,” I told her.  She pulled my weight against her.  Just like she’d done with… Fuck.  “Satsu? Oh god, is she…”

Buffy led me to the bathroom. “Fine.  She’s fine.” She stopped.  “Well not fine.  But… grand scheme of things… she’s seen worse.  No worries. We explained everything. She’s a little disappointed she can’t kick your butt but I threatened her.” She smiled at me.

I felt my stomach jump a little at the last comment. “You threatened her?”

“Of course, silly.” She kissed my temple. “She knows not to mess with me. I’m like a mama bear,” she scrunched up her nose. “And like a… mama wife?  Or what… wife bear?” She shook her head.  “What would you call that?”

She was ridiculous.  I had no idea.  I shrugged. “Not a clue.”

She shrugged back and led me in the bathroom. “You know what I mean.”

I did.

She opened a drawer and pulled out gauze tape. “Okay, so we have to wrap like a bag around that hand, you know… so we don’t get the cast wet. Will said it will itch if you get it wet.”

I nodded and let her do her thing. She found a small plastic bag and wrapped it around my arm.  Then she taped it tighter than a fucking Christmas present wrapped by Satan. No water was getting in there. Nothing was getting in there. We were never getting that shit off. I was gonna be lucky to get any blood ever flowing in there again.  She’d used like half the roll. 

“Good?” She asked, smiling like she’d just solved a complicated theorem. 

I looked at it.  It was twice as big now. Jesus Christ. “Yep,” I told her. “Good job.”

She clapped her hands together. “Okay, so… I guess… shower, maybe?”

“Uh, maybe can you fix me a toothbrush first?” I asked her.

“Oh yeah.  Yeah. Brush your teeth.” She told me. She turned the water on and laid out the brush. 

I finished brushing my teeth. I heard B start the water behind me. I could see my face in the mirror. I looked like hell. “Jesus, I look like shit,” I muttered around the brush.  I spit and tried to wipe my mouth.  Having one hand was fucking hard.

The mirror was foggy and I didn’t see Buffy come up behind me.  She put her arms around me. And fuck… she was naked. “I think you look beautiful,” she whispered in my ear.  She put her hands on my hips and eased off my pants.  She turned me around and raised my arms in the air.  “But this shirt stinks,” she said, wrinkling her nose and pulling it over my head.  She reached around and unhooked my bra.  “I think it’s funny I can do that like a pro now,” she giggled.

What the hell was she talking about? “Do what?”

“Take off another woman’s bra,” she smiled at me.

“Who else’s bra you been taking off, blondie?” I asked her.

“It’s hard to keep count…” she whispered. She suddenly pulled me against her. “What with the fact she’s standing here naked in front of me… but I’m thinking one.”

She backed us up to the bathroom counter. I could feel her pressed against me. She was so warm. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her to me.   I kissed the side of her neck.  “I love you,” I told her and licked the side of her ear. 

She moaned against my cheek.  “I… uh…” She ran her hands down my back, tracing patterns with her fingers.  “I know…” she breathed out.  She caught my bottom lip between hers and sucked it lightly.  Holy shit… she had no idea how that felt.  I felt my legs get weak. 

The bathroom was getting steamy and I thought, fuck we must be really hot and then I realized… “Buffy. The water.”

She pulled away from me.  “Oh!” She stood staring at me for a second. She was biting her lower lip. Did I mention the weak legs? “We should uh… we should take a shower…” she put her finger in her mouth. Like she was thinking.

I felt my breathing speed up. I tried really hard not to groan, but I wasn’t that successful.  “You cannot fucking do that…” I told her.

She looked at me, her eyes all-innocent. “Do what?” She asked, sweetly. She ran her finger down her chest, between her breasts.  “We need to get in… I’m getting all… sweaty and wet,” she giggled out.

“Fuck,” I whispered.  Hand be damned… I was about to…

She jumped into the shower before I could grab her.

“Clean, baby! Clean first.  And then other stuff… you know after…” She said from inside the stall.

“Buffy, that’s silly. Cause then we’ll just have to take another shower and then… it sounds like a cycle to me,” I reached into the shower with the hand that wasn’t wrapped like a goddamn mummy and grabbed her.  “So,” I told her. “You just come back out here,” I reached around her and turned off the water.  “And then, you know… we’ll do this later.”

She squealed when I pulled her out. Her hair was wet and water was dripping off of her.  “Oh,” she pouted. “Now I’m all cold.”

I pulled her to me and kissed her. I reached around her again and threw a towel on the ground.  Fuck the bed. “Not for long,” I whispered against her mouth.

It was her turn to moan.  She looked down and saw the towel.  “Here?  Really?”

“Wanna walk all the way back out there?” I motioned with my head.

She stared at me, to see if I was serious or not probably.  Oh I was fucking serious. “Okay,” she said. She pushed my back against the counter again.  “Stay here.”

“Uh, where you going?” I asked her. She kissed me again, and started sliding down my body.

“Down here, silly.” She told me, hitting her knees.

After the longest shower known to man… and look here, I wasn’t kidding cause I looked that shit up… we finally got dressed and made our way downstairs.

Red and Ken were in the library with Joy. “Feel better?” Red smirked. Cause she was nothing if not insightful.

“Yeah,” I told her.  “Thanks…you know, for everything.”

“Really? Cause I wasn’t in there… oh! Oh! You mean the antidote.  It was nothing, silly,” she said, giggling at B.

I felt my cheeks get red. 

Ken shook her head at me.  I was afraid she was about to say something totally inappropriate but she just held up her hands like she was giving up. “All good, Dad,” she told me.

I rolled my eyes.

“Did you find anything?” Buffy asked her, sitting next to Joy.

“Not yet,” we heard Giles say, walking in the room. His eye was black.  I’d forgotten I fucking decked him last night.

“Shit, G…I…” I winced.  “I’m sorry.”

“No, no, Faith.  I’ve seen much worse,” he smiled at me.  “Besides, I feel it gives me a sort of rugged, handsome appeal.”

Joy giggled and ran up and hugged him. “Me too,” she said.

He picked her up.  “Have you found anything, dear?” He asked her.

It was funny seeing Giles all, you know, grandfatherly and stuff.  His Britishness usually didn’t allow for that shit.  At least not with the rest of us.

She patted his cheek.  “We read a lot while they were getting ready…” she said, pointing to us.  “But we didn’t find anything.” She noticed our hair was wet. I guess we looked like less than her definition of ‘ready.’  She scrunched her face.  “You don’t look very ready,” she told us. 

“You know how your Mom is.  She spaces out,” B smirked.

“That’s what they call it now,” Ken laughed.

Will giggled and patted Ken on the back. “Yeah, we just call it…”

I raised my broken hand.  “Uh! Hello! Broken hand anyone.  It takes a while,” I told Joy.  What the holy fuck was wrong with all of them?

Giles looked traumatized.  Couldn’t say I blamed him.  “Right… glad you’re clean.  And no longer… uh, infected, as it were.  However, not to sound like the only voice of reason in the room, but we still have the mayor to deal with.” He turned to me.  “You’re certain it was Florida?”

I looked at Joy.  “It’s what he said, right?”

She nodded.  “It was sunny there.  And there was a beach. It was pretty.” She turned to Giles. “I had a dollhouse. He gave one to me. It was gigantic.”

He nodded at her.  “Why yes… we can get you one too, if you want.”

I couldn’t believe my ears.  Sounded like dude was jealous. 

She shook her head.  “Nah.  It’s okay. But on the inside there was a little sign.  It was a sticker on the ceiling at the back.”

He looked intrigued.  What?  She wanted stickers now?

“What did it say?” He asked her.

“Made in Key West,” she told him. “Is that in Florida?”

Glad someone in here was smart.

He smiled at her.  “Why yes it is.  That’s truly amazing Joy.  I… amazing. I’m very proud of you.” He hugged her and sat her down.

She was beaming.

“Do you think that’s where he is?” Buffy asked.

“Maybe.  It could be the dollhouse was transferred there, but it’s an excellent place to start. And quite the powers of observation you have, Joy.  I’m not sure either of your mothers would have noticed that,” he winked at her.

Ken shrugged.  “Yeah, cause they’d have to be able to read and stuff.”

“Willow do you think…” Giles started.

“Already on it,” she smiled at him. “I’ll try a locator spell first. It may take some time since we’re so far away.  But he’s corporal now.”

I winced again.  That was my fault.

“Which we knew he would be… by the way,” she said, looking at me.  “So he’ll be easier to find.” She moved to a desk on the other side of the room and started pulling out maps.  “Want to help me, Joy?”

Joy squealed like eight year olds who got to play with actual magic are wont to do and ran over.

“How is your hand?” Giles asked.

“Bout as good as your face,” I told him. “And healing at the same rate.”

He nodded.  “Yes. I’m assuming you reinjured it yesterday, when you… it will heal.  Don’t fret.” He said, patting me on the shoulder.  “And I’m truly proud of you.  What you did… what you fought… it was quite amazing, Faith.”

“Thanks,” I muttered.

“Nope.  No frownie face,” B said.  She pulled her hair back and smiled at me.  “I’m not going to have it.”

“Yeah, and then she’ll start stomping that tiny little foot of hers.” Ken laughed.  “And we certainly can’t have that either.”

Buffy huffed.  “I don’t stomp,” she pouted. “And my foot’s not tiny,” she added, sticking it out in front of her and looking at it.  She turned to me.  “Is it?”

I shrugged.  “A little bit.”

“Well, it could still kick both of your asses. Tiny or not.” She smirked.

“Probably,” Ken told her. 

“Good.  As long as you realize…”

“Got it!” Red said, from across the room. “Joy was right. It’s Key West.”

“That was fast,” Ken told her. “Good job, baby.”

Red frowned a bit.

“It was easy.  Way easier than the last locator spell we did,” Joy chimed in. Of course, she’d done them before. I decided to bite my tongue.

“What is it?” B asked her.

Red shook her head.  “It’s nothing.  He’s just… strong.  Really strong. It shouldn’t have been that easy to find him, but he’s giving off a lot of power.”

“What does that mean?” I asked her.

“I don’t know.  It means he’s stronger than the first time.  I don’t know what’s… what’s driving this.” She seemed lost in thought. “Did he say why he wanted you? And Joy?”

“No,” I shook my head.  “He just said he was glad to have both his girls,” I whispered. “But he didn’t say why. The only reason we got out of there was because he said he had to make some calls or something. Look up some old contacts.”

Giles’ brow furrowed.  “He most likely didn’t mean the telephone, I’m assuming.”

I shrugged.  “I don’t know.  I didn’t even think to ask him what was up.  It was like I was…”

“…under his control,” Giles finished. “Which you were. The poison made you submissive enough for him to control you.  It would have kept you from questioning him.  I wouldn’t have expected anything less.”

“So what do we do?” Buffy asked. “Go to Florida? We can’t… I mean with Joy, we can’t… but we can’t wait either…”

We heard someone walk into the library. Everyone turned around.

“It really bothers me that you don’t call me when all of this starts,” Angel said from the doorway.

“Angel!” Joy yelled, running up to him.

He picked her up and threw her in the air. “How’s my favorite slayer?”

She kissed his cheek.  “How’s my favorite vampire?” She laughed. It was a weird ass thing they did.

“Angel!” Buffy squealed and ran over and hugged him. “Why are you here?” She pulled back, worried all of a sudden.

He sat J down and put his hands on her shoulders. “When the big bad rises, even if it’s on the other side of the country, I’m sort of in the know.” He made eye contact with me.  “And this one… it’s sort of big on the big bad scale.”

“How big?” I asked him.

“You’re going to need to call in reinforcements.” He sighed.  He did that when he was worried.  It was for effect. He still couldn’t breathe. Dumbass. “All of them.”

“What’s he planning?” Ken asked him.

“World Domination.” Angel told her.

“Well that’s shocking,” she muttered.

“Pretty common a goal,” he agreed. “But… he’s closer than most. And he needs one thing to make it complete.”

“What’s that?” Red asked him.

He raised his eyebrows and looked down. Joy was staring up at him. He looked at Buffy to see if she registered what he was saying.  She nodded at him.  “Won’t work without that. And he’ll keep coming. Because he has everything else he needs. He’s closer to his goal than anyone has been in a long time.”

“We won’t let him,” I said, walking over and picking Joy up.  “We’ll kill him.”

He shook his head.  “That’s the problem.  Killing him is going to be difficult.”

“Why?” Giles asked.  “Is he impervious again?”

Angel nodded.  “Something like that.  More like immortal but…, there’s one person that can harm him.” He looked over at Joy.  “You know what they say about keeping your friends close and your enemies closer? He can’t hurt her because his plan won’t work without her.  But he can’t let her hurt him either.  And she’s the only one who can.”

“Find another way,” I growled.

He nodded.  “We’re looking.  I can’t find one yet.” He handed Will some papers.  “I’ve got everything we’ve found here.  Maybe you can find something we’ve missed.”

She took them and ran over to the table, spreading them out.

“Kennedy, will you…” Buffy started.

“Already on it, Buff.” She took Joy from me. “Let’s go find Andy and see if he’ll whip us up some waffles.  I’m starving.”

Joy had been watching us the entire time we’d been talking.  She’d felt me tense when Angel explained what he knew.  She wasn’t stupid.  But she knew when to be quiet.  It was weird.

“Okay! Strawberry?” She asked her.

“And powdered sugar,” Ken whispered.

“She’s your responsibility when she’s bouncing off the walls later,” I told her. 

She rolled her eyes and motioned at Joy. “Moms are so bossy, huh?”

Joy smiled.  She hugged me.  “Don’t worry, Mom. Worrying makes you wrinkle.”

Ken laughed and chased her out of the room.

Wrinkled? I felt my face.  “Do I have…”

Buffy shook her head.  “No, dork.  Focus.” She turned to Angel.  “You have any idea how my eight year old daughter is supposed to kill something that is immortal and apparently super strong?  Cause, you know, there’s no way in any hell dimension that she’s ever gonna be on the same continent with him again.”

He frowned.  “No. I don’t.  But we’ve got to figure out something.  It goes without saying that we need to do it fast, doesn’t it?”

We nodded.

Will looked up.  “Angel’s right.  She’s the only one who can defeat him.”

“Again, how’s she supposed to do that, Will?”

“I don’t know, Buffy.  I just need to think… we can’t obviously put her anywhere near him. But… with him being immortal and all… I don’t know what else to do.”

I sat down.  “So we keep looking, right? We find another way?”

Angel and Red shared a glance. That told me they didn’t think we could.

I stood back up.  “I don’t fucking care what the two of you say.  You find another way.  Keep reading.  Get everyone in this fucking room and read every single book on those goddamn shelves. There’s got to be something.”

“Okay, Faith, we will,” Buffy put her arm around my waist.

I shook my head.  “You don’t understand, B.  She’s terrified of him.  I’ve never seen her so scared… I can’t believe how close he was… I… she can’t take being around him, okay?”

She hugged me.  “Okay, don’t worry.  We won’t let that happen.”

I pulled away from her and turned to Angel. “And what about me? What role do I play in this?”

“The one you already played,” he said. “You were supposed to deliver her to him.”

“I did that,” I mumbled.

“Yeah.  And you brought her back,” he told me.  “He wasn’t expecting that one.  He underestimated you big time, huh?”

“I guess,” I told him.

“I think he wants you though. There with him I mean. If not by submission than by force. He loves you, as crazy as that sounds. He’s always loved you.”

“I’m not sure that’s love…” Buffy said.

“No,” I shook my head.  “In some weird way, it is.” I looked at Red. “Can we use that? Send me back?  Maybe let him think you guys took Joy?  Can I be poisoned again?”

She shook her head.  “No the poison is a one time shot.  But… you aren’t going back.” She stated.

I looked at Buffy.  “It gets us inside.  I’ll know what he’s planning then.  I can figure out his weakness.  I can…”

“No!” She screamed.  “No! You are not doing that! Do you hear me, Faith because I am beyond serious! It’s not an option!”  Her face was panicked.

It was an option.  It was a fucking good option.  I’d throw myself on the sword right now to protect her and Joy. I nodded at her though. “Okay, baby.  Okay.  It was just a suggestion,” I whispered, pulling her to me.

“It’s a stupid suggestion,” she muttered, wrapping her arms around me.  “And it’s not happening. I mean it.  It’s not.” She pulled away and wiped at her eyes. She turned to Red. “The hypnosis thing… when we were like ghosts.  Can you do that again?”

She nodded.  “Yeah, but… we don’t need to, Buffy.  We know everything that… oh, yeah. Yeah, I can do that.”

What was she talking about?  We didn’t need to do another mind walk.

“Good,” she said.  “Send me to him.  Figure out what you have to do, but I want to go… by tonight.”

Red nodded.  “Okay.  Okay… that’s something we can…”“Uh fuck no!” I said.  “You must be fucking crazy! You think I’m gonna let you…” I shook my head.  “I’ll fucking throw you in that cell downstairs.”

She brushed me off. “Best plan we’ve got.” She looked at the rest of them.  “You guys come up with something else, I’m game.  Otherwise, I go tonight.” She turned and walked to the door.  “I’m going to have waffles,” she smiled at me. “I’m famished for some reason.”

I backed up until my knees hit the couch. “Red…” I started.

“It’s okay, Faith… just let me look.” She whispered.

Giles moved to help her and Angel sat down beside me.

He put his arm around me.  “What the hell happened to your hand?” He asked me.

I sat back and groaned.  “Dude… you’ve kinda missed a lot…”

 


	10. The Proposition

After I caught Angel up on everything he’d missed, which sadly consisted of the breaking of my hand bullshit, we helped Red and Giles with the research.  B and Ken were still in the kitchen eating fucking waffles or whatever with Joy, and if I had to guess Xander, Dawn, and the rest of the damn castle.

I kept playing in my head Buffy’s resolve at going to confront the mayor.  We had to find something and soon… otherwise, there was fuck all I was gonna be able to do about it.  I knew B would go. And I knew Red would send her.  The mayor crossed more than one line last night.  And he was cut off from me and J.  That meant that he would come at us full force and there was no way B wasn’t heading that shit off. 

I threw the book down on the table I was reading. Everyone jumped. Okay, with the little psycho road trip I’d just taken, I probably shouldn’t have done that. “Sorry,” I muttered to the three of them.  “There’s not much here,” I whispered.  I looked at them. “We’ve got to figure something out, Red. We can’t send her there.”

“Faith, I know you’re worried about her, but… it may be our best bet,” Angel started.

“I don’t fucking think so.  I…”

“No, let me finish.  She goes to him, sort of the way she went into your dreams. So she’s not… she’d be asleep, right Willow?”

Willow nodded.  “He wouldn’t be able to touch her.  And at least she’d be able to maybe figure out… you know… something or… we’ve got to do something,” she sighed.  “We can’t just wait for him to attack.” She saw my face.  “Not that he can get in here or anything,” she rushed out. “I just mean… we can’t hole up in this castle the rest of our lives.”

“We can if we have to.” I told her. “If it means putting her or Buffy in danger,” I sighed, “or anyone, for that matter, we can. Or you can send me.”

She shook her head.  “Absolutely not.  You are exactly what he wants, Faith.  That’s a bad bad choice and I’m going to put my foot down,” she told me, standing up. “I just sit back and say ‘okay’ most of the time.  Going along with the plan, but… not this time.  You aren’t going. So, you’ll just have to deal and stuff.” She huffed loudly and crossed her arms. 

Angel patted her shoulder and eased her back into her chair.  “So, it’s safe to say… you aren’t going,” he told me. 

“I most certainly agree, Faith,” Giles told me. “It seems as if you’ve been overruled.”

What the fuck ever. 

The rest of the gang came in the library then. They seemed… I didn’t know… like happy or some shit.  Not like there was another impending doom on the horizon or anything.  It always baffled me.

“Breakfast good?” I asked Joy.

She ran over and I thought she was gonna climb in my lap.  She jumped in Angel’s instead. Of fucking course. She fucking loved him. I wasn’t gonna be jealous. I was turning over a new leaf. Nope…

I had to honestly and consciously tell myself not to roll my eyes.  This shit was gonna be hard.

“Yes,” she squealed when he tickled her. “Breakfast was yummy. Momma said you need to eat.” She told me.

I turned to B.  “That right, B?”

“Yes.  You do. You aren’t going to have any strength. And your arm isn’t going to heal. It’s really hard washing your hair,” she pouted. 

“Next time I’ll get Red to do it,” I told her.

“Oh, I will.  No problem.” She said, not looking up from her book.

I smirked at B and Ken.  They both groaned.  One reason you gotta love Red – she could be clueless. 

“Will,” Ken whined.  “You do know what she’s saying, don’t you?” She glared at me.

“Of course I do.  I’m pretty smart, Ken.  I’m sure it would be loads of all kinds of new fun,” she told her, still not looking up from book.  I saw her wink though.

Okay, maybe not so clueless. 

“Ugh, that’s no fun.” B whined.

Ken mouthed ‘fuck you’ and sat down on the couch with her arms crossed.  So, the day wasn’t an entire bust.

Will shrugged and kept reading.

“There’s not enough bleach in this house for my brain,” Dawn said, sitting down.  “And hi, Angel. Glad you’re here.”

He smiled at her.  “Dawn, you look good.” He turned to Xander. “Xander.”

“Angel.”

That was the extent of that.  The only one outside of the castle as whigged as B about that little love affair… Angel.  I was pretty sure he and Buffy were planning some shit that consisted of Xander’s balls in a vise or something.  I chose to stay ignorant on purpose.

“So, anything?” B asked us.

We all shook her head.

“Right.  So my plan it is.  I think you need to start looking into that now, Will.  I really want to do it tonight.”

“Damn, Buffy… give us longer than it takes you to eat your fucking pancakes.” I growled.

“I’m getting a swear jar,” Giles mumbled.

Buffy shrugged at me.  “ Waffles. And you know there’s not gonna be anything in there, Faith. And besides, he won’t be able to hurt me.  You’ve got to learn to trust me.” She smiled, seemingly careless. Or clueless.  It was hard to be sure.

“Why are you being so damn stubborn? We already know what he wants and that’s something.  We can take at least a few days to…”

Her phone rang.  She held up her hand to stop me. 

“Hello,” she smiled.

Well excuse the fuck out of me… sorry to interrupt your goddamn phone…

Her face turned white.

“What is it Buffy?” I asked, jumping it.

She motioned with her head at Ken. Ken must’ve gotten something I didn’t cause she ran and scooped Joy up and ran out of the room.

“Yes,” B whispered into the phone. “I’m here.”  She pushed the speaker and the mayor’s voice filled the room.

“Good. Good.  And can everyone hear me now?” He chuckled.  “Can you hear me now?  What annoying commercials those were.”

“Yes,” B said.

“Oh no fucking…” I moved to stand up.

“Quiet,” Red whispered.  “Don’t let him hear you, “she projected.

I scowled at her but stayed quiet.

“So everyone is well I take it, Faith’s little stunt aside.  I really thought my dose of reality would work for her.  Seems your clutches are a bit stronger than I realized.” I could almost hear him shaking his head.  “It’s sad it had to work out this way.”

“Sad for who?” Buffy asked. 

He laughed.  “You of course.  First though, I must say… bravo to your witch. Your castle is very well protected. Nice job all around. I never thought the way I’d be contacting you was through a cell phone.  Technology’s come a long way in the last fifteen years though. These little things are magnificent. Like little computers in your hand. Quite handy.”

“What do you want?” B growled. “To talk us all to death?”

“Still sarcastic I see.  Never really understood what Faith saw in you. Must’ve been the spunk. Or maybe those big greens eyes and blonde hair?  Such a silly fascination she had with you. I just wish it would’ve turned out differently…  No matter, I suppose. But no, I have a proposition for you, Ms. Summers.  Something I think you’re going to want to listen to.”

“What proposition?  Your goal of world domination?” B asked him. “That’s pretty last decade. Last I checked; you screwed that up royally.  Plan on doing it again so I can kill you like the first time? Haven’t been snake hunting in a while.”

He laughed. “Memories.  I did so enjoy eating some of your classmates though. Nutritious little devils, weren’t they? But no. No.  You see,” he sighed.  “The problem is world domination, I mean, it’s old hat, isn’t it? You’ve been there once and the scenery doesn’t change.  It’s not the same the second time around.” He laughed.  “But don’t get me wrong, I’ll take what I can get.  Still, I’m here for the long haul this time around, if I get my druthers.”

“You got point any time soon?” Buffy asked.

He clicked his tongue. “I really thought you youngsters would have learned patience by now.  It is such a needed virtue.  But I understand, times a wasting, you are right about that.”

His voice was making me sick. Angel patted me on the back. Until we knew what he wanted, no one was speaking.  Buffy’s look of ‘shut the fuck up’ she was giving us kept us pretty quiet.  It was kinda cool how she sounded all collected on the phone. Cause she sure the fuck didn’t look that way.

“So you see,” he continued.  “Taking over the world… not my first choice. But, an option. One that your daughter could certainly fulfill.  But, she is Faith’s daughter too and even though Faith has been brainwashed by you and your cohorts, I don’t look fondly on that option.”

B sighed. “Again, point?”

“So the other option is you.”

“Excuse me?” Buffy asked.  “Me?”

“Yes, you see… I wouldn’t come back from the dead for just anyone.  Being dead though… it’s taught me a few things.  Funny how someone as old as me still had lessons to learn isn’t it?  What’s the old saying… revenge is a dish best served cold? I don’t know about you Ms. Summers, but I’d say that I’m feeling pretty chilly.”

Buffy’s face drained of color. Her voice didn’t waver. I felt a weird sense of pride at that. And a weird since of sickness at his words.

“What’s old hat is the whole revenge ploy anyway. I’ve been there done that, you bastard. You’re not scaring anyone.”

He chuckled.  “Oh I will be soon.”

I moved over to her.  She held up her hand and started shaking her head. “So, you going to tell me how this revenge plot of yours is going to go down or are we going to talk about the weather some more?”

“Yes, yes… pleasantries aside. Let’s get down to business shall we? And here’s where the proposition comes in.  Because, Ms. Summers, I’m about to give you a choice. Now think back… who else has been so kind as to do that? Not many, I’d wager.”

“What’s the choice?” She asked, as nonchalantly as she could.

He took a deep breath. “An exchange if you will. You for your daughter.”

Everyone jumped.  I ran out of the room.  Ken was playing with Joy in the hallway.  They were coloring in a coloring book. 

“Hey baby,” I said to Joy.  “Keep her close,” I mouthed to Ken.

She nodded. 

I turned to B.  “All good,” I muttered.

“That’s a stupid exchange,” B said. “Seeing as you don’t have her. And you know, we aren’t gonna let you. So…”

“Oh no, no.  You misunderstand me.  Of course not. You see, I wanted Faith. I would have been happy if she and Joy lived out their lives here with me.  They would have been happy as well.  They just needed some time to adjust.  Faith and her impatience though.  You girls don’t share a lot, but you certainly share that quality. Maybe it’s a slayer thing? No matter because she left. She didn’t give it a chance. I guess Faith has…” he sighed sadly. “Well, she just isn’t the girl she used to be.  I’m sorry about that. That was my killing two birds with one stone. You know… hurting you and keeping my family together.  But now…well… I suggest you take me up on my offer.”

Buffy laughed sarcastically. “What? You want to kill me? You actually think I’m that stupid.”

He laughed. “No.  You aren’t stupid.  I never suggested that. And I don’t want to kill you. The thing is… I know you’ve died. You went to heaven, didn’t you? And that’s just a nasty thought. Sending you back there.  I mean it just makes me shudder to think about it.  Did you play a harp there the first time?  I hear there are some dimensions where that’s a prerequisite. I’ve always wondered.” He was insane. He waited for B to answer. When she didn’t, he continued. “I guess not… Anyway, no… death is not what I had in mind. I prefer something more… well, more concrete and finite.  Plus I like it here… on earth.  We don’t want to mess with that.  And I think this is the best place for you, Ms. Summers. Here… knowing that they are going on… moving on without you.  You see, I could live with you here as my prisoner. It wouldn’t be pleasant but we don’t have to get into specifics.  No point in muddling up a friendly conversation.”

“Do you have a point?” Buffy growled.

“Oh yes,” he said.  “Sorry.  Yes. The first thing I’d do if I were you… possibly call an ambulance or medic.  You’ve got about ten minutes.”

“What?” Buffy asked.  “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Faith thinks she pulled one over on me. Sadly, Faith was good at many things.  She had many talents, if you will.  But I think you can agree with me that lying… lying was never one of them. I’m very sorry about that.  I do wish she’d stayed. We could have avoided all this ugliness then. But, I noticed the wavering right before I left them alone. And I was able to infect her. Nice little trick I picked up over the years.  I had a lot of time… after you killed me,” he snarled.

“Faith,” Buffy strangled out. “What did you do to her?”

“Oh nothing.  Nothing.  But… Joy…”

B almost dropped the phone.  We all ran out of the room.  Joy was still coloring in her book.  My heart started beating again.

“What’s wrong?” She asked when we all ran out like morons. She looked at us like, well… morons.

I picked her up and put my fingers to my lips.

“She’s fine!” B screamed at him. “Stop this.  Whatever it is you’re doing! Just stop it!”

“She won’t be in… hmm let’s see… nine minutes now. She’ll stop breathing. Her heart will become weak. I really would go ahead and call that ambulance if I were you.”

I pushed her towards Willow.  I knew he wasn’t kidding because I fucking knew him…“Red! Transport her now!”

“Okay!” She yelled, grabbing her. She wrapped her arm around Ken as well. “I’ll send for you. Children’s Hospital!” She yelled at Dawn.

Dawn, Xander, and Andy ran out.

“Stop this!” Buffy screamed.  She was holding the phone in front of her face. “Stop this now!”

“She’ll slip into a coma soon. You have twenty-four hours. I’ll call you at this number tomorrow. At exactly this time. Have your answer. You come with me and she wakes up as healthy as she is right now. You stay and… she dies.  And let’s be honest, no one wants the world to end, Ms. Summers. Tata.” He called before hanging up.

Buffy dropped the phone.  Angel dove and got it.  We couldn’t risk it breaking.

I couldn’t breathe.  I couldn’t breathe.  I…

Giles closed his eyes and I guessed he was calling Red.

I hit my knees.  I was certain I was gonna faint.  I looked at B. Angel was holding her. Giles picked me up. “We’re going now…” was the last thing I heard.

We were transported to a bathroom. Which was of the good, since I heaved everything I had in me right back up.  B was out the door before I got the stall open.  Ken came and found me. 

“Where is she?” I said, grabbing her.

She took my hands.  “She’s in the ICU.  She was fine…” her voice started choking.  “And the doctor he was looking at us like we were crazy and then… she just stopped breathing Faith.  Just like that. Like…” she took a breath. “Come on.  I’ll take you to her.  She’s on a respirator and it… you need to understand… You’ve got to stay calm.”

I nodded.  She had to help me walk. 

“Say something,” she said, when we got on the elevator.

I shook my head.

Her arm was around my waist.  It was seriously good she was a slayer.  My feet were numb.  That was weird… I couldn’t feel them.  I didn’t know if I could walk.

“Listen to me.  You’ve got to get it together.  Buffy can’t deal with you breaking.  And I know… I know what you’re feeling, but… please,” she was crying. I tried to remember if I’d ever seen her cry.

We ran down the hallway, since she knew where she was going.  I stopped suddenly when we got to the door.

Joy was lying in the bed.  She was just so… so little.  I’d never seen her not moving before.  She was always moving and stuff.  She could never sit still.  Never. She had this thing in her mouth.  Down her throat. It was… it was just fucking…

“Oh,” I breathed out.

Ken’s hand was still around my waist.

Buffy was sitting at the side of the bed, rubbing Joy’s hand.  She was staring at her but it was like she was looking past her.  Into her.  She was in shock, maybe? I couldn’t move from where I was standing.  Why couldn’t I move today?

“Where’s Will?” Ken asked Angel.

“She went back to the castle. She’s trying to find something. She’s making contacts. Covens she still trusts,” he looked at me.

I didn’t acknowledge him.

Giles was talking to the doctor. They walked over to me.

“Are you the other mother?” He asked me.

I nodded.

“We’re running tests.  She’s not breathing on her own.  And her heart is weak.  She was fine when they brought her in.  I didn’t understand… I’m not sure how they knew she would be sick.”

“She wasn’t feeling well,” Ken muttered to him.

I nodded at him again.  I tried to walk closer to Buffy… to the… to the bed… but I stumbled.  Angel caught me.

“Whoa, okay…” he said, sitting me down in the seat opposite B.

Dawn and the rest of them ran in then. I assumed they were freaking out. I vaguely heard talking, crying, shrieking… but… it wasn’t really there. 

I took Joy’s other hand.  It was cold.  The machine was pumping beside me.  Down. Her chest rose. Up.  Her chest fell. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down…

“She’s gonna be okay,” I finally muttered to Buffy.

She was still staring at her. Like a zombie. Her face was frozen. Now I knew she was in shock.

“Buffy?” I leaned over and took her other hand. “B?”

She blinked a few times and finally looked at me. “Huh?”

“Red’s looking, okay?”

She nodded like she just noticed I was here.

“Seriously, B.  She’s gonna figure it out.”  I squeezed her hand.

She nodded again.

I looked at Dawn and raised my eyebrow. I needed some help here. She put her hand on Buffy’s shoulder and sat down on the armrest.  “It’ll be okay, sis…” She told her, putting her arm around her. 

Buffy fell into her and started sobbing. Dawn scooted down in the chair with her. She rubbed her back.

Ken walked up behind me and put her hands on my shoulders and bent down close to my ear.  “My girl’s the smartest witch in the world.  And the strongest.  You know that, don’t you?” She whispered.

“Yeah,” I said. 

She wrapped her arms around me and rested her chin on my head.  “Be strong,” she whispered.

I hated hospitals.  And I got it, cause this totally wasn’t about me and it was definitely where we needed to be.  But everything about them… the smell, the stupid beeping machines, the fucking nurses in and out, the needles, the crying… it was the worst goddamn place in the world.

That was with me lying in the fucking bed. And not my eight-year-old daughter. Because now… now it was a special kind of hell I couldn’t even begin to explain. 

It was that thing… you know?  That thing where no one knows what to say. Where everyone is sort of in a state of… shock, or silence, or fear… something that wasn’t normal. I couldn’t tell you what everyone else was doing.  There were people in the room obviously.  A lot of people. I think at one point within the first few hours even Satsu showed up.  But I just couldn’t see or something.  Maybe somebody talked to me?  It seems likely, but I know I didn’t respond. 

The only thing I really noticed was the machine. Up and down.  And the beeping.  Steady, slow, and loud.  I counted them for a while.  One hundred twenty-five. One hundred twenty-six. One hundred twenty-seven. Then Ken or someone squeezed my hand and I lost count.  I didn’t think I could start over.  It seemed wrong to start back at one.  Like I was cheating or something.

I wasn’t sure how long we were there before B actually moved from her seat.  Hours? Minutes? She stood kind of slowly like she couldn’t decide if it was a good idea or not. 

“Giles,” she whispered. 

He must have been on the other side of the room? I didn’t know… but he followed her out. I wasn’t sure why I didn’t move at first.  It didn’t really occur to me what she was doing.  Nothing occurred to me.  I only noticed that Red hadn’t come back yet. 

So I was a little slow in rising to follow her. Maybe if I had followed her out sooner… maybe if… it’s kinda of stupid to play the what ifs… We were at that point where they’d drive us crazy… but it had to have been several minutes before I realized what she was doing.

No one stopped me when I jumped up. No one asked me where I was going… I felt like a ghost.

I found them outside of the hospital room. Their heads were bent together, you know, like they were discussing something important and secret. Of course, they were so… that wasn’t a big jump. 

Was it possible to grieve for something that hadn’t even happened yet? 

“Buffy…” I whispered.

You know, when she turned around to look at me… I had that fleeting thought of… fuck, she’s beautiful.  Which was so so fucked up.  Just so fucked up… why would I think that then? 

Giles nodded at her, shook his head… and walked away. He patted me on the back. I couldn’t place the expression he had. But… I’d seen it before.

“Faith,” she looked at her hands and stalled. She took a deep breath and leaned her back against the wall.  I just kept watching her.  What was I supposed to do? I wished someone would have fucking told me… I would have fucking done it.

She started again.  “Faith… you know… you know we don’t have a choice.” Her voice was final.  Almost hard. But it wasn’t. Nothing was making sense.

I didn’t move.

“Do you understand what I’m saying?” She asked me. “We don’t have a choice. I don’t go… she dies.”

“Maybe Will…” it was all I could fucking think to say.

She shook her head.   “No,” she whispered.

“Buffy… I can’t.  We don’t know if he’s telling the truth.  What if you leave?  What if you leave and she doesn’t… she doesn’t get better?” I couldn’t breathe.

“She will… if she dies, he won’t need me. That’s what he said.” She looked at me. “Right?”

“And you?  Do you know what he’ll do to you?  How are we supposed to save you?  How are we…” My god, it dawned on me suddenly… we were gonna have to… we were gonna have to do this.

She put her hand on my shoulder. At first I thought it was to comfort me but… I realized it was because she was holding herself up. “I don’t think you can…” She took a very deep breath and dropped her hand.  The resolve that crossed her face was almost physical.  “Listen to me, you cannot break.  Do you understand me?  You cannot… she’s… she’s going to need you.  If you break… if you give up… she won’t survive.  There are other things coming.  Things you’re going to have to face.  So you keep moving and you do what you have to… But you don’t break.”

I was shaking my head.  Over and over.  Just fucking shaking my head. 

She pushed herself off the wall then. “Come on.  I don’t want to waste anymore time.”  She moved back into the hospital room.

When we got back in, Joy was still lying there. I should be planning, I thought. I should be trying to figure out some way out of this.  If I could just find him. Tell him to take me. Just… take me. I didn’t care what he had planned. What the fuck would it matter what he did… as long… she couldn’t live without Buffy.  It wasn’t even an option.

She sat down in the same chair she was in early. She was perched on the edge. I scooted behind her and pulled her to me.  She rested her back against me and laid her head on my shoulder. 

There have been times in my life where I couldn’t wait for something to happen.  My wedding for example… this was where I would possibly, under normal fucking circumstances never ever talk about this shit… but things were different now. But yeah… so I was excited to get married.  Even though it was simple… even though it was small… even though I had to fucking dress up… I couldn’t wait.  And time… time for shit like that, things you want to happen, it creeps by at a pace that is close to supernatural.  Minutes, they feel like hours, you know?  Hours… days. And you can’t wait… you look at the clock… you will it to move fucking faster… to hurry up… to count down the moments until possibly something wonderful happens… and the next phase starts or whatever…

This was different.

It was all going too fast.  Way too fast.  I couldn’t make the clock stop.  I couldn’t make B talk to me.  I couldn’t make Joy wake up. I wanted everything to just stop… to go into slow motion all Matrix-like and shit.  To stop barreling headfirst and lightening fast to the worst possible moment of my life.

Hour twenty is when Red finally popped back into the hospital room.  I was excited to see the flash of red hair.  Seriously. I didn’t think I’d ever wanted to see someone so bad in my life.  Even B.

Her face though… her fucking face… well, as soon as I saw it…

“I tried,” she whispered, laying her hands on Joy’s forehead.  She closed her eyes for a few seconds.  “I just… I just don’t know,” she was whispering and yet for some reason her voice sounded really loud in the room.  “I’ve looked everywhere. Talked to everyone I know. I just…”she choked. “I just don’t understand.” She turned to Buffy, who was sitting on the end of Joy’s bed.  “But I don’t think…I don’t think you going with him…” she shook her head. “We can find some way.”

Buffy looked at the clock for a second. “We have four hours.” She moved closer to J and rubbed her forehead.  “I’m not going to argue about this.  I’m certainly not going to waste this time.” She looked at me.  “I know how you all feel.  I’d feel the same way, but I’m not giving you a say in the matter.”

“Buffy,” Angel started.  “If you’d let one of us… Faith maybe… talk to him when he calls back.  Maybe she can persuade him to…”

She turned to look at him.  “To what?  Take her instead? Not gonna happen.”

“So what, Buffy?” I asked her. “You get to make the big sacrifice? You think we’re gonna be living here like fucking normal people after you’ve goddamn left?” My voice was close to hysterical.  “What the fuck do you think will happen to her? To me? With you gone? Have you even thought about that? I can’t do this… not without you! I’m the fucking other one.  I’m not Mommy.” I slammed my hands on the chair.  Everyone jumped.  “I’m not letting you go…” I stood up.  “I’m not… that’s it. You’re not going. He wouldn’t kill her. He wouldn’t…” I bent down next to Joy. “…he wouldn’t do that to me.”

B sat down in the chair next to the bed. “Come sit with me?”

“No,” I told her.  I crossed my arms.  I hadn’t even noticed that the other people in the room had left.  When the fuck did that happen?  I couldn’t fucking think straight.  “No, Buffy! You can’t just hug this shit away!” When had I started crying?

Her eyes were heavy when she smiled at me. “Please?”

Fuck. Fuck.  Why was I doing this?  Why was I just sitting here?  Why did I let her fucking hold me?  Why couldn’t I have moved?  Done something? Had Red send me to that motherfucking demonic son of a bitch and let me set his evil fucking sadistic ass on fire? Why did I not move?

Because I knew… I knew…

It didn’t seem like four hours. It seemed like four minutes. It seemed like…

…her phone rang.

“Hello?” Her voice was stronger than mine would have been. She pressed the speaker button.

“Hello, Buffy. Can I call you Buffy? I feel we’ll be on first name basis from now on.” The mayor laughed through the phone. 

“Yes,” she told him.  “I guess we will be.”

“Wonderful, wonderful.  And have you come to a decision?”

“Let me see her awake first.  Before you take me… please?” She asked him.

“This is fucking ridiculous,” I yelled at the phone. “Take me instead, boss. I go, she stays. You don’t get J out of the deal. But I’m enough… I swear. Whatever you ask… I do.” I was begging.

“Faithie, it’s truly good to hear your voice again. But I’m sorry… Buffy and I had a deal. I can’t go back on a business transaction.  Imagine what my colleagues would say.  No, it’s unacceptable.”

“Faith stop,” B said.

“No.  No. You know this is what you want! Just please… please take me instead,” I was crying.

“Buffy, your answer?” He ignored me.

“Wake her up and then I go.  Just let me see that she’s gonna be okay. That’s fair, right?” She asked him. “And then I’ll go… no fights, no nothing. No one will try to stop you.”

“Mommy,” we heard.  Everyone ran to the bed.

“Joy,” B started crying.  All resolve was gone.  She hugged her to her.  She bent down then and whispered something in her ear.  I couldn’t hear what she said. 

Joy started crying then.  She was trying to get out of the bed.  But she was too weak.  She couldn’t even get the IV’s out of her arm. 

Dawn was rubbing her forehead and Buffy hugged her one more time.  “I love you, baby. More than anything.” She turned to me and kissed me.  I didn’t want it to end. She was the one who had to pull away.  She winked at me.  “The old Buffy would have told you everything to do… I’d have made a list and everything,” she laughed slightly.  “But… I think you got it,” she said, kissing my forehead.  She leaned up and whispered in my ear.  “I can’t look at her again.  I think if I do, I won’t make it out of here.”

I nodded and wrapped my arms around. I just kept muttering, “I love you,” over and over in her ear.  I think other people were telling her the same thing. 

“I’m ready,” she whispered in the phone.

“Great.  Great.” The mayor said. 

…and then I was holding air.  Or nothing.  Because she was gone. 

Her phone hit the floor with a loud crash.

“Good-bye, Faithie.  I’m sorry this hurts.  But trust me… I never did anything that wasn’t for your own good.” He trilled through the phone.

“I’m gonna kill you,” I told him, picking it up.

The line had already gone dead.

She sort of left us standing in a room full of silence. Joy was staring at me… like she was dreaming maybe and… she was confused… her mother had just fucking disappeared in front of her eyes.  Will was crying quietly.  Dawn was crying loudly. They both had someone to hold them. Giles and Angel were standing there in strange states of just fucking bewilderment. 

And then my daughter sat up. 

“Did everybody forget that I can kill him?” She asked the room.  “And I even know how. You just have to find them…” she looked at me. 

“I… uh…I,” I turned to Will.  I had fucking forgot that.  Jesus… could she?  “Can you find them?”

Red nodded.  “Yeah, I…”

Ken smiled.  “Jesus.  If she can… then we can get Buffy… it makes sense.  It’s why he wouldn’t come here… I mean even with Joy incapacitated… he wouldn’t risk it.”

Giles sat down on her bed.  “You said you know how to kill him?  Can you tell us how?”

“With the scythe, silly.” She said, snuggling into him. “It’ll be okay. Promise.”

I groaned.  “Baby, you can’t even pick that up.”

She laughed.  “Course I can… ask…” she looked down.  “Mommy let me all the time,” she whispered.  “Don’t get mad.”

I shook my head.  Twenty-fours ago, I would have sliced someone in half with the scythe myself before letting them tell me my daughter was gonna be anywhere near the mayor.  And so would B.  But that was twenty-four hours ago.  And Buffy was here then. 

I knew what he would do to B... I knew him.  I didn’t want to think about it… but, if Joy could hurt him... If she could kill him… well the son of a bitch underestimated me if he thought I wouldn’t let her.

She was a slayer.  B had been saying it for months.  She was fast.  She was smart. And all of sudden it hit me… I knew she could do it.

“We’ll get her back,” she told me.

“That’s my line,” I whispered in her hair.

“I know, Mom…” she hugged me back. “Can we go though? I don’t like hospitals and I want my Mommy.”

 


	11. Transport Me

Even with an extremely convincing argument on our part, which mostly consisted of Giles’ British persuasive skills (cause my skills were leaning towards beating the shit out of something,) the hospital refused to let Joy come home.

So… Red sort of transported her out of there. It wasn’t as if we didn’t want to make sure that she was okay.  But she was better.  Once she’d woken, her strength came back pretty quickly.

Red assured me that the poison that she had been given was like mine in the fact that it was a one-shot deal. He couldn’t hurt her from afar. And we were wasting time there. A lot of time. I wanted to get home. Where Red could magically fucking track him down.  Every second she was gone was close to unbearable.  The most fucked up part about the whole thing… I had to keep going.

Plus Joy had inherited the ‘hospitals suck ass’ gene from me.  She was anxious to get out of there more than anyone.  And she wanted to put on what she called ‘real clothes’ and not something that shows everyone your ‘bottom.’ 

I rode back to the castle with the rest of them. Most of us could not take the vomiting. I hadn’t eaten anything in two days, so I was sure that the next things coming up were going to be organs or something.

Red, Angel, and Joy were in the library when we got back.  I ran up and hugged her. I’d tried not to freak out in the car. We were cramped and Ken kept muttering ‘don’t freak.’  Which actually kind of helped, since it gave me something to focus on besides B. Even if it was annoying as fuck.

I fell down in front of her. I wrapped my arms around her as tight as I could. “How do you feel?” I asked her. I didn’t want to let her go. I was squeezing her to me harder than I ever had. 

“I feel okay, Mom.  My throat hurts and it’s a little hard to breathe,” she choked out.

I knew we shouldn’t have taken her out. “Oh my god! Should we go back?” I turned to Red.

Ken gently pulled my arms off of Joy. “No.  I think she can’t breathe because you are kind of smothering her and stuff.”

I jerked back.  My god, I was… I needed to think. “Oh! I’m sorry!  I’m just…” I backed up and sat down.  “Sorry,” I whispered.

Joy came and sat down beside me. “It’s okay, Mom.” She patted my knee. “We’ll find her.”

Red had already pulled out her maps. We hadn’t figured the mayor would go back to the States, or at least not Florida, but we’d sorta hoped he would.

“So… he’s not in Key West,” she mumbled, over the map. The hand holding the crystal she used for magically tracking someone was shaking badly.  She used her other hand to steady it.  “He’s probably still giving off a lot of power though,” she said to the room.  “I’ll just have to look.”

Angel took out his phone.  “I’m gonna makes some phone calls.  There’s got to be word somewhere in the demon world. Someone will know something.” He smiled at me.  “I know this is pointless to say, but try not to worry too much.  She’s strong.”

I nodded.  “Way stronger than me.”

“Yeah… well… yeah,” he smiled again and walked into the hallway to make some calls.

Dawn and Xander were busy looking through some books that she thought might be helpful.  He had his arm around her.  She was completely freaked out.  Her hands were shaking harder than Red’s.  “I just feel like we missed something,” she told him.

“How is everyone?” I heard from the doorway. Satsu was standing there smiling sadly at us.  “Anything I can do?”

Joy ran up to her and hugged her. “What happened to your face?” She asked her.

Satsu made eye contact with me.

I looked down. “I…” I started.

“Mean demon.  In Africa.  He used me like a punching bag.” She answered before I could say anything.

“Wow.  Did you kill it?” Joy asked her.

“I tried.  Sucker just keeps coming back.” She smiled at her and picked her up.

Ken quirked her eyebrow at me. “You know you have to be nice.” She was whispering even below slayer hearing.

I nodded.  “Fuck yes…. I…” I turned to her.  “What if we can’t get her back?”  I looked at my hands.  It was hard making eye contact with anyone right now.  “I can’t… do you know what he’s doing to her?  Because I do.  I…”

Ken jumped up.  “Giles, do you think you and Satsu could practice with Joy? You know scythe-swinging skills? Maybe?”

He put down the book he was reading. “Actually, I think that is a wonderful idea.  Why don’t we head down to the training room, Joy?”

She nodded from Satsu’s arms. “Okay.  I can show you what…” she looked at me.  “…what Mommy taught me.” She watched my face closely. “Is that okay?”

“Of course it is, baby,” I whispered.

It was fucked up that she was worried about my reaction.  I could tell she was worried about me.  I was just trying to fucking hold it together long enough to get her out of the room at this point.

“I can’t wait to see!” Satsu said.

I groaned.  Goddamn it was so easy to hate her.  But I knew… fuck. “Please, Sats… you know, watch her and stuff.”

She nodded at me and moved to walk downstairs.

“Oh! And… I’m pretty sure that demon… uh… I think it’s dead.  It’s what I heard anyway. So… no more face pummeling and stuff. I hear it’s a dumb bastard.” I called after them.

“No,” she said.  “Not a dumb bastard.  It’s actually incredibly smart.  Just a bit over reactive sometimes.” She told me as she walked away.

Red was still bent over the maps. Her face was scrunched up in concentration.  She’d moved them to the floor and crouched over them.  “I’ve got one country down.” She looked up at me and frowned.  “This may take a little bit.  Don’t get discouraged, okay?  I know I can find them.”

I nodded at her.  I noticed suddenly that I was the only one without something to do… something to keep me busy.  Everyone else was focused on helping.  I felt useless as shit. And it wasn’t helping the breakdown I knew was coming if I couldn’t…

“Andrew made you something to eat,” Ken said. “Cause I made him. And I know if you don’t eat… nothing is gonna get done cause you’re going to die of malnutrition and I’ll be stuck having to carry your ass wherever it is we’re going.” She pulled me up. “So please come eat. Okay?”

I nodded at her and followed. “Yeah…”

Andrew was standing in the kitchen with an apron on. “I made your favorites. I didn’t know which one you wanted… so I made them all.”

There was enough food sitting out for about twelve of me.  And everyone else in the castle.

“Thanks,” I smiled at him.

Ken patted him on the back.  “Why don’t you go help Dawn?”

He nodded and ran out.  He was still a little scared of me. And he loved B a lot. He’d want to help.

I moved the food around on the plate a bit. I was not fucking hungry in the slightest.  I needed to be doing something.  Fucking anything. I still couldn’t think of what it was I was supposed to do though. 

“Okay, so… when I said you had to eat, I didn’t think it meant I was gonna have to feed you.” Ken smirked. “But I’m not above it. And I’ll digitally document it for all to see… I suggest you eat up.”

I took a bite.  “Better?”

She rolled her eyes.  “Well, more than one bite would be better. One bite is to shut me up.”

I shook my head and tried to eat some more. Every time I moved my hand to my mouth I had to swallow the bile that was rising in my throat.  I really wanted to throw up. But she was fucking right… of course. I needed strength. I still felt weak. My hand was still broken. And my daughter had almost died... And my wife… Buffy… oh god…

I choked out a sob.

“Oh okay,” Ken said, jumping up. “Okay… so… I knew this was coming…” She said, like she was talking to herself. She wrapped her arms around me. “I think the best thing for you to do is just to cry. I mean… that’s what I should let you do. Cause I asked Willow and all. And she said, she should be able to cry, Ken.  And she sort of knows about this kind of thing, right?  Unless…” she pulled away and looked at me.  “…unless, you want a pep talk?  Cause I can… you know… if that’s what you need…” She hugged me again. “I can do that too. You just tell me and I’ll do it. Just say the word.”

I tried to say something.  To get out at least one word.  Nothing was coming…

“Okay… so this is good then,” she rubbed my head. “Just cry.  Sometimes that’s what you need to do.  I get it,” she whispered.

I was glad that no one was in here. I just wanted… I just wanted B back. Just… if she’d just come back. Maybe if I could find them… just tell him… I started choking on sobs.  I couldn’t do this.  I couldn’t…

“I can’t do this…” I strangled out. “Ken, I can’t do…”

She held me to her.  “Yes you can.  I know you can. You’ve just got… you’ve got to deal first.”

I couldn’t deal.  I couldn’t even move.  If she hadn’t had her arms on me, I would have melted out of the chair.

“I can’t feel anything.” I tried not to think about what he was… oh god what he was doing to her.  “He’s hurting her… I know he’s…”

“Shhh… you’ve got to think about helping her, Faith. Not about…” she didn’t finish.

“How can I not think about it?” I cried. “Could you?”

“I have,” she whispered.  “But… you know she’s stubborn.  And she’s strong.  And… we’re gonna go get her.  I promise. But you can’t go like this.” She pulled back again and wiped the tears off my face.  She smiled.  “I suck at being the compassionate one, huh?”

I shook my head.  “No.  I’m pretty sure you holding me and shit is something I would have never…” I tried to laugh a bit. “This is fucked up,” I told her.

“Agreed.  But fucked up times call for fucked up measures.” She winked at me. “You know you can’t tell anyone I did this… you know… like comforted you and stuff.”

I smiled at her.  “Ditto.”

She put her arm around my shoulder. “You want to go help in the library or watch your kid swing around the scythe like an expert?”

“I can’t believe she can… how the hell did they practice that or whatever without me noticing?” I asked her. “Have you seen her?”

She shrugged.  “Yeah… it’s uh… not that big a deal.  I don’t know where you were.  Probably playing video games with Xander.  That’s when they usually practiced.”

I couldn’t be mad though.  I would let B teach her how to pick up dudes or whatever if she’d just come back. I was never going to be protective again… never… she could swing the scythe… okay… okay.  Maybe not.

“Research,” I told her, sniffling. “I don’t think I could take another freak out right now.”

She smiled.  “True.  That’s probably not something you want to deal with right now.  Anyway, she’s really good with it.  Like it weighs two pounds in her hand.  And it’s like… as big as her… and there she is just swinging it around like it’s a bat.  Funny…”she saw my face.  “And uh… dangerous. Jesus that shit’s dangerous. What the hell is wrong with us? Letting her play with that. We’re awful.  Thank god you’re around.”

“Shut up,” I told her, standing up. “Let’s go see what your girl has found.”

She helped me out of the kitchen. When the fuck did I start needing help? I noticed my face in the mirror hanging in the hallway.

“Jesus Christ… I look like shit.” I grimaced.

She nodded.  “Pretty much.”

I rolled me eyes.  “I knew that compassion wouldn’t last long…”

“Fuck… that was like a year’s worth, dumbass. Give me some credit.” She winked at me.

“Thank you,” I whispered.

“It’s all good,” she told me.

Red was still bent over the maps when we got back. She was huddled on the floor with Angel. He had his own crystal.

“Didn’t know you could do that.” I said, walking in the room.

“We thought that two heads, or crystals I guess, were better than one.” He said, not looking up.

Red nodded.  “It occurred to me that he could look for Buffy and I could look for the mayor.  They have different energies but they’re both strong.  Angel’s good to have around in a pinch, huh?”  She smiled at him.

“Anything?” I asked her.

She shook her head.  “No… I…”

“Desert!” Angel shouted.

“Wait what?” Red asked.

“She’s in the desert.  Look…” He was motioning us over. 

His crystal was swinging over the Sahara. Red moved hers as well. It was swinging too.

She clapped her hands and relief washed over her face. “You’re right. Goddess!” She looked up at us. “See… she’s there. That’s great.  We can go… we can get her…” she stopped.  “But we have to…” She looked at my face.  “Well, we can’t just pop in.  What if they have stuff?  I don’t know what’s there… they could be waiting.”

“Fuck that. Send me now,” I told her. “Right now.  Transport me.”

“No way!” Ken said.  “Are you crazy?  You can’t kill him.  Jesus. You’ll just give him two slayers to…” she trailed off.  “Not gonna happen, dumbass.”

Red nodded.  “We all go.  Everyone. We don’t know what’s there. Who’s helping him. We rush in and we can’t… you’re not going alone.  So stop thinking that.”

Angel had already moved to call someone.

“So we go now.  We go right now!” I yelled at her.

Dawn shook her head.  “Faith, think please.  Think. You want to throw Joy into this mess. You think we can… Buffy would kill you. You’ve got to be rational.” She put her hand on my shoulder.  “I know it’s hard. But think this through. What would we be facing? We don’t know.”

I shrugged her off. “I fucking passed rational three goddamn days ago, D.  What about this sitch is fucking rational!?!”

Xander patted my arm.  “Is there a way for us to spy?  See what he’s got?  See what he’s planning?” He asked Red.  “Then we could… you know gather the reinforcements.  So we don’t go in half-cocked.”

I turned to Red.  “The invisible thing.  You know the thing where they can’t see us?  You can do that, right?  You can send me and I can see and then I can tell you… and I can… Fuck…” I groaned. “Can you fucking do that or not?”

She nodded.  She looked at Ken.  “I don’t know if you should be the one to go,” she told me.  “Maybe Kennedy.  I just think… you know… with what’s…”

“Fuck that,” I told her.

“She may be right, Faith.  You know you can’t handle much more.  If I go… well, then you’d be at… you know you’d be less… and there’s Joy and stuff…” Ken put her hand behind her head.  “Fuck… this is crazy.”

“No shit,” I told her.  “And you know you’re not talking me out of this… so do it… the sooner the better,” I growled at Red.

“Kennedy goes with you.  You’re not going alone.” She sighed, relenting. She looked between the two of us. “And you have to remember… you won’t be able to do anything.  Nothing. And they won’t hear you. Or see you.” She made eye contact with me.  “She won’t be able to hear you. You can’t help her. You’ve got to understand that.” She turned to Ken.  “I’m giving you ten minutes. You get in and look around. No more than that. Figure out what we need to know and how we get in.  Can I transport us? Do we need more slayers? It’s a recon mission. If it gets to be too much, say the word and I’ll pull her… uh you… and… yeah, so just tell me. I’ll be listening.”

“Will he know they’re there?” Dawn asked.

Red shook her head.  “No.  No one will.” She turned to me again.  “You can’t help her. Tell yourself that. I know you can do this, but for Buffy’s sake… you just have to keep telling yourself.  Ten minutes.  Okay?”

We both nodded. I could do this. She was right. I could.  I just had to focus.  I knew if we could see… just enough to know… I could do it.

“Knock us out,” I told her.

She sighed.  “Ugh. Sit down.” She said, motioning to the couch. “And hold hands.”

We started to groan.

“And no complaining.” She put her hands on our forehead.  “Remember, ten minutes. I pull you no matter what.  Make them count.”

I started nodding…

…and woke up in sand.

“Weird,” Ken muttered beside me. She pointed to a brown colored building in front of us.  “Guess that’s it?”

I nodded.  I could do this.

There was a wall surrounding it. It was huge. There weren’t that many windows from what I could see.  The place looked like a military compound.

“So what do we do?” She asked.

I walked through the wall.  I could do this.

“Okay… that’s one way,” she said, following me.

There were at least twenty guys mulling around the outside of the compound. They were dressed in army fatigues and carrying guns.“Okay, mental note one,” Ken said, I guess for Red’s benefit. “Twenty guys with guns. Outside of the compound.” She turned to me.  “Unless you think they’re demon?  Can you tell?”

One of them had a tail.  I pointed at it.  I could do this.

She nodded.  “Right, so twenty guys and/or demons with guns.” She put her hand on my shoulder. “Cool.  I can still touch you.  And… you need to start talking,” she said, louder than necessary. “Cause they can’t hear us… and you’re freaking me the fuck out.”

I nodded and walked through the wall into the building. I could do this.

“Fuckin A.” I heard her mumble behind me. “I’m not kidding. I’ll have her pull…”

I turned quickly.  “Here.  Me. Talking.  See…” I waved my hand in front of her.  “I’m good.” There were twice as more men inside. I could do this.

“More of the same in the building,” Ken said. “Long corridor. Looks like a military building maybe.  We’re walking down the corridor.  Lots of doors and lots of men moving around.  I’m guessing Faith knows where she’s motherfucking going, since she’s leading.”

I nodded.  It was faint, but I could feel B.  I could feel her… I could do this.

I motioned with my hand.  “Down there,” I told her.

“Okay, we’re going down some stairs or something. I don’t know why because Faith isn’t telling me shit.  Just a heads up.   We’re at the back of this giant ass house.”  We came upon a door.  “Steel door. Reinforced maybe. Probably magic,” she mused. “Cause there are no guards out here. And trust me… they got a shitload.  We’ll need reinforcements.  Definitely.”

I started to walk through… she grabbed my hand. “We’ve got about five minutes. In and Out.  You’ve got to get a grip,” she whispered.

“Okay,” I mumbled, going through. I could do this.

It was really dark in the room and it took a moment for our eyes to adjust.  My ears were working just fucking fine though. I could do this.

I could hear B crying before I could see her. I couldn’t fucking do this.

“Buffy!” I screamed. Oh my god… She was… she was… crying.  I couldn’t do this.

Ken grabbed my arm.  “Wait.  She can’t hear you! Stop!” She groaned. “The room’s huge, Will,” she whispered. “Twice the size of the library. Dark.  Walls are black. Buffy’s uh…” she gasped.

B was chained to the back wall. Her head was hanging down and blood was dripping down her face. I couldn’t see her eyes but I knew she was crying. She looked so small. God, she was so fucking small… it seemed just… wrong.  I took a deep breath. I didn’t realize anyone else was in the room until…

“Faith,” I heard the mayor say.

I jumped and Ken grabbed my arm. He was sitting in a chair facing her, drinking fucking tea.

“It was always, Faith, huh?” He asked her.

I felt Ken breathe a sigh of relief beside me. She was still mumbling to Red. I’d stopped listening to her.

“You know… she had so much potential. Do you know what she did for me? So very helpful. And when she’d smile at me… she just wanted someone to love her.  Someone that cared about her.  But you didn’t, did you? No.  No you didn’t.  You tried to feed her to a vampire, Buffy. A dirty vampire.  You stuck a knife in her gut.  You watched her try to die.  And then you left her there, didn’t you?  In that hospital.  And then in prison. She just wanted someone… It’s disturbing to me what you did to her.  What you still do to her.  It bothers me that she doesn’t see it.  Because even if you don’t understand it.  She’s smart. She’s always been a firecracker, hasn’t she? At least I got you away from her. Away from Joy. Where you can’t do anymore damage. You can’t hurt them now, ” he told her. “She just had… so much potential.” He shook his head.  “I’ve always wondered how you did it?  How did you make her so… so weak?” He asked her, taking a drink.

“Go to hell,” B strangled out. She raised her head. Her eyes were black. Blood was running from several cuts to her head.  Her clothes were already torn and it looked like she’d been down here a week and not a day. She coughed.  “She was stronger than you.”

She still believed that.  I knew what he was doing though… he was trying to break her. And I knew… if we left her down here… if she didn’t think we were coming… he would.  Or she would try something worse.  Something so much worse.

He laughed.  “You’re so stubborn.  But, like I said, I picked up some things over the years.  I’ve got these potions, if you will.  Of course, you know that… with Joy and Faith… but yours is different. I’ll let you figure out what it does…” He took another drink.  “But you can feel it, can’t you? You already know.  And you’ll submit.  Only time. I mean… we could never have, well… what Faith and I had.  She was like a daughter to me.  Was a daughter actually. But you’ll be useful.”

“Fuck you,” B said.

Please, let her hang on, I thought. She was stronger than me. She could be some much stronger.

A woman walked in then.  She was young.  Blonde hair. Tall. Pretty.  She touched B’s hair.  I moved closer.  “Drink some water now,” she whispered.  She raised the bottle to her lips and poured some liquid in her mouth.

Buffy spat it out and looked away.

The girl didn’t flinch. “She’s not very cooperative,” she said, looking at the mayor. 

He stood up.  I moved closer.  Ken was still mumbling, but she put her hand on my arm.

“She will be.” He looked at B. “You need to drink. I know what you’re planning. But I have ways of keeping you alive. Be smart.” He patted her on the cheek.

She flinched.  It was fucking evident why.  I wanted to kill him.  I wanted to chain him to that wall and do the things he’d done to her… to him.  I couldn’t wait.  I would…

The woman poured the water in B’s mouth again. And again she spat it out. I kept walking closer.

“Again fuck you,” she whispered. I’d never really heard her say something like that to someone.  She was scared. I could feel how scared she was.

He backhanded her and her head hit the wall with a crunch.  I ran over.

“Faith wait!” Ken said.

I got in between them.  He didn’t see me.  None of them did.  When I started speaking no one even moved. “Buffy, Buffy drink the water.  Can you hear me?  Drink the water. Okay,” I was crying.  “Please, drink the water.  You need it.” I tried to put my hand on her cheek.  It went through her.  “Fuck!” I screamed. I punched at the wall.  My fist went through. “Fuck.  Please, B.  Drink the water, baby. Just drink it.”

Ken ran up to me and grabbed me. “Chill. She can’t hear you. Stop this.  We’ve got to be alert.  I know this is hard…”

They poured the water in her mouth again. “Please drink?” The girl asked sweetly.

Ken watched them. “Jesus, Buffy… drink the water,” she whispered. She turned to me.  “What?”

I shook my head.  “Drink it.”

B nodded this time and swallowed.

“Buffy can you hear me?”  I saw her nod.

She saw me.

“She can’t hear us, Faith,” Ken told me. “She’s just not stupid. She needs the water.”

“Good.  Good. See,” the mayor said, sitting back down. “It’s easier when you cooperate.”

The girl kept giving her the water until it was gone. I wanted to rip her fingers off.

She patted B’s head.  “Better.  See? You feel better, don’t you?” She rubbed her cheek.

I tried to rip her goddamn throat out. My hand went through her.

Buffy was crying softly. “Yes. Thank you.” She sounded like a little girl.  She sounded like Joy.

“That’s better, B.  It’s better.  You’re gonna be okay,” I was whispering.

The girl touched B’s hand.  “I think she could sleep.  If we chained her to the bed.” She looked at the mayor.  “I know that you’ve got, you know…other stuff coming, but…” she moved away from B.  “She’s strong but not immortal.”

He nodded.  “You may be right.”

“Buffy, I know you can’t hear me,” I told her. I was standing in front of her. She was looking down at her feet now. She was exhausted. She was so… so beaten. I wanted to just hold her. To fucking rip them to shreds and then… hold her.  I blinked back tears. “We’re coming to get you. Soon, baby.  I promise.  I know you can’t hear me… fuck,” I strangled out.  I touched the chains and my hands went through.  Ken had her hand on my shoulder.  “I love you so much… just be strong.  Just a little longer.  I know you can do that. If you can be strong just a little longer, this will all be over.  It’ll all be over and I’ll take you home.  I’ll take you home…” I was going to break soon.  I took a breath.  “You’re… I love you.”

She couldn’t fucking hear me.

The woman came over and unhooked the chains. She scooped B up like a child. Ken’s eyes shot open wide. “Slayer?!?”

Jesus fuck.  I turned and studied her.  “I think so,” I mumbled. 

She carried B like a baby.  I couldn’t believe how much I was gonna kill her. Who the fuck was she? Why was she helping him? The fucker was trying to find someone… someone like me… to replace me.  He could have her.  Fuck him. He’d be dead soon.

She laid B in the bed and rehooked the chains. She kissed her on the forehead. Goddamn she was dead. “Get some sleep.”  She turned to the mayor.  “She’s good. She’ll be healed in the morning, I bet.”

I growled and ran to the bed. I swung at the girl and went straight through her.  She touched B’s forehead again and moved away.

I bent down beside the bed then.  B was curled up in a ball.  She couldn’t sleep with those fucking chains on.  Where did they think she was going?  If would could just take the fucking chains off.

She had her eyes closed.  “Sleep baby.  I’ll be back soon.” I knew she couldn’t hear me.  I knew I was saying it for my own goddamn benefit.  But…

“We’ve gotta go, Faith,” Ken whispered, kneeling beside me.  “I can feel…”

I nodded. I felt it to.  I kissed my hand, and placed it above Buffy’s head. “I love you baby.” I whispered. “I love you the most.” I told her.

We stood up.  I could feel the fading.  But…

…Buffy opened her eyes. She was looking… it was like she was looking right at us.  It was getting darker and I couldn’t see that well, but I swore… I swore she put her finger to her lip. 

“Ken,” I said. “I think she…”

And the she nodded.  It was slight.  It was very slight.  But she saw us.

She knew we were there.

And then we weren’t. 

 


	12. Plan "B"

I woke up on the couch.  “Send me back!” I sprung up and grabbed Red by the shoulders. “Send me back! Please!”

“Whoa. Whoa,” She said.  She took my hands.  “Calm down.  Breathe.” She raised her eyebrow at Ken.

Kennedy was still sitting on the couch with her hands by her side.  She looked stunned. “She saw us.” She was shaking her head like she couldn’t believe it.  “She saw us.”

“Are you sure?” Red asked.  “How could she see you?  Did the mayor?”

She shook her head.  “I don’t think so.”

“No.  No! He didn’t! Send me back! Now! Please Willow,” I was crying. “Please. Please.”

She wrapped her arm around me. “We can’t do anything right now, Faith. You can’t help her.”

I kept shaking my head.  “It doesn’t matter.  She saw me.  She’d know I was there.”

“You can’t go back, Faith.” Angel said. “We need you here. We’ve got to organize. Plan.  We need you to help with that.”

I spun on him. “Why?  You don’t use me for that shit!” I told them. “You know I’m not in the fucking know. I just go where you tell me… please, please…”

“Is that what Buffy would want?” Dawn asked me. “For you to see her like this?”

“Yes,” I muttered.  “It is.”

Xander shook his head.  “Faith, you know that’s not true.  You know Buff.  She’d want you here, with Joy.”

Ken finally stood up.  “You’re not going back, pal.  Sorry to break it to you.  You go back and what? Fucking lose it cause you can’t stop it?” She shuddered. “Listen to me… I know you love her but well… she wouldn’t lose her head like this.  She’d do what she had to do to get you back.  Not stand around in a fucking invisible daze watching you suffer. Think.”

I slammed my hands down on the table. Fuck my broken hand! Goddamn it. I grabbed it.  Why the fuck wouldn’t it heal?

“Faith!” Dawn said, grabbing my arm. “Stop. This isn’t helping.”

I turned to Red.  “Please.  Just to see if she’s sleeping.  Maybe I could help her get to sleep.  You could wake me up… before you decide everything.  I’d come back. You know that. You’ve got to get all the slayers, right?” I looked at Ken.  “There were a lot of guard, right?”

Ken nodded.  “We’re gonna need major back up.  We’ve got to get the kid into the room.”

I nodded.  “And we’ve got to figure out a way to protect her in there. You guys can do that. Please.  You’ve got to let me see… just let me see if she’s sleeping.”

Red shook her head.  “Faith, I can’t… I can’t manage this and you too. It’s too much. You know it would divide my attention. I wouldn’t be able…” She looked at me sadly.  “I just can’t.”

“Please,” I was crying.  I realized I was pleading.  I got it.  I was begging. But I didn’t care. I just had to see that she was okay. She saw me.  She saw me.

“And what if she does send you back?” Angel started.

I started nodding.

He shook his head.  “Listen to me, Faith.  What if she does?  And you go back and Buffy sees you and she wants to talk to you.  You don’t know how much she’s been through. Seeing you could cause her to… she could give away that you were there.  And then he’d know we were coming.  He’d move again.  You’d be putting her at risk.”

“She wouldn’t do that.” I turned to Red. “You know she wouldn’t. Just two minutes. Please.  So I can see… so she’ll know… please.”

I sat down on the floor.  I realized there was a couch there but… I put my head in my hands. “I can’t do this… I can’t do this.” I was crying.  I hid my face. “Please.”  I was pretty sure they couldn’t understand me. I was blubbering by that point.

“Maybe for a few minutes?” Ken said. “If it were you…” she was talking to Red.  “I mean I’d feel better being able to see.  Just so she can see.”

“I don’t know,” Red muttered.

Someone put their hand on my shoulder. “Faith,” it was Willow. “Listen to me. We really need you. Seriously, sweetie. I know this is hard.”

I raised my head.  “Please,” I whispered.

She nodded.  “I’ll give you a few minutes.  You need to tell her not to acknowledge you.  Make sure that no one is in that room.  She can’t talk to you if anyone is in there.  You have to make sure.  I’m gonna try to send you back to the exact room I pulled you from.”

“I don’t know about this,” Angel started.

“We don’t have a choice, Angel,” Red told him. “Look at her.  We can’t… she’s not gonna…” she turned to me. “Don’t screw this up Faith. We’re running a big risk. Make sure there’s no one there. If there’s not, see if she can tell you anything.  Anything at all that we may need to know.”

I jumped up and ran to the couch. “Okay,” I told her. “Thank you,” I whispered.

She put her hand on my forehead. “Just a few minutes. Then I’m pulling you.”

I nodded, drifting off…

… I was back in the same room. B was on the other side lying on the cot.  If she saw me, she didn’t show it.  I looked around the room. I made myself walk the entire perimeter. It was fucking huge. There were things lying on a table… I was gonna kill him. 

No one was in the room.

I moved over to Buffy.  She had her eyes closed and I watched her chest rise and fall. She wasn’t asleep. I could tell the difference between her faking sleep and not. 

“Buffy,” I whispered.  I didn’t know why I was whispering.  I was just so fucking glad to see her again. To see her breathing. I wanted to touch her so badly. “I don’t know if you can hear me, but if you can… please, you can’t acknowledge it.  I don’t know if their watching or not, baby.”

She didn’t move.

“If you can hear me, can you blink?” I asked her. I held my breath.

I sat there for what seemed like forever. It was probably just a few seconds. But finally she opened her eyes and then closed them.

“Good! Good baby! You’re doing great. That’s… my god, I love you,” I whispered.  “I just want to…” I took a breath.  I wasn’t breaking here. “Can you blink once for yes? And twice for no? Blink if you understand me.”

She blinked twice.  Jesus Christ… she was still a smart ass.  It made me laugh.  “I fucking love you so much,” I muttered. 

She blinked once. 

“You want to know about Joy, don’t you?” I asked her.

She blinked again.

“She’s fine baby.  We’re fine.  We’ve got a plan.  We’re coming to get you. So I need you to hold on. “ I didn’t tell her how.  I knew better. She wouldn’t stand for me bringing Joy in here.  I knew I was in ten kinds of trouble once we got her home and she got better. But I also had faith in my kid. And I knew she would… could do it. I’d sleep on the couch the rest of my goddamn life if I could get them back home safe. 

“Can you hold on, B?  Can you be strong for me?”

She blinked again. 

“I know you’re hurt baby.  I know this is hard.  I promise you.  I promise we’re gonna come get you.  Can you sleep?”

She blinked twice.

I just wanted to hold her.  “Is it because you’re hurt baby?  Do you hurt?”

She didn’t blink.

“B?”

She blinked twice.

“You don’t have to lie to me. I can see you. I know it hurts. I can’t… I’ll make it go away soon and then you’ll be okay.  And we’ll get you home.  Okay, baby?”

She blinked twice.  She kept her eyes open then and stared at me. She opened her mouth.

“Don’t baby.  Don’t talk.  We can’t let him know…”

She moved a bit, like she was trying to get comfortable.  She winced. Jesus fuck I couldn’t believe how much I was gonna kill him.  It was remarkable. She turned and her back was facing me. I couldn’t see her face.

“B, baby… I can’t see you.  Can you turn back over?  Please.”

“Faith,” her voice was so soft… fuck, slayer hearing. She could talk to me… nothing could pick that up.

“Oh god, Buffy! I… please… I love you,” I bent as close to her as I could get.  “I love you. I want to touch you so bad.”

“Listen to me,” I could barely hear her. Her body wasn’t moving. If I had to bet, neither were her lips. She was struggling to talk. Her voice was harsh and it sounded painful.

“Baby, you don’t have to talk.”

“Please, listen.  I know what you’re planning.  You can’t bring her here.  It’s a trap. He’ll kill her. I know he will. Trust me, it’s a trap. Don’t do it.  I won’t forgive you if you do.” I could hear how much pain she was in.

“B… we have to… I’m not leaving you here. We have to.”

She took a ragged breath.  “I love you both, Faith.  You know that.  But she’s more important. If you can’t get me out… let me die. Send something here… something.” She was trying so hard not to cry.

“Baby please…” I tried.

“Just send something to kill me,” she whispered. “I mean it.  She doesn’t come.  She’s more important that us.  He’ll kill her. He’ll kill her.”

I could feel Red pulling me out. “Not yet!” I screamed. “Buffy listen. You’re not thinking straight. She can.  They said she could use the scythe.  She said…”

“No.  I love you, baby.  But no… you’ve gotta go. They’ll come back and check. They keep coming back. Just… I know you’ll find another way. I trust you.  But don’t do this.  Okay?”

I didn’t say anything.  I knew Red was pulling me soon.

“Promise me, Faith.  Promise me.”

“B I can’t… I can’t tell you I’m not going to…” I was crying.

“Please,” she choked out.  “Please.  Tell me you love me.”

“I love you more than anything, baby. I love you forever.”

A tiny sigh escaped her lips. “Promise.  Find another way.”

“Okay,” I muttered.  Red was pulling me out.  “They’re waking me up baby.  I love you. I’ll be back.  Like this… or for real.  I will.”

“I love you too,” she whispered. “The most.”

I woke up back in the castle.

Everyone was standing around me this time. But this time… this time I didn’t move.

“She doesn’t want Joy to come, does she?” Dawn finally asked.

I shook my head.  “She said it was a trap.  That he’d kill her if we brought her.”

“Maybe she’s just saying that. You knew she’d be upset… if we took her,” Ken offered.  She groaned loudly. “I don’t know what choice we have though.  We can’t fucking leave her there.”

I nodded.  I fucking hated the decision I was about to make.  But there was no way I could put J in danger. If B was right… it was too horrible to comprehend.  “We can’t risk it,” I whispered.

Angel shook his head.  “No, we can’t.” He looked at Red.  “Plan B?”

Wait, what?  I fucking told you they planned shit without me.  What the hell was Plan B?  “Uh…huh?” I asked.  “You got another plan?”

Red nodded.  “It’s risky obviously.  But if Buffy… well, we’ve got to do what she says.  It’s just a rescue mission.  We can’t kill him.  And he’ll keep coming for Joy. You know that. But it’ll buy us some time. He can’t get in here. So… we’ll stay put until we do kill him. But at least we’d have Buffy with us.”

I stood up.  “Well let’s go.”

Angel shook his head again.  “No.  You don’t go.”

Uh whatever, you broody dumbass. “Oh well, fuck you… cause I’m going.”

“No,” Red said.  “You’re not.  None of you are.  The only one here that I can transport at full strength immediately is Angel. You’ll be a hindrance. Not a help.”

“I won’t get sick then.” I told her. “Cause I’m going.”

“Faith, listen to me,” Angel put his arm on my shoulder.  “You go. Any of you and you’ll leave an opening.  They can hurt you.  We can’t protect you and Buffy. We can transport in… grab her… transport out. I know you want to save her, but you staying here… that’s how you can. You’ll put too much at risk if you go with us.”

Ken started shaking her head and held up her hand. “There were no guards in that room. Or outside of it. That means magic. Lots of magic. You don’t even know if you can get in.”

Red nodded.  “I know what he’s using.  I can tell. I can weaken the bonds long enough to get us in, grab her, and get us back.  It’s risky, but…” she wrapped her arms around Ken.  “We don’t have a choice.”

“And what? Say they get you.  Say you can’t get back.  Then what?  We’re here, without you and… no way of getting to you.” I shook my head.  “No.  I don’t like it. You take me with.”

Red shook her head, and then looked at Angel. He nodded.

“Willow, don’t!” Ken yelled.

“Red I swear to god…” I didn’t get to finish. They were fucking gone. Just like that. Goddamn that transporting pissed me off.

“Fuck.  Fuck!” Ken screamed. She threw a glass lying on the table against the wall. It shattered and everyone jumped. “Why the hell doesn’t she listen to me?”

Xander patted her on the back. “They’ll be fine,” He told her, though he didn’t sound too fucking sure.

“Where’s Joy?” I asked Dawn.

“Still downstairs with Giles and Satsu. Want me to go get them?” She asked.

I nodded.  “Yeah. Fill G in on the situation.  When they come back though… I… I don’t think J should see her…”

“I don’t think we should let her out of our sight,” Xander said, still patting Ken on the back.

“You’re probably right,” I muttered. She’d just have to deal.

Ken looked like she was gonna vomit. She had faith in Will no doubt, but… I got it.

“Sit down,” Xander told us after Dawn left, motioning to the couch. 

I grabbed Ken’s hand.  “It’ll be okay.  They’ll be okay,” I told her.  “She’s stronger than all of us.  You know that.”

Ken nodded but didn’t speak. 

After a few minutes of silence, Giles and Joy came back in the room. 

“I truly wish you’d tell me you were about to do something before you actually did it,” Giles mumbled. 

“Sorry,” Xander said.  “We wanted to hurry.”

He nodded.  “I understand.  I really do. I just… she’s going to be fine,” he said to me or Ken.  I wasn’t sure which.

“Did Aunt Willow go get Mommy?” J asked me, climbing on the couch between us. 

We both nodded at her.

“But I was practicing.  I could go.”

“No.  We couldn’t… Your Mommy…” I couldn’t think right now.

Ken pulled her in her lap. “This was better. Okay?”  She kissed the side of her head.

Joy nodded.  She was smart enough not to speak.  I think everyone was.

After ten minutes, we started pacing.

After twenty, we stopped.

“How are we gonna get there?” I asked the room. “Cause… I don’t know what… can we take the plane?” I asked Giles.

“Of course, Faith, but, you should give them a bit more time.” He sounded unsure.  He moved to the phone.  “I’ll just have it waiting though.  Just in case.”

Ken was staring off into space. She sat back down. Joy crawled back in her lap and hugged her.  She still didn’t say anything.

Fuck… I was freaking out now. I… we’d just sent… he wouldn’t kill B but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t kill… I couldn’t think about it. Red was strong. She was strong. She’d get her back. I knew she’d… Red was strong… Red was…

“Goddess, that was hard!” Someone said from the doorway. She was out of breath.

…Red was standing there.

“Will!” Ken said, running over and picking her up. “Damn,” she kissed her.

“Buffy?!?”

Will pulled away quickly.  “She’s in the infirmary.  With Angel.  They were…” she stopped suddenly and looked at Joy.  “It was bad. They’d started their… their interrogations again.”

I took off running.  I looked at Ken.  “Don’t let her out…”

“… of my sight.  I know. Go!” She picked Joy up.

I ran as fast as I could to the back of the castle. I hit the infirmary door and Angel caught me.

“Whoa.  Slow down.” He muttered.  He was beat to hell. Jesus Christ.

“Is she okay?” I asked frantically. I was trying to get around.

“She’ll live, Faith.” He said, holding me still. “But listen to me. She’s hurt.  Worse than before.  Prepare yourself.”

Why the fuck did everyone keep telling me that? How the fuck do you fucking prepare yourself to see someone you loved in pain? Could someone fucking tell me that?

“Just move, please,” I begged. Normally I could fight him, but I was just too weak.  I just wanted to see her.

He moved to the side.  “She’s gonna be okay, Faith,” he said to my back.

I nodded but didn’t turn around. “Will you go… where Joy is?  Just in case?”

“Already on it,” he called after me.

There were nurses in the room when I got in. I didn’t see B at first. One of them stopped me. “We’ve called the doctor. She should be here soon.”

I nodded.  “How is she?”

“She’s through here.  She’s very badly injured.  I haven’t seen anything this bad. I just want you…”

“… to prepare myself.  Yeah. I fucking got it.  Can I just see her?”

She moved and let me past.

Buffy was lying in the infirmary bed. They’d already hooked an IV to her arm and were giving her fluids.  The clothes she had on were lying on the floor and it crossed my mind that they’d maybe cut them off or something.  She was a giant canvas of bruises.  Red bruises. Black ones.  Blue ones.  There was blood everywhere.  On the sides of her mouth.  In her hair. He face was swollen and if it had been anyone else in the world, I wouldn’t have been able to recognize them. But it was B… and that made it different. Her eyes were swollen completely shut.  Her lip was busted.  She looked a thousand times worse than she did earlier.  I didn’t think it was possible.  Not that fast.

The nurses were treating the cuts and gashes on her legs.  Her arms. Her fingers were broken. All of them.  They were splinting them.

They put another IV in her arm. I noticed it because it was bright neon green.  It was the anti-magic shit Red gave people when she thought someone had cast a spell on them.

Her left leg was definitely broken. Clean through. I saw the bone. I bit down the scream.

“Is she asleep?” I asked them.

One of the nurses shook her head. “No.  I know you wanted to see her.  To talk to her, but… we can’t do this with her awake.” She was pushing Buffy’s elbow back into its socket.  It was dislocated. How the fuck had those sons of bitches managed to do that?  “We’ve given her a sedative.  We’ve got to do x-rays. Look for internal damage, as well. The doctor should be here soon.”

I nodded.  “I’m not leaving her side.  Not for anything. Not the x-rays. Nothing.”

“I was told you’d say that.  And I was told to say, whatever you want. So you can stay. Witch’s orders.” She smiled at me.

I wanted to smile back.  I couldn’t.  My girl looked like she was the victim in a slasher film.  I… it was beyond fucked up. 

“How long?  Before she wakes up?” I walked closer to Buffy.  I wanted to hold her hand, but her fingers… I didn’t want to hurt her.

“I don’t know.” She told me.  “But, she was talking when she got her.  She was out of it and a lot of it was nonsense. But she did say your name. Over and over again. I’d say you’re what she wants to see when she wakes up.”

I watched them work on.  Set bones.  Clean wounds. The doctor came in in the middle of it all.  She did the x-rays and exams herself.  I didn’t move. I didn’t want to get in the way. Like I said, I didn’t want to hurt her. She would have been proud of how quiet I stayed.  I reminded myself that I could actually tell her now.

Dawn came in.  “How is she? Willow told us… Oh!” She stopped talking and put her hand over her mouth.

I nodded at her.  “Is Joy okay?”

“She’s fine, “Dawn said, still staring at her sister. “She wants to come down here, but that’s a hell no.  Jesus, Faith, what did they do to her?”

“You don’t want to know,” I whispered.

The doctor heard us.  “She’ll heal, but it’ll be slow in coming.” She walked over to us. “Aside from the myriad of broken bones that you’ve seen us reset, she’s got three broken ribs. There was minimal damage to any organs as far I could tell, though I’m sure there’s bruising.  That coupled with the ribs means limited movement. No head injuries. No major arteries were cut either. Because of her slayer abilities we’ve had to administer some heavy sedatives. However, I hope that her ability to heal will help her recover quicker.  But, I’ve seen slayers such as this before.  After a while, even your bodies will slow down the healing process. You’re still human, after all,” She said, shaking her head. “Regardless, she will be in pain. The medication will be administered at a higher does, albeit carefully.  So, even though she may wake up, our goal at this point is to keep her comfortable. Please don’t excite her.” She smiled sadly at us. “Whoever did this was smart.  They hurt her tremendously, but they didn’t want her dying. I shudder to think why. I hope you get the bastard,” she added, turning back to B.

“Thank you,” I told her.

“It’s my job,” she told me, checking over some charts. She nodded at one of the nurses as the woman pushed some more medicine through Buffy’s IV.

Dawn was silently shaking her head beside me. “Even when Buffy, you know… with Glory, even after falling that far and that… that hard… she didn’t look like this. She never has looked like this. How did they do that?”

“I don’t know,” I whispered.  Truth was… I did.  I knew they didn’t let up.  I knew that he used things… things I didn’t want to think about.  Couldn’t not think about.  The mayor was smarter than anyone here would ever give him credit for. And he was still out there. I turned to Dawn. “Are you sure Joy’s okay? He’s gonna be a new kind of mad now. I don’t know what he’ll do, but I know it’s gonna be something beyond fucking terrible.”

Dawn nodded.  “Will assures us he can’t get in.  She’s got the place on lockdown.  No one can get in or out, actually.” She sighed.  “Not without a series of spells.  We’re all stuck here.  She said any supplies or whatever that we need, she’ll magic in but until we figure out what’s what, we’re all sort of cut off.”

“I bet that’s gonna go over like a fucking sinking ship.” I whispered looking at the doctor.

“I’m afraid I’m here for the long haul anyway," the doctor told us smiling.  “I have a specialty in other areas as well.” I assumed she meant magic. “Willow told me the situation when she called.” She looked down at Buffy. She was rubbing her hand. “I would have thought we’d have seen a small improvement in the injuries already.  I am not trying to alarm you in any way but… well there are potions that can slow down the healing process, even for slayers.  She could have been given that as well.” She pointed to the bright ass green liquid in the bag hanging from the IV stand. “This should help but it’s definitely not a cure.  Until we know exactly what she’s suffering from… I can’t leave.  And, I’m not sure I want to.” She smiled at me.  “Your wife, Buffy… she’s a remarkable woman. I’ve worked with her several times and well, she has always impressed me.  I feel it’s my duty to stay here.”

I nodded.  Buffy always dealt with the sorta business end of shit here at the castle. I mean let’s be honest, a people person I wasn’t.  So you know, she worked with them and formed relationships and stuff.  I knew who the doctor was then.  Dr. Fletcher.  Jinny, I think.  B had a weird kind of respect for her.  I’d stayed away from meeting her on purpose, cause you know… the jealous thing and all. Whatever… I was just fucking glad she was here.

“So again, thanks,” I mumbled. I probably sounded a little less sure then.  I was gonna have to get medication or something for this shit.  I could get jealous of a coffee table.            

They worked a little longer on her. Dawn left and went to check on the rest of them.  I told her I’d let them know when she woke up.  All I could do at this point was just kinda sit there and watch. 

Everyone finally left the room but the doctor.

She walked over to me.  “She may wake up soon but she’ll most likely be very…” she chose her words carefully, “…incoherent.  Make sure to give her something to drink or the ice, if she can chew. We’re giving her fluids, but she will probably be thirsty.  I’ll be back in about thirty minutes. I need to speak with Willow. If you need anything, one of the nurses will come get me.”  She looked at my cast.  “Do you need anything? For that?”

I shook my head.  I’d forgotten it was even broken.  “I’m good.”

“Okay, I’ll just be outside.”

She left.  There was a chair beside the bed and I sat down.  I traced a pattern on Buffy’s hand with my fingers. I didn’t want to hold it because I was afraid I would hurt her.  I was afraid to really touch her anywhere. 

I probably should’ve been out front with the rest of them.  Figuring this shit out. But there was no way I was leaving. Not for really anything. As long as Joy was safe, and no one could get in… I wasn’t moving.

I couldn’t take much more of being terrified. I knew there was a rage building inside of me that was a fuck of a lot different from the one I had a couple of nights ago.  I could imagine the things I was gonna do to them.  I had to literally shake my head to stop thinking them.

After a few minutes of my mind running berserk and a silence that was beyond unbearable, B tried to open her eyes.

I jumped up.  “Buffy, you’re home baby.” I told her, kissing her eyelids. “Don’t try to open your eyes.”

She ignored me and tried anyway. I’d established that she didn’t listen to me so I wasn’t all that surprised.  “Faith?” Her voice wouldn’t have qualified for a whisper.

“Yeah, baby.  It’s me. You want some water?” I moved to get the cup next to her bed.

She nodded very slightly and opened her mouth. She closed her eyes again. She was lying almost completely back and I tried to raise the bed a bit.  I put the straw to her lips but couldn’t suck it, so I just dribbled the water in her mouth with the straw.  She was swallowing it, but… well, barely.  Her throat was sore. I assumed it was from… I pushed it out of my mind. 

She stopped drinking finally, and opened her eyes a bit better this time. 

“Finished?”

She nodded again.

“Do you know where you are?   You’re okay now.  You’re gonna get better,” I was trying my fucking hardest to keep my voice level. “I know you probably feel all loopy and stuff but it’s just the medicine.”

“Joy?” She managed to croak out.

“She’s fine baby.  She’s with Ken and Angel.  And everybody.  No one can get in here. I don’t know what Red did, but… we’re sort of magically cut off right now.  Nothing can touch her.”

“Okay,” she whispered.  “Thank you…” she coughed softly.  “…for listening.”

I laughed a bit.  “Are you kidding me?  When do I not?” I winked at her.

She tried to smile.  “Funny,” she finally said. She winced a little.

“Are you okay, baby? I mean obviously you’re not… but I know…”I was fucking rambling.  Jesus. “Do you want me to get the doc? You know the hot one you’ve got a thing for?” I winked at her.  “She can get you some more of those good drugs and stuff… they’ll make you feel, well… less shitty.” Jesus, I was an idiot.  I moved to get up.

“No!” She strangled out.  “Just you.  I can sleep…”she started coughing.  “I can… uh… just stay.”

I nodded and sat back down.  “Whatever you want.  They’ll have to drag me out of here.”

“Don’t was Joy to see…” she coughed a little more and closed her eyes.

“Don’t worry baby.  I won’t let her in till you get better.  She’ll understand.  Or she’ll throw a fit.  Whatever. She’ll be fine.” I leaned up. “She wanted to swing the scythe at something.  She’s probably up there right now with her arms crossed and her little lip all stuck out. Pissed off at us,” I smiled. “Guess that means we’re doing our job, huh?”

She smiled.  “Oh well,” she whispered. She opened her eyes again. “Can you… hold me?” She looked at me with tears in her eyes.  “So I can… can sleep?”

I shook my head. “B, I… uh… you’ve got some broken ribs,” she winced cause of course she already fucking knew that, seeing as she could feel them and all.  “I mean the doc said limited movement… I would… You don’t know how fucking much I want to… but, I don’t want to hurt you, babe.”

She frowned a bit.  Pouting with swollen lips was a new kind of kick in my gut. “Okay,” she whispered sadly. A tear ran down her cheek.

Aw fuck it.  “We have to be careful, baby.” I told her.

The bed was huge.  Way bigger than a normal hospital bed.  I eased in beside her as careful as I’d ever fucking been. I slowly slid my hand under her neck. I let her scoot, very slowly against me. She laid her head against the side of my chest and put her arm around my waist.

“Go to sleep,” I whispered against her hair.

“Don’t leave,” she said against me.

“Yeah…” not a fucking chance of that happening. “I won’t, baby.  Sleep.”

She didn’t answer me. I could see her chest rising and falling and I knew she was really asleep. It was uncomfortable as fuck, but… she was peaceful.  And I would’ve lain there on a bed of knives if it meant she could rest. I was sleepy but there was no way in hell I was going to sleep.

I just watched her breathe.  Her chest was steady.  I’d have given anything if I could have pulled her closer to me. If I could have pulled her completely on top of me, and held her tight enough to know that nothing could take her away from me.  But she was back. Joy was okay.  And half my fucking battle was over.  The other half… I had to tell myself not to look forward to it. If I couldn’t kill him… I was going to fucking make him wish he was dead. 

I just needed to figure out how.

One of the nurses came back in after a time to check on her. 

“How’s she feeling?” She asked me. She quirked her eyebrow at the position we were in. 

“I guess I shouldn’t be here,” I told her. “But she asked and well… she fell asleep and stuff.  I don’t really want to leave her.” I muttered. 

“It’s okay, I mean as long as she’s comfortable. So she woke up?”

I nodded.

“Yeah.  She talked a little, but… I think she was hurting.  I gave her some water.”

She moved over and checked her bandages. “She seems to be healing some.” I must’ve looked hopeful, cause she shook her head.  “No, I mean she’s got a long way to go, but… it’s something. She’s not healing you know, as much as the doctor would like.  With her being a slayer and all I mean.  But she’s in the best hands.  Dr. Fletcher is great,” she smiled at me.

“Yeah, Buffy’s mentioned that,” I told her. I looked down and kissed the side of her head.  “She’s sort of the one that deals with like all the people around here and stuff. I’m not as good at it.” I looked away from her. “It really should be me lying here,” I told her. 

She shook her head.  “No.  No one should be lying here.”  She patted my shoulder. “You do what you have to do. I’m going to go get the doctor and let her know that she woke up.  I’m also fairly certain there are some people out there that want to see her.”

“Not my daughter,” I told her. “She can’t see her like this.”

She nodded.  “I understand.”

The doctor came back in a few minutes later with some of the others.  Ken was missing. So was Angel. The doc moved to check on B.

“Joy?” I asked them.

“Safe and sound with Ken,” Red said. “She’s also mighty angry right now, cause you know… but we won’t let her back here.”

“It may help her to understand…” Giles started.

I shook my head.  “No way.  B said no. And I’m gonna agree. She can see her when Buffy gets…” I looked down at her.  She was sleeping in my arms and she hadn’t really even moved.  “…better,” I whispered.

Dawn nodded.  “That’s for the best,” she told me.  She rubbed Buffy’s hair.  “How was she?”

I shrugged.  “In pain.  She didn’t say a lot. But…” I noticed Xander was white as a sheet.  “You okay, dude?”

He nodded.  “Just… wow.  Never seen Buff so…” He didn’t finish.

Red moved to the other side of the bed. “We need to talk a little later. About a plan. I’ve got the castle sealed tight but… we’re just kind of playing a waiting game right now. I don’t know if we should be on the offensive or the defensive.”

“Just point me in the right direction,” I told her. “When you got her, uh… did you see…”

She shook her head.  “I’ll tell you when the time is right.  There’s not point in going over it now.” She shuddered. She rubbed Buffy’s arm. “I think you can kind of tell anyway…”

I nodded.  “It’s just more ammunition, but… I understand I guess.”

The doctor cleared her throat and stepped back. “She’s healed some. Just a bit but it’s something.” She looked at Will.  “I think the medicine is working.  He’d obviously given her something to stop the healing process though.  It’ll take a while to get out of her system.” She made eye contact with me.  “Limited movement?”

I shrugged.  “She asked.”

She smiled slightly.  “Yes, well… I suppose it’s okay then.  I bet you do that a lot… what she asks?”

“Usually,” I muttered.  “It’s not always fucking mutual though,” I said, looking at Buffy.

“She’ll be fine,” she told me. “Back to her old stubborn self in no time.”

I didn’t know how the fuck she knew that… about B being stubborn and shit… and I figured it best not to think about it.  No more jealous, I kept telling myself. “Right,” I finally said.

“So, Willow, I was wondering if you and Mr. Giles could go over some of the treatment with me.  I just want to make sure we’re doing enough and not missing anything?” She asked them.

They both nodded.  Will bent down and kissed B’s cheek.  “We’ll be back later,” she whispered.

Dawn did the same.  “I’m gonna go check on Joy.  She’s giving Ken and Angel fits.  And Satsu.  But she takes it better. She said you know, her being your kid and all… well she’s used to it.”

Great, I forgot no one could fucking leave. So Satsu was still here. Whoop dee fucking doo. “Tell her Buffy’s doing better,” I told them. “And to settle the hell down. Her pitching fits all over the castle is not helping.” I looked at Xander, “so get your balls out of your pocket and make her mind.  And that doesn’t mean with ice cream or some shit.”

He chucked.  “Well, Faith… ball comment aside… I’m like the uncle.  Not the daddy. That’s your job,” he said, walking out.

About thirty minutes after they left, Buffy stirred in my arms.  “Buffy?” I whispered, “you okay?”

She moved back slightly.  Her eyes were less swollen.  Her face was too.  She was healing. Slower than I’d like, but we’d take what we could get.

She nodded slowly.  One eye opened.

“Why you only got one eye open?” I asked her.

She opened the other one and closed it quickly. “No… one’s good.”

I reached around her and got the water from the table. “Drink?”

She nodded and took the straw in her mouth. She drank a lot more this time. I was feeling better with every swallow. “Thanks,” she said, pulling away. “Can I sit up some?”

I moved the bed so that it was in a more upright position.  “Want me to get up?”

“No.  No, I like you there.  You’re all snuggly,” she smiled.  Her voice was a little hoarse but she sounded better. She was still staring at me with one eye closed.

“I don’t know if you’d call me snuggly… well, you would call me that obviously.  But… you know… just don’t run around telling people that shit, babe,” I whispered. “Then half the castle will want to jump on me.  Can’t have that.” I winked at her and she giggled.  “Why the one eye, Buff? Seriously?”

She slowly opened the other one again. And then she shut it. “No way.  Two Faithies with two eyes.  One Faithie with one eye.” She moved her hand to her head. “My head feels really big,” she told me.

Okay… guess that was more pain medication or something that doctor gave her.  Cause hello… high as fuck.

“So there are two of me when you open both your eyes? Damn… how lucky could you get?” I smiled at her.

“No.  Two Faiths equals trouble.  Lots of trouble. I’d never sleep. You both would be…” she giggled. “Okay, maybe it would be good.”

Oh fuck that.  I wasn’t sharing her with… Jesus Christ, I needed to sleep. I was now jealous of myself. That was just a whole ‘nother level of what the fuck.

She scooted back into me.  “I wanna sleep some more. You wanna sleep, Faithie? With me?” She wrapped her arm around me.

Well, I didn’t want to sleep. I wanted to sit her and make sure nothing touched her.  That she was breathing.  That she was okay. She was staring up at me with one fucking eye closed, her damn lip all pouted out though.  And I was beyond fucking tired.  I couldn’t tell you the last time I’d slept actually.

“Maybe just for a little bit,” I told her. I bent my head and kissed her lips softly. 

“I love you,” she whispered against my chest.

“I love you more,” I said, closing my eyes.


	13. Satsu

Okay, I was more used to waking up in strange beds than I should have been, but hey that was a helluva long time ago. So when I woke and the sun was streaming in through a window that was definitely not in my bedroom, I almost panicked.

Fortunately for me, B was still wrapped around my waist and I remembered we were in the infirmary.  Fortunately for her, I remember all of this before I bolted out of the bed and hurt her even more.  Wait… that was probably fortunately for me too. 

I had no idea how long I’d been asleep but the bright ass light shining through the window told me it had been a pretty fucking long time.

“Hey,” I heard Buffy whisper against me. “You awake?” She still had her face buried against my chest and I couldn’t see her.

“Yeah,” I told her.  “How’d you know?”

She laughed.  “You jumped a little.”

Oh fuck.  I kissed the top of her head.  “Did I hurt you? I’m sorry!”

“No,” she said, turning to face me. My stomach jumped. Her face still looked like Satan had had a party on it, but… it looked about a thousand times better than yesterday. She was healing.

I kissed her nose lightly.  “You’re getting better,” I told her.  “It looks a lot better than yesterday.”

She nodded and scooted up beside me. She put her head on my shoulder. “I feel a lot better. Stronger at least.” She glanced down at her hands.  “I think my fingers are healing pretty fast.” She looked down at her leg and lifted it up a bit. It was cast from her ankle to a bit past her knee.  “This isn’t though,” she frowned slightly.  “It must’ve been bad, huh?”

I winced.  “A little worse than your fingers,” I told her.  I didn’t say, why yes, Buffy… the bone was sticking completely fucking out of your leg at an odd angle and looked like something you’d see in a medical journal for shit you should never ever fucking do… because I had some tact.  Shocking, I know.

She smiled at me and picked my broken hand up from the bed.  She kissed it slightly. “How’s your hand?”

I shook my head.  Again, forgot about that.  “It’s fine.  Fine. I keep forgetting it’s there.” I wanted to pull her closer to me but I didn’t want to hurt her. I could tell she was healing though. “Ribs?  Anything else really hurting you?  I can get the nurse or you know, your girlfriend with the medical degree to come in here and check,” I smiled at her.

“No, I mean I am in a little pain, but I don’t want to be groggy or anything.  We’ve got a lot… well, we need to discuss some things… what we’re gonna do and all.” She closed her eyes and sighed.  “And I call her my girlfriend with the long legs, but medical degree is awesome too if you think about it.” She smiled at me.

I swear to… fuck.  I wasn’t gonna do it.  See me – not being jealous.  Well, not showing that I was jealous.  That was fucking something, right?  “We can deal with everything once you get better.  No one can get in here. Okay?”

She groaned a bit but nodded. “I know, but sooner rather than later okay?  I’m worried about Joy… maybe now she can come see…” She looked up at me.  “I mean do I look really really bad?  Like would I scare her or something?”

I shook my head.  “No baby.” Uh yeah.  Probably. But… she knew slayers got hurt. Wouldn’t have been the first time she’d seen one of us busted to hell.  Of course… this was different.  You know with the extreme fucking torture and all… I was gonna, oh shit the things I imagined, I mean they were fucked up.  I wanted to just rip him from… I shook my head.  Focusing was probably something I should work on as well.

She shook her head back.  “You know what… that’s selfish of me, isn’t it? To want to see her?”

I could tell she was asking for my approval. I weighed the pros and cons here. Yeah, she still looked like shit, but… Joy wanted to see her just as bad I was wagering.  “You know what?  Why don’t I go get the nurse and see if they can get you something to eat or drink? Do whatever else they need to do, you know?  And while they’re checking on you, I’ll go talk to her.  If I think she can handle it, I’ll bring her back with me.  Sound good?”

She smiled at me then.  Her lips were less swollen today.  Goddamn it, she was the most beautiful thing on the planet, bruises and all, and it always made me catch my breath when she smiled like that. “I love you.  Thank you for doing that,” She whispered.

I stood up and kissed her lips. “Baby, I would pretty much sell my soul to the devil for a smile like that.”

She giggled and turned on her back. “I’m ready, send my girlfriend in.”

Son of a bitch.  “Not biting,” I called over my shoulder.

I was so fucking glad she was back. That she was gonna be okay. I’d send her slutty little doctor in there naked if I thought that’s what… oh who the fuck am I kidding? I’m not a goddamn saint. Give me a break.

I told the nurses she was awake and made my way out of the infirmary.  I wasn’t sure where everyone was… since I’d apparently slept for what felt like forever, I wasn’t even sure what time it was.

I was about to go upstairs, to see if Joy was still asleep, when she rounded the corner and pounced on me.  “Mom!” She squealed, jumping in my arms.  “Is Mommy okay?” 

I hugged her.  I loved the way her little arms felt around my neck.  I nodded and kissed her cheek.  And then I kissed her other cheek.  And then I kissed her forehead and then… what? I didn’t like being away from her. “She’s better,” I told her. I kissed her again.

She wiggled out of my arms.  “Okay, stop kissing…” she giggled.  “Are you sure?” She asked.

I nodded.  “She’s still not feeling great, but yeah… she’s getting better.”

“Good,” she said, eyeing me.  The she crossed her arms.  “Cause it’s not fair everybody here got to see her but me. She’s my momma.” She was pouting. “I’m not a baby.” Her arms were still crossed.  “And… and… I’m mad at you.”

“Why?” I asked her, “Because I wouldn’t let you see her?”

She nodded and huffed.  “Yes.” She still had her Buffy face on.

“Yeah, well tough…” I said crossing my arms back at her.  “Have you been running around here like a little demon?”

She uncrossed her arms.  “Why?  Who told you that?”

Jesus god.  This kids was gonna be the reason I was finally committed. Who’d ever taught her to evade questions did a marvelous fucking job.  “I know you… have you?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know what you mean.” She told me.

“Where the hell is everyone?  They’re supposed to be watching you.”

Ken popped around the corner. “We are,” she said. “Just you know… staying the hell out of the way.” She went to stand behind Joy and raised her eyebrow at me. “Someone’s been uh… excited to see her mom,” she finished, putting her hands on J’s shoulders.

“Protecting her, huh?” I asked Ken.

“How’s Buffy?” She asked, also evading my question. Well, well… so at least I knew where J got it from now.

“She’s better.  Still not… you know, a hundred percent or anything but… better.” I turned to J. “And you can go see her but…”

“Thank you!” She said, jumping in my arms. “Let’s go!”

“Hold up, hotrod.  But…” I sat her down, “Under a few conditions.”

She crossed her arms again.  For the love… “What conditions?  Why are there always conditions?  I don’t like it when you say under a few conditions… that means I’ve gotta clean my room or something.”

Actually that was a good idea. I shook my head. Focus.  “Listen, one… no barreling in a like a freaking schizoid cat and jumping on her,” I eyed her.  “I mean it. She’s hurt really badly. You jump on her and stuff… it won’t help.”

She nodded.  “I’m not dumb.”

“I freaking know that, okay? But I still have to say it. And two…” I crouched down beside her. “She looks bad. Like worse than you’ve probably seen one of us look before, okay?  So you can’t go all freaked out and start you know… freaking out.”

She put her hand on my shoulder and looked me in the eye.  “Is that it? Cause everyone’s already told me that a hundred times.”

I nodded at her smart ass.  “Now you’ve been told a hundred and one.  And I’m your Mom, so you know… I get to say shit like that.”

She laughed.  “You said a bad word.  I’m telling Mommy.”

“Whatever.” I said.  Like I was scared…

She barreled down the hallway, just like I told her not to fucking do.  “Joy! For the love… hold the hell up!” I yelled after her.

She stopped and turned.  “Then come on!”

I shook my head and followed her. “No telling.” I muttered.  Better to be safe than sorry.

“I won’t, silly,” she giggled, walking in Buffy’s room.

The doctor was in the room when we walked in. She was blocking Joy’s view. I bent down and picked her up.

“Can we interrupt?” I asked.

Dr. Fletcher moved out of the way. “Sure,” she said walking out. I followed her with my eyes. At least she was clothed.

Joy was still in my arms.  She had her hand over her mouth.  Please don’t let her freak, I was thinking.

“Hey, baby,” Buffy said, opening her arms.

She jumped out of my arms and ran over to her. Mother of fuck, I knew she would… but she stopped at the edge of the bed.

“What’s wrong?” B asked her.  She looked scared.

Joy frowned and looked back at me. “I want to hug you, but I had conditions,” she said sadly.

Buffy cut her eyes at me.  I shrugged back. 

“It’s okay, baby.  You know I don’t break.  Come get in bed with me,” she said, holding her arms out again and scooting over a little.

Joy climbed in carefully next to her and laid her head on Buffy’s chest.  “I’m glad you’re better.  I’m sorry that man hurt you.” She wrapped her arms around Buffy’s chest.  “I love you.  I don’t want you to be hurt anymore.”

Buffy sighed and pulled her to her. “I love you too. And I’m getting better. Especially cause my baby’s here. I was getting lonely with you all the way out there,” she told her.  “I missed you,” she whispered.

Joy nodded.  “I missed you too.  Don’t do that again, okay?” She asked.  “I didn’t like it. And Mom was really scared too,” she said looking at me.

“Sorry,” I muttered.  I went and sat in the chair next to the bed. “If I scared you I mean.”

She smiled at me.  “Do I have to clean my room?”

“Well,” I started.  “Yeah. At some point.  But not today, I guess.”

She snuggled closer to Buffy. “It’s okay then. I’m sorry you were scared. “

I sat up and kissed her cheek. “I love you, monkey,” I told her.

“I love you too.  I’m glad I have two mommies.” Her voice was soft.  “I’m sleepy.  Nobody slept last night. I couldn’t sleep cause I thought…” she trailed off. “Can I stay in here?”

Buffy kissed her and put her hand over J’s ear. She would do that when Joy couldn’t sleep.  I guess it kept the sound out? “As long as you want,” she whispered. 

Joy closed her eyes.  She’d be asleep before you knew it.  For some reason… I was thinking about just randomly putting my hand over her ear and seeing if I could get her to sleep more often. Like if she was asking a question I didn’t want to answer or begging for something. That was an awesome trick.

“That freaking amazes me.” I whispered to Buffy.

She smiled.  “I do the same thing for you, silly.  You just always forget.”  She was wrong. I never forgot when she touched me.

I quirked my eyebrow at her.  “Maybe I just like you touching me?”

She smiled.  She looked down at the kid.  She definitely was asleep… like I said, awesome trick.  Buffy winked at me.  “Can I tell you something?” She asked me.  She smiled at bit.  I realized it wasn’t gonna be anything heavy, which hey… was a good thing.  “And you not get mad?”

“What, princess?” I asked, leaning closer to them.

“Sometimes, I do this,” she looked down at her hand. “You know… when we’re in bed, cause I just like to watch you sleep.  Is that crazy? I mean you’ll just be all lying there or probably talking about something like a video game or something,” she scrunched up her nose, “… sometimes I don’t listen that well,” she smiled. “But anyway, you’ll kind of yawn or something, and you always sleep… you know right here,” she said, looking at Joy on her chest.  “And it’s just so easy… you fall asleep so easy like that. It’s like you’re just so content. Not worried or anything. Not freaked or trying to be protective. You’re just peaceful. Almost like a baby.” She kissed the side of Joy’s head. “She looks just like you sleeping. All deceptively innocent and stuff.” She scrunched her face.  “Come to think about it, this is the only time you two look innocent…”

I took a breath. Had I said how much I loved her? I mean how could I not.  Sometimes I thought she had no freaking clue.  Other times… “I watch you sleep all the time,” I whispered.  I sat up and touched her face lightly.  She was still bruised all to hell.  I hated that that fucker had done this to her.  “How does that feel, baby?  Your face? It looks a little better.” And it did… look a little better I meant.  Not great.   But better.  Whatever the hell they’d given her it was working. Made me forget about the naked doctor and shit… I mean a little anyway.

She frowned slightly and touched her face. “It’s okay.  I feel like someone…” she looked away.  “… you know what? I’m feeling better.”  She hugged Joy a little closer to her.  “I was so worried you were gonna bring her. I knew what he would do…” She looked at me.  “You couldn’t risk it.” She looked away. “If it were you… I… uh…. just thank you, for listening.”

I nodded.  Don’t think I didn’t notice the comment she made at first.  Where she felt like someone… she was afraid to tell me what they did to her.  It wasn’t like I couldn’t guess.  Maybe not specifics, but even a moron could see what the outcome was. And truth was – a part of me didn’t want to know.  I didn’t know if I could handle it.  I wasn’t sure what that said about me.  But if I was gonna stay focused, some things were better left unsaid right now.  Plus, I figured she’d tell me in her own time. When she was ready. No need in forcing shit out of her right now.

If she’d had been anyone else though, slayer or otherwise, she wouldn’t have survived it.  Buffy was always just a little bit stronger than the rest of us. Didn’t mean he didn’t fucking deserve to live the rest of his goddamn second life in excruciating pain. I was hoping beyond hope that if I didn’t get to participate in causing just a little bit of that pain I would at least get to watch.

I shook my head.  I shouldn’t be fucking thinking those things.  But every time I looked at her, and I thought… it was too much. Here was the kicker, guilt aside, I wasn’t even at the point of delving into the why he did it.

Fortunately though, I didn’t have to. Red and Ken walked in.

“You look tons better!” Red said, running up and kissing B on the cheek. 

“I feel better,” B told her.  “Thank you.  For everything. What you and Angel did… I can’t even…”

“Stop,” Red said.  “It was what you would do.  I’m just glad we got there…” she trailed off. 

Ken was standing a few feet away from us. She hadn’t seen Buffy since the little magical foray into that fucked up compound. She hid her grimace a little better than I would have, truth be told.  “Glad you’re back,” she finally said. She looked at Joy.  “And glad that one’s asleep.  She’s been a little… uh, on edge.”

Will smiled.  “Kennedy gave her donuts last night.  I didn’t even know we had donuts.  But, she found them.  They ate the whole box. Then Joy wouldn’t sleep. I mean she was worried but… twelve pounds of sugar does that to a kid.”

I groaned.  “One night, jackass.  Seriously?”

Ken shrugged her shoulders.  “What?  She asked. What was I supposed to say? No?”

“Uh yeah,” I muttered.  “Usually.”  She was such a sucker.

Buffy smiled at her.  “Ignore her.  Thank you for taking care of her.  Sugar high and all.” She smiled at me.  “I didn’t want Faith to leave. I guess that was selfish.”

Ken shook her head.  “Nah.  Joy’s fine with us. And Will even taught her a spell…”

“Kennedy!” Willow said. 

“What?” She asked her.  “You think you’re gonna throw me under the bus like that and I’m not taking you with?  Come on, babe. You know better.”

Red looked at me.  “We just floated a few pencils.” She smiled.  “Uh... and a book.”

Ken cleared her throat.

Red winced. “Okay… and a few of her dolls. Nothing major.”

“I swear to god…” I groaned again. “You do realize this is gonna bite someone in the ass one day, and by someone I mean me.”

“Well… yeah,” Red said.  “Probably.  But she had fun.”

“It’s okay,” B jumped in before I could say anything. “Thanks for watching her and everything. We don’t care if she does a little harmless magic,” she said eyeing me.

That was my cue to shut the hell up and nod. Which I did.  But I didn’t like it. Because I did care… morons.

“So, ummm…” Red started.  “So we, you know… looked for the mayor some. Just to see where he was and all… you know cause he pretty much cleared out after, well… we got you. And umm… we just found him.” She looked at Ken.

“So, before you freak…” Ken looked pointedly at me. “Remember that we’re on lockdown.  No one in or out.”

I didn’t fucking like where this was going.

“He’s here, isn’t he?” B asked her.

“Well, close.” Red said.  “In England.  Giles is talking to people right now.  Contacts and stuff.” She sat down in a chair next on the opposite side of the bed. “I mean we sorta figured this would happen, but Ken’s right, no one in or out.  I can promise that.  We’ve just got to figure out…” she looked at Ken again.  “…uh… we have an idea.  It’s not a great idea.  In fact, it’s probably a really dangerous one but… we don’t know what else to do.”

“She’s not leaving the castle,” Buffy said, looking at Joy.  “It isn’t an option.” Her voice was firm.

Red nodded.  “I know. That’s not what I meant…”

“What do you mean?” I asked her. “How the fuck do we fight him?”

She and Ken made eye contact again. Fucking great.

“Okay, seriously, Faith.” Ken said. “You are not allowed to freak till we finish.  I mean it.”

“You haven’t even started,” I muttered. And, might I fucking add, them telling me not to freak was what was gonna freak me out in the long run. Jesus.

Ken sighed.  “There’s one uh… person, I guess,” she shrugged at Red.  “…or whatever, that wants Joy alive as much as we do.”

Oh fuck that. 

“Ate,” I groaned.  “Are you fucking serious?”

“Faith, damn it,” Ken said.  “You promised no freaking.”

“The fuck I did!  You said I couldn’t.  I didn’t promise shit.  Hey here’s an idea how about we fight a fucking raging forest fire with buckets of napalm! Have you people all lost your minds since last night?” I jumped up.  “I’m thinking you better take your asses back to the drawing board!”

Ken moaned.  “What the hell else can we do, Faith?  We can’t fight him without Joy.  And no one wants to risk that.  We don’t have a choice.”

“Oh my god… you people are always telling me that we have a choice.  We always have a choice, Faith.  Make a choice, Faith.” I groaned.  “And now, now we don’t have a fucking choice.  I’m beginning to see how shit goes here.” They were definitely the crazy ones. All this time I thought it was me.

Buffy frowned.  “I hate to say it, but maybe they’re right,” she said, smiling sadly at me. “I mean maybe…” See? I was the only sane one.

I turned to her.  “I’m gonna overlook that babe, seeing as you’re not a hundred percent…” I pointed at Ken and Red. “These two however are fucking crazy.”

Buffy patted the bed next to her. I sat down.  “Listen, Faith.  She needs Joy.  And we have ten years to figure out how to stop her.  But we’re not gonna be able to do that if he’s still out there.  Or we won’t…” she took a deep, and shook her head. “…or we won’t make it ten years. I am all open to other suggestions and stuff, but we don’t have a lot of time to figure this out.” Joy moved a bit in B’s arm. She flinched.

It hit me that she was still in pain. I moved to take J.  “Buffy… maybe you should…”

She pulled her closer.  “Faith, yesterday I was pretty damn certain I was never going to see her again.  To see you.” She closed her eyes.  “Any of you. When Will came, I was… I was already ready to give up.  I mean after what? Twenty-four hours, and I was ready to give up.” She put her hand on my leg.  “I made Will promise.  Promise me that she wouldn’t tell you… what she saw.  Because you didn’t see. You didn’t see it.  And I know what he can do.  He’s going to be… he’s going to make us pay.  Do you understand what he’s capable of?”

I stood up.  I tried to ignore what she said about what he did.  She was right in some weird way… I probably didn’t need to know. And fuck yes, I did know what he was capable of.  All too fucking well.

I sighed.  “I just don’t think this is a good idea.  She wants…” I looked at Joy.  She was way better at pretending to be asleep than B. Her breathing was steady though. “You know what she wants. And even if she could help… and who the hell knows if she can… why the hell would she?”

“Because she needs her,” Ken answered. “And she knows that. She can’t touch her, Faith. Not now. And she was the one that warned us in the first place.  She’s worried too in her own twisted, fucked up way.”

Red cleared her throat.  “I’m open to other suggestions if you have any. Aside from sending you out there so you can commit misguided suicide.  Cause that’s totally what will happen.” She eyed me carefully. “ So, don’t even suggest it.”

Aw fuck her.  Wasn’t like I was gonna.  “There’s still got to be another way.”  I muttered. Completely clueless as to what the fuck that was, I didn’t want to admit.

“How would we contact her?” B asked. She noticed my grimace. “I mean, if we wanted to because we had exhausted absolutely every other option available on the planet?”

I groaned.  I hated being placated.

And there was that glance again. Between Red and Ken. That fucking, ‘Faith is gonna freak the fuck out’ glance they share at least three times a fucking week.

“Seriously?” I asked.  “What the fuck could be worse than what you two just told us? What we gotta go down to some hell dimension and get her or some shit?”

Red did a little bow out with her arm at Ken. “This one’s all you,” she told her.

Ken rolled her eyes and turned to me. “Satsu,” she muttered. “She can contact her. At least we think she can. Now…” she raised her arms in the air. “Go ahead.  Have your freak fest.  Throw the big Faith sized fit you are about to throw, knock shit around, stomp your feet… what the fuck ever.  Just get it out of your system.  Cause truth be told, we are probably gonna go ahead and do this shit with or without the two of you.”

I stood up then.  I wanted to freak out… do all those fucking things she’d just listed. I couldn’t tell you how much I wanted to freak the fuck out.  But I didn’t. I stood up and walked the fuck out. I didn’t run, and well… it wasn’t like I could go any fucking where. 

“Faith?” B asked behind me.  “Baby, wait.”

I shook my head.  “I’m fine,” I muttered. 

“Baby? Please don’t go… stay… I want you to… please stay.” I hated when Buffy’s voice rose like that.  I knew she was scared.  So the fuck was I.

“I’ll be back, babe.” I said, turning around and smiling at her. I looked at Ken. “Stay here with them.  Till I get back.  Please?” My voice was even.  And as pleasant as it could fucking get given the goddamn situation at hand.

Her eyebrow shot up.  She was totally not expecting me to be calm. “Uhh… okay.” She said, sitting in the chair I was in earlier.  “And where might you be going?” She asked a little too sing-songy for herown damn good.

I ignored her and turned around. “Satsu’s the one that can call her, right?” I asked Red.

Red nodded hesitantly. 

“Yeah, and Satsu’s still here, I assume, seeing as she can’t fucking leave?” I asked her again.

Red nodded again. “Faith…”

I held up my hand to stop her. I turned to Kennedy. “So yeah, seeing as you’re lacking the basic powers of deduction, Ken… I’m going to talk to Satsu.” I told them, turning around again.

“Fuck,” Ken muttered.

“Faith!” B called again, as loud as she could without waking Joy. 

“What babe?” I said.  I was getting flustered.

“What are you going to do?” Her voice was timid.

“I’m gonna find out how the fuck she can call her for one.  Now, if you guys would excuse me…” I bowed.  “I’ve got to see a slayer.”

Red jumped up.  “Uh wait! How bout I go with? Just to… you know to get logistics and stuff?” She asked. 

“Whatever,” I muttered, headed down the hallway.

I wasn’t going to hurt the bitch. Hello… new leaf? But… fuck… if we were gonna do this… if we didn’t have a goddamn choice in the matter we were not gonna fuck it up. That meant no loose ends. And there was one thing I’d learned over the years here, and that was we always had loose ends to tie up.

And Satsu… the biggest motherfucking loose end of my life.  I didn’t fucking trust her. I wasn’t sure I ever would. And there was no way I was jumping on that fucking bandwagon until she and I got a few goddamn things straight.

 


	14. A New Player in the Game

Satsu, fucking Satsu.  Welcome to the honest to god true bane of my freaking existence. It was the one damn grudge I just could not get over.  I’d tried, believe you me, I had.  I mean she’d definitely done her fair share over the years to help out, but… it was just too fucking hard. I found that I needed at least one outlet for my damn anger sometimes, and Satsu was as good a candidate as anyone I’d ever found.  No matter what anyone said.

And people said it all the time. How I should forgive her and all. (Except Ken; she was definitely in the same boat I was – I mean not in the pummel the girl’s face in boat, but she felt the same way about her).  I guess it was because I felt like I couldn’t ever trust her.  You know?  Trust was a big thing, and there were probably a lot of people out there who’d say I hadn’t earned the right either, but…  it didn’t change the way I felt about her.  Call me a hypocrite if you wanted.

There was a time where I felt like she was an ally. Honest to god. I’d completely ignored the fact that she’d been with Buffy first.  I really had.  But then Ate. And the fucking betrayal. And yeah, B forgave her. But whatever.  Good for Buffy.  I wasn’t gonna argue that she wasn’t leaps and bounds ahead of me in the whole forgiveness department.  But there was just something about Satsu.  Something about the way she looked at me.  Something about the fucking smirks on her face.  All in all, I felt like I’d done a good job of not beating her stupid ass every time I saw her.  Maybe no one else would agree, but in my book it was definitely something.  Hell, if they knew half the stuff I thought about doing to her… they’d have given me a freaking medal or something for refraining.

I found her in the library with the others. Red was hot on my heels. It was beyond fun having a goddamn babysitter all the time.  Whatever.

“Satsu,” I said, walking in the room.

Everyone looked up from whatever the hell it was they were doing. 

“How’s Buffy?” Dawn asked.

“She’s a lot better,” Red beamed. “Still looks a little less than good, but all in all way better than yesterday,” she said, looking at Angel. “Way better.”

He nodded.  “Maybe I’ll go check on her,” he said.  “You care?” He asked me.

I shrugged.  He wasn’t who I’d come to see.  And well, big guy did save her and all.  I needed to pin him down later and thank him. 

“We’ll go with,” Dawn said, looking at Xander. She walked by and patted me on the shoulder.  “Hope you got some sleep.”

“I did,” I told her, trying to smile. I knew she was worried about her sister.  It’s one of the reasons I loved her.  “Thanks.”

I waited till they left to address Satsu again. She was sitting on the table swinging her legs like she was at fucking home. Seriously, I realized the chick had tried to redeem herself for being a cluster fuck of a pain in our sides when Joy was a baby.  Like I said earlier, I got it.  She rode the same redemption train I’d ridden.  It should have fucking endeared me to her.  It didn’t though.  In case anyone had forgotten, she’d put my entire family in danger.

 I guess it was ironic that I wasn’t big on the forgiving for shit like that since I’d spent a big chunk of my life looking for exactly the same thing. It didn’t change a damn thing though.

And again – something about her, everything about her really just set me off. Even after she’d proven herself over and over again. And even though she’d shown she loved Joy.  I knew why of course… I wasn’t stupid, but… you could never have enough people looking out for your kid. And she’d gone way out of her way to help us when we were in trouble over the years. She was always on missions. She always volunteered to go wherever it was Buffy or Red or Giles needed her to go.  No questions asked.  She was the perfect little soldier. But even after all of that, after everything thing she’d done as a slayer, all the good fights she’d fought… in the end…

…she’d still FUCKED my wife. 

I guess that made me petty.  Too fucking bad.

“So they talked to you?” She asked me.

Red answered for me.  “Yeah.  We mentioned it. She’s uh…” She smiled at me. “Faith just wants to clear it up.” She was trying to keep the room calm. And by room, I meant me.

Giles took of his glasses.  “Faith, we’ve discussed this at length.  I assume you agree that it’s a very risky plan. But I’m not sure if we can find a more viable alternative.  If Ate can harm the mayor, we might have to consider it.”

I ignored him.  “How can you contact her?” I asked Satsu. “You two still big buds are some shit? Been keeping track of each other all these years?”

She sighed and ran her hand through her hair. “I’m not really gonna dignify that, Faith.”

Did I mention I hated her goddamn smirks?

I flexed my hand.  It was still fucking hurting.  Couple that with the other shit going through my brain and it was making me less than reasonable. “That’s not a fucking answer, Sats.  Sorry.  But I’m thinking you’re gonna have to be more specific.” I growled.

She shook her head.  “Faith, I’m really tired of this.  Aren’t you?” She sighed. “ I mean I’m not sure when you’re gonna trust me.”

Fuck her.  I rolled my eyes.  “How about fucking never?” I moved closer to her.  “You gotta reason I fucking should?”

“No,” she answered.  She hadn’t moved from the table.  She wasn’t about to back down.  No matter what she said, I knew she hated me as much as I hated her. It was the only fucking thing we had in common. She just hid that shit better than I did. She rubbed her head. “But, I can contact her.  I haven’t. And I don’t really want to. But the way I see it, we don’t have a choice. You, above all people, apparently know what this mayor person is capable of.  I just offered another solution to the problem.  You want to let your petty problems get in the way of defeating him then you’re a bigger dumbass than I gave you credit for.”

I moved closer.  I was gonna hit her.  Just one time. I mean that was fair, right?

Red put her hand on my shoulder. “And, we’re not gonna do that.” She said, pulling me back.  “Cause physical violence is not gonna help anything.  Okay?” She asked me.

I grudgingly nodded.  Didn’t mean I still didn’t want to knock her fucking sideways.

Giles cleared his throat.  “Well, yes… unfortunately we are going to have to consider it. As I’m sure Willow has told you, the mayor is in England.  We have no idea what he is planning and I don’t know that we have enough time to try and decipher it. I’m certain that sitting here in the castle until something happens is not what anyone wants. As you well know, sometimes we must take the fight to them.”

“Yeah, I get that.  Not particularly big on sitting on our asses or anything but…” I turned to Satsu.  “I’m also not that big on enlisting the help of a goddamn evil goddess bent on using my daughter as some kind of fucking door to take over the world.  Sorry if that makes me difficult.”

Red stood in between us.  “Okay, so everyone has sort of voiced their concerns and now maybe let’s just think about this for a minute.  If we do call her,” she started.  She watched my face. 

I just nodded. I knew I had to at least hear them out.

“Okay… so if we do… we’re gonna have a few problems.  I mean she can’t come in the castle.  There’s no way we can risk that.  If she figures out a way in… you know as well as I do that would be disastrous later down the road.  Our other problem though is the spell… no one can get in.  Or more importantly right now, out.  So I can’t go.  I could send someone to meet her.  I mean maybe somewhere close or something but… I mean whoever that is would be vulnerable to the mayor. I don’t know how to protect everyone.”

Giles nodded.  “And say she agrees to help?  What then? How do we lure the mayor to her?”

Red shrugged.  “I don’t know.  Maybe she’d pay him a visit?” She looked at me.  “Look I know you hate this.  I know you do cause we all feel the same way but… the fact is she doesn’t want anyone to harm Joy.  She needs her, Faith. And there is no way Joy would be involved.  None. It’s a crappy solution but sometimes you’ve got to sleep with the enemy.” She made a face.  “I mean, metaphorically and all.”

I took a deep breath.  “Okay,” I muttered.  “Figure out how we call her.  Where we need to be. I don’t want anyone going into this half assed.  And I am not kidding. We go in prepared or we find another solution.  No more surprises. Once we’ve got it locked down then she calls her or whatever and we talk to her.  Cause I’m going with her.  No way in hell I’m letting Satsu contact that whore without me there.” I thought for a minute.  “And Kennedy.” I sighed. Something dawned on me then. “How the fuck can she hurt him? She can’t hurt us. Remember?  She’s not like mortal or anything.  I got the impression all she could do was observe.”

Red sighed.  “It may be that she can’t do anything.  I mean we thought about that.” She sat down and groaned.  “And then… I don’t know.  I don’t know what else to do.  But we’ve got to try it.”

“Just do whatever,” I told them. “I get we are out of options. Doesn’t mean I like it.”

Giles frowned.  “Yes.  Well, none of us like it, do we?”

I shrugged.  “As long as we’re on the same page.” I looked at Satsu.  “Everyone.”

“We are,” she answered. She stood up and moved to walk out.

“Where the hell are you going?” I asked her.

She shrugged.  “You guys don’t need me right now,” she said.  “I’ll go wherever.  Do whatever,” she said to Red.  She looked at me. “I’m going to see Buffy. Do you have a problem with that?”

Fuck yes I had a fucking problem with that. I noticed Red’s face. She was shaking her head at me. “Whatever,” I mumbled. “Don’t mention this shit in front of the kid.” I muttered when she walked out.  “I have an extreme urge to hit her,” I told them.

Giles nodded. “You make that very clear,” he told me.

“Yeah… fuck if I’m trying to hide it or something. I don’t trust her.” I answered.

He nodded.  “Again, you’ve made that extraordinarily clear. And of course, no one blames you. I suppose it is unlikely you ever will forgive her.  However she has done quite a bit to prove herself, Faith.  I would think you of all people would respect that.” 

“And yet I don’t,” I mumbled.

He was about to speak when Red’s phone rang. She looked confused. “I don’t know who would be calling me…” she started, as she answered the phone. “Hello.”

Her face told me who it was.  He couldn’t get in the castle but I guess he still had a freaking supernatural phonebook with all of our goddamn telephone numbers. She placed the phone on speaker and laid it on the table.

“Ms. Rosenberg,” the mayor said. “I wish I could say it was good to hear your voice.  However, I’m a little perturbed at the stunt you and that sorry excuse for a vampire pulled yesterday.” He sighed.  “I expected an escape attempt.  Unfortunately, I underestimated your powers.  Yet again. A mistake I will not make anymore.”

“What do you want?” I growled, moving to the table.

“Faith!” He said, happily.  “So good to hear your voice again.  I hope you’re well.”

“Are you fucking serious?  What the hell are you doing?  You almost killed her, you son of a bitch.  And for what?  Fucking revenge.  Who would have thought you’d sink to the level of a common demon.” I wanted to climb through the fucking phone and choke him. 

“Faith. Faith.  Please calm down.  You know how you make mistakes when you’re flustered.  And it’s not good for the complexion.  You’ve always had such beautiful skin.”

“What do you want?” Willow sighed. “We’re kinda through chatting with you.”

He chuckled.  “I just wanted to commend you on a job well done.  I believe you should always give credit where credit is due. I was certain you would storm in with a slayer army, Joy in tow, to save Buffy.  You realize you could’ve failed?  It was a risky plan.  It deserves respect.”

“Are we supposed to say thank you?” I asked the phone.

He laughed again.  “No.  No. I’m just really surprised is all. I would have thought you’d have been with them.  It bothers me that you’ve become so complacent.  It’s not like you, Faith.  Not at all. Where’s the go-getter I used to know?”

“She’s dead,” I mumbled. 

“No, not yet,” he said.  “Anyway, I just wanted to see how things were. I suppose you realize that now the first phase of my plan has been interrupted things will definitely have to change. Stakes must be upped, etcetera. It’s really good fun though, isn’t it?” he squealed.  “Just like old times in a way.  I just have so much planned for you.  All of you. Joy especially,” he left that hanging in the air.

“Too bad you can’t fucking touch her,” I growled at him.  Giles put his hand on my arm.

“You would think but things do change. Ms. Rosenberg’s little escape plan aside, Faith, I was wondering if Buffy mentioned her friend here?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

He was still chuckling.  I used to live to make him laugh.  That thought alone made me sick. “The slayer. Dominique.  You know the one, right?” 

I took a breath.  I’d forgotten about her.

“She was quite helpful in detaining Buffy as it were. It’s always good to rely on someone your captive is familiar with, I find.  It’s useful,” he mused.

“Buffy didn’t know her,” Willow said. “And we’ve dealt with rogue slayers before.  She’s not even a blip on our radar right now.  When we defeat you, she goes down too.”

He laughed loudly.  “She hasn’t mentioned her, has she?  That is quite interesting, isn’t it?  My it amuses me at the number of secrets you keep from each other. I find it amazing that your little gang is, as it were, still together.  What with all the lies.”

I picked up the phone.  “Fuck you.  No one gives a shit about that fucking girl.  She’ll get what’s coming to her.” 

“I’m not sure if that’s true. I mean, she’s definitely not you but… I’ve grown fond.  No matter. But, you must see, Faith, I picked her for a reason.  Did you think that Buffy didn’t know her? You know what they say about making assumptions. Dirty business. How much do you know about Buffy’s time away from you? Those long three years when she was avoiding all of you? If I know you, and I think I do, you’ve avoided that conversation, haven’t you?  About her past?  Just go ask her.  I assume she’s still…” he chuckled again.  “…suffering some. But I’m sure she’s better. Dominique.  Just say her name.  Judge for yourself.  I think if you do, the game will change some.” He sighed.  “Bye for now.  You’ll be hearing from me soon.”

The line went dead.

The three of us looked at each other for a moment.

“Faith,” Red said.  “You know you can’t believe him. He’s just trying to get to you.”

I nodded.  “Yeah. I fucking know. But we do need to know who she is. Why she’s working for him. Like I said – no half-assed. Maybe you can dig up some info?”

Giles nodded.  “Her name is something.  We should be able to track down her history. At least find out more about her.”

“Yeah, do that,” I told them. “I’m going to check on Buffy.”

And ask her about the slayer. The thing was the mayor was fucking evil.  But… I just needed to speak to her.  I wanted to check on her. And yes… I did want to see if she knew this fucking chick.  Because he was right, Buffy’s past was something we didn’t discuss at length. I never brought it up and she was more than okay with that.  I mean even if she did know the bitch it wasn’t like she was lying about it or anything, right? Not telling someone isn’t lying… it’s just not telling someone.  We all did that, right?

Everyone was in B’s room when I got back. Satsu was sitting on the edge of her bed. I fought the urge to pick her up and throw her scrawny ass back into the library.  So, yay me.

Joy was still sleeping next to her. It’s easy to forget that she was a baby just a few years ago.  And even before that… kinda like she’d always been there.  I had to remind myself every day that she was mine. I mean there were times, don’t get me wrong, when she drove me close to the brink of madness. But she was really ours. And she was good. And times like these, I don’t know… she was just so fucking innocent.  And a lot of the shit that had gone down and that kept coming was our fault. She didn’t ask for any of this. We had to protect her at all costs. I knew that.  It was why the conversation Buffy and I were about to have was needed. Even if I just didn’t want to know anything else.

“They mayor just called.  Again,” I told them when I walked in.

I got a chorus of ‘what?’ and ‘why?’ from everyone. Right now the word mayor was sending even the calmest of us into a panic.

I shrugged.  “Just to taunt us probably.  It’s part of his game plan I’m thinking.”  I sat down. “He mentioned something though,” I said, looking at B.  “About the slayer working for him.  Dominique, I think he said her name was.”

I watched her face.  I was looking for any sign of recognition.  And I definitely fucking saw it.

Somewhere deep down I’d hoped I wouldn’t see that. I realized that it was asking a lot, but still… I groaned and closed my eyes.

“Faith,” she started.

I held up my hand.  “Ken, take the kid.  The rest of you get out.”

They all started talking. Protesting and shit.

“What is it?” Angel asked.

“Do we know her or something?” Dawn added.

“Hey, how’d he get our number?” Xander asked probably the most valid question really.

I held up my hand. “Nope.  Go ask Red. B and I need to talk.”

Ken scooped up Joy and it sorta amazed me that she didn’t wake.  She was so tired. She just wrapped her arms around Ken’s neck and let herself be carried. She was as tired, and probably worried, as the rest of us.  It really wasn’t fair and it made me kinda sad.  B, for her part, was looking away from me. 

Buffy followed everyone out with her eyes. When they were gone, she sat back. She winced a bit. I knew she was still in pain. It wasn’t like I wanted to make her feel worse, but she was gonna have to spill.  I had a feeling this was a conversation neither of us wanted to be having.

“So?” I asked when everyone was gone. “Dominique?”

She watched my face for a minute. Gaging my demeanor. I kept it still. She sighed. “I didn’t recognize her at first.  When we got there. I think they gave me something, you know, to make me a little out of it.  I… uh… it wasn’t until later, uh… after the first time that I recognized her.”

I thought back to the bitch kissing her on the forehead. Carrying her like a child. At least I had a place to direct my goddamn anger now.  If she knew this bitch and she’d helped the goddamn mayor… all bets were off.

I stood up and crossed the room. I was holding my broken hand with my other one.  I looked down, not even realizing that I was doing it and let go. “How do you know her? Was he telling the truth? You knew her from before?” I asked her.

She nodded and sighed again. She played with the IV tube in her arm. I was afraid for a second she was gonna jerk it out or something. “Yes.  I met her in New York.”

How many fucking places had she visited? Jesus. It was like she literally did do a goddamn world tour.  One day soon, we were sitting down with a fucking globe and…  I decided to bite my tongue and not mention I’d never even known she was in New York and probably twelve thousand other places. “And?”

She shook her head. She was frowning a bit. Like she didn’t know how to begin. “Faith, you have to understand that when I was gone, I wasn’t me. I was sick.  I was looking for something.  I met Dominique one night in Central Park.  Do you know how many vampires frequent that park? It’s crazy.  I mean it makes sense cause of the whole big city and lots of people going missing.  It was like a buffet for them. Homeless people, gangbangers, lots of forgotten people in New York City.  It was a sad town, really.” She looked away like she was thinking.  “I’d run into ten, sometimes twenty a night…”

“You’re rambling,” I told her. It was making me fucking nervous.

She rubbed her temples.  “I know.  I just… I was messed up.  I am kinda embarrassed about that, you know.”

“Yeah, I get that, B.  But…” I prompted her with my hand. I didn’t want her getting off track.  I knew she was messed up then. I felt bad about that. But it was a little beside the point at the moment.

She rubbed her arms like she was cold suddenly. “Yeah, anyway.  One night it was particularly vampy.  I mean they just kept coming.  And this one vamp, a newbie really, sort of had me by the throat.  It was a dumb position to be in.  I kept thinking I can’t believe a rookie is gonna be the one to that finally kills me. I always thought it would be like a demon underlord or something equally frightening at least. But a new vamp? How embarrassing is that?”

I was having trouble controlling my breathing. “Buffy…”

She sighed and dropped her arms. “Okay, okay. Anyway, this dumb vamp, she had me by the throat and then… she was dust.  It was weird cause I thought… well, I thought, Faith.  For some reason it seemed like you were gonna be standing on the other side of her.  Old times and all… But you weren’t.”

“Obviously,” I sighed. She didn’t know how much I wished it were me though.  Can’t change the past and all that shit, but… fuck. 

She smiled sadly.  “But Dominique was.  She saved my life. We kind of cleaned up that night. It was a weird night. You know the thrill of slaying. I hadn’t done the double slaying in a while.  I kind of forgot the rush of having someone there beside me.”  She sighed. 

I started pacing.  “So she saved you.  Then what?” I wasn’t really sure I wanted to know about her rush. 

She pushed the little button beside her bed, so it would lean back some.  She looked so goddamn tired.  I knew this was not fun. It wasn’t fun for either of us really. But we really had to know. “She invited me out.  To some bar or something. I don’t remember the name.” She shook her head.  “I guess that doesn’t matter, huh?  Anyway. We uh… we hung out for a while. The headaches were kinda on a vacation for a few days.  I wanted to think she was the reason why.  I mean I knew she wasn’t but… it just felt good to have someone there, you know? Someone who understood me but didn’t really know me.  I liked that. So we, uh… hung out. Like I said.”

I took a deep breath and stopped pacing. I didn’t look at her. “And by hung out, you mean?” Don’t be what I think it means, I thought.  Just don’t fucking be what I think it means.

“Does it matter?” She whispered. “It was so long ago.”

“Buffy?” I made my voice level. I could feel her staring at me.

I knew she wanted me to say that it was okay.  That I didn’t care.  And I would. I wasn’t horrible.  I would tell her that soon, but not just yet.

She sighed, still staring at me. “Does it?”

When I looked back at her, she looked away. “I’d love to tell you no.  Say that no, it doesn’t matter.  But, seeing as she is fucking in bed with the enemy now it’s kind of important to know if she was fucking in bed with you too.” I hated how strained my voice was getting.

She winced but this time I figured it wasn’t from the pain. “I did a lot of things I’m less than proud of, Faith. And I’m sorry for that. I can’t take it back. No one was more surprised than me to see her with the mayor.” 

I nodded.  I was having a hard time making eye contact with her too now. “When exactly were you gonna decide to tell us this?”

“I was gonna tell you, but… last night I couldn’t think. And this morning we haven’t really been alone.  I wanted to tell you first.” She was whispering now. I could tell she was on the verge of crying.

But I couldn’t do anything about that. I crossed my arms.  “Why would she help the mayor?”

She sighed again.  This was killing her but it couldn’t be helped.  She needed to tell me everything.  “I… uh… I wasn’t myself back then.  And I… she really was a good girl.  Sweet.  Young, you know? She was… I mean, here I was a slayer, older than her and I mean she didn’t know who I was but… she knew I was somebody.  She just sort of liked me I guess.  Everything was a haze. I wasn’t as nice to her as I should have been.” She closed her eyes.  “She wasn’t the only person that I…”

I held up my hand.  Fuck to the no, I did not want to go there right now. We needed to focus. “So what?  You left her?  What?”

She kept watching me.  I knew she was afraid. “She just got caught up. Too involved. She really was falling…” she trailed off.

In love with her.  Motherfucker.  We should start a goddamn club or something. Sell freaking t-shirts.

I bit back the groan rising in my throat. “And what did you do, Buffy?”

She frowned at my use of her whole name probably. “I slept with her friend,” she said so quietly I could barely hear her.

Holy god. 

“Excuse me?” I muttered. Tell me I didn’t hear that right.

“You heard me,” she whispered again. “She caught us. You know… in the act and stuff.”

“Oh,” I whispered. My stomach just fell. Like seriously, it just fucking bottomed out.  I hated that feeling.

“I told her I couldn’t love her. That she was stupid if she thought it meant anything. I said a lot of horrible things that night,” she looked away like she was thinking.  “And then I took off.” She had tears in her eyes.  Part of me wanted to hold her.  The other part… I was ignoring the other part right now.  “And I left.  It was terrible. I was awful to her. I left her crying there in her apartment, where she’d let me stay.  Tried to help me.  I just left her there on the floor. I got out of the city that night.” She wiped her eyes.  “I haven’t even thought about her, Faith.  I know that’s terrible but… it’s just been so long.  Everything then was so weird.  Hazy like.” She took a deep breath.  “But when I saw her there, with him… I knew what I had I done. It seemed like some sort of poetic justice and all.”

I shook my head.  I didn’t want to feel sorry for this chick. Her being involved in the torture of the love of my life snapped me out of that sentiment pretty freaking fast. “And now the mayor’s definitely not pulling any punches; is he?”

She took a deep breath. “I guess he knew how you’d react. When you found out about her I mean.”

He certainly fucking did. 

I stood there for a few minutes. I moved to look out the window. I really wished we could just take a break.  Maybe go on a vacation. Do something normal for goddamn once. The shit I was trying to process was almost causing me pain.  I hated that it had been ten years.  I hated that we still kept secrets from each other.  But what did I expect?  For her to write her goddamn memoirs?  Did I really want to read them if she did?  Fucking jealousy and boatloads of guilt aside, this shit was too much to process all on its own.

“Say something,” she whispered.

“Okay, Buffy, here I am saying something, except… I don’t have a lot to fucking say right now. I mean I’m trying to be rational about this.  I really am. But that doesn’t mean, I mean…” I shook my head.  “This shit changes things. We need to know everything.  Everything about what happened. And I hate to say this, cause I’m way over having to process information about your freaking conquests, but that means anything you think he can use against us.   And I mean anything. He’s been tapping into past shit neither one of us want to relive and if I know him, and I do… he’s nowhere near fucking finished.  So you’re gonna have to be completely honest.  I mean it. Anything we need to know, you’ve got to come clean.  We cannot take any more surprises.  We’re about to barrel headfirst into a goddamn disaster and we’re about to ask our fucking arch nemesis to help us do it.  So right now, I’m sorta at a loss at what it is you want me to say exactly.” I sighed. “Thanks for fucking telling me, I guess?”

She winced.  She still looked beat.  She was hurting. She’d almost died. I just wanted to crawl into bed with her and hold her to me.  That shit would never change.  Unfortunately the fucking curveball she’d just thrown at me put that little scenario on the backburner.

I could see the tears start to well in her eyes. I just hoped they didn’t start falling till I could get the fuck out of there. “I don’t…” she started.

I didn’t let her finish. “Christy,” I called the only nurse who’s name I could remember. 

She came in the room.  “Everything okay?”

I nodded.  “I’ve got to go talk to the others.  You think you can get some of the slayers to come in here and sit with Buffy? I don’t want her being left alone. And I need someone who can protect her, you know, just in case.”

“Sure,” she nodded and went to call them.

“Faith, please,” B said.

I put my hand on the edge of her bed. “Buffy, I’m not mad,” I started. At least I didn’t think I was. To be honest, I wasn’t fucking sure what I was feeling.  “I just need to go talk to Will.  You need to rest. You’re not gonna heal like this.” I walked over and kissed her forehead.  “Go to sleep.  I’m gonna tell the nurses to give you something.  I want you at full strength.” I stood up. “I love you,” I told her. It was the only thing I knew I was feeling.  No matter what… I loved her.  I loved her so much it fucking hurt sometimes.  Was it a stretch to say that this was one of those times?

“I love you more,” I heard her whisper when I was leaving.  She was crying. It broke my heart and I almost went back.  Almost.

Fact was though; I had other shit to do. There was another player in this game. One with her own personal vendetta. It made things different. Buffy may have not wanted the others to know, and I got the whole wanting to keep the past in the past because been there done that, but there were more important things here to worry about. The mayor was after revenge. But so was this chick. And I’d been around the block a few times and I knew, break a slayer’s heart and you best get out of the way. This bitch had been nursing this wound for a while.  It bordered on ridiculous how it always came down to Buffy.  Sometimes I wondered how the hell it was I got to be the lucky one. Cause even after everything else, I knew I was lucky.  But I also knew that this chick could have been me.  And I knew the things I was willing to do to get Buffy’s attention years ago. I shuddered.

My goal now – figure out who the fuck this bitch was. And what her role in this was gonna be. Because I meant what I’d said earlier. We weren’t going in half-assed. I wanted no more surprises. And I was tired of following fucking leads.  I was tired of sitting back and letting everyone else tell me what I needed to know. This shit with the mayor had started with me.  And I was gonna fucking end it. No more second slayer. I’d spent most of my life riding someone’s coattails. I wasn’t doing it anymore. A lot was at stake, and the most important thing… my daughter.  In the freaking end, she came above everyone else.  And that included Buffy and her screwed up past.

So they were all just gonna have to get on the goddamn bus or let it run them over… because I was really tired of this shit… and I was taking charge.

 


	15. Buffy Summer's Jilted Lovers Club

I knew everyone was probably in the front of the castle.  Discussing whatever it was the mayor wanted when he called.  Not one of them in there probably even let it cross their minds that the slayer we’d encountered at the mayor’s little compound was someone B might know. They believed the best about Buffy. And I understood why. It was hard, even after so many years, to see her as anything less than wholesome.  I mean fuck, she was like the epitome of goodness and light right down to the blonde hair and big green eyes.  She wore pastels for god’s sake.  And skirts. And big ass giant sunglasses. Hell, half the time I expected freaking woodland creatures to like start following her around and landing on her shoulder or some shit. 

Even in Scotland, B was the all American girl. It didn’t matter if she was bossy. Or in a bad mood. Hell, it didn’t even matter that she was gay. People loved Buffy. And like I said, I got it because I was definitely at the front of that line.  When we were younger, back in Sunnydale, I used to think it was like a California thing or something.  Like east coast, west coast or some shit.  You know, here I was the dark slayer, the one from grimy ass Boston decked out in leather and wearing an oversized chip on my shoulder and then there was B, tiny and sweet, with the fucking California sun shining out of her ass. Those few times she came to my motel room in Sunnydale made me so fucking uncomfortable.  Obvious reasons aside, I was always afraid she was gonna get dirty. Muddy up that little lavender coat she wore.  Yeah, I said that right – lavender coat.  No shit.

There was a long time where I fucking resented the hell out of her for that.  (Not for the lavender coat.  Shit I’m not that crazy.) For getting the watcher and the mom and the family and the friends and… fuck that list could go on for a while.  I’ve said it before, but I didn’t really see the fairness in it all. It sucked I came from a home where I had to hide from a drunk mother and her myriad of her fucked up, just… really fucked up, boyfriends.  My god my life was like some sort of textbook case of How To Fuck Up a Kid 101. Anyway, though it was embarrassing how short an amount of time it took me to fall in love with her, just like every other goddamn sucker she’d ever met, it took me a helluva lot longer to get over the resentment.

Even now though, even now… well, I let her take the lead.  Ten years later and I was still afraid that everything was gonna coming crashing down on my stupid head and she was gonna wake the fuck up from the delusions she’d been living in for the past decade.  But you know what… not her problem.  I mean really it wasn’t. She didn’t do shit but love me. My hang-ups were my hang-ups. Buffy had proven herself to me over and over again.  But you live the kinda life I’d lived and well, you fucking question everything. So I let her take charge. I fell in line every goddamn time. When she came to live with us years ago, I mean it was sort of a given for all involved.  Everyone just deferred.  First slayer and all.  Hell even Ken got in line, and she and Buffy didn’t start out as big ass flirty… whatever the fuck their relationship was.  Kennedy, boarding school brat she was, wasn’t taking orders from little Miss Sunshine (her words not mine).  Yeah, that shit lasted not even a month. 

Truth is though… who the fuck wants to lead? I mean people say they want it, and who amongst us doesn’t want a little power, but… really, all that weight and shit on your shoulders?  You’re the one responsible for whether or not others live or die?  It’s a fucked up calling, is what it is.  B just took to it better than me.  Didn’t mean I didn’t want to protect her. Certainly didn’t mean I wouldn’t do anything in the world for her.  Fuck, we all knew I’d die for her.  Wasn’t like that was ever gonna be breaking news or some shit.  But I had sorta just had it.  I was just so tired of fucking following. 

I wasn’t even mad about the girl… Dominique or whatever.  I mean I was mad at her, don’t get me wrong, but not about her.  Well, not in the way you’d be thinking.  Cause yeah, she was yet another chick that had gotten there first. Crude, probably, but the truth. One of many apparently with the whole fucking revelation about the sleeping with her friend shit. But it was hard to be mad; cause B well, she wasn’t fucking perfect.  And maybe she’d pretended to be years ago, or maybe I just wanted to think she did, but… not now.  She never perpetuated that myth.  That shit was the rest of our doing. 

None of that mattered anyway, because she had done something to this girl. And the bitch was nursing it.  I got hating someone and I got the whole emotional wounded shit… but she’d fucking crossed a couple of lines as far as I was concerned. And the biggest one… Joy. In the end, she was the only thing I knew I had to protect.  And anyone working for the mayor, emotionally destroyed by the whirlwind that is Buffy Summers or not, was my fucking enemy now. 

Like I always say, it was good to have a goal.

I found everyone exactly where I thought they’d be. Joy was still sleeping, but I knew that she’d been having trouble with that lately.  What with the fucked up dreams and all.  She was lying on the couch, her head in Dawn’s lap.

“Are you sure she’s okay?” I asked Red. It certainly didn’t hurt to make sure.

Red nodded.  “She’s not dreaming.  She’s just tired. And eight.  So I’m guessing, you know, seeing the excitement and all of the last few days has been a little much for her, huh?  No worries.  Anything tries to get in that little head of hers, and I’ll know,” she smiled at me reassuringly. “So, uh… did Buffy…”

“She knows her if that’s what you’re asking.” I told her.  I looked at Satsu. I couldn’t read her face. I was gonna get a little too much pleasure out of this, but fuck… I’d take it where I could get it right now. “Yeah, so looks like B had a relationship with her,” I finally said, “you know, before Satsu,” I looked back at Red.

The rest of them gasped.  Satsu narrowed her eyes at me.  “You’re lying.”

I turned to her.  “And why the fuck would I do that?  You think I like this or something?”

“She would have told me,” she muttered, standing up. “She never said a thing.” She was mad. I didn’t give a fuck.

“Looks like Buffy hides her past about as well as the rest of us. Go figure.  Anybody else in here willing to sit down and discuss all their past fucked up relationships?” I got closer to her.  “You got a list of girls you’ve fucked that we need to read or something?” I turned my back on her then.  “Cause here’s the deal. I realize this is shocking and shit.., cause hello, Buffy – I mean Ms. I Can’t Even Say the Word Lesbian and all, but I’m guessing that she didn’t think that everything about her life was our damn business.”

“Fuck you, Faith,” Satsu muttered walking out.

“Leave Buffy alone,” I told her. “She’s sleeping.”

“I’m not going to see Buffy,” she spat back at me. “I’m going to the training room. Just come get me when I need to know what to fucking do.”

Good fucking riddance.  Too bad she couldn’t really leave. 

Xander was sitting next to Dawn on the couch, opening and closing his mouth.  “Are you sure about this Faith?  I mean this wasn’t like her pain medication or something, messing her up?  I get Buff was a little out of it back in the day with the headaches and all, but… really?”

I sighed.  B could come in here with an axe and start chopping them into little pieces and they’d get to heaven and ask Saint Peter ‘Really?  Are you sure it was Buffy? Like our Buffy?’ This was gonna be harder than I thought.

“Yes, I am sure, Xander,” I said. I ran my good hand through my hair. “Everybody has a past.” I made a point of making eye contact with Giles and Angel, “we gonna sit down and compare notes?”

Giles cleared his throat.  “Of course not… no one is judging here.  At least we know that Buffy, ummm…” he took off his glasses and started cleaning them.  For once, I was kinda wishing I had my own pair.  “…ummm knew this young woman and had what, I assumed was…” he looked at me, “ a relationship, I suppose…”

“They fucked,” I muttered.  “Not sure how much of relationship that was.”

Ken rolled her eyes.  “Classy.”

I shrugged at her.  “Is what it is.”

She narrowed her eyes at me.  I could tell she was trying to see how wigged I was. I nodded a bit and she nodded back. Yeah I was wigged. Just didn’t want to have the whole emotional outpour here with everyone in the goddamn room.  She got it though.

Giles cleared his throat again. “Whatever you call it,” he said, making certain I wasn’t going to speak and make him clean the glass right of his damn frames.  “It does change things. I’m assuming this relationship, as it were, didn’t end well?”

“Yeah, no,” I told him.  “Seems B slept with the chick’s friend.  Chickie caught her.  B was a bitch.  Then she left.” I sat down.  “Short version anyway.”

Dawn sighed.  I forgot she was in here.  She was holding her hand over Joy’s ear just like B did.  I wondered for a moment if that was something they just knew how to do and then I remembered they’d shared a mom.  It made me smile for some reason.  “So Buffy’s been a big ole lesbo for a while now?” Dawn asked me.

“Seems like,” I shrugged.  “She doesn’t like labels,” I told her.

She smiled and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, too bad. I didn’t like being the freaking key. Xander doesn’t like having one eye. Life sucks sometimes.” She shook her head.  “So what does this girl want?”

“Sounds like she wants what a lot of Buffy’s ex lovers have wanted, huh Faith?” Angel asked.  Dude had been riding that little red wagon of Buffy love as long as I had.

I nodded.  “Revenge.” I told him.  “Makes her a damn good patsy for the mayor, huh?”

Red was sitting on the edge of the table sort of watching the whole exchange.  “You think you know someone,” she muttered to herself.  “Okay,” she said a little louder.  “So, we know that she knew Buffy.  We know that they had a… a thing… or something. We know that Buffy… uh broke up with her… or uh… well whatever.  She gave her a reason to be mad.  And now, what, twelve years later or something she’s still looking for revenge? Can you say nursing a grudge?”

I looked at Angel.  “It ain’t that hard,” I told her.

He nodded as well.

“Okay,” Kennedy started.  “So, we get that she’s harboring this huge ole Buffy love thing that way too many people seem to possess, but that aside, why the mayor? Why now?  I mean did dude seek her out or some shit? And why?  Even if he did offer her a chance at I don’t know… whatever the heck it is she thought she was getting… why help him?  Come on, I mean if you love someone for that long… even if they hurt you, you’re not gonna wanna sit around and watch someone kill them. So why help him? What’s in it for her?”

“Power?” Giles offered.

Ken shook her head.  “Nah.  She’s got that. She’s a slayer, right? I mean she wasn’t hurtin in the looks department.” She looked at me.  I had no choice but to fucking agree with her.  “And it wasn’t like she couldn’t find someone else after this long. So why now?  And why wait?  I mean she must really…” she sighed and started pacing.  “Just think about it.  What? Twelve years?  Twelve years of waiting?  I just think we’re missing something.”

“Love can make you do weird things,” Xander told her. He winked at Dawn.

Angel groaned beside me.  That shit still made me chuckle for some reason.

Red shook her head.  “Yeah, but she’s right.  That’s a really long time.  Something else must…” she sighed.  “I think we need to find out every single thing we can about her.  Everything.  We may be going about this all wrong.”

“How so?” Angel asked her.

“What if it was her?” Red asked.

“Uh, what the fuck are you talking about Red?”

“No listen, think about it… how did the mayor get back? We haven’t even thought about that. There had to be something. Someone had to have helped him. Woken up his spirit or whatever. I’m not saying it was her, but…” she looked at me.  “That’s a really long time, Faith.  A really long time. And you remember how we were, when we couldn’t find Buffy.  After three years…” she looked down.  “…even you were ready to stop looking.”

“You think she’s behind this,” I whispered. I wasn’t asking her. It totally made sense.

“Maybe,” Giles said.  “We need to find out everything we can about this slayer. Where did Buffy meet her?”

“New York,” I mumbled. 

“Right,” he said.  “”Then we need to start looking.”

I stood up.  Now or never.  “Ken? You think you can contact the Academy there?  That’s our first and best place to start.” She nodded and moved to get her phone.

“Angel, can you see what you can find?”

Angel smiled and did the same.

“Giles call Rona,” I told them. “She’s got her ear to the ground in the States.” I looked at Xander.  “You call Wood.  Get Andy and have him start contacting some of the other academies.”

I turned to Giles, “We got any girls here from New York?”

He shook his head.  “I’m not sure.  Let me go check.”

“Dawn?”

She already had her cell phone out. She couldn’t move because Joy was in her lap.  “I’ve got watcher contacts. Gonna send out a mass email and see if I get any hits.”

“Red?” I looked at her.  She was smiling at me.  “Can you do your witch fu thing you do?”

“Absolutely, Faithie,” she trilled, patting me on the back.  “So glad you decided to finally take charge.  You look good in control,” she said, winking at me.

I smiled at her.  “Next time you wink like that, please do me a favor and make sure your girl is watching.”

Ken put her hand over the phone. “Oh, I fucking saw it,” she muttered and went back to the phone.

Everyone was doing what I asked. No questions asked. I mean I sorta expected lip or something.  Weird… this whole take charge thing.  I pulled out the laptop stored in one of the library’s desk.  I figured I could see what I could dig up.  Except…

…yeah, I should’ve asked B for her last name.

“Hey Red,” I started.  “Didn’t really get a last name…”

Kennedy came back in the room and interrupted me. “Walters. Dominique Walters. She was a slayer at the New York Academy after we were called.” She sat her phone down on the table and hopped up next to my computer.  “They do remember her but not a lot.  It was a long time ago.” She looked at Dawn.  “They’re emailing you her records when they find them.”

Dawn nodded.  It was impressive how she was keeping Joy asleep and scrolling through her phone looking for contacts. 

“So what did they say?” I asked. “Besides her last name?”

“Not a lot.  She was called when we did the spell.  She was maybe like sixteen at the time.” She watched my face, waiting for me to do the math in my head.  “Figured that would put her around eighteen or so when Buffy showed up,” she said, frowning. She shook her head a bit. “Anyway, they said she was from the area originally and was in the second wave of slayers they recruited. No trouble.  Sorta quiet but not like weirdly so or anything. They said she had some friends. Couldn’t remember exactly as those girls were mostly long gone, but they would see if they could find their names for us.”

“Did they say why she left?” Red asked her.

“Not specifically.  Something happened.  They weren’t sure what.  A couple of things really but they did say one interesting thing.” She tucked her feet under, Indian style.  “Apparently she had some grandparents that were wealthy or something.  They had a house… somewhere in Florida.  Said when she left she was headed down to the Academy in Miami to be closer to them.”

“Miami’s not Key West,” I told her.

Giles turned around, “No but it’s not far. A short jump really.” We must’ve given him a funny look.  “It’s bloody disgusting that I know more about American geography than any of you,” he said, shaking his head.  “I’ll contact the head of the Academy in Florida.  She’s an old friend.  She may know something.”

“Got it!” Dawn half-whispered, excitedly. “The email.  Okay so – yep Dominique Walters.  Age sixteen when called,” she scrunched her nose. “Yeah, whoa.  So she was young, huh…”

I rolled my eyes.  The math had not escaped my mind.  I was trying to overlook it.  “Focus…”

“Yeah, so… Ken was right. She left the Academy about two years later.  Moved to Key West, Florida.” Her eyebrows shot up.  “There’s an address.  Maybe we can Google Earth it or something, you know, see if it’s the house?”

I shook my head.  “Didn’t see the outside. Doesn’t matter, not like that’s gonna be a coincidence or anything.” 

She nodded.  “Oh…” she said, reading more.  “Uh… yeah, says here she left after her family was killed.  Mother and ten year old sister.  No mention of a father. Apparently they’re still looking for records. Said they’d email me more soon.”

“Wow,” Red said.  “That would explain her, you know, less than a good grasp on reality,” she muttered.

“Psychotic break?” I offered. “Anything about Buffy in there?”

Dawn shook her head.

“Right.  Okay so we don’t know if she lost her family before or after B.” I couldn’t help but wonder what happened to them.  Gotta be tough on a kid, losing your family like that.  More so if you’re a slayer and your whole job is to protect people and shit. Still didn’t give her the right…

“Before,” I heard coming from the doorway.

B was sitting in a wheelchair, being pushed by Satsu. Her leg was in a cast in the air.

“What the fuck, Satsu?  Take a damn detour?” I asked her. 

She shrugged and smirked.  Stupid, fucking…

“I didn’t want to stay in bed,” Buffy said. Satsu brought her into the room. “This is my fault, after all.” She was looking at me. Waiting for a response.

“Buffy, you need to be back in bed. I know you want to help but you are beyond beaten right now and I don’t want to worry…” I stopped. She said before. “Did you say they died before you met her?”

She nodded.  “Yeah.  I didn’t know a lot. She didn’t say who died, only that her family had died years earlier. In a car accident.”

Dawn cleared her throat and read from her phone. “Try probably weeks or even days earlier.  And no car wreck. Says here they died in a vamp attack.” She frowned.  “She didn’t have any other family but her grandparents apparently.  Looks like you met her right after it happened, I’d guess.”

Buffy looked away.  “She never said… I mean, I just assumed because…”

I stood up and cut her off.  “Look, so here’s the deal then.  She loses her family, who she’s supposed to protect, and then B swoops in and is like what?  Some savior or something?” I shook my head.  “Except she’s not.  She messes with her head.  Sleeps with her friend and then hightails it the fuck out of there.”

Buffy winced.

I kept going.  “And then leaves this chick, who’s pretty much lost everything. Yeah, so she trusted her. Got burned.  And she was a kid.” I looked at Buffy. Cause I didn’t give a shit what anyone said, she was a damn kid. “What the fuck?” I asked her.

“She said she was eighteen,” she said shrugging mildly. “That’s legal.”

I shook my head. “Whatever.  Anyway, so she’s a kid,” I said again, making my point, “who’s not only lost her mother and her little sister,” I winced myself then. “And then she loses this person she thinks she’s in love with,” I sighed.  “Or she may have been.  Who knows? And why?  Cause she slept with her best friend.  Jesus… at least I get the whole grudge thing now.”

Buffy was frowning.  I could tell that my words were stinging her but I fucking told her to stay in bed.  I didn’t have time for kid gloves here.

“You think this is twelve years worth of a grudge though?” Ken asked the question she’d been asking.  “I mean, really?  Twelve freaking years?  That’s a helluva lot for anyone to go through.  You are right; she was a kid.  But she’s not now. I think we’re still missing something.”

I nodded.  “She’s right.” I turned to Red.  “I get taking revenge back in the day but why wait twelve years? You think it took her that long to summon the mayor or something?”

“What do you mean summon the mayor?” B asked. “She was working for him.”

We ignored her.

“I don’t know,” Red said.  “It doesn’t take twelve years to call anyone, if that’s what you’re asking.  May have taken her that long to find the magic to do it.  But she’d still have to be planning it, you know, actually thinking about it every day. That’s well beyond normal focus.”

Giles came back in the room.  “I’ve just spoken with Madelyn in Miami.  She remembers her.  She did have family there.  Seems she lost her mother…”

“Yeah, yeah, we know.” I told him. “What else?”

He noticed Buffy.  “I… uh, I’m glad to see you’re feeling better,” he told her. “But it might be prudent if you were to get some more rest uh… as it were.”

She waved him off.  “I’m fine.  What did she say?”

Yes, well… she said that she was very distant. Kept to herself. They tried counseling, but she said the girl was very concerned about her calling.  What happened, etcetera. Apparently, she was unaware of who you were exactly,” Giles told Buffy.  “They gave her a rather detailed history, I’m afraid.  We were looking for you at the time, and so many of the heads knew about the situation.  Did you give her your real name?” He asked B.

Buffy shook her head.  “I never gave anyone my real name,” she whispered.

“Well, because we sent photographs of you to all of the academies, she apparently saw it one night.  It sounded as if she was already coming to the conclusion that you were Buffy Summers even before that.  According to Madelyn once she saw the photograph, she was upset. Distraught was the word I believe she used.  They asked her if she knew you but she lied to them obviously.  She stole several books from the library there and left in the middle of the night. They hadn’t heard from her since. As you well know, there were many girls with less than stellar attitudes about slaying at the time. It seems as if she may have fallen through the cracks.”

Xander came back in.  “Wood said he’s heard of a slayer named Dominique. Didn’t know much except that she was dabbling in some magic somewhere in Europe several years ago. Said he tried to locate her but she fell of the radar.  Andy’s still searching. So far, nothing. None of the other academies have heard of her.  Or they’re saying the same thing Wood said.”

He went to sit by Dawn.  She started catching him up on what was going on. I could tell because I heard the word sixteen and saw his mouth fall open.  Right there with ya, buddy.

“So,” Angel walked in.  “Dominique Walker, she was sixteen…”

“We know, dude.” I told him. 

Red caught him up.  Buffy had sorta positioned herself in front of the couch that Dawn was sitting on.  She was rubbing Joy’s back.

“She still asleep?” I asked her.

She nodded but didn’t really turn to look at me. Couldn’t say if that was because she was embarrassed or not.  Probably did suck, us discussing this and all.  Like I said though, couldn’t be helped. 

Angel was nodding.  “So you don’t know about England?” He asked Red.

“What?” We all asked at the same.

“I guess that’s a no.  Yeah, when she dropped off the radar Slayer circle wise, the underworld picked her up.  Anyway, she moved to England about three weeks before you found Buffy,” he told us. “I’m thinking maybe when Olivia lifted that spell so we could find her, Dominique did too.  Apparently, it looked to them like she was just sort of settling in.  Thing was her house was about ten minutes from yours,” he said to B and Satsu.  I wanted to groan. 

“So she was watching us?” Satsu said. “Why didn’t she, I don’t know, like attack or something?”

I moaned.  “Same reason I wouldn’t have.  She saw Buffy shacked up with you.  I’m assuming that sucked.”

Angel nodded.  “Well there’s more.  Once Buffy moved here and everything started, uhh... she’s been in Scotland. Apparently this whole time. Watching.  Gathering forces.  From what I understand it’s taken her this long to find the magic possible to do what she needed to do.  I’m betting she studied you guys in the meantime.  Learned who the players were.  It’s not hard to find out about Faith’s past.  Not sure what she wants, but she’s going after the things that Buffy cares about,” he said, looking from me to Joy. 

“Still doesn’t explain why the mayor took Buffy though,” Ken said.

“No,” Angel agreed.  “But he said he wasn’t going to kill her, right?” He looked at me. “Think about that?  She gives him what he wants… you.  And Joy maybe. And she gets Buffy. You know as well as I do she’s not doing all of this because of revenge.”

He finally turned to B.  “How did she treat you?  While you were there?”

Buffy closed her eyes.  “She was… well, I mean she wasn’t bad.  She seemed to…”

I broke in.  “She kissed her forehead and carried her like a goddamn baby over to the bed. That’s how she treated her. Not like a fucking prisoner if that’s what you’re asking.”

“She still let him do those things to her,” Xander said. 

“Yeah but…” Dawn started.  “No one said she wasn’t mad.  And we can all agree not stable.  Maybe she thought Buffy deserved it.”

“Or maybe she thought, you know, let the dude beat the fuck out of her a few days and then you’d run in to rescue and she could make off with Buffy.  Be a big savior and all.  I mean come on they were obviously trying to break her.” Ken added.

Buffy sighed.  “I’d really appreciate it if you guys would stop talking about me like I’m not in here,” she said.  “And, you all are jumping to a lot of conclusions about this.  We don’t know that the mayor isn’t behind this. This just seems like a really far-fetched uh… plan.”

I scoffed.  “Yeah well, you sorta have that effect on people,” I muttered.

“You’re giving me too much credit,” she said softly.

“Nah.  I think we’re giving you just the right amount.  I mean I get this shit is a mindfuck.  And I know you’re feeling responsible and all but we’ve finally got the first edge we’ve had since this started.  So, I’m sorry, babe, but you’re gonna have to deal.” I rubbed my forehead. “I’d prefer you do that in the freaking hospital bed, but your choice.”

Satsu smirked at me again.  I rolled my eyes.  “Don’t think I forget about you,” I said.

Buffy nodded.  “So I guess we should…”

I held up my hand to stop her. “No.” I stood up. “I need everyone of you to listen to me. Cause I’m not saying this shit but one more time,” I made eye contact with all of them.  “We are not gonna do this half-assed.  I am not joking.  I am not kidding.  We are not guessing about anything and we are not jumping into something before we know all the players involved.  If that means we’re stuck here a little longer, you’ll all just have to deal.”

“Faith, I…” B started again.

I shook my head.  “I am fucking serious, Buffy.  I’m tired of not knowing shit and being late to the game.  We just keep giving them what they want.” I took a breath to calm down.  I watched their faces. No one was saying anything… good.  “Look, I know we’re all anxious and all this…”I waved my arm around. “This stuff we’ve found out… it’s good. But, in case anyone in here has forgotten they’ve just about won every single time we’ve come in contact with them. Buffy almost died. And so did Joy. I’m not risking anything else. Or anyone.  So we find out everything we can about her. Everything.  Her fucking address, her contacts, her goddamn credit score. Everything.  We don’t move until we know what we’re doing and who the hell we’re dealing with.” I looked at Red.  “Ate is still an option.  We may need her. But things have changed. We’re dealing with a rogue slayer now. And she’s human.”

“She’s also a big fucking thorn in our sides,” Ken said.

“Nevertheless, she’s still human. And well… it wasn’t like she wasn’t driven to this shit,” I muttered.  I didn’t blame Buffy but it was hard to deny the facts.  “Doesn’t mean it’s right, but it does mean the game changes some.”

“Yeah but if she’s human, then we can deal with her, right?” Dawn asked.

I shook my head.  “Well we forgot the whole big bad immortal mayor playing bodyguard thing. Can’t deal with him. Apparently only Joy can. And I’m telling you now, with everything else we know that’s involved, that’s not gonna happen.  We need to find a way to get to her and take him down at the same time.  We get her and we bind her powers or whatever, but as much as I don’t want to fucking say this… we aren’t killing her. She’s fucked up. Killing her is the very last option. Am I fucking clear?”

They all nodded. 

“Like a crystal,” Red beamed and winked at me again.

“Will, stop doing that,” Ken whined.

I looked at Buffy.  “She’s been her for nine years, B.  I didn’t recognize her cause, you know, not that good with people and faces and shit, but… in nine fucking years how is it that we haven’t seen her?”

She shook her head.  “There was one time.  A few years ago…”

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

“Seriously, Buffy?” I groaned. She was trying to kill me.

“No listen.  I mean, I thought I saw her.  I was at the market with Will.  It was like she was there, behind an aisle or something and thenI walked around to see, cause I thought it could be her.  I still felt bad about…”she sighed and looked at me.  “Whoever it was, they were gone.  I didn’t really even think about it much after that. I remember coming home and it crossing my mind but… you know… I just didn’t really even give it any more thought.”

She had no goddamn idea what she did to people. It truly was scary.

“She’s done quiet a good job of hiding herself then,” Giles said.  “For that long. Maybe she’s shown herself to others though.  People who wouldn’t recognize her.  There are a lot of slayers here.  It isn’t a stretch to think she may have crossed paths with them.  It’s apparently very easy to give someone a false name,” he said.

B didn’t miss the jab.

“Someone see if they can get a photograph. Hopefully more recent than twelve freaking years ago.” I shook my head.  Goddamn cradle robber.  Fuck.

Buffy raised her hand. 

“Yes?” I asked her.  I felt like a fucking schoolteacher.

“Uh… I sorta have one.  But from then I mean.”

Goddamn it.  Just… goddamn it.

Ken looked at me and quirked her eyebrow. For once I bet she was thinking ‘that’s your damn wife.’

I decided to not lose it.  “And where would that be?” I tried to be sweet.

She looked like a fucking petulant child. “In that box.  In our closest, you know the one.”

I nodded.  “Upstairs.  Where you can’t go cause you’re in a goddamn wheelchair..”  I looked at Ken. 

“On it,” she said, hopping up.

“B, I know you’re tired and you don’t feel well, baby but…” I chose my words carefully.  “You really need to think.  Is there anything else?  Anything at all?”

She thought for a moment.  “Uh… nope.  Not that I can think of.”

Red smiled sadly at her.  “Good.  That’s good. But if you do… think of anything… You gotta tell us, okay?”

Buffy frowned but nodded.

It only took Ken a few minutes to find the picture. “Got it!” She said, waving it in the air.  “She’s aged well.” 

“Well, good for her,” I muttered, taking it from her. It was her.  Definitely.  A little younger and little less crazy looking but her nevertheless.

We passed it around the room. No one recognized her. We were about to take it to the other slayers when Joy woke up.

She rubbed her eyes.  “Hey.  How’d I get in here?”

“I carried you,” Ken said.  “Sleep well?”

She nodded and looked at Buffy. “Why are you in a wheelchair? I thought you were supposed to be…” she stopped and looked at the picture Dawn was holding. “Hey, I know her.”

Jesus Fuck.  Of course she did.

“How?” Dawn asked.

“Where have you seen her?” Red added.

I moved and sat down beside her. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah.  I saw her twice.  One time in the park.” She looked at Dawn.  “You remember? When I threw the ball really far and Jasmine didn’t want to chase it.  I went and got it but some lady had already picked it up.  It was her.” She said pointing at the picture. “Remember?  I told you I think I found a slayer and you said, good job.”

I raised my eyebrow at Dawn. “Really?”

Dawn shrugged. “What?  I’m supposed to take notes or something?”

“What did she say to you?” Buffy asked her.

“She just said hi.  And that she thought I was pretty.”

I groaned.  “Think.  Was that it?”

“Yep.  And then she was at my dance recital. The first one.  She’s the one that gave me the flower.  She said I danced just like my Mom.  And that I was a good girl.”

“What else?” I asked.  “I thought you said that the teacher gave you that flower?”

She shook her head. “No.  I said a woman did.  You weren’t listening. Sometimes you do that.  You just nod your head.  Momma calls it space cadet Mom.” She smiled at me. Step up from the psycho slayer nickname I used to have, “But that’s all.  Then she gave me a kiss here,” she pointed to her forehead.  “And then she left.”

I took a deep breath.  “I need you to think, J.  Was that it?  Have you seen her anymore? Did she say anything else to you? Think.”

She frowned and looked scared. “Why?  Did I do something wrong?”

“No!” B said.

I shook my head.  “No baby, I’m sorry.  We just think she might be somebody we need to talk to.  That’s all.”

“No.  I don’t remember anything,” she said, squeezing my hand. She stood up and kissed Buffy on the cheek.  “I like your chair. Can I ride it later?”

I rolled my eyes.  “Nothing else, babe?”

She smiled this time.  “Nope.  Promise.”

B moved to pull her into her lap but then she sorta groaned in pain.  I stopped her. “No sitting on your momma right now. Angel?  Do you think you and J could go get something to eat?” I asked him. I hated having her out of my sight, but…

She ran over and jumped in his arms. “I’ll make a few phone calls while we’re having lunch,” he told me.  “Didn’t know I could cook did you?”

She made a face.  “You’re not gonna use blood are you?”

“No.  Blood free,” he said.

She kissed his cheek.  “Okay then.” She giggled dramatically because he was tossing her in the air like a damn basketball.  Freakin A.

“Well, that changes things,” Xander said.

I shook my head.  “Not really.  It’s not surprising seeing as she’s been here for fucking ever.  We’ve probably all ran into her.  We just didn’t know it.” I didn’t like the fact she’d been in contact with my daughter, but she hadn’t really done anything to her.  I wasn’t sure what to make of that.

Red nodded.  “You’re probably right.  The only person she needed to hide from was Buffy.”

B had her eyes closed.  She was listening but…

“Buffy?  Baby? You want to go back to the infirmary?” I put my hand on her other leg.

She shook her head and opened her eyes. “I’m good.  I feel better, you know… in here with you,” she whispered.

“Ken, bring me that footstool,” I said, pointing across the room.  I picked Buffy up and sat her on the couch.  “Why don’t you lie down here?  When you’re better you can sit up and still rest your leg.”

She smiled softly.  “Thanks.” She kissed my cheek.  “Love you. I’m really sorry about…”

I kissed her back. “Let’s stop with the apologizing, okay?” I kissed her again.  “And I love you too.  We’re gonna figure it out.”

She nodded and leaned back against the armrest. “I know you will,” she whispered. Her eyes were already closing.

I turned to Satsu.  “Are you stupid?  I told them to give her something to sleep.  She doesn’t need to be out of bed.”

She shrugged.  “Yeah, well you tell her that.  When she wakes up.  I mean she asked and all.”

“And what?  You can’t say no?” She fucking infuriated me.

“I don’t know, Faith.” She said, moving to sit down. “Can you?”

I rolled my eyes but decided to ignore her. Cause I got it. It was fucked up, but… well, I understood.  I looked around the room at the others. There wasn’t anyone in here that wasn’t at least fascinated with B.  I mean look at Angel’s broody ass in the kitchen.  And fucking Andrew for that matter.  Satsu, though I was sure she’d been, you know… on dates or some shit, had not fucking settled down at all.  Dawn, of course, loved her. And idolized her. Goes with the whole sacrificing your life and shit.  Xander and Red… I didn’t even need to cover that.  Giles loved her more than anyone in the world, save maybe Joy.  Even if he was all British about it.  Hell, even Ken had that weird thing going with B. She said it was cause she was hot… but I don’t know… it was Buffy. 

I really couldn’t tell ya how that shit made me feel. On one hand, I understood it, like I said. On the other though, I was sorta just tired of it.  She didn’t ask for it, I mean.  And she certainly didn’t really pander to it, not now anyway, but… I just didn’t fucking get it. What was it about Buffy that would cause people to metaphorically and even literally lose their goddamn soul?

“We need to keep looking,” I told everyone after I made sure B was asleep.  I wrapped a blanket that was thrown across the back of the couch around her. “Maybe when she wakes up she’ll remember some other girl she screwed bent on revenge,” I grumbled. “But, right now, she’s out and I think we know all we’re gonna know as far as she’s concerned.”

“You okay?” Dawn asked me. 

I nodded.  “I’m fine.  I just want this shit over as soon as possible.  I wish there was some way we could like talk to this slayer or something.  Get a read on her.”

Red’s phone rang loudly.

She looked down.  “Blocked number,” she told us.  “Looks like you might be getting your wish.”

I nodded.  It was the mayor I was certain, but… if he knew we were up on the sitch no way he wouldn’t let us talk to her.  He was having too much fun to stop us.  I took the phone from her. 

I took a deep breath and prepared myself for whatever it was that was coming.  I said I was taking the lead.

“Hello.”

“Faith!” The mayor’s voice boomed through the phone. “I’m really glad you answered. Here I was thinking I called Ms. Rosenberg’s phone.”

“You did,” I mumbled. 

“Interesting,” he mused.  “And yet you answered. I wonder what that means?”

“I was closer to the damn phone,” I muttered back. “What bullshit you got for us this time?”

“Put the damn thing on speaker,” Ken whispered behind me.

“Just wondering if you had spoken to Buffy about the slayer she and I have in common.” He chuckled.  “Actually… the other slayer we have in common.”

“Yeah.” I told him.  “She’s never heard of her.”

I thought I heard someone on the other line take a breath.  It wasn’t the mayor. Seems I wasn’t the only one who had the phone on speaker. Now I knew what I needed to do.

“Well of course she’s lying,” he said. “I think you’ll find that she and Buffy… how should I put this?  I suppose that she and Buffy had a relationship is the best way to say it. I really wish I didn’t have to be the one to tell you that, Faith.  You know how I hate to see you hurt. But Buffy seems to be a much better liar than you.”

I laughed.  “Yeah that’s the cool thing about Buffy, she’s pretty much better at everything than me.  Including getting douchebags to fall in love with her,” I winked at Satsu.  She flipped me off.  “But, she didn’t know her.  Said the name sounded familiar but she certainly didn’t recognize that bleached bimbo working with you. Trust me, I’m used to dipshits falling for her. Doesn’t mean jack to me.”

I was positive I heard someone’s sharp intake of breath in the background now.  Bitch was listening.

“Faith,” Wilkins started after a few seconds. “Buffy is obviously afraid to tell you the truth.”

I looked over at Buffy.  She was sleeping like someone drugged her. Which, I guessed they had. “Nah, B ain’t afraid of telling me jackshit. Come on.  When the hell has she ever been afraid of me?” I chuckled myself. “See, the thing is people fall in love with Buffy.  I don’t know why. Actually scratch that, I do… cause she’s Buffy.  But, she doesn’t always see it.  One of the reasons I love her. She doesn’t know the power she has over people.” Which was true.  “I figure, if what you say is right, and B knew this chick you got working for you… she either ran into her one night and Buffy smiled at her, or fuck, who knows? Maybe they had a fling or something.  Ain’t like B hasn’t had her fair share of crazies. Doesn’t mean a damn thing. Except maybe that bitch is beyond the normal definition of nuts. Or a liar.  I don’t really give a fuck either way.  Just another rogue slayer who thinks she’s a badass and can turn to the dark side.  Tell her that shit’s been overplayed.  Nothing like being a pussy little sidekick, huh?”

Red was smiling and shaking her head at the same time. The rest of them sort of looked in shock. Except Ken, she gave me a thumbs up. She knew exactly what I was doing.

“You don’t know anything!” I heard then. Ahhh, and here we had, ladies and gentlemen, the newest pain in my ass.

“Who the fuck is this? The sidekick? Are you serious?” I was laughing.

“You have no idea who you’re dealing with!” She screamed through the phone.

“Let me see if I can lay it out. We gotta rogue slayer in cahoots with an evil mayor.  Actually, ex-mayor, but whatever.  Yeah, I got it. Big fucking deal. Remakes are never as solid as the originals,” I told her.  “And, look here, the original rogue is married to the original slayer. Crazy, ain’t it? I wish your jealously or whatever it is was worth my time, but you need to put the big guy back on the phone, cause I got shit to do.  And it certainly doesn’t involve talking to some lackey.” 

“I don’t think you understand who you’re dealing with, Faith Lehane.” She growled. 

“Don’t give a shit.  And it’s Summers-Lehane, by the way.” It was way easier to keep my voice light than I thought.  In fact, I sorta enjoyed pissing this bitch off. 

“What Anne and I had was something you can’t even understand. It was special. She settled for you. A piece of trash from the wrong side of the tracks.” Her voice wasn’t as fucking light.

I laughed out loud.  “Yeah, sounds like a real special ‘thing.’ That’s really obvious with her giving you a wrong name and all.  Look,” I started, “I don’t really have time for this.  But I’m sure there’s like a club you can join.  You know get in a long line of jilted Buffy Summer’s lovers or something.  I hear they’ve got t-shirts.”

She took a few seconds to respond. “You don’t understand. And you are severely underestimating me. But it doesn’t matter. She will see the truth soon.”

“What are you gonna do?  Hire a skywriter?  She doesn’t even remember you.”

“Once Wilkins gets what he wants, and trust me he can have you both, Anne will be with me.  She’ll see what a mistake she made.  Settling for you.  Having your child,” she spat out.  “She needs her eyes open. You have no idea what I’ve already…” I heard a scuffling and…

“…Faith,” Wilkins voice echoed through the room. “I’m sorry about that. She’s a bit… overzealous as it were. I’d pay little mind to her if I were you.”  I heard the phone click and it was evident he’d taken it off speaker.  I could hear her in the background complaining.  “Hush,” he told her.

“Listen to me,” my voice was serious now. “Because I’m finished playing games with you.  You aren’t gonna succeed. We both know that. What she’s planning, whatever it is that you’re doing for her, it’s not gonna work.  You can’t have me.  Or Joy. And there is no way in hell that deluded bitch will ever get what she wants.  You’ve always been a smart man.  I’d warn her who she’s fucking with right now.”

He sighed.  “Faith, you of all people should know the measures one will go to when one is in love.  I’m not sure why she’s in love with Ms. Summers, but I can assure you that our plan is best for everyone involved.”

“Really?” I laughed.  “Cause it sounds like it sucks for us.”

“You can’t see the big picture, Faithie. Once you do, I am certain your minds will all change.” He chuckled.

“And what’s the fucking big picture?”

He laughed again.  “As you said yourself, I’m smart.  Intelligent enough not to reveal everything. But you will see… and it will be very soon.” He hung up the phone.

I turned and looked at Red.  “Well, guess we need to figure out what the hell the big picture is, huh?”

She nodded.  “Sounds like.  Least we got a read on her.” She scrunched her face.  “She sounds really crazy.” We all looked her like… duh.  “I guess that was a given, huh?”

Giles cleared his throat.  “You’ve certainly made your point.  I hope it helped.”

Ken nodded.  “I think it did, if anyone cares.  She needs to know who the hell she’s messing with.  She’s been sitting back this whole fucking time thinking she had the upper hand.  Faith scared her.”

Xander nodded.  “Faith scared me,” he smiled.

“Puppies scare you,” Dawn told him. “I agree.  We need to sound assured.”

“And what if this pushes her to… to try something?” Giles asked.  “Faith was rather flippant with her.”

“Try what?  What’s she’s already fucking trying?  Give me a break.  Ken’s right, bitch has thought she had the upper hand.  She needs to know we aren’t scared of her.  She’s been nursing a love for twelve years, and it’s given her one helluva a superiority complex.  And trust me, I’ve fucking been there and I know the way to get to someone like that. You hit them where it hurts.”

“I hope you’re right,” he mused.

“Or we could, you know… cater to the bitch some more. Sit here in this castle waiting for her to make her move. Whatever…” I said.

Ken patted me on the arm.  “Nope.  We’ve got a lot on her.  One of which is her temperament now.  Crazy is a damn understatement. And she’s planning on giving both of you, which I assume means you and Joy, to the mayor.  And then Buff will be hers.  She can’t think it’ll be that easy.  I mean obviously they were trying to torture Buffy into submission. That didn’t work. So, what would be the next step? If you were her? Magic’s bit them in the ass every time.  So what now?”

“Right,” Red said.  “That’s a good question.  If I had to guess, she’s going to give Buffy a different ultimatum. Faith and Joy for Buffy. They’ve exhausted a lot of options though. So we’re missing something.”

“And the mayor’s not above using others to get what he wants.  If I know him, he’s gonna go the indirect route this time.  Hit us all where it hurts.” I looked around the room.  “I have a feeling you guys are the next line of action.”

Giles nodded.  “You may be right.  Fortunately, we are safe.”

“Yeah, but not all slayers are,” Dawn said. “Think about it… they need to force us out of here.  If you can’t attack us, you attack what we love.  Our purpose or whatever.  I think we may need to figure out a way to get to them before they do something…”

She didn’t get to finish because Angel came running into the room with Joy.  His face was panicked.  “Andrew just got a phone call,” he said.  “The Slayer’s Academy in Miami was attacked about an hour ago.  Seven dead.  Ten injured. You don’t think…”

“… to the other slayers,” Dawn finished, interrupting him quietly.

You know the saying, you could hear a pin drop? They aren’t really joking about that. No one spoke for a few minutes, before there was a flutter of activity all around. 

I grabbed Red. “We call the goddess. Now.”

She nodded, but then shook her head. “I… we can’t call her here. I don’t know.”

Satsu was on the phone across the room. I motioned her over. “Can you call her?”

She nodded. 

I looked at Red. “Send us to L.A. Me and her. Angel’s firm or whatever. Send Ken too if you want. But do it know. We call her now.”

She nodded again. “Are you sure Buffy is going…”

“Red, I’m not fucking kidding.” I took a deep breath. 

I heard snatches of conversations. It was the young girls. The older ones had gone on patrol. They were all under the age of ten. 

More casualties.

More dead.

It was on the news. Terrorist attack in the states. Girls Boarding School. 

Joy was biting her lip and had crawled next to Buffy and lay down beside her. I was thankful that she was asleep. I wish that my baby hadn’t… God. I couldn’t think.

Willow took my hand. “They planned this. They attacked before they called.”

I nodded, distracted. “Jesus Christ, Red. They were fucking babies. I can’t… We call the goddess. Like yesterday. I want this over. If I can’t stop them… if we can’t… maybe she can. Or someone can. I just.”

She nodded once again. She swallowed. “Take her hand,” she whispered.


	16. 6 Months 3 Weeks

_“Take her hand,” she whispered._

_I was supposed to end up in L.A.  Instead I ended up in Scotland.  Outside of a very familiar bar.  I thought… I thought for a moment she’d messed up.  You know? I mean Red was good but she’d had some fuck-ups along the way.  So cool… she just sent me down the street.  Whatever._

_And then I realized it was cold._

_It wasn’t cold when I left.  And there was at least six inches of snow covering the parking lot.  It definitely wasn’t snowing when we left. Cause it was goddamn August._

_I shook myself off, told myself – this was a freak of nature.  No way it was anything else.  How could it be anything else?  My phone was dead and I couldn’t check the time.  Couldn’t call them._

_And then I saw these hearts every where.  Like Valentine Day hearts.  I wasn’t even sure how I noticed them.  But they were hanging in the window of the bar._

_It took a few minutes for someone to walk out.  I probably had been standing there with my mouth hanging open for most of them._

_“You got a coat, honey?” She asked me._

_“Please tell that it’s August.  Please,” I pleaded with her._

_“Okay. I’m gonna be lying but, it’s August.” She cut her eyes at me. I probably looked about as fucking lost as I felt at the moment. “Why don’t you come inside? Probably just  had a rough night. We’ve all been there.  We’ll get you something warm to drink and… call you a cab? Or your family? Someone.”_

_I nodded at her. “I need to charge my phone.”_

_She smiled. “We can do that.”_

_It took a few moments for my phone to come on.  It took a little bit longer for me to understand the goddamn date staring back at me._

_And then I noticed. All my contacts were gone._

_Everything was gone._

Three weeks ago I found myself standing outside of a bar in Scotland, six months in the future.  Or the present.  I didn’t know what that meant.  How I’d gotten there. Why I’d been sent. What was supposed to be simple, something we’d done hundreds of times, had gone wrong.  I didn’t know why.  And that wasn’t my first priority anyway.  My first priority was my family.

And three weeks later, I still hadn’t found them.

The girls at the bar felt sorry for me. Possibly because I was a raging, crying mess.  I’m sure given the circumstances I would have a similar reaction.  I finally talked one of them into calling me a cab. 

It wasn’t until we got to the castle… and I noticed that no one, nothing was… there was no lights.  No people.  “Jesus fuck,” I whispered.

“I can’t rightly leave you here, miss,” the cabbie said.  “It wouldn’t be right.”

I swallowed down the fear and shook my head. “I live here.”

He eyed me in the rear view.  “Looks of things, nobody’s lived here in months I’d say.”

I nodded.  “And yet I do.”  I went to open the door. And then I realized I didn’t have any money.  Nothing. “I don’t have… God, I’m so… I… if you can wait, I can get you some cash.”

“Nah. Consider it my good deed this year.” He smiled. “But I can wait.  If you like.”

I shook my head.  I watched him pull away before I started looking for a way inside of a totally locked-down, uninhabited castle.

I had finally managed to break into the castle.  Courtesy of a brick, slayer strength, and utter panic.  Luckily it was still daytime when I did it, because there was no electricity.  I remember being cold as hell.  I think the temperature and the fact that I could fucking see my breath in there was the only reason I didn’t pass completely out.

Because, like I said, it was empty. I searched every single room. Our bedroom.  J’s.  Ken and Will’s. The library.  The kitchen.  The dorms. Nothing.  If I hadn’t know better, if I hadn’t known that I had slept for close to a decade in this place, if everything had been new to me… there was no way I would believed that castle had even been occupied this century.

It’s weird how, without some sort of human interaction, a place, a building, can fall that fast into abandonment. But there was no better word to describe the castle that day.  It was abandoned. Completely.  Utterly.  There was nothing.

I searched that entire day.  I looked for anything.  A note.  A scrap of clothing. Anything that could have told me where they’d gone.  Or, after searching for hours, that they’d ever even been here.

So many freaking thoughts ran through my head that day. Up until that point, I’d managed to bite back the sheer magnitude of terror I was facing.  But not finding, not fucking waking up. … my mind twisted and filled itself with ideas.  Delusions. Ultimate fucking fears.

Everything culminated in panic. At the end of searching I was starting to think none of it had ever happened and I’d been in some sort of delusional state since Sunnydale.  I didn’t even know if I could believe myself.  God… had it all been a lie?  Was I in some coma, in some hospital? 

Was I dying?

Was this hell?

And then I remembered.  In the training room… downstairs… there was a panel on the wall. I couldn’t believe that I’d forgotten it… that I hadn’t checked it first.  Years ago, when we’d first moved here, Giles and Red gathered us in that room and showed it to us.  It was some sort of secret hiding place, where they kept the valuable things we needed… potions, books, etc… stuff we didn’t want ever falling into the wrong hands.

I ran as fast as I could in the dark into that dank cellar. I prayed to some god or deity or whatever that it be there. That something be there.

And behind the wall, the panel, was a satchel. I didn’t take the time to open it in the dark.  I had to fight myself though. No way I was losing whatever was in there.  Once outside, though, in the moonlight, I carefully pried it open. 

Inside there were three things. One – cash.  And a lot of it.  Forty-five thousand American dollars.  A shitload actually.  I didn’t bother to count it at the time, but I was more than fucking glad it was there. Two – an amulet. It was a small crystal stone the color of Buffy’s eyes.  Translucent green. I held it in my hand for a moment. I was terrified of putting it down and of putting it on.  It was tied with a dirty hemp string that was long enough to hide in my shirt. I held it in my hand and opened the third thing in the bag.  It was a sheet of parchment paper; you know the type that looks older than it is. Two sentences were written on the inside:

_Wear it._

_Find us._

The first line was Red’s handwriting. The second was written in haste, in a different color, and I knew immediately Buffy had written it. I imagined she ran back down here and decided to scrawl the words on the paper.  Red probably told her not to give anything away.  She did it anyway.  It was why I loved her.

I hadn’t taken the amulet off since that day. I folded the paper and put it in my pocket.  The first thing I did was find the cabbie in town who’d been so nice to me.  I paid the fare and then some.  Then I stopped in the bar and paid those ladies back as well. I was grateful for any type of human contact and kindness.

And in three weeks, I’d been everywhere. Los  Angeles – no Angel.  Slayer’s Academies in every fucking corner of the world – no one knew where they were.  Anyone who knew B, Giles, any of the gang was gone.  All that was left was empty stares and sad shaking heads.  A week of it was frustrating.  Two weeks – maddening.  But three… I was fucking losing my grip on reality.

I finally found myself standing outside of a small house in Metairie, Louisiana. There was only one witch I knew that I could possibly find.  And possibly trust. At this point, I wasn’t expecting much of fucking anything.  I’d been tracking Marie Therese for three days.  Asking all around New Orleans.  Someone finally felt sorry for me and the sixteen tons of alcohol I’d bought them and given up this address.  I was fucking hoping against hope I hadn’t been taken for a ride again.  I’d hit enough proverbial brick walls to last a goddamn lifetime.

“Oh look here, it’s da daddy one,” I heard her say when I walked on the front porch.  She was sitting in a swing, hung from the ceiling, fanning herself with an old fan.  Her hair was down, and even eight years later, I still couldn’t fucking tell how old she was. I wasn’t sure if she just didn’t age, or if her eyes kept me from looking anywhere else.

“Long time no see,” I answered, making my way on the porch. 

No one was out here with her, but that didn’t mean they weren’t around.  I kept my distance just in case.

“Ya lookin for somethin?” She was smiling, still swinging.

“A lot of somethings actually,” I told her, staying where I was.  It wasn’t that I didn’t trust her, it was just… well, she was still scary as shit.

She nodded, like she understood. “Yeah.  Figured you’d come before now.  Course you were out of this plane for a while, weren’t you? Lord that witch of yours, frustrated her to no end not bein able to find you.  ‘Bout drove her hysterical… all that magic and she couldn’t find ya.”

I tried not to get too excited. She’d at least seen them or knew what was going on.  It was more than I had found since I’d started.  “Yeah, well last thing I remember I was being transported to Los Angeles. Next thing I know I wake up in Scotland and six months have passed by.  Not sure where the hell I was in the meantime.” I took a deep breath. “You’ve seen them?”

She stopped swinging momentarily and studied me. She was still fanning herself. Even though it was the end of February it was still hotter than normal here.  Humid, I guess.  Even so, I felt cold. “Yeah, I saw them. After you left.  That Dominique girl, she done made a mess of things for ya, hasn’t she? Made your people go into hiding like that.  She a very dangerous girl, that one.”

I nodded.  “Maybe we underestimated her.  I haven’t really thought about her, to be honest.” And I hadn’t.  I mean she’d been at the back of my mind, yeah, but finding Buffy and Joy… that was all I could think about.

She smiled.  “Course not.  Not with your baby out there. And your woman. Your mind’s on other things. But she dangerous. Real dangerous. That’s why they gone. Gotta stay hidden until that mean ole goddess can help.”

She meant Ate.  I guess my look of surprise was comical cause she laughed.

“Oh child, I forget you were gone. Yeah, she gonna help y’all. She don’t want nothing hurtin that baby of yours.  Course you had to go and get yourself disappeared like that.  Made it harder for your witch.”

“What do you mean?  Made myself get disappeared?  How’d I do that?  Cause I don’t fucking remember anything,” I groaned, and sat down in a chair next to the wall.  “I still feel pretty disappeared if you want to know the truth.”

“Course you don’t remember,” she said, as much for herself as for me I thought.  “It was part of it? No?  You had to be out of the way. Give something up. That goddess, she said ‘you find them, you can go back.’ But you gotta find them.  There’s your problem.  Ain’t as easy as it seems.”

“Oh well, that’s fucking great. Cause it’s been a damn cakewalk so far.” I sighed and pushed my fingers through my hair.  “I don’t remember making that deal.”

“You don’t remember anything else either, do you?” She asked me.  I figured it was a rhetorical question cause she didn’t wait for me to reply.  “But you done found yourself here, and I gotta say… I’m surprised you got this far.  You got that necklace on too.” She looked at my chest.  “Ain’t no normal woman that can see it, but I ain’t normal. That witch of yours, she smarter than ole Ate give her credit for.  That necklace’ll find ‘em for you. You just ain’t using it right.”

I put my hand to my chest and instinctively grabbed it. I hadn’t taken it off once since I found it.  Not even to bathe.  “How am I supposed to use it?”

She shook her head.  “I can’t tell you that.  But I can help.  You close your eyes and you listen to that necklace.  It’ll tell you what you need to know.”

I looked at her suspiciously. “What the hell does that mean?”

“Good lord, you’re an ornery one. Close your damn eyes. I’m sending you somewhere.” She stood up and put her hands on my shoulders.  “Sometimes, child, things are a lot closer than they appear. You been looking too far away. People that smart, they hid in the open.  Last place you look for them. And your people, they smart. You’ll find them,” I heard her say. Her voice was fading. “Just don’t take that necklace off. Not for anything. You can’t see them and they can’t see you without it.”

I nodded, eyes closed.  “Okay, where am I…”

I didn’t get to finish my sentence before I woke up on the ground.  Good thing vomiting hadn’t changed.  After throwing up and momentarily freaking out that I had been transported without my fucking suitcases full of clothes and money, my bags popped up right next to me.

Freaking witches. 

I made sure that everything was still in them before I really got a good look around.  I was in some sort of field.  It was cool, but not cold.  Trees, but… I wasn’t a fucking botanist, so that didn’t help me in the least.  Jesus god, I was getting goddamn sick and tired of just randomly ending up in…

“Hey,” I heard a voice behind me. “What are you doing?”

I turned around that there was a little girl, about six, riding a bike in front of me. 

“Where is this field?” I asked her, standing straight.

She narrowed her eyes at me.  “Right here.  Where you’re standing.” Her voice was slow and she had a hint of a southern drawl.  Not like the women in Louisiana, but still…

“What state is this I mean?” I smiled at her.

“Florida,” she said, still eyeing me warily. “How come you don’t know that?”

I smiled at her.  “Cause I’m a little lost.”

She smiled back.  “You can’t get lost here.  We got gators. My momma tells people they won’t hurt you, but she’s lying.  They’ll eat your toes off if you stick ‘em in the water.”  She turned her head slightly.  “Your shirt’s glowing.”

“Huh?”

She pointed at my chest.  “Your shirt.  It’s got a glowy thing in it.”

I put my hand on my chest, over the necklace. She was right. It was warm.  I pulled it out of my shirt.  “Oh my god,” I whispered.

“Hey,” she said, interrupting my thoughts. “My friend, Lizzie, she’s got a necklace just like that.  So does her momma.”

I felt my knees go weak.  “Your friend?” I managed to get out.

“Yeah, they live in the big house on the edge of the swamp. My momma is friends with her momma.” She was twirling her ponytail between her finger. I wanted to pick her up and grab her but I kept cool. 

“What’s her momma’s name?” I asked her.

“Uhh…” she thought for a second. “Anne.” She backed up a bit. “I’m not supposed to talk about them.”

I nodded.  “Can you take me to your mom?  I’m really lost and maybe she can help me.”

“I don’t know…” she started. 

I could feel I was losing her. There was no way I could follow her or shake her to death or any of those fucking things I wanted to do… I just…

And then I heard the best goddamn word in the entire English language.  The reason language was fucking invented in the first place.

“Mom?”

My god.

I felt my knees try to give out. “J?” I wasn’t sure if I could even form the letter or if she even heard me.

But my daughter, six months older and a helluva lot tanner, was riding a bike as fast as she could up the dirt road behind me. About thirty feet away from me she jumped off and started running.  It was a damn good thing because I couldn’t move.  I could barely even see her, since I’d started crying.

“Mom!” She screamed again and ran into my arms.

She buried her head in my neck and I could feel the tears on my shoulder. I couldn’t explain what that felt like. I couldn’t explain what anything felt like.  I’d never been so damn happy and so full of emotion in my entire life.  I couldn’t move.  I wanted to speak but my voice kept getting caught behind sobs.

I pulled myself together enough to speak, even though I couldn’t let go.  I was never letting go.  “I didn’t think I’d find you,” I whispered into her hair.  “I’ve been looking…”

“I knew you’d come.  They thought…” she trailed off crying.  “but I knew you weren’t.  I knew you’d come back.”

“Lizzie,” I heard someone yell. “Jesus, you two are fast…. Holy fucking shit.”  It was Kennedy. “My god… are you real?” She ran up to me and touched the necklace.  “Oh my god, you are… we thought…” she stopped and wrapped her arms around both of us. She was crying too. Never thought I’d see that day. “Faith, my god… we didn’t think…” She hugged me again.

She sat back on her heels.  I was still holding Joy to me.  She had her head completely buried in my neck. I felt light-headed. “I’ve been everywhere…”

She nodded at me.  She looked to the little girl standing above us with her mouth hanging open. “Can you ride back? Tell them that lady we’ve been looking for is here.”

The little girl nodded and hopped on her bike.

Ken turned and shook her head at me. “I still can’t…” she touched my shoulder.  “Jesus, Faith, we’d almost given up…”

Joy finally leaned back and put her hands on my cheek. Giant green eyes smiling at me through tears.  “I didn’t.”

I nodded at her.  “You’re one hard kiddo to find,” I said, kissing her cheek. I knew we should get up, go back and see the others.  But I didn’t want to move from this spot.  I didn’t want to let her go.  I felt like if I let her go, I’d wake up on some other continent in another year or some bullshit. No way I was getting up.

Ken was shaking her head, as in shock as I was. “We fucking looked everywhere for you. Everywhere.  It was like you were gone.  Just gone…” She wiped her eyes.  “We’ve gotta tell…”

She was gonna say Buffy of course, but she didn’t get to. Or she didn’t have to. Because Buffy was standing behind her, about twenty feet away, with Willow.  Her hair was pulled up in a bun and she was darker too.  The sun agreed with my girls, I remembered thinking. She wasn’t moving… she was just standing there, her hand over her mouth like she couldn’t be sure what she was seeing.

Hated to fucking tell her… but I’d been having that same feeling for a few weeks.  I held Joy to me and stood up, walking over to her.  They moved towards me too, but she was wary, like she couldn’t trust it.  I couldn’t blame her there. “Buffy?” I whispered, when I was within a few feet of her.

Her eyes got really big and she dropped her hand. She didn’t say anything; she just put her hand over the necklace and pulled me to her.  She crushed her mouth against mine.  Best way to tell if it was me, I guess.  Couldn’t say I disagreed.  She tasted as sweet as she always did, though I detected a hint of orange to her tongue.  She sighed against my mouth though, and I quickly forgot about everything else going on around us including…

“Hey! I’m getting squished down here,” Joy called, wiggling out from between us.

Buffy finally pulled away, tears in her eyes. I took a good look at her. Her hair was a bit lighter and she had sun lines on her face.  She looked fucking gorgeous.  “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, babe,” I whispered against her hair.

She was holding me so tight I couldn’t breathe but I gave less than a fuck.  “I thought you were dead,” she whispered against my neck.  “Until three weeks ago.  I couldn’t feel you at all.  And then I did.  But I didn’t let myself think… God, Faith I wanted to think… but I couldn’t… but I was right. You’re here.” She finally pulled back. “Where the hell were you?” She asked.

I shrugged.  “I don’t know, baby.  I don’t remember jackshit until I ended up in Scotland.” I finally nodded at Red. “Last thing I remember, I’m being sent to Los Angeles and then… I wake up six months later in Scotland. No one is there. Damn castle is grown over.” I reached down and picked Joy back up.  “I’ve been all over the freaking world, literally, looking for you… before I remembered a certain scary ass Voodoo woman.”

Red smiled and nodded.  “I was hoping you would.  I felt it too, like maybe you’d come back.  I just couldn’t be sure and I couldn’t… well, we couldn’t practice the kind of magic we needed here and not give ourselves away.”

I noticed that she had an amulet on too. They all had them. “What are these for?”

“Well, besides helping you find your way here, there for hiding us.  We look different to everyone else.  Anyone who isn’t wearing one that is.”

“Different?” I asked her.  “Different how?”

She smirked. “You’ve got blond hair. And you’re about three inches taller. Don’t worry though; I didn’t make you not hot.  I know better. The rest of us chose what we look like.  Buffy chose a young Audrey Hepburn…”she trailed off.

“Yeah, and Will’s black,” Ken threw in.

Red shrugged.  “What?  It’s beyond awesome being someone else.  I mean you really see how people treat you based on your skin color.  It’s definitely been an eye opener.”

I eyed Ken.  “And what are you?”

Joy giggled.  “A boy!”

“You’ve got to be shitting me,” I said, eyeing her. She did have on a dude’s shirt and shorts, but… it was a mind fuck. 

She shrugged.  “I thought maybe I’d get to see how the other half lived. I don’t get to pee standing up though, so it was pretty pointless.  Apparently I’ve got awesome enough abs to snag a black chick though.”

Red rolled her eyes. 

“And what about you?” I asked Joy. “What do you look like?”

Buffy smiled.  “Like my mother, when she was a girl.  Blonde hair.  She’s a cutie.”

I tried to take it all in.  “Can you see what other people see?  How do you know?  You don’t take the necklace off, do you?”

Red shook her head violently. “Goddess no.  They keep us hidden.  Pictures.  We snap a lot of pics of each other.  Wait till you see Xander and Giles.”

B laughed with her.  “And Andy.”

I took a deep breath.  I couldn’t only imagine the last one.  Wait... scratch that… I didn’t want to.

We made our way back to the house. It was hard for me to walk seeing as I wouldn’t let go of Buffy or Joy for more than a few seconds.

“I really started thinking that I was crazy. You know?  Like all of this…”I waved my arm around, “was in my head or some shit.  Seriously. I can’t even explain what it felt like.”

B nodded.  “When you left… it was like something inside of me snapped. I mean I felt you go. I couldn’t believe you’d made that kind of deal with her.  I knew if I let you go…” She looked at my hand.  “How is that still broken?”

I flexed it.  It was a lot better.  I had it in brace now. But she was right. Six months later and it should be completely healed.

“I don’t know.  I don’t think I was anywhere for six months.  It was like I was…”

“Shot into the future,” Red interjected. “I think that’s what happened. It just took us half a year to catch up.”

I nodded.  I still wasn’t sure I could wrap my head around it.  “What deal?” I remembered, turning to B.  What was she talking about?

Ken shifted my bags in her hands. “When we got to L.A. Ate was there waiting for us.  She said she would help but there was a price.  She was gonna send you away and it was up to you to find your way back.” She shook her head. “We told you not to do it. We weren’t even sure what she was talking about.  And then… poof… you were gone.”

I didn’t remember any of that. “I don’t remember. What the hell was the point of doing that?”

“I’ve been thinking the same thing,” Red said. “I wish I knew what she has planned. We are sorta cut off here. No magic.  No contact.  We don’t know what Dominique is up to.  It’s been a waiting game.  And not a fun one.”

“So you don’t have any contact with the outside?” I asked her.

“Very little.  Most of the information we get comes from the internet.  There are a few people we can trust, but it’s not like we can’t contact them too often.  Our first concern really has been not to put anyone else in danger.”

“Why here?” I asked them.  It seemed to me like we were in the damn enemy’s backyard.

“Giles thought it would be one of the last places they looked.  This place is cut off from everything.  And no way they would think we’d be this close to one of their bases of operation. We don’t know anyone here and no one knows us.  It’s worked so far.” Red sighed.  “I’m a little worried about Marie Therese.  She doesn’t know where we are but she knew how to send you to us.  If they were tracking you… I just don’t want anyone else to be put in harm’s way.”

“Yeah, that woman can take care of herself, I’m betting.  She found the whole damn thing amusing.” I sighed.  “So who’s here? Besides the original gang. Angel?  Satsu?” I cringed saying her name.

Buffy nodded. “Yeah.  We can’t take any chances.”

“Great,” I mumbled.  “What does she look like? You know her magic self?”

Ken laughed.  “Oh you know… kind of like you…”

“Shut the hell up,” I said.  Was she serious?  “Are you joking?”

Buffy shook her head and shot Ken a glare that I didn’t miss.  “She doesn’t. She’s just got dark hair. And she’s not Asian. Her eyes are green. Faith’s are brown. It’s a faint resemblance.”

Ken shrugged.  “Whatever, princess.”

I was about to say something when we came upon the house. Holy shit.

“You like it?” J asked, tugging at my arm. “It’s big.  Not like a castle.  Momma calls it a plantation.”

“You guys can’t just do subtle, can you?” I asked them. It was huge.  With these massive white columns.  It sat back against weeping willow trees that looked hundreds of years old. 

“Don’t have a lot of castles in the States,” Will explained.  “And we needed something big.”

“Look at my swing,” Joy said, running towards one of the trees. 

I moved to grab her but B stopped me. “She’s fine.  We’re safe here,” she whispered.

I nodded.  Joy was swinging on a giant tire hung from one of the bigger limbs.

“I like it here!  Everyone is so nice.  And it’s hot.” She explained.  As if that made any sense to me.

Buffy smiled at me.  “We should go inside.  Everyone’s gonna be more than a little surprised to see you.”

I pulled her to me and buried my face in her hair. “I just want to hold you for a minute. Can I do that?”

She giggled and kissed the side of my head. “Of course.” I felt her put her arms around me.  “I was so afraid you wouldn’t make it back to us.”

“Baby, I’d walk through hell barefoot to get back to you,” I told her.  And I would. I knew we should go inside. There were a lot of things we needed to figure out – where I’d been.  Why I’d been sent there.  What the hell were we gonna do – but… there was only one place I wanted to be… and that was standing right here with B’s arms around me. 

I fucking loved her more than anything. That hadn’t changed. I could hear Joy giggling from the swing.  Kennedy was pushing her. I wondered if it was too much to ask if we could just stay here, where it was warm, where she was happy… of course I knew better but still…

I felt her kiss my neck and nuzzle into me. “Maybe we can just do this for a while?” She whispered, hugging me to her.  She was running her hands up and down my back. 

“Is it too much to say this is the best damn feeling in the world?” I asked her.

She pulled back and looked at me. “Joy sleeps with me. In my room…”

I raised my eyebrow at her.  “That’s good I guess?”

She laughed slightly.  “No, I mean, well… we can’t… not with her… and I so want to right now…”

I smiled at her.  Holy shit me too.  “Well maybe while she’s swinging we could…”

“Faith!” I heard Xander yell from the porch.

I forgot about the fucking rest of them. Damn it.

“Jesus, we thought you were dead.”

I shook my head.  “Nope.  Just been in limbo for a while I guess.”

Dawn came out from behind him. She was shielding her eyes against the sun.  “Good to see you’re still alive,” she smiled at me.  “Giles and Satsu went to the store.  I don’t think we should tell him.  I kinda want to see him squeal like a girl.”

Buffy nodded.  “Me too.”

Ken laughed from the where she was standing swinging the kid.  “And Satsu… holy shit… that’ll be worth it…”

I didn’t give a fuck what they did. I was just glad I found them. I wanted more than anything to show B just how glad I actually was.  I looked around… no way that was happening any time soon.

Joy hopped off the swing and ran over to me. She pulled at my hand. “Come on… let’s go see our room.”

I moved to follow her but the ringing of a phone stopped me.  I turned around and looked at Red.  “I thought you guys…”

B raised her hand as Red pulled the phone out of her pocket.  “Only Angel has the number. He’s in England following a…”

She didn’t get to finish, because Red’s face dropped. “Okay.  Okay.  Just hurry back.”

“What is it?” Ken asked her, running up.

Red shook her head and made eye contact with Buffy. “They know Faith’s back. And they just upped the ante.”

“What the fuck does that mean, Red?”

She sighed.  “It means we’ve got to move.  And soon. They know where you were and…” she ran her hand through her hair and frowned.  “I don’t know if we can wait on Ate.  I don’t even know if we can wait on Giles.  They know she’s here and they know where here is. We’ve got to…”

“Got to what?” We heard behind us. Standing at the edge of the driveway was a very young looking, very old goddess.  “I told you I’d come when the time was right,” she said, pulling a piece of bubble gum out of her mouth and stringing it along her finger. She smiled at me. “See you found your way back.” She shrugged noncommittally, “not sure how I feel about that.”

I moved towards her.  B grabbed my arm.  “Stop. She’s here to help.” She turned to look at her.  “Right?”

“You bet,” she smiled, turning to Joy. “Miss me, munchkin?”

Joy jumped down and ran and jumped into her arms before we could stop her.  “A bunch. I wondered when you were coming…”

“Joy!” B yelled.  “That’s not Miss Patty.”

She giggled and twisted around and smiled at us. “I know silly. This is Ate.  She’s my friend.”

Ate smiled at us and raised an eyebrow. She hugged Joy to her.

Okay… what the fuck?

 

 


	17. A Stupid Plan

So, we could chalk this moment right up there as the most fucked up thing to happen in a while.  Please, understand the context of that statement. Because, in case anyone had forgotten… I’d freaking disappeared for six months.  That is not to mention the fact that on any given day something a normal person could only dream about popped onto our doorstep like a long-lost relative. 

None of that crap really held a damn candle to my daughter snuggled up in the arms of the one person who wanted her the _most_ dead.

“Joy, come here…. Right now.” I tried to control my voice. 

“It’s okay, Mom.  She’s my friend.”  She smiled at me from the bimbo’s arms.

I was about to protest but she climbed down. She didn’t move though. Her body language told me that she trusted Ate.  Again, it was good to point out that she got her stubbornness from my shorter half.

Ate put her hand on Joy’s shoulder and squeezed. “She’s right you know… we are friends.  Aren’t we, sugarplum?” she cooed.  I would have killed her but you know… I couldn’t.

“What the hell is she talking about?” Kennedy asked beside me.

B shrugged next to her.  “No clue,” she said.  Her voice was shaking a bit.

I took a moment to glance Buffy’s way. Her hands were shaking and I could hear her heart.  It was beating out of her chest.  It gave me more than a little pause.  She often didn’t get that scared.

After a moment, Joy walked over to us. Ate stood back. That was a good thing, cause I could feel Kennedy’s hands on my elbows.  I guess my body was ready for attack even if my mind wasn’t. It was then that I realized that my heart was beating as fast as Buffy’s. 

“She’s been coming to see me,” Joy started. “At night…”  She made eye contact with B momentarily before looking at me. “Mommy was sad when you were gone. She thought you were dead.”

I glanced quickly at B again. This time her face was stone.

J took a deep breath.  “She couldn’t help it.  But she cried a lot.  At night. Everybody was sad. But Mommy was very sad. She wouldn’t even talk to anyone. And she just stayed in bed. Sometimes Ate would come see me at night. And we’d talk about stuff. Why everybody was sad and stuff. She told me you weren’t dead. I kept trying to tell Mommy that, but she wouldn’t listen to me.” She looked down at the ground then. It was fucked that she felt bad saying it. 

I nodded at her but I was watching Buffy. I didn’t like the look she had. She kept tensing her shoulders. “Why didn’t you tell anyone?” I asked Joy.

She shrugged.  “Cause it was a secret.  I tried to tell Momma at first.  But she was so sad. She didn’t care what I said.” She kicked at a stone in front of her.  She obviously didn’t want to make eye contact with Buffy.

“Joy…” Buffy started.  “I didn’t…” She trailed off, unsure of what to say I guessed. Chances were everything that J was telling us was true.  Thing was, no way in hell I’d have been any different.  I mean fuck, B was gone for a day and I freaked out.  Six months and I’d probably been in a straightjacket.   

I put my hand on her shoulder. “It’s okay, baby,” I whispered. I turned to where Ate was standing. “Do you think this is funny?”

She shrugged nonchalantly and smiled at me. “Not in the least. The kid was sad. I could feel it. You know, whether you people like to admit it or not… we have a connection.  I can feel her.  She was completely being ignored.  And she didn’t have anyone to talk to.  I care about her.”

Ken scoffed.  “Right…”

Ate turned to Kennedy and shrugged again. “I don’t really care if you believe me or not.  It’s the truth. Where were all of you when she needed you?” She made eye contact with each of them.  “Not just her,” she said, waving her hand at Buffy, “but the rest of you?”

Joy nodded. “She was nice to me.”

“Joy,” Red started.  “You don’t understand.  She’s not what she seems.”

She shook her head at Willow and took a deep breath. She was obviously getting frustrated with us. “She’s a goddess.” she retorted.  “And I am supposed to help her come back when I’m grown. I know everything.”

Uh… what the fuck?

I shook my head.  “No you don’t.”

She spun around and looked at me and put her hands on her hips.  “Yes I do. I know there’s a ritual. And I’m supposed to die. I know all of that. She told me.”

Definitely not what I was expecting to come out of her mouth.  How did she find that shit out?  I could feel Buffy’s sharp intake of breath beside me.  For my part, I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach.

“What?” B managed to get out.

Joy sighed, and it dawned on me that she seemed older than she was.  “You have to stop lying to me.  I know you’re trying to keep me safe but you don’t understand everything.  Sometimes I know things and stuff… but you don’t listen to me. I can see things that some people can’t. No one listens to what I say though. They’re too busy trying to protect me and stuff.  I know why I’m here. I know why I was born and everything. She’s the only person…” she looked over at Ate.  “…, she’s not really a person, but you know…she’s the only one who was telling me the truth.”

This was getting to be surreal. We hadn’t wanted to have this conversation with her yet.  And we sure the hell didn’t want to have it with her while we were fucking running from whatever else there was that was trying to kill us.

“So you know she wants you to die?” I asked her. “And you think it’s okay to be friends with someone like that?”

What the fuck was wrong with my kid?

Joy shook her head.  “No.  You don’t understand everything.  And sometimes… sometimes you have to fight friends.  She knows. She said so.  She’s okay with that. And so am I.” She said, looking over at Ate.

Ate nodded.  “There’s so many things they don’t understand, sugarplum. You won’t be able to explain it to them. I’ve told you that.”

Joy sighed again.  “I know.  I just thought I’d try.”

Ate shrugged back at her.  “I get it, kiddo.”

We apparently were all too damn dense to get what the fuck they were talking about.  Don’t think I didn’t find it more than a little disturbing that my daughter was getting her sage advice from someone who looked like a groupie for the next big boy band.

I saw Buffy flinch, before I could stop her. She rushed over and I could tell the by the way she was poised she was about to attack.

Joy jumped as soon as B moved. “Momma!”

“Red!” I yelled.

Willow nodded and waved her arm. It threw B back and knocked her off her feet.  I ran over to her and grabbed her arm pulling her up.  “Are you insane?” I asked her.

Ate giggled.  “You can’t hurt me.” She winked at Joy.  “But I won’t hurt any of you.  I’m here to help.  You’ve got a major problem on your hands.  Goes by the name of Dominique.  And while you guys have been here hunkered down and hiding, she’s been plotting. So we can stay here and play or we can get the heck out of here before they show up.” She stopped smiling. “And trust me… you don’t want them to show up.” She frowned at J.  “And neither do I.”

I pulled Buffy towards me.  I was as angry as she was but there was no way we could take this little silly bitch on.  Not without getting a big godlike smack down.  “Are you okay?” I whispered against her.

She narrowed her eyes at me but didn’t answer. She was shaking. I rubbed my hand up and down her arm trying to calm her down.  Or trying to calm me down.  I wasn’t sure.

“Where are we supposed to go?” Xander asked. He and Dawn were still standing on the steps.  I forgot they were there. I’d noticed that Andy had come out and joined them.  It was hard to see him since he was hiding behind Dawn. Some things hadn’t changed.

Ate smiled at him.  “They’re in Florida now.  So, my suggestion is not here.  Where do you feel safe?”

Ken let out a big sigh and threw up her hands. “How about nowhere?” she said.  “Cause it seems like wherever the hell we are the forces of evil are one step behind us.” She turned to Red.  “Where can we go?”

Will shrugged.  “I don’t know.  Angel’s in London, but he wasn’t planning on staying unless...  I mean, we could go there but… I feel like that’s probably not the best place.  L.A. maybe?”

“Is that far enough?” Ken asked her.

Red started pacing. “I don’t know,” she answered. “I don’t know if anywhere is far enough.”

“Well you need to decide fast,” Ate said. “Look, I don’t think distance matters that much. It’s more about protection. If you think you can be protected in Los Angeles, go there.  Just do it now. You’re wasting time.”

Red nodded.

Buffy shuddered next to me.  “We’re just gonna trust her?”  She scoffed.  “Really? We can’t trust her.” She turned to me. “Are you serious?”

I didn’t want to fucking fight with her here. I got she was freaking, but Jesus H, we didn’t have a whole lot of options to consider in the next three minutes.

“I don’t know, B.  What fucking choice do we have? We stay here; we’re toast. And that’s not coming from her,” I said pointing at Ate.  “But Angel. So, what do you think we should do? Cause we stay, and your little ex-playmate is gonna pop in at any time.  You feel like fighting her right now? Cause I sure the hell don’t.”

Her sigh was audible and I would be an ass if I didn’t say that I did feel bad.  Hell, I’d been back a few minutes and we were arguing.  But we didn’t have a choice.  If the fucking evil ass goddess thought we were in danger… chances were we were fucked.

Ate tapped at her wrist, even though her dumbass wasn’t wearing a watch. “Time’s kind of wasting here.  What are you gonna do?”

B took a breath.  “We can’t leave without Giles and Satsu.”

Red held up her hand.  “I can just transport them from wherever. It’ll probably scare the bejesus out them, but we don’t have much of a choice.”

No one was saying anything.  I got this feeling in my gut that this situation was about to get super dire.  “L.A.” I decided I would just go ahead and put myself right back in charge.  Fuck if I was sitting there like a… well, a sitting duck. I turned to Red. “Can you get Angel back too?”

She nodded.  “He’s already on his way.” She looked at Ate.  “I assume you can get yourself there?”

Ate nodded.  “Yep, see you in a few,” she trilled, before disappearing.

“Grab hands, fast!” Red exclaimed.

“What is it, babe?” Ken asked her.

“She was right.  They are close.” She closed her eyes and mouthed a few words. “Giles and Satsu are on their way now. I don’t even want to think about how mad they’re gonna be.” She shook here head.  “Doesn’t matter.  All of you… take each other’s hands.”

I grabbed B’s.  She was still super pissed.  We sorta formed a semicircle around Red.  She grabbed Dawn and Ken’s hands and closed it.  “Close your eyes,” she whispered before she started mumbling.

No one even got a chance to say anything before we were gone.

* * *

As soon as we appeared in L.A., the vomiting commenced. Buffy, Red, and J all ran in to check and see if Giles and Satsu had made it back.  And to see if Angel was here, I guessed.  The rest of us were throwing up in garbage cans, though I think Andy and Dawn actually made it to the bathroom this time.  Yipee for them. 

It took a few minutes before we could even stand.

Angel walked in.  “You guys okay?”

We all nodded.

He smiled at me.  “It’s really, really good to see you.  Take a detour?”

I rolled my eyes.  “Try a six month one.  The little bitch who sent me on one here yet?”

He nodded.  “She’s in the room with Buffy and the rest of them.  Giles and Satsu showed up a few minutes before you guys. Safe to say, my cleaning crews are going to be less than thrilled today.”

Ken scoffed.  “You’d think with all the damn magic and stuff you’ve got here, someone could figure out a way to transport us without the copious vomiting. That shit is getting beyond old.”

Angel smiled.  “Oh there is a way.  It just takes more power and I think it would wipe Willow out.”

What the fuck? Was he serious?

“What the hell?” Ken asked. “Are you freaking serious? We’ve been puking for ten years now,” she said, motioning to me.

He shrugged.  “Guess figuring it out wasn’t really a top priority.”

Xander coughed.  “Well, could you like move it up your list or something?”

Angel ignored him.  Cause… still pissed.  Jesus, he could hold a grudge.

Everyone gathered in Angel’s office when we’d finishing losing our last twelve meals or so.  B had both her hands on Joy’s shoulder, subconsciously, or hell probably consciously holding her as close to her as possible. I figured she and I were gonna have to have a talk later.  Ate wasn’t our problem right now.  That crazy bitch she’d screwed over half a lifetime ago was.  Well… and the mayor.  I guess I could go ahead and take the blame for that part of it.

“Faith!” Giles started when I walked in the room. “It’s good to have you back. I take it you have no idea where you’ve been?”

I shook my head and looked at the hell goddess. “Nope.  Figure her ass knows though.”

She shrugged.  “Really not the issue right now.”

Jesus Christ, I wished I could kill her. At least fucking smack the shit out of her.  Or smack the shit out of something...

“Faith,” Satsu said. 

I smirked at her.  “Bet you thought I was a goner, huh?”

She rolled her eyes.  “Not gonna dignify that…” she started.

Ken walked between us.  “So we aren’t having a pissing contest right now,” she said, eyeing me.  “Cause we need to figure out what the hell we’re gonna do here.  I for one want to go on record and say, I’d like to figure this shit out soon. Cause if I gotta transport anymore…” she turned to Will, “…oh and by the way, we heard there was an easier way to do it.”

Red waived her off.  “Too much magic.  And not the issue either,” she said, turning away from her.  “Cause they were close.  In Florida.  Like really close. I could feel them.”

Angel nodded.  “Yeah.  It looks like they got there right after you guys left.”

“So do you think they’ll come here?” Dawn asked him. “Cause it’s not like they don’t know about you and this place.”

“Probably.  But they can’t get in,” he told her.  “We’ve got more magic than you can imagine.  This place is locked down tighter than your castle.”

Buffy shook her head.  She’d been uncharacteristically quiet the last few minutes. She hadn’t let go of Joy though and she was still staring at Ate.  She finally turned to Angel.  “Are you sure? Because everything we thought was true turned out to be a big fat lie.  I’m not so sure I trust your creepy law firm.”

Angel sighed, even though we’d established years earlier he didn’t freaking need to.  “Yes Buffy, I’m more than sure.  No one can get in here.”

“Not to be the voice of doom or anything,” Xander said. “But just because they can’t get in here doesn’t mean they can’t do some major damage to your city. I mean we’ve established they don’t really care who they hurt when it comes to getting what they want.”

No one said anything. 

He shrugged.  “Just throwing that out there is all,” he whispered.

Giles nodded.  “Xander is right.  They’re loose cannons. We have no idea what they will do next.”

I thought of something.  “Why didn’t they attack?  While I was gone I mean?  It would have been the perfect opportunity.”

Angel shook his head.  “No.  The mayor wants you. Not just Joy.  Without you it was pointless.”

Ate cleared her throat and stepped closer to the center of the room.  I noticed B grab Joy closer to her, but she wasn’t the goddess’s focus.  “Yes.  Besides the crazy fun I had in sending you away, I was trying to buy the rest of you some time. Looks like that was pointless. But maybe I can offer a suggestion.”

Giles nodded at her.  “Okay.”

She nodded back.  “I can harm the slayer.  No problem. She’s easy to take care of. She’s being protected by some crazy magic, by the way, but… get me close enough to her and she’s history.” She turned and looked at me.  “Your mayor though, he’s a different problem.  He’s got some ancient power running through him.  I can’t take him and her out at the same time.  The problem is… I take her out, he’s going to come after you. I try for him and she’s…” she made eye contact with Joy, and then slowly looked into Buffy’s face. “…she’s got a crazy grudge. And she’s planning on getting what she wants one way or the other.”

Buffy smirked.  “Wouldn’t you just love that?  Getting me out of your way.”

Ate shook her head and sighed. “No.  You people don’t even know the prophecy, do you?” She turned to Red.  “Have you really not found it yet?”

Red shook her head.  “We’ve read a lot of prophecies where Joy is mentioned. Most of them are contradictory to say the least.”

Oh lovely – and we’re back to fucking prophecies. No point in rehashing how much I hated those damn things.

Ate nodded and turned back to Buffy. “You need to understand something. I cannot interfere with your lives. I can watch.  I can observe.  I can help you kill whatever the hell it is threatening her.  But I cannot interfere.  If I do, all bets are off.  If something happens to you…” she shrugged, “then something happens.  But… I can’t cause it.” She turned to me. “It’s why I sent that one on a little journey.  That’s about all the power I have.  I can separate, but I can’t harm.  And let’s be honest – I could drop either one of you six leagues under the ocean and you’d find your way back.  So, besides having a little fun – it’s entirely pointless.”

“So what can you do?” Kennedy asked her. “Why did we even ask for your help?”

Ate rolled her eyes again.  Apparently we were exasperating with our completely logical questions.  “I just said I could help you fight them.  I just can’t take them both out.  Together, they are wicked strong.  It requires too much concentration on my part.  I attack him and that would leave Joy vulnerable.” She turned to Buffy again. “And whether or not you believe it, that’s the only reason I’m really here.”

Giles cleared his throat.  “So all of this is good to know.  Ate can help us.  However, we are going to need more than that.  We have to find a way to divide and conquer them.”

Angel shook his head.  “Yeah… good luck.  Because they haven’t left each other’s sides since Iraq.”

“You think they’re on to us?” I asked him.

He moved to lean against his desk. “You mean do I think they know we were going to call in reinforcements? Yeah, I do.”

Xander held up his hand.  “I don’t understand.  Why doesn’t the super goddess take out the mayor and the rest of you concentrate on the whacked slayer?  No one can fight the mayor but her, right?  But what’s one rogue slayer to the firepower we have?”

Ate shook her head.  “She’s magically enhanced.  She’ll throw them around like ragdolls.  Really the only one in this room that can take her is me.”

Buffy laughed but there was absolutely no damn lightness behind it.  “So you’re saying that you are the only one that can take her out?  And you’re the only one that can take him out? But you can’t take both of them out? What freaking good are you?”

J took that moment to pull away from Buffy. “That’s not what she’s saying at all.”

More words of wisdom from my eight-year-old. 

I hesitated for a moment.  I really didn’t want to know what the hell she was gonna say. “What do you mean?” I finally asked her.

She looked at me for a moment before she nodded at Ate. She turned to B. “She can get the bad slayer. But I can get him,” she whispered.

Oh… hell to the fucking no.

Buffy shook her head violently. “Absolutely not. That is not even an option.”

“Right,” I added, cause I was supposed to.

Red looked like she was gonna speak, but then she stopped.  She made eye contact with Ken and Giles before finally talking.  “Uh…” she was on the verge of stuttering. “Maybe she has a point, guys?”

“Uh no she doesn’t, Red.  She doesn’t have a point at all.  In case you’ve all forgotten, she’s freaking eight years old.”

Joy shook her head.  “I’m almost nine.”

“Oh well, never mind then,” I retorted. “Forget I said anything.”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “I don’t care if you’re forty. You are not fighting him.” She turned to Red.  “That’s a ridiculous suggestion.”

"Perhaps we're all being a bit too hasty," Giles said. "If we just discussed this..."

"Really?" Buffy spun on him. "Really?" She asked again. "I cannot believe we're about to have the same conversation we had the last time a damn god showed up. Don't make me tell you the same thing I did then. My job is to protect my daughter. Nothing else. I'm not putting her anymore in harm's way than I did with Dawn." She scowled at him. "I can't even believe that you would ask me that again."

"She's right," Dawn added. "We've got to protect her. Not offer her up to the freaking mayor."

I noticed that Xander was staring at his hands. "What's up, Xand? You gotta problem with that?"

He stood up and moved to stand by Red. "No one is offering her up, all right? We just think she could handle herself. And besides, we can't run the rest of our lives."

Oh fuck him. "I beg to fucking disagree. We can. And we will if we have to. She's a kid. We can't just give her the scythe and send her into battle."

Ken was holding Red's arm. She let go and moved closer to me. "But we wouldn't be doing that, would we? She's not a lamb to be offered up or anything. She is strong. Stronger than the two of you. And whether or not you get it, we cannot fucking run the rest of our lives, Faith."

I growled at her. "You don't get a fucking say, Ken."

She scoffed. "Really? So I'm supposed to just follow you around for the rest of our lives. Which by the looks of it, ain't gonna be that freaking long."

"No one said you all had to follow us," Buffy started. "You're all free to go."

Red sighed. "Go where, Buffy? Back to Scotland? Back to Florida? Where do you suggest we go? And when we get there how do you suggest we keep them from killing every single one of us to get to you? We don't have a choice."

"Sorry to be such an inconvenience, Wills." B was clenching her fist. "Had I known..."

"Buffy stop," Giles interrupted. "There's not a person in this room who doesn't want to protect Joy. You are daft if you believe otherwise."

"What's daft is the fucking fact that you think we'd even consider this. This isn't a discussion any of you have a say in." I could feel the fucking anger rising inside of me. Fuck all of them.

“No, Faith.  He’s right.  We don’t want to hurt her. We’d never hurt her,” Xander said. “But we can’t stay in a holding pattern.”

“I beg to disagree,” I said.  “We sure the hell can.  We can stay in one until we figure out what we can do that does not involve throwing my daughter to the freaking lions.”

Ken moved even closer to me than earlier. Don’t get me wrong here, she was my best friend, but I’d throw her out that damn polarized window before I let her put my kid in danger.  “That sounds like a great plan, guys.  Let’s just keep running.  Until oh, say, nine years from now when that one,” she nodded with her head at Ate, “shows the hell back up to finish this.  Cause that’s what’ll happen.  And while we’re running we won’t have time to figure out how the hell to stop that. Because there we’ll be… just running from the mistakes the two of you made.”

“I can’t believe…” B started.

“Let her talk!” Red screamed.

“I don’t really care if you guys can believe it,” Ken said.  “It’s the truth. No one else in this room caused any of this shit.  Including Joy. This is your past coming back to haunt us in a really big freaking way.”

“So what?” I asked her.  “All that shit you said about the past being the past, is that a lie?”

She shook her head.  “No.  It’s not. But it’s not my past raining shit down on us right now.  It’s not Will’s past trying to kidnap Buffy.  Not Xander’s past that’s after your daughter.  It’s yours.  You two have been running from everything ugly your entire adult lives.  You’ve hid it, avoided it, or just flat the hell out ignored it. And it just keeps coming back anyway. Crazy thing, huh?”

Angel stood up.  “She’s right.  You can’t avoid this.  And you both know it.”

“You think I should send my only daughter into a battle with a damn immortal demon and a slayer hopped up on enough magic to kill us all?” B snarled.  “Is that really what you want to say?”

He shook his head.  “You’re both oversimplifying the issue.  She’s not a normal child.  And you both know it.”

“If I could…”Satsu started.

I spun on her.  “You finish that fucking sentence and I’m ripping your throat out.”

She shrugged and went to stand by Andrew, who was apparently the only one in this room who knew when to keep his fucking mouth shut.

Because I’d spun on her, I didn’t notice Joy move away from Buffy and go to stand by Ate.  She was holding her hand.  She cleared her throat and everyone in the room turned to look at her.  “I don’t want to run anymore,” she whispered.

“What?” Dawn asked her.

She closed her eyes and sighed, before opening them to look at us.  “I said, I don’t want to run anymore,” she said louder.  “I’m tired of running.  You don’t understand why I’m here.  You just try to protect me from everything.” She looked at B and me.  “You’re not gonna be able to stop this.  They’ll keep hurting people.  They’ll keep coming until they win.  And then I won’t get to do what I’m supposed to. And everything will be bad. It’s not supposed to be this way. I’m not supposed to run. That’s not what you made me for.”

“J, you don’t know what you’re talking about.” I told her.

Buffy nodded.  “We made you because we wanted you.”

Joy shook her head.  “No.  You made me to defeat something.  It wasn’t cause you wanted me,” she smiled at her sadly.  “That’s okay, though.  I understand. But I was born for a reason and it wasn’t this.” She turned to look at me.  “It wasn’t so you could fight the people that you love.” She looked at Ate, like she wanted to ask her a question. 

Ate nodded at her.

“You don’t know everything.” Joy said, speaking slowly like she was hesitating.  “You don’t know what I can do.” She looked at the rest of the people in the room. “No one does, but her,” she said, pointing at Ate. 

“What can you do?” Giles asked her.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She held out her hands like someone was supposed to give her something.  All of a sudden the scythe materialized and she was holding it. “I can do that.”

“Holy shit,” Ken muttered.

“How can you…” Red started.

“Where did you learn to…” B was panicking.

How the fuck did she do that?

She stood it up beside her.  “I can do a lot of stuff.” She looked at Red. “It’s like magic, but it’s not.” She closed her eyes again and then poof… she was gone.

“Joy!” B and I both screamed.

Before we could fully hyperventilate, or even really take a breath, she walked through the door of the office. She shrugged and sat the scythe down on the desk before hopping up to sit down beside it.

“I can do that too,” she said.

My mind was on overdrive.  I suspected everyone else’s was too.  How the hell long had she been able to do that shit? Why didn’t we know?

“Did you show her this?” Buffy growled at the goddess. “Answer me!”

Ate shook her head.  “No.  She’s always had those powers.”

“She has not.  We’d have noticed!” I spat at her.

“No,” Joy said.  “You didn’t.  Sometimes I’d do stuff. But nothing you could see. I wasn’t supposed to show you.”

“Who told you that?” Dawn asked her. “That you weren’t supposed to show us.”

She shrugged.  “I just knew.” She looked at me and B.  “I know you’re scared and stuff.  Everyone is.  But no one wants to hurt me. Not yet anyway. And I can stop him. I’m gonna go.  You can’t stop me.  I’m sorry.”

“I don’t care what you can do,” I told her. “You are still my daughter. I’m still in control. And we say no.”

She frowned and looked at her hands. “I know I’ll be in trouble. I’ll be grounded till I’m thirty, like you always say.  But you don’t know what’s right.  Neither one of you can see it.  It’s gonna get us all hurt. Everyone in here.”

B’s eyes were wide and I could tell she was two or three seconds away from full on freak the fuck out mode. “Joy this is not going to happen.” She turned to Will.  “Tell her you’ll stop her.”

Apparently Red had a damn revelation when the kid popped out of the room like a freaking magic trick, cause she came to her damn senses.  “Your mom’s right. I can stop you. You don’t understand what you’re saying.”

Joy sighed.  “No. You can’t.  Nobody can.  I’m stronger than everyone in here.  Even her,” she said, nodding to Ate.

Ate nodded back.  “She’s right.  She is.”

“I don’t believe you,” I said to J. “You just think you are.”

She shrugged again.  She hopped up off the desk and walked over to Angel. “Do you trust me, uncle Angel?”

He nodded at her.  “Yeah.”

She grabbed him then by his hand and threw him across the room.  Before he could crash into the bookshelf or through the damn wall she appeared on the other side and caught him.  She sat him down on the sofa. “See?”

No one said anything.  There wasn’t much to say.  She’d just chucked a two hundred pound vampire a good fifteen feet and then caught him like he was a basketball.  She did all of this with one freaking hand.

She sat down next to him on the couch and patted him on the knee.  “I was trying to be gentle. Sorry.”

He grunted at her.  Still too stunned to speak I assumed.

She stood up finally and looked at Buffy. “I love you.  I do, Mommy.  But I’m going to do this.  We’ve got too much to do.” She turned to me.  “All of us. You can’t protect me from this. But I can protect you. And I’m going to.”

I wanted to speak.  I swear to God the words were there, lodged forever in my throat because I couldn’t get them the fuck out.  I felt B’s hand on my arm. 

“Joy,” Buffy said.  “Can I trust you not to do anything or go anywhere, yet? Can you promise us that?”

J nodded at her.  “Yes.  I promise.”

B nodded back, accepting what she had to say. Cause she had no freaking choice in that matter.  She made eye contact with me.  “We need to talk.”

“Yeah,” I started.

She motioned with her head.  “Outside.”

“Yeah,” I said again.

I followed her outside.  She was calmer than she’d been since we’d gotten here. Guess that was a good thing, cause now I was the one shaking like a freak.  I walked slowly.  I knew what B was gonna say. I knew what we had to do. I just didn’t want to have the fucking conversation.  If we walked slow enough, we wouldn’t have to have it, would we?

Cause as soon as she said it… all bets were off. We we’re gonna have to send our baby to fight our battle.  Ken was right. It was our fucking past we were running from.  We should be the one’s stopping this.  Not our almost nine-year-old goddamn daughter.

B spun around when we got outside in the hallway. Out of earshot from everyone. “You realize she’s not freaking doing this, right?”

Oh thank god.

“Yes.  But how the hell do we stop her?”

“They were right.  This is our fight.  We did this.  So we finish it.” She looked around, conspiratorially. “I just think we better do it fast. Like we gotta get out of here now.”

“You think that’ll work?  Like she won’t just…” I shuddered, “ freaking pop the fuck right on in?”

B walked past me then and opened the office door. “Faith and I are going for a walk around this creepy building.  We’re both freaking out here a little. Nowhere till we get back,” she said to Joy. “We’re still your parents. Promise.”

“Promise,” Joy said.

“Go catch your breaths,” Red said from inside. “You two have been through the ringer the last few hours.”

“Yeah,” I heard Ken mutter.  “Cause we’re all not sitting here freaking the hell out.”

I also heard Red smack her.

“Seriously go,” Xander said.

“Yeah,” Dawn agreed.  “Take a few minutes.”

B nodded at them and shut the door. She walked back over to me. “How long do you think it’ll take us to get out of the building?” She whispered. 

I looked around.  “Back stairs.  There are cameras on the landings though.  We’d have to be quick.”

“How do we find them when we get out?” She asked me.

“Leave that up to me,” I winked at her, pulling her to the stairs. 

I knew I could still call him. I knew he’d hear me.

I guess we should have been afraid, but all I felt was relief.  This was about to be over. One way or another.

And it was about damn time.

 


	18. Not the Brightest Bulbs

No one had ever accused me and B of being the brightest bulbs in the fixture.  I mean sure, we had heart.  Throw us both into a battle and we’d come out on top, saving the day like the yin and yang supergirls we were.  But, sometimes we had to be pointed in the right direction so to speak.  Sure there were the times B took charge.  And there was my recent foray into leadership, but… we were the superheroes.  The ones who prevailed.  We were not the brains. And hey, neither one of us ever pretended to be either. We may have pretended to be stronger than we were. We may have even pretended to be weaker sometimes.  But we never pretended to be the smart ones.  Shit, that was G and Red’s job.  Not ours.   It didn’t matter though cause in the end; both of us righted the wrongs and saved the day. Sometimes that meant barreling headfirst into danger and praying to whatever entity that was listening that we didn’t die. 

That was on a normal day.  This was not a normal day.  This was the day I’d found my family.  This was the day I’d found out that my daughter was not only freakishly strong even by our standards but also friends with our archenemy. This was the day we were told she was going to have to fight the two mistakes Buffy and I had made before she was even born.  So even for us… less than a normal day.  So it didn’t seem all that weird that we were both plotting our escape away from the people that we cared about, that we loved, and straight into the arms of the two people who wanted to take those things away from us.

Cause it’s what we did.  We fought.  We fought for everyone who couldn’t fight.  And maybe in this instance, even those that could.  It was awesome.  It was where we were supposed to be.  Together.

And it was the first damn thing we’d agreed on in ages.

By my estimation, we had about fifteen minutes to get out of the building before anyone noticed.  That was if no one was watching the cameras and saw us leave. Hopefully, they’d just think we were taking a freaking jaunt through the stairwell to clear our minds.

No one would believe we’d gone outside to do so though.

Buffy followed me to the stairs. We looked around quickly to see if anyone was watching.  It still freaked me out that demons and humans mulled around this damn building like it was the most normal thing in the world.

I felt B touch my arm.  “Doesn’t this place give you the creeps?”

I nodded at her.  “Yeah.  Sends my spidey senses on high alert that’s for sure.”

She scrunched her face.  “Your what?”

“Never mind.  Yeah. It does.  I don’t get the whole work atmosphere here, if you know what I mean? You think they noticed anything?”

She shook her head at me.  “I don’t think so.  If they do, we can just kill them.  I have no problem slaying a demon.  Even one in a suit.”

“Yeah.  Me neither.” I opened the door to the service stairway.  We were pretty high up.  Thank god for slayer stamina.  “Okay. I figure we’ve gotta just make a run for it.”

She seemed to think for a minute. “Yeah, but if we do… wouldn’t that clue the security people to the fact we were trying to escape. I mean if we were just going for a walk or something, then maybe they wouldn’t pay us any attention. We start running and…”

She was right.  We couldn’t draw any attention to ourselves.  We had to get out of here as fast as possible but we had to be smart about it.  As soon as they knew we were gone….

“If she figures out we’re gone, you know she’s just gonna pop up with that stupid scythe.” I told her.  I led her into the stairwell.  “Far be it from me to say how this is your fault and all.”

“How the heck is this my fault? I didn’t teach her magic.”

We made it down the first flight of stairs. “I meant the scythe. Down there in the damn basement swinging it like a freaking ninja.” I motioned with my head to the camera in the landing. 

She was holding my hand, walking behind me. We weren’t moving too fast because she was right about the not barreling out of here at breakneck speed. We needed to look casual at least. “How was I supposed to know she could do all of that stuff?  I’m blaming you.”

“What the hell did I do?”

She shrugged.  “I don’t know.  But if you can blame me then I’m going to blame you. Do you think it’s true?  What she said about it being like magic, but not magic?”

“I don’t know.  I don’t understand any of this.  She threw Angel around like he was hollow.  With one fucking hand.  Even at our strongest, neither one of us could manage that.”

“Maybe he let her?” She tried.

“Let her pick him up with one hand? How the hell does someone let you do that?  You know that shit isn’t normal.”

She sighed.  “I know.  I just…. I don’t know what to think.  What are we supposed to do? That whole zapping in and out of places would’ve come in handy a few times though.”

I shook my head.  “We are not encouraging this shit. We could barely keep up with her before we knew she could do that.”

“You’re right.”  We walked in silence for a moment.  “Oh!” She exclaimed.  “If she can just pop in anywhere, I mean… holy crap.  What if she saw us having sex or something?”

Holy shit.  What the hell was wrong with her brain? I looked over my shoulder at her. “Why would you even go there?”She shrugged and kept walking. “I’m just saying. If she can materialize out of thin air, we’re gonna have some issues.”

I rolled my eyes and turned back around. “How bout we deal with that later? I mean she said she could do this shit for a while now.  And she hasn’t popped anywhere she wasn’t supposed to.  She didn’t come see you in the infirmary, did she? At least she still listens on occasion.”

“Yeah but this is different,” she said. “Now that we know. Oh my god, we are in so much trouble, Faith.  We’re never gonna be able to control her if she can just disappear at will.”

We were getting close to the bottom floor. So far so good. No one had materialized or opened a door or magically bitch slapped us yet. 

“We probably should be concentrating on what the hell we’re gonna do once we get out of here.” I finally said.

“Yeah.  I figured we could talk to them.  Maybe reason with them or something.” She didn’t sound too sure of herself.

“With who? The mayor? Or your psycho fatal attraction? I don’t think reasoning is going to work.”

She pulled me to a stop on the second floor landing. “Okay.  You’re probably right.  But what will?  Cause in case you didn’t notice, we don’t even have any weapons.”

She was right.  We were flying pretty blindly here.  “Thought had crossed my mind.  I don’t know what we’re gonna do honestly.”

She sighed.  “Probably get killed.”

“Probably.”

We made it to the first floor. There were more people/demons roaming around in business suits and skirts.  We hurried towards the front entrance.

“Don’t make eye contact,” I whispered to her.

“No worries,” she whispered back. “No desire to look at any of them.”

I reached for the door handle, about to open the door. I was thinking about how I was going to call the mayor.  I figured screaming his name at the top of my lungs would probably work but might get us a little more attention than we bargained for.  I pulled the door open and felt a rush of wind and….

…fuck.

Buffy and I were thrown back into the fucking office on the couch.  We were both coughing. The force of our landing had knocked the breath out of us.

“Could you two possibly be the two stupidest people on the planet?” Ken asked.

“Goddess! What were you thinking? You can not leave the building!” Red wailed beside her.  “Am I going to have to magically bind the two of you to that couch? Cause I will.”

We were still coughing when Joy peered around Gile’s legs.  “That was very dumb,” she muttered.

“Yeah, well no one asked you,” I managed to get out.

Buffy nodded.  “About as dumb as sending you to fight an ancient demon with a weapon not much smaller than you.”

Joy rolled her eyes.  She fucking rolled her eyes at us.  I felt like the damn kid being scolded by her parents.

“Okay,” Angel started.  “So the two of you do that again, and you’re gonna have a bodyguard detail following you everywhere you go.  And I mean everywhere.”

“What are we supposed to do?  Sit here and wait for her to just pop out and go fight our battle?” I asked him.  “That’s a shitty plan.”

Everyone was looking at us like we were insane. Insane and five years old. Even Ate had her hands on her hips like a freaking disappointed parent. 

“You two are going to screw everything up. Stay put.” She told us.

“We are so not taking orders from you,” Buffy retorted.

She shrugged at her.  “Whatever.”

Giles cleared his throat.  “While the two of you decided to go and almost get killed, we were given some information through Angel’s sources.” He took of his glasses, but not before giving B and me the look of a disappointed father. “It seems their forces have gathered back in Europe.”

B stood up.  “What? You mean they’re not coming here?”

“Doesn’t look like they are yet,” Red answered. “The longer they wait though, the more jittery I get.  There’s got to be a reason they haven’t attacked yet.”

“They’re probably gathering more magic or whatever,” Ken said.  “Little did they know these two geniuses were about to offer themselves up like dumbass calves to the slaughter.”  She glared at me. “I don’t think there’s a fucking dumber move you could have made. We don’t have time for the two of you to get killed. So just knock the stupid heroics off.”

Dawn frowned.  “I don’t want to send Joy either, Buff.  But that doesn’t mean I want to see you two die.  That’s a crappy plan.”

“Yeah,” Xander interjected.  “What the heck did you think you were gonna do once you got out of here?”

Buffy shrugged.  “We didn’t get that far yet.”

“Holy god,” Ken muttered.  “Are they under a spell or something?” She asked Red.

Red shook her head.  “No.  I looked. They’re just morons.”

“Thanks,” I mumbled.

She smiled at me.  “You’re welcome.”

“Okay,” B started, looking around the room. “So if they’re in Europe or whatever, what are we supposed to do?  Sit here and wait?  You won’t let us fight them and we are not sending Joy. So you guys give us a solution since we’re morons and all.”

Giles hesitated for a moment before shaking his head. “The solution tonight is to rest. The hotel is protected as well, and Angel has assured us that we can be transported there no problem. We will reconvene in the morning once we’ve all had some time to recuperate.”

Aw fuck.  Was he serious?  “Please tell me there are some magical cars we can take over there?”

He looked at me like I was stupid and shook his head.

“The firm can send us over there in a group.” Angel stated, looking around the room.  “Well those of us that need transporting.  We’re sending Joy with Willow and Buffy.” He shrugged at me.  “It’ll be quick.”

Everyone looked like I felt. 

“Here’s an idea,” Ken said.  “How bout your firm magic us into the freaking bathrooms this time? Think they can manage that? I’m tired of Faith puking on my feet.”

I flipped her off. 

Angel nodded though.  “Yeah.  I’ll see what I can do.” He picked up the phone to call.

Buffy moved to grab Joy’s hand. She was still standing with Ate.

“See you in the morning,” Ate told her.

Joy smiled at her and hugged her around her waist. “Okie doke,” she cooed back.

B cocked her eyebrow at me.  The kid and we were gonna have to have one hell of a conversation once that bitch was gone.  Jesus, how you gonna make friends with the one thing that wants you really dead?

Angel nodded to Red, who grabbed B’s hand and started mumbling.  Before we knew it, they were out.  That shit never got any easier to watch.

“Do we have to hold hands?” I asked him, once I’d watched them disappear.  “Truth be told, I’m sick of holding Ken’s damn hand.”

This time, Ken flipped me the bird. “Ditto,” she muttered.

Angel shook his head.  “No. Just close your eyes…”

He didn’t get to finish.

It was all good.  At least we’d landed in various fucking toilets throughout the place. And no one heard me retching this time.

I fumbled around in the bathroom looking for a toothbrush.  Luckily there was one. Still in the package. And there was toothpaste as well. Either people still stayed in this hotel (I wasn’t certain on that one) or they had a lot of transported weak ass humans popping in on occasion.

Once I’d made sure my legs were indeed not made out of jelly, I made my way to the lobby.  Everyone else was meandering in as well.  ‘Cept the three musketeers that left before us. They were all golden with the not puking and stuff.  Whatever.

“Right,” Angel started when everyone was there. He started handing out keys. “Old-fashioned, I know, but…” he chucked one at Xander.  It beamed him upside the head, because you know, lack of that peripheral vision and shit.

I pretended not to see B smirk.

“You’re all on the same floor. So you can hear each other. I’ve got Satsu on one end of the hallway, and you two on the other,” he said, looking at Red.  “Figured it’d be best to put Buffy and Faith in the middle.”

Joy smiled.  “What about me?”

“Our room,” B and I answered at the same time.

She narrowed her eyes at us.

Angel nodded.  “Yep.  Got you set up in the suite.  Two bedrooms. So you can be close to your moms.”

That was a big fuck no.

Joy shrugged and then ran and jumped in my arms. “I missed you,” she said, kissing the side of my head.

Holy shit.  I’d forgotten I’d been away.  I kissed her back.  “You too baby. I missed you too. More.  Way more.”

She shook her head.  “You didn’t even know you were gone, silly.”

I kissed her again.  “Still missed you more.” I smiled when I felt her arms wrap around me.  “But you’re not sleeping in another bedroom.  You’re sleeping in the bed.  With us.”

She wiggled out.  “Ugh.  I knew it.”

Buffy shrugged at her.  “Points for effort.”

J crossed her arms and pouted.

Kennedy rolled her eyes at us. “I’m going to bed. I feel like hell. Can we trust the two of you not to make any decisions that could get us all killed?”

“Yes,” Buffy stated, way too brightly.

Ken winked at her.  “I was really talking to your less rational half.”

“Screw you,” I told her.

“Good enough,” she retorted, grabbing Will’s hand. “Let’s go to bed.”

After everyone said their goodnights or whatever… which by the freaking way takes ten forevers when everyone has to say ‘goodnight, Buffy,’ or ‘goodnight, Willow’, ‘goodnight, Giles.’ Jesus Christ it was like a damn Christmas episode of the Waltons in there… we were finally able to at least try to get some sleep.  Or pretend to try to. 

“I really hope Angel got our clothes,” Buffy said, unlocking the door.  “I hate leaving everything I own.”

She opened the door and we walked inside. Apparently, he’d had everyone’s stuff magicked from their home in Florida.

“Hey,” I started.  “Where the hell is my stuff?”

B and J shared a look.  “Uhhh…”Buffy started.

No way.  What the fuck did they do with my shit?

“Seriously, B.  Where the hell is it?”

Before she could answer, Joy opened the closet door and I saw my clothes hanging there.  “Right here, mom!” She yelled.

Don’t think I didn’t notice the way she said it – as much to distract me as to distract B.  They shared a glance. 

“Seriously?” I asked again.  “What’s with the look?”

B shrugged and J mimicked her. “Nothing,” Buffy said.

“Where was my stuff?” I asked her again.

She smiled brightly.  “In Florida, baby.  With us. See?” 

I inspected my clothes.  They all seemed to be there.  Except… aw fuck no… “Where the hell’s the leather?”

They shared the glance again.

“Uhhh…”they were both saying.

“Damn it, B.” I started.  “What did you do?”

“We can’t find it,” she finally whispered. “Oh my god, Faith. We’ve seriously looked everywhere for that jacket.  Like everywhere.”

Joy was nodding emphatically beside her on the bed. “We even had Will do a spell,” she added.  “It’s like it just disappeared,” she said, throwing her hands in the air.

“Of course,” I mumbled, plopping down on the bed. “But you conveniently kept up with those ugly ass pajamas,” I said, waving my arms at the stuff B was pulling out of the dresser.  “Good to know.”

She grabbed a pair of shorts and a tank and threw it at me.  “Just change. We’ll buy you another one. It’s just a coat.”

I jumped up.  “Just a coat?  Just a coat? Are you serious???” I grabbed at my chest.  “Just a coat? That’s like saying it’s just the Sistine Chapel.  Or it’s just Stonehenge. Jesus.”

She pulled her shirt off and put on a t-shirt. J was getting dressed beside her.

“Uh yes, Faith.  I’m completely serious.” She rolled her eyes at J. 

“Who are you?” I mocked.  “Someone has replaced my family with two heartless demons while I was away.” I sat down on the bed after I changed.  “I demand you give them back.  And my leather jacket.”

They shared another look.  I didn’t really like this one.  This was the ‘quirk the eyebrow, let’s tickle her look.’ I fucking hated that look. They started stalking towards me.

“Oh hell no.  Both of you better back the hell up.  Right now,” I said, holding up my arms.  “You vicious hell spawns.”

And then they pounced.

It’s a lot harder to throw off a slayer and a superchild than you think.  It only took twenty minutes.  At one point I sorta had to bite B.  I couldn’t bring myself to bite the little one.  However, apparently the only thing that ever worked was the threat of peeing on them. This all stems from another tickling incident where that threat…. Well, let’s just leave that one alone, shall we?

B wrapped her arms around me. “I forgot how much I missed you. With everything that’s been going on and stuff.”

“I know three weeks isn’t six months, but… it felt like three lifetimes.  I don’t want to ever ever feel that way again,” I told her. I pulled her to me and kissed her.

Ten years later and kissing her never got old. It never got awkward or conciliatory or strained.  Kissing her was like coming home.  She always felt new against my lips.  Her mouth was still the softest thing I’d ever…

“Eww! That’s so gross!”

We pulled apart quickly.

Apparently kissing Buffy in front of our kid like that not so awesome for Joy.  Who knew?

“Sorry,” we both stated.

Joy shook her head.  “It’s okay.  I could just go sleep in the other room.  Then you could kiss each…”

“NO!” We both yelled, not letting her finish.

“Ugh,” she moaned again, wiggling in between us. “Then no kissing,” she said, lying back.

I winked at B.  “Okay,” I said, pulling her to me.  “No kissing your momma.” I kissed the top of her head. And then both her cheeks. I started kissing her face. B joined in.

“Stop!” She giggled.  “No kissing me either.” She eyed us both. “Go to sleep, goofballs or Aunt Ken’s gonna be all mad in the morning and stuff.”

Aunt Ken.  I swear to all that’s holy. “Oh who gives a shit what….”

“Faith.  Language.  Seriously. And I care.” B said, lying back beside Joy.  “We can’t have Kenny mad, now can we?” She asked her.

Jesus Christ.  Good to see some things would never freaking change.  No matter how long I was damn missing.

I lay down beside them.  “Love you both.”

“Love you more,” Buffy said.

“The most,” Joy whispered, snuggling into my side.

Truth was I wanted to stay awake. I wanted to watch them sleep. Both of them.  It had been so long since I’d held them.  If I thought about it, it had been much longer for them.

But I was tired.  And they looked so peaceful.  And tomorrow was scary.  Scary as hell. But tonight…

…well home wasn’t in Scotland. And it wasn’t in Florida. Hell, it wasn’t here in California either.  Home was where they were. It was always going to be where they were.  And home was where I could sleep.

So who could blame me?

 


	19. Whose Blood?

That night I had a dream.

Okay, so I know what people say about dreams.  I mean when someone says to you, “hey let me tell you about this dream I had last night,” you may listen politely (well, you might if you’re nicer than me) but inside you’re thinking ‘unless I’m in it or it’s about sex, I don’t give a fuck.’

Slayer dreams were different though.  We figured out a long time ago we needed to pay attention to the shit we saw at night.  That didn’t mean that I didn’t have my fair share of dreams that meant fuck all.  Couldn’t tell you the number of times I’d dreamt about smoking a cigarette again (hell, it’d had been ten fucking years).  Normally I was like walking down the street naked while doing it or something equally ridiculous… and I’m getting off track.  Safe to say though, most of my dreams were of the non-freak out variety.

Some though… well, some weren’t.  Some were what the witches and the watchers would call prophetic.  Even before the worry of the mayor and his slutty slayer, B and I had learned to pay attention.  If she was in my dreams, I knew to keep up.  Because, most likely, she was sharing the damn dream next to me and some big bad was about to rain down shit on us. 

Again, before all of this mayor shit though, Joy mostly stayed out of them.  I dreamt about her sure, and I figured B did, but they weren’t slayer dreams.  They were mom dreams.  Normally, I had them after she’d done something sneaky or shit.  I assumed they followed my parental train of thought, and all stemmed from worry.

So when Joy showed up in my dreams that night, it wasn’t like I was freaking out unconsciously.  I just chalked it up to worry and decided to sit back and enjoy the ride of my overworked brain.  Until… I saw the house.

Buffy’s goddamn freaky ass dream house.  You remember the one, right?  With the field?  And the moving trees and shit? 

Joy was standing at the end of the hallway in that fucking house.  I could see her even though it was night.  She wasn’t really saying anything or even moving… she was just there.  Holding that fucking scythe.  Staring at me.

Look, I knew she was my kid, you know?  I loved her more than I’d ever loved anything in the entire world.  But mother of fuck, a kid, any kid, standing at the end of a dark hallway, not moving and holding a gigantic weapon will give anyone pause.

“Joy?” I tried, not moving from where I was standing.  I mean she was my kid when we were awake.  But asleep, hell in my head, she could be anyone.  And speaking of my head, I was of the mind of keeping it firmly attached to my body and not removed swiftly by someone who may or may not be my daughter.  I got what Red said about dying in your dreams didn’t mean you’d really die in real life.  But fuck that.  I was a slayer. Wasn’t like shit was all that normal for me.

When she didn’t answer me, or didn’t move for that matter, I did start to panic though. 

I decided to be firm.  “Joy, seriously, answer me.” 

And again nothing.  She didn’t move.  Didn’t say anything.  She just stood there watching me in the dark.  In the freakiest house in dream world.

I felt a hand touch my arm.  “Faith?”

I jumped a goddamn mile.  “Jesus Christ, B.  You scared the hell out of me.” She moved to stand beside me.  She was staring at Joy too.  “Is this a slayer dream?” I asked her.

She shrugged.  “Joy,” she started, “what are you doing?”

Joy didn’t answer her either though.  Nor did she move. 

“I don’t really like this,” I told Buffy.  “J, this shit isn’t funny.  What the hell is going on?”  I waited for B to bust me for cussing. 

“Language,” she said beside me.

And holy fuck.  Only the real Buffy would call me out for using curse words.  “Great,” I muttered, “so we are sharing this dream.”

B nodded then.  “Yeah, I guess we are.” She turned to look at me.  “You think we should go to her?”

I shrugged back.  “Beats me.  I don’t even know if that’s her.”

“Well we can’t just stand here.” She sounded annoyed. 

“Yeah,” I agreed.  “Joy, listen, we’re coming over there.  Put the scythe down,” I told her as we started walking.

Even in the dark, I noticed her grip tighten.  She shook her head at us both.  “Don’t move,” she said.

“Or what?”  I asked her.  “You gonna chop us into little pieces?  Cause if you do, you’re in trouble when you wake up.”

B grabbed my hand.  “Why can’t we?” She asked her.  “Are you sharing this dream with us?”

Joy nodded slowly.  “Yeah kind of, but it’s dangerous over here.  I’ve got to go down there,” she said, pointing with her scythe at the staircase that just magically fucking appeared in front of her.  (Did I mention I hated this house?)  “And you can’t follow me.”  She wasn’t looking at us now.  She was staring at what ever was at the bottom of the steps.

“What’s down there?” B asked her.

She sighed.  “You know what’s down there.”

Great.  Fucking dream riddles.  “Why don’t you tell us anyway?” I asked.

She shook her head.  “Cause if I do, you’ll try to follow me.  That’s what you do.  And this isn’t your battle, you know?”

I looked at B.  We were both starting to transition to freak-out mode.  “Are you talking about Dominique?  The mayor?  Cause that is our battle, baby.  It’s not yours.  You’re just a little girl.”

“Not really,” Joy told her.  “Not like you think.  You used magic to make me.  Have you ever wondered about making something that’s not supposed to be?  What that would do to the world?” 

If I wasn’t certain I was dreaming before, I was now.  She was saying things that she wouldn’t normally say if we were awake.  I sure the fuck didn’t like it.  Didn’t figure B did either.

“We chose to have you,” B told her.

“Yeah,” I added.  “That makes you a lot luckier than most kids.”

She sighed again.  “That’s not what I meant.  I know I wasn’t an accident.  I meant that I am not real.  Not like a real person." She shook her head like she was clearing her thoughts. "Or like a normal person. You know what I mean. So now I have things to do.  Cause you made me this way.” She moved to the edge of the staircase.

We moved after her.

“You’re wrong,” Buffy whispered.

“No.  I’m not,” she said with a sort of finality.  “You can’t follow me.  You can’t even try.”

As soon as she finished speaking, we both stopped moving.  We were sort of stuck in place.  I felt like I was both heavy and floating at the same time.  The only thing that seemed to be working on my body was my brain.  And my mouth.

“Joy, I swear to god,” I heard the panic behind my words.  “Do not walk down that freaking staircase! I meant it!”

She turned her back on us and took a step anyway.  “I’m sorry,” she whispered, before disappearing out of our sight.

“Joy, no!” B cried, frozen beside me.

“Fuck,” I muttered.  “Why can’t we fucking move?”

“I don’t know,” B answered.  Her voice was breaking from panic too.  “And why aren’t we waking up?”

She was right.  This was a slayer dream.  The kid said what she had to say and the whole reveal was over.  This was where we woke up and figured shit out.  That was how it went.  Well, normally anyway. 

“We are so fucking stupid,” I told her.

“Why?”

“We aren’t waking up cause she doesn’t want us to.” It dawned on me.  Jesus H.  “She’s controlling this.  And her ass will be gone when we do finally get out of this nightmare.” I moved my hand then.  “Hey, at least we can move.”

B started running then.  Towards the staircase.  I took off after her.  And of course as soon as we got to end of the hallway, it was fucking gone.  She hit the wall.  “Damn it!” She screamed.  “Joy! Wake us up!” She was beating on the wall.

I grabbed her hands.  “You know that’s not gonna work, babe.  So stop.”

“What are we supposed to do?!” She was hysterical.  “Are we supposed to just stay in this freaking hallway, Faith?  You know what she’s doing! And meanwhile, we’re just sleeping away in the freaking bed while she's doing it!”

I shook her.  “I get that.  But you freaking out is sure the hell not gonna help.”

Truth was I freaking out too.  I just figured one of us needed to act like we were calm.  No reason for her to see me losing my shit as well.  That couldn’t be productive.

She put her arms down and I pulled her to me.  “You calm?” I whispered against her hair.

“No,” she muttered back.  “I don’t want to just stand here.”

I pulled back.  “Wonder how she knew about this house?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, it’s your dream home, babe.  Maybe we should explore or something.”

She looked down the hallway.  “Good luck,” she told me, motioning with her head.

I followed her gaze.  There wasn’t a goddamn door anywhere.  Just a hallway.  With four walls and two freaked out parents.  “Son of a bitch,” I mumbled.  “She is in so much fucking trouble when…”

“…when we find her, Faith.  Cause she’s not gonna even be there.” She started crying then. 

“We’ll find her,” I told her, pulling her to me again.  I hope we just find her in time, I thought.  I didn’t want to think about what could happen to her before we could get there.

Buffy cried silently against me.  I sort of felt like crying myself.  Or screaming.  Or pinching the shit out of both of us to see if we could wake up.

I didn’t have to do any of that though.  Instead I heard Red’s voice.  “Buffy? Faith?” It sounded like it was coming from nowhere and everywhere.  “Wake up,” she was saying. “Wake up…”

We both bolted up at the same time.

“Where is she?!” B yelled.

Everyone was standing in our bedroom. 

“She’s gone,” Giles said, being less than fucking helpful.

“How long?” I asked.  We both jumped up and began running to the other room.

Ken grabbed us both.  “She’s not in there.  She’s not in the hotel.  We’ve looked and Will did a spell.”

I pulled out of her grasp.  B fell against her and began crying.

“How long?” I asked again.  I turned to Red.  “How the fuck long have we been asleep? What time is it?”

Red shook her head.  “It’s morning, Faith.  I don’t know what time she left.  Ken came in here to wake up you guys up a few minutes ago.  When she noticed Joy was missing and not in the other bedroom, she yelled for the rest of us.  I figure she’s been gone for a while.”

Buffy was crying against Kennedy’s shoulder.  Normally that would send me into overdrive, but right now I couldn’t care less about who was comforting B.  I needed to find my kid.  And ground her for the rest of her natural life. 

Dawn sat down on the bed.  “She’s gone to England.  You guys know that right?”  She was as close to hysterical as B.

Xander sat down beside her.  “We don’t know that, babe.”

“Of course we do,” I said, running my hand through my hair.  “Where else would she go?  Is the scythe here?”

Angel shook his head.  “No.  And neither is Ate.”

B started crying harder then.  “Oh god,” she whispered.

I turned to Red.  “Send us to England.  Right now.”

“I will, but I don’t think I’ll be able to get you into their place.  They’ve really upgraded their magic since the last time.”

Angel’s phone rang and he walked into the hall to answer it.

“How many of us can you send? All four of us?” I said motioning to Ken and Satsu as well.

Red nodded.  “Yeah.  And Angel can send the rest.”

“It’s too dangerous,” Buffy said.  “Everyone that’s not a slayer,” she looked at Will. “Or a witch, needs to stay here.”

“Buffy, though I do understand your worry, the rest of us can be of use there.” Giles told her. 

“I’m not arguing!” She told him.  “You stay here.”

Xander and Dawn were both about to protest when Angel came back in.  “My sources can’t get us in either.  We know where they are.  But Buffy’s right, the rest of you need to stay behind.  We don’t know what we’re going to face and more importantly we don’t even know if Joy is there.  What if we got over there and she comes back?”

Andrew raised his hand.  “Excuse me, but what if you get over there and they come here?  I mean I realize that you are most likely right and that is where the littlest slayer poofed herself to, but what if it’s not?  And then you leave and they attack?  If you’re all gone, we are sort of targets.”

I sighed.  “He’s right, B.  We can’t leave them here.  We need to think about this.  What if they took her?  What if Ate did?  All of this could be a trap and then we’d be putting them in danger too.”

“How are we going to protect them in England?” Satsu asked me.  “If we’re mounting an attack on the mayor?”

Angel cleared his throat.  “We’ve got resources to protect everyone here and in England.” Goddamn firm and its creepy resources. 

Giles nodded.  “And we’d be less of a worry to you in England.”

B shook her head again.  “Until she comes back here.  And then we’re all gone.  Think about that.”

“I’ve got an idea,” Ken said.  “How about we stand around and argue this point for another day or two?  We’re not getting shit done just standing here.”

“Send the three of us,” I said to Red.  “You and Angel can come at any time.  But right now, just send me and B and Ken.  We need to get over there and figure out what the hell is going on and if she’s even there.  That way, if she comes back, at least we have you here.  And if they show up, you’ve got a slayer.”

“Okay,” Red sighed.  “I’ll transport you to Angel’s firm there.” She turned to him.  “Tell them they’re coming.”

He nodded at her and walked back into the hallway to call them.

“Shouldn’t we discuss this a bit more?” Dawn asked.

“No!” B and I both answered.  Buffy grabbed her clothes and ran into the bathroom to change.

“Is there a way to monitor what we’re doing?” I asked Red. I reached for my bra and put it on under my shirt.  I saw Giles roll his eyes.  What could I say? I was less modest than my other half. I pulled the shorts I had on off and pulled up a pair of jeans.  I was probably close to giving him a heart attack.

Angel popped back in.  “They know they’re on their way,” he said, eyeing me button my pants. 

I ripped off the t-shirt I was wearing and Ken threw me a shirt.  “We’ve all seen Faith naked at least once,” she told him.

“Except me,” Satsu said. “Till now that is.”

“Welcome to the club,” Ken said, chucking me my shoes.

Buffy came out of the bathroom completely dressed.  “I was going to tell you to change but…” she trailed off shaking her head.  “Are we ready?” She asked, turning to Angel.

“Yeah,” they both answered.

“Hands,” Red said, waving to the three of us.

Ken quickly grabbed B’s hand.  I rolled my eyes and grabbed the other one.

“Okay,” Red said.  “I’ll be listening.  You can call me with your thoughts and stuff,” she said, “And Angel and I will be there in a few seconds flat.” She kissed Ken.  “Be careful, guys.” She touched B’s arm.  “And don’t let these two do something stupid.”

Buffy nodded.  “At least I get to go this time,” she told her.

“May wanna close your eyes, Faith,” Red said.  “You too, babe,” she told Kennedy.

We both nodded and I quickly felt the pull of the worst mode of transportation in history.

We landed in the bathroom at Angel’s firm.  B, of course, ran out and started talking to whoever it was that was in the hallway, while Ken and I did the normal regurgitating routine in the stalls.

There were toothbrushes already fixed on the bathroom counter in front of us.

She cocked her eyebrow at me.  “My baby's learning,” she told me, picking one up.

“Bout time,” I muttered, copying her movements.

When we finished, B was standing outside the bathroom, arms crossed, tapping her foot.  “Took you long enough,” she said.  “This is Claire.”

We both nodded at her and ignored B’s comment.

“We have their address.  The building is strongly fortified though,” Clare told us.  “We can get you a car, but I’m afraid we have no way of getting you inside.”

I nodded at her.  “We can figure that out.” I took the keys from her.  “Thanks.”

She smiled and walked away.  Seeing as she worked for an evil law firm, I figured she didn’t really give a shit what we were doing and was just following her boss’s orders. 

Ken grabbed the keys out of my hand as we walked down to the garage.  She pushed the button to see which car we were supposed to take.  “I’m driving.”

“The hell you are,” I told her.  I tried to grab the key back but she held it away from me.

“Oh my god,” B said.  “You two are not fighting over who’s driving.”

I stuck my tongue out at Ken.  “See.  Give me the keys.”

B shook her head.  “No way.  Let her drive.  We need to figure out what we’re gonna do.”

Ken smirked at me and opened the car door.  “I’ll do whatever,” she said, winking at B. 

Jesus.  “Just get us there in one piece, asshole.” Before I could get in the front seat beside her, B slid in.

“Get in, Faith.  We don’t have all day.”

Great.  Not only was I not driving, I was riding in the back. 

We weren’t that far from their base of operation.  It took less than ten minutes to get there.  We’d pretty much planned nothing besides storming in and grabbing our kid when Ken announced we’d arrived. 

She pulled the car across traffic and parked in front of a nondescript building on a semi-busy street.  “This is the place,” she said, turning off the car.  “You guys got any better ideas than storming into a magically fortified building?  Cause that plan sounds like it’s way high up on the scale of stupid.”

I ignored her and looked at B.  “Can you feel her?”

She shook her head.  “No.  Can you?”

“No.  I wonder if it’s the magic?”

She looked worried.  “Maybe?  What do you think?” She asked Kennedy.

She shrugged.  “Could be.  If we can’t just transport in there, maybe nothing can get out as well.  Magical feeling or otherwise.”

I started opening the door.  “Well we can’t just sit here wondering.”

“Wait,” she said.  “I get you and Buffy want to run in there and play crusaders, but… we’ve got to figure out what we’re gonna do.  If she’s not in there, we’re screwed.” She thought for a second.  “Come to think on it, if she is in there we might be screwed too.”

Before we could answer her though, we heard a tap on the window.  A man in a dark suit was standing at Buffy’s door.  He opened it.  “Someone has been expecting you.”

“Who the fuck are you?” I said.  We all jumped out of the car.

“Where’s my daughter?” B added. Probably the more legitimate question really. 

He chuckled.  “Oh, I’m nobody.  Just a colleague,” he motioned with his head towards the building.  “But, I’m not to answer any questions.  I’m just to escort you into the building.”

“Uh, why should we follow you?” Kennedy asked him.

He looked at me and B.  “It isn’t as if you have a choice, now is it?”

We both shook our heads.

“Right.  Well, shall we?” He asked, turning to the building and crossing the street.

We moved to follow him.

“Fuck,” Ken whispered behind me.  “I hope you hear me, Will,” she said to herself. “Cause we’re going into the magical building you can’t pop into if we need rescuing.”  She was quiet for a minute and then I heard her say, “No shit.” I figured that meant Red had heard her.

B and I were both ignoring her. I couldn't think of one thing on the planet that could keep us out of there right now. 

Apparently Ken could. “Faith wait,” she said, grabbing my arm.  “I have a feeling that this isn’t such a good idea.”

I shrugged her off.  “Stay outside then.  My daughter might be in that building.  So I don’t give a damn about your feeling, Ken.”

“Fuck,” she muttered but she kept walking behind us.

I grabbed Buffy’s hand.  “Where are we going?” She asked the man in front of us. “Do you work with them?”

He shook his head.  “I work for your ally,” he stated, opening the door. He motioned with his hand. “They were outside,” he announced to the lobby.  “Just like you said.”

We peered around his shoulder. I was fully expecting the mayor to be standing there.  Not Ate.

Fucking A.

Buffy pulled away from me.  “Where’s Joy?”

Every single time I’d laid eyes on this chick she looked like a fucking spoiled schoolgirl.  She never seemed to have a care about anything.  Our entire fucking lives have always been just a game to her.

Until now.

“Where is she?” I asked her.

The man who’d led us in the building was gone. Ken was busy moving around the room muttering, probably to Red.

Ate shook her head at me.  “Not here.”

“Then where?!?” B screamed.  “You did this!” I grabbed her arm before she could lunge. Even if Ate couldn’t kill us, didn’t mean she couldn’t smack the fuck out of us.

“I don’t know where she is,” she said sadly. “I mean that.”

“Then where the fuck is the mayor?” I asked.

She shook her head again.  “Gone.  Everyone’s gone. I felt Joy leave the same time you did. I didn’t know she was going to do that. She shouldn’t have come here without me.”

“She shouldn’t have come at all,” B whispered.

Ken walked up beside us.  “No one’s here.”

Ate nodded.  “That’s what I said.  They’re all gone.”

“Then how do you know Joy even came here?” I didn’t want to believe her.  “How are we supposed to believe you?”

“You don’t have to.” She sighed, and stepped to the right. The elevator dinged behind her.

The doors opened slowly.  Like something out of a movie.  I think we are all fully expecting for something climatic to walk out. But Joy wasn’t inside.  Neither was the mayor or Dominique.  In fact nothing was in there except… the scythe.

“Ohh,” I heard B whisper beside me.

I could see her out of the corner of my eye. So I saw her knees buckle. I saw her start to fall.   I saw Kennedy grab her as she fainted.

But I could not fucking tear my eyes away from what was in front of me.  I expected a hell of a lot of scenarios coming here. 

None of them involved leaving this.

There was no reason.  None.  Nothing I could think of that would cause her to leave this behind.  Nothing.  She wouldn’t. She knew she needed it. So why was it here?

I walked around Ate.  Ken had squatted down beside Buffy. I wasn’t even sure if she was unconscious or not.  Ken was frantically screaming for Willow.  I stepped inside the elevator and picked up the weapon.  For the first time since we’d found it back in Sunnydale, it felt heavy. It wasn’t until I’d lifted it closer to my face that I noticed the blood.  It wasn’t a lot.  But it was enough. Both ends of it were smeared with small droplets of blood that were beginning to dry.

I still couldn’t look at B. I turned to Ate. “Whose blood?”

She shook her head.  “I don’t know,” she whispered. 

I leaned against the back wall of the lift and started sliding down.  And then I heard a beeping noise.

I saw Ate’s face light up. She winced. She was standing about ten feet away from me.  “It’s a bomb,” she whispered. “It can’t hurt me, but…”

“Faith! Move!” I saw Ken’s panic, before she turned and ran with Buffy limp in her arms out the front door.

I couldn’t move though. I was still sort of sinking to the floor.

And then I felt someone pick me up. I heard the explosion but it seemed almost impossible that it was coming from behind me.  I was thrown on the ground across the street. I couldn’t see anything but smoke, but I could hear Buffy and Ken coughing close by. I felt something wet on my head. It dawned on me that it was probably blood.

Ate grabbed my arm.  “We need to get you back to Los Angeles.  All of you.  They aren’t coming back here.”

Maybe I nodded.  I don’t know.  All I do know was that her voice was the last thing I heard before everything went dark.

 


	20. A Love Spell

No one could tell you I wasn’t one tough bitch.  Cause let me tell you, there wasn’t anyone else, even a damn slayer, who’d been “almost dead” as many times as I had.  Now, what you could argue I guess was that those multiple head injuries and near-fatal stabbings had caused me to be a little less than stable.  But fuck… come on, I was less than stable before any of that shit happened.  In fact, for the amount of sheer beatings I’d received in my life, I felt that I should receive checks in the superhero column.

Course B had actually died twice, so there she was one-upping me again and stuff.

The explosion and subsequent transport back to L.A. left me unconscious for a few hours.  When I woke up, it was with Andrew and Xander peering over me.  Didn’t really bode well for what was going on that B and Ken weren’t in the room.  Hell, even Giles was elsewhere.

“Faith?” Xander started.  “You okay? You’ve been out for a few hours.”

My fucking head felt like someone had dropped an asteroid on it.  And then set it on fire.  And then ran it over with a monster truck.  So you know… it fucking hurt.

I think I tried to answer him.  I was thinking Joy in my head.  So that’s probably what I said and all.  But the only sound that came out was a deep guttural moan of severe pain.  See my earlier statement about the asteroid.

Andy was waving his hand in my face.  “Can you see us?”

“Yeah,” I finally managed to get out.  “Joy?”

They exchanged a look.

“Xand?” I tried again.  I hated being protected.

“They’re looking, Faith.” He smiled at me.  “Everyone’s looking.”

“B?”

They exchanged another look.

“Ken? Are they okay?”

He nodded at me.  “They’re fine.  Buffy’s with Kennedy.” He looked at Andy again.

I took a deep breath and sat up.  “Jesus Christ.  My head hurts.”

“You have a considerable lump.” Andy said.  He moved to touch it but I flinched.  Insert your reason here.  “Willow says that it will heal.  She would’ve healed it for you, but she needs her powers.”

I nodded at him.  “Can you get Buffy?” I asked him.  “I know she’s busy, but I’d feel better knowing she’s okay.”

Xander cleared his throat.  “Uh, what I meant when I said she’s with Kennedy is that… well, she’s not here.”

I sat up straighter.  “What?! Where are they?! Didn’t they come back here?!”

“Okay, Faith, so here’s the thing… first of all, you’ve got a concussion.  Apparently, you are supposed to let people sleep who have concussions.  You know, when we were younger, they said people should be kept awake.  To keep their brains from swelling, but the doctors at the firm said you needed rest.  Isn’t that weird? How medicine changes from…” 

 “Are you fucking serious? Where the hell is Buffy?”

“With Kennedy,” Andy answered.

Fucking mother of all…. I was better off trying to speak Italian to a monkey than conversing with these two. 

“Okay, let me try this again.  Where is Kennedy?  Where is Buffy? Where are the two of them if they are not here?” I asked very slowly.

“With Ate,” Xander said.

What the hell?  I took a deep breath.  “And that doesn’t tell me where, Xand.”

“We don’t really know.  She said she thought she could find Joy but she needed the two strongest people here.  Will was gonna go with her, but Buffy argued she needed to stay here in case something happened.  Kennedy was the next logical person.  You know, cause you were in a mini coma and all.” He turned to Andrew.  “You probably should go get Willow or Giles.  Tell them Faith’s awake. Before she kills us.”

He was damn straight about the last part.  I was pissed as fuck.  Where the fuck did they take off to?  And why didn’t they wait… well, I got why, but fuck… I’m laying here like the swooning princess while they’re off, either getting killed or saving the day.  Fuck.

Andy ran out of the room.  Xander handed me some water.

I lay back against the headboard and closed my eyes.  “Do they have any idea where the hell the two of them took off to…  With Ate?” I opened my eyes quickly.  “Did Ate save me?”

Xander nodded slowly.  “Yeah, she did.”

“And she thinks she knows where Joy is?”

He shook his head this time.  “No.  She thinks she can find her.  It was our best bet.  Will’s got this connection with Ken.  She can see what’s going on.  Or hear I guess.  Anyway, she can tell if they’re in trouble.”

Red came running into the room then.  “Faith!” She bellowed, hugging me.  “Jesus, please stop doing that!”

I let her hug me.  When she pulled away, I grabbed her shoulders.  “Where are they? Where’s Joy?”

“They’re looking for her, Faith.  They’re in Scotland.”

“What?!?”

“I think that’s where Dominique is.  I’m not sure what they’ve found yet.  Ken hasn’t contacted me.”

I moved my legs to the edge of the bed.  “Send me there,” I said, trying to stand up.

And hello head rush of the century.

Red caught me and sat me back down.  “Whoa there, slayer.  You can’t go anywhere.  You’ve got a nasty head wound.”

“It’s nothing to what’s going to happen to them if they…” I couldn’t finish.  “Red, there was blood.  On the scythe.  Someone’s blood.”

She nodded.  “I know.  It wasn’t Joy’s.  It was supernatural.”

I gasped.  “Mayor’s?”

She nodded.  “Yeah.  We think so.  I don’t know what that means.  I’ve been trying to get a read on any of them, Joy included, since you guys left, but I can’t.  I think she may have…” she trailed off.

“You think she killed him?”

She nodded.  “I think she did.  If not, he’s wounded.  It’s why he’s not projecting any magic right now.”

“But not Dominique,” I whispered.

“No,” she said quietly.  “We think that after Joy attacked the mayor Dominique intervened.  She probably took her.  That’s why the scythe was still in England.”

“Took her why?” My brain was reeling.  Why would the bitch take my kid?  Jesus Christ, what if… “What if she hurts her?”

Red took a really deep breath.  “We don’t think she will.  She hasn’t yet.  Even though we can’t feel her right now, Ate can.  And she’s certain she’s alive.”  She stood up and started pacing.  “Our best guess?  Dominique is going to use her to get to Buffy.  This was all about Buffy anyway.  Getting Buffy back.  She’s not going to destroy the one thing Buffy can’t live without.”

I shook my head.  “That isn’t what she said though.  She doesn’t care about Joy.  You heard how she talked about her that day.”

She nodded.  “Yeah, but… she may have… look Faith, maybe she said that to get to you.  Joy said she was always nice to her.  Well those two times she saw her anyway.  So what if… what if she’s trying to… I think she wants them to herself, Faith.  Buffy and Joy.  I think she wants what you have.”

“Then she’s fucking certifiable, Red! Haven’t we established this fact yet?” I was losing my patience.  I started breathing evenly.  I needed to be feeling well enough to transport.  I knew she wasn’t sending me like this.  Having a meltdown on her would mean I was stuck here until this shit ended.  And based on what she was saying, I didn’t like how it could end.

Before she could answer me, the atmosphere in the room changed.  Ate appeared, with Ken in tow, who was unceremoniously thrown against the side wall.

“Fuck, that hurt!” Ken said, standing up.  “Faith!” She yelled when she saw me.

I tried standing up again.  Xander caught my arm, but I didn’t fall over.  “Where are they?!?”

“They’re…” Kennedy was still trying to catch her breath.  She looked afraid.

Will grabbed her arm.  “It’s okay, Ken.  What is it?”

Ate shook her head at me.  “The slayer is strong.  Stronger than a normal slayer.  She’s got more magic, more protection, than even I knew.  She wouldn’t let us in,” she said, motioning to Kennedy.  “Even I couldn’t get in.  Only Buffy.”

“What!?!” I wasn’t sure I could take much more of this bullshit.  “What do you mean, only Buffy? You two left her there?!?”  I shrugged Xander’s hand off my arm.  “Was Joy there?!? What the fuck happened?!?”

Kennedy finally caught her breath.  “She was there.  There was no sign of the mayor,” she said, still breathing heavily.  “She walked outside with Dominique.  Buffy ran to her, and we tried Faith.  We’ve been trying to break through whatever it was that Dominique had used to keep us out but then…zap! We were thrown right the fuck back here.”

Xander eyed the goddess. “She threw you back here too?”

She nodded at him.  “I’ve never, ever had that happen.  Ever.  I don’t know what magic she’s on.  But you’re mayor… he’s toast.  Joy killed him.”

"Are you sure?" Red gasped.

She nodded. "He's not on the physical plane anymore." She sighed slightly. "Whatever magic he was harboring probably got transferred to your newest, biggest pain in the ass."

“Well that’s one good thing, right?” Xander tried. "I mean not the magic stuff, but at least the mayor's gone."

“I don’t know if it is or not,” Ate said.  “Now there is no one stopping her.”

“What did she do? To Buffy?  When she crossed through whatever the fuck it was she got through?” I asked them.

Kennedy looked at Ate.  “We didn’t get a chance to see much,” she answered.  “She ran up, hugged Joy, and they went inside.”  She started coughing again.  “I think I liked puking better,” she managed to choke out.

I grabbed Ate’s arm.  “So take me back.”

“You won’t be able to get in, Faith.  If I can’t get in, there’s no way you can.  And I doubt she’s just going to let you in.  She’s got your family now.”

“Okay, so there’s no way B is gonna stand for that.  What the fuck does she think? They’re gonna play house for the rest of their lives?”

Red sighed.  “I think that’s exactly what she thinks.”

I sat back down.  The room was starting to spin.  “So how do we stop her?”

No one said anything.  We all just sort of stared at each other.

Ate started pacing. She held up her hand like she was gonna speak but she stopped and then started pacing again. Finally she stopped moving and stood in front of me. "I debated whether to tell you this. Earlier. Yesterday. It didn't really matter and it would've just..."

"What is it?!?" I yelled at her. 

"I'm not a seer. I mean I can't see the future. Only stuff that could happen. You know, if it affects me. So there's like paths people are on. You, her," she pointed to Red, "everyone. Normally I don't pay much attention to them cause they're one of many. And they don't normally concern me that much.  They just mean that someone I know is making a decision that’s going to change their life-path until they make another one. They change constantly too. And you have dozens, sometimes hundreds of paths with you.  Branching off each other, turning back. Sometimes, a cup of coffee will change someone's path. Sometimes a brief word to somebody on the subway will do it. After thousands of years, you'd go crazy trying to figure it out."

"What are you talking about?" Ken asked her. 

She sat down in a chair across the room. "Joy is important to me. Six months ago, when you came to see me, two of her paths changed. One was because of something that hasn’t happened yet but it had to do with you leaving. And it was bright. I knew what she would do. Could do.  The other though… It wasn’t because of something she’d done.  Or a decision she’d made.  But… well one someone else had made.  I honestly didn't think much of it at first because it was so farfetched.  In fact, it was the last path I thought she’d find. Even so, it became a bit clearer and clearer everyday. And then last night, Joy made a decision, and that path… that path became the brightest one she had.  Her decision to go to London made it certain that she’d cross paths with…” she took a deep breath. “Dominique."

“What?!?” Red squealed.  “Was she the someone else that had made it? The decision that changed Joy’s?”

She nodded.

I still wasn't following her. "What are you saying?"

"Nine years is not that big of a deal to me. It's like a week to you. Joy’s life has been brief. And her eighteenth birthday...moments away. But I... I didn't understand who she was." She shook her head. "The myths about me, the evil stories, they're not all true. I'm benign for lack of a better word. And I can change. Just like a human. Joy is someone...” She sighed. “…her destiny, Faith, is beyond my scope. It's beyond my little rising up and ruling the world. I've got time, all of human time, to do it. What she can do, given the chance though, is so beyond my petty mission, that I can't. I mean, I knew I couldn't, that day you disappeared; I could never take her life. I saw that very day what she could be" She stopped and sighed.  “Look, I know this is confusing but follow me okay?  Joy has a great destiny.  It was that destiny that I saw shine so brightly at first.  That was the path she was supposed to take.  And the one that I figured she would.  Because the two of you were supposed to guide her there.  You were what made her what it is she’s supposed to be.  And when I saw what that was…. I couldn’t hurt her.” She closed her eyes and sighed. “She’s pure.”

"We're supposed to believe that?" I asked her. 

She shrugged. "Yes. You are. But like I said, yesterday, I saw it change. It was why I knew she couldn't go to the mayor. Not without me there to fight Dominique."

Red stood up. "What did you see?" 

"Her life change."

"How?" I asked. 

She sighed again. "She becomes something else. Something sinister. Something that can destroy you. All of you. And many others. She has other paths and I still can make them out, including that destiny, but this one is now the brightest. Brighter than any I've seen before."

"Why would she do that?" Ken asked. "What changes?"

"Buffy," Ate said. 

"Buffy would never," Red scolded. "Never."

Ate didn't respond to her. Instead she looked at me. 

I felt like the carpet had just been pulled out from under me. My eyes went wide. "Buffy's going to stay there. There with Dominique. Isn't she?"

Ate nodded. "Yes. Her path has changed as well."

"But she's just trying to protect Joy, right?" Xander asked. 

I ignored him. "She's powerful enough to make Buffy love her.”

Ate nodded, sad. "In a matter of speaking. Yes."

I nodded back. This changed everything. 

Red shook her head at us.  “There’s no way Buffy would do that!  None!” She grabbed my arm.  “She loves you, Faith.  It’s insane how much.  Nothing could change that.”

Xander sighed.  “Love spells can.  Remember RJ?”

Red’s face blanched.  “Goddess,” she whispered.  She grimaced at Xander.  “That was a freaking jacket.  If Dominique is as powerful…” She looked at Ate.  “How powerful is she?”

“Much more powerful than a jacket,” The goddess mused.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Ken asked them.  “A jacket?”

Xander nodded.  “Back in Sunnydale… before you guys all started showing up, Dawn fell for this boy.  Like fell hard.  And then Buffy fell for him.  Even harder.  And then Willow and Anya.  Apparently he had a magic letterman’s jacket.”

Ken rolled her eyes.  “You fell in love with a dude?  A high school dude?  Really?”

“To be fair, she was trying to do a spell to change him into a girl when we caught her.” Xander added.

“Well that doesn’t make it better,” Ken retorted.

Every time they told a story about past Sunnydale and all their exploits I never thought they could top it. I was always wrong.

“Getting back to the point,” I declared to the room, “Buffy is under a love spell, right?”

Ate nodded.  “Yeah, but… no.  Not like they’re thinking.  Bigger than that.  Way way bigger.  She’s called in some pretty hefty magic, I’d guess, to get it done.”

“Let me get this straight.” Ken looked at her.  “Since Buffy has been with her, in what like the last hour or so, you’re telling us Buffy has already fallen head over heels magically in love with this bitch? Really?”

Ate nodded.  “Yes.  That’s what I’m saying.  All she had to do was see Dominique and it was like she forgot everything about her relationship here with Faith.  Or not forgot,” she mused.  “The spell, if it’s the one I think it is… and it would have to be to change Buffy’s path like that… causes the person to become infatuated and forgot all real emotional bonds that are in the way of the person casting it.”

“How can we believe you?” Red asked her.  “I mean I know what you said, but…”

She shrugged.  “You can see, witch, right?  So see then… look for them.  I doubt that the slayer is masking their presence as much now.”

Red closed her eyes and concentrated.  We all held our breath and watched her.  When her face fell, so did my stomach.

“I’m sorry, Faith,” she whispered.

“What did you see?” I asked her.

“I can’t see.  I can just feel.  Buffy’s… changed.” She looked down.  “I’m sorry…”

I couldn’t deal with what she was saying.  I decided to ignore her.  It was easier. “Can we change it?  Is there a spell or something? Anything?” I asked Ate.

She shook her head.  “I don’t know.  There’s ways to change it, but… I am not sure how.  I don’t normally have to deal with magic. Maybe break her bonds.  Take away her slayer skill?”

Red moaned.  “Why the heck have we not thought of that before now?  Holy crap…”

No shit. 

“What about Joy?” I asked her.  “Cause no way she’ll just be all ready to jump on the bandwagon that is the Buffy/Dominique love.”

Ate shook her head.  “These spells are different.  Unlike your jacket fiasco,” she said, looking at Red.  “They are specific.  You know what I’m talking about.”

Red finally nodded. “They’re target spells.  Meaning, Dominique had to get close enough to her target to cast them.” She thought for a second.  “Oh! You don’t think…”

Ate nodded again.  “Yes, I do.  I think she had already cast that spell on Joy. She didn’t seem at all scared.”

I could feel my blood boiling.  “Hang on a second.  Are the two of you fucking telling me that she cast a spell that not only made Buffy fall in love with her, but Joy as well?  Like what, she’s gonna just forget she had another mom?”

Ate turned to me. “It’s not like that.  They won’t forget you.  They just…” she took a deep breath.  “They see her as a better… she’ll have manipulated them and they’ll think she’s…. they’ll see her as the completion, I guess, of their family.  Not you.  It’s like you are…”

She didn’t finish.

It was like I was nothing to them.  I knew she was going to say something like that.  Because that was what she was getting at anyway, right?  Why else would your partner and your child desert you?  They would have to stop loving you.  Me.  They’d have to stop loving me.  And this bitch… this Dominique… she’d fucking pulled it off.  The plan was to get Joy to the mayor all along.  That was probably her plan in the desert.  For us to send Joy so she could cast her spell after J killed the mayor.

“Send me there,” I told her.  “Can you do that?  Can you send me?”

“I can take you.  I’d have to go with you.” She looked over my shoulder at Ken and Willow.  “I’m not sure I should.”

“Why?!?” I was becoming hysterical I realized, but… no one could blame me.

“If what she says is true, Faith, then we need to figure out how to fix it.” Willow moved to stand in front of me.  “I can take away her powers, but I don’t know about the magic.”

Ken shook her head.  “Send her.  Maybe we should all go.  She’s going to need to see it before she believes it.  Hell, I fucking need to see it.” She turned to Ate.  “No offense and all, but… I’d feel better knowing what you were saying was true.”

Red sighed and nodded.  “Go, tell the rest of them what’s going on,” she told Xander.  “Giles is gonna kill us,” she muttered to herself.

Ken clapped her hands.  “Do we have to hold hands?” She asked Ate.

She shook her head and blinked. “Nope.”

No one was given the chance to say anything else.  Next thing I knew, we were standing in a field.

And damn… this was way way better than Red’s transport.

“Wow…” Ken said, “Where the hell have you been every single time we needed to transport.” 

Ate shrugged.  “You didn’t ask.”

There was a house across the field.  I nodded to it with my head.  “That the place?” 

When Ken nodded back, I was off. 

"Faith, wait!" Red screamed after me. 

I didn't. I was faster than them. Well maybe not the goddess, but I wasn't thinking that far ahead. I made it to the door before them. 

And then I paused. I wasn't sure why I knocked. I should've barged right in. I mean that's me, isn't it? I'm the think first act later chick. But I didn't. For some reason, I stopped myself. 

I expected Dominique to answer. To throw me out. To magically smack me down. Or Buffy. I was mentally prepared for B. Anyone but Joy. I couldn't handle that. 

So in the vein of "welcome to your fucked up life, Faith"... Guess who answered the door? 

She was standing there. Staring. Like she didn't know who I was. 

I pulled her to me. "Joy!" 

She was stiff in my arms. "Mom?" Her voice was hesitant. Almost like she didn't know what to say. "I'm supposed to tell them… If you're here."

I could feel the others walking up behind me. They stopped before they got to the porch. I think they were afraid of scaring her. I looked over her shoulder inside the house. I didn't see anyone. 

"Where are they?" 

She looked up the stairs. "Up there."

"Are you okay?" I didn't know what to ask her now. Now that I was standing here... How could I tell?

She nodded. "It's easy if I try."

I kept looking over her shoulder. I had a fleeting thought of grabbing her but... she was strong and I wasn't sure what difference it would make. 

"What does that mean, baby?" 

Her eyes shone and I thought I caught a whiff of fear. "She tried to get me to be like Mommy. To feel the same way."

I glance quickly at Ate. Hadn't she said she'd brainwash Joy too? "We thought she had? Ate can see things, babe. She thinks you've changed."

She nodded at me. She was frowning. "They have changed. I can't leave here. Not because of why you think. I know what she's gonna do. And Mommy believes her. We can't leave her here alone. I have to stay."

"Why? How is this different than when you and I were with the mayor? You helped me. If your mom's like you said she was... help her." I kept on high alert. I couldn't figure out why B hadn't come down. What was she doing?

"It's not the same. She's not you. Dominique is stronger. And Momma's... She's not you. It won't work."

I felt myself getting angry. "So what? You're just going to follow them? Even if it's wrong. Even if it makes you do things you shouldn't do."

She had tears in her eyes. "She's my Mommy."

I wanted to cry too. "So am I!"

She let them fall down her cheeks now. "She needs me more."

I started to protest, but I was crying at this point. I fucking needed to focus and I was goddamn crying. I didn’t get a chance to say anything before the others walked up behind me.

“Joy,” Ate started.  “You know I can see things.  This place… you know what will happen if you stay.  I know you are trying to fight it.  I can’t really believe that you haven’t fallen for her magic. But, you stay and you will, sugar. You’ve gotta see that?”

Joy nodded at her.  “I know but I can’t help it.”

“We can fight this, honey,” Red said. “If you just come back with us, we can fight it.  We can find a way to fix Buffy.”

I moved past her then.  Truth was, even through the crying, I was waiting on her to be distracted.  When Ken nudged my shoulder, I took the opening.

“Mom! Wait!” Joy cried behind me. “I don’t know where they are. And she’s strong.”

“Don’t care,” I said over my shoulder, running up the stairs.

Only one door was shut.  It fucking dawned on me why.  Why they hadn’t heard us.  Why they hadn’t come down and stopped us. 

I was so fucking dense sometimes.

I walked back to the edge of the stairs. “Red? Can you transport me back?”

She looked confused but nodded.

“Right.” I smiled at Ate.  She nodded back and grabbed Joy.  Even before she could protest, the two of them were gone. I still wasn’t sure if I could trust the goddess, but… I could trust her a helluva lot more than bitch upstairs boning my fucking wife.

Ken and Red ran up the stairs behind us. I knew Joy could magic back. I knew she was strong. That there was only one of us that was possibly stronger.  I hope she came through for me.

“You gonna open that door?” Ken asked. “Cause you and I both know what’s on the other side.”

I took a deep breath.  “I guess…”

Red shrugged.  “Screw it.  We’re already here,” she said, throwing it open. 

Of all the things I’d seen.  And even all the things I’d imagined (cause sometimes I was a masochist and couldn’t help but think about B before we were together) nothing in the fucking universe of my twisted brain prepared me for this. Nothing.  Just… nothing.

They weren’t… but they had been. Had I not stopped to tell Ate to take Joy, I’d have opened the door too soon and probably hurled myself onto the nearest and largest sharp object.  Instead I saw the after.  The basking. The fucking glow.

Magic or not… I was killing this bitch so fucking dead they were going to be finding pieces of her for years. I didn’t care about anything else. I used to get jealous when someone looked at B wrong.  Someone holding her naked… I was in the room before they even saw me.  Let’s not forget I was fucking fast.

“Faith!” Buffy screamed.  She moved to cover herself.

Call it anger.  Rage. What the fuck ever… I wasn’t sure what did it.  What made me so goddamn strong.  But I threw B off the bed (and out of the way) no problem. Ken caught her. I vaguely recall her fighting back. She may have been screaming. I knew enough to know she wasn’t on my side.  I’d seen her face.

But fuck if I cared.  We could fix B.  At this point, I was on a mission. 

“Get the fuck out of here!” The whore yelled.

For all her magic, she didn’t expect this. She didn’t expect me to barge in this bedroom and pounce.  She had no idea her spell didn’t work on my kid. So maybe she was not as smart as we gave her credit for… I don’t know.  But she left me an opening and I fucking took it.

It didn’t help her that she was naked.

I slammed into her before she could move off the bed. I had her by her throat. She was fighting me and trying to speak. Probably trying a spell. Unfortunately for her, you can’t fucking chant if your oxygen is cut off.  Fuck her arrogance.  And fuck her for thinking that she didn’t need someone here.  Someone to help her.  She was too goddamn certain that she could control this.  All those fucking cronies the mayor had were gone.

Red was chanting behind me.  I wasn’t sure if it was to keep her magic at bay or to calm B, who was busy thrashing around in Ken’s arms. 

I knew what I had to do.  It was so simple.  My hands were already there… already around her throat.  I used my body to pin her to the ground and my knees were in her chest.  I was a fucking slayer. An original one. And no amount of fucking magic was going to change that.

So I choked.  With all the strength I’d ever had in my body… I squeezed. I was really going to kill her. And I wasn’t too sure when I’d crossed that line of not caring… but I was there.  She wasn’t going to stop coming.  She was going to take my family.  I didn’t have a choice.

I felt her dying.  Just like that.  So easy to take a life.  So easy. Really one of the easiest things in the world.  The power you have over someone when you know you’re the last thing they’re going to see in this miserable world.  You’re the most powerful thing alive.

I didn’t hear B break away from Ken. I didn’t hear Red yelling for me to stop.  I didn’t fucking hear anything.  Not until I felt the arms around my waist.  Not until I felt another pair hands pry at my fingers.  Not until the bitch started coughing and I knew that I’d failed.

She coughed some more, and tried to chant. I couldn’t move. I wasn’t sure if that was because of who was holding me or because of what she was saying.  She spoke something in Latin.

“Oh hell no,” Red said, walking up. “This has gone on long enough.” Her eyes flashed black, and her hair began to change colors then. Her voice changed and the words she used, the powers she invoked I’m still too scared to repeat.

I didn’t know what it meant.  I did know that if Red was standing there, then B was holding me. Or holding my hands. I wasn’t sure which. I couldn’t see shit but my fury and the bitch on the floor that I wanted to kill.  I wasn’t finished.

But I didn’t have to.  Red finished chanting and Dominique screamed. It was blood curdling… and just like that, she was gone.

“I sent her to Marie Therese. They can hold her. I’ve stripped of her slayer abilities.” She shook her head like she was thinking.  “I should’ve thought of that earlier… Anyway, I’ve weakened her magic considerably. They can strip her of the rest of it hopefully.  If not, they’re putting her down.  I’m sorry… but she messed with different codes.  It calls for different punishment.  She is no longer strictly human.  So human laws stopped applying.” Her hair changed to red and her eyes were back to normal.   “Let her go,” she told them.

I still hadn’t looked at B.  She was still naked.  I’d just almost killed the woman she was in bed with five minutes earlier. I wondered if Dominique’s powers were gone, would the spell be broken.

Buffy let go of me first.  Ken was holding my hands.  She let go as well, and moved to check on Red.  Magic like that left her weak. 

B was moving around the room. Looking for her clothes. I wanted to sit down but there wasn’t anything in here but the bed and I’d stand the rest of my goddamn life before I sat on that fucking thing.

There’s a feeling you get… as a slayer… that feeling of the unfinished kill.  I could multiple that feeling by a thousand.  That was the feeling I had right then.  I hoped Marie Therese could take her.  I had not doubt in my mind that she could kill her.  I kinda thought she walked a little bit different line of good versus evil than us.  But the truth was I didn’t feel remorse.  I felt unfulfilled. I wanted to finish it. Even now.

I finally found my voice.  I was tired of watching B get dressed.  “Buffy?” I still didn’t know how she felt about any of this.

“Where is Joy?” She whispered, though I wasn’t sure she was talking to me.

“With Ate,” Ken answered. 

B nodded, like that was sufficient.

This wasn’t gonna be easy.  I grabbed her wrist. She didn’t flinch, but she didn’t look at me either.  “Do you love her?” Well, nothing like just throwing it all out there, huh?

She shrugged out of my grasp and pulled the rest of her clothes on first, before answering me.  “I did.  Until what you and Will… I think it was spell,” she finished softly.  She looked to Red for confirmation.  When Red nodded, she continued.  “But it was… it felt so real.  Now it just feels… less.” She finally made eye contact with me. “You almost killed her.”

“You almost… oh wait… you did fuck her.”

“Faith!” Ken yelled.  “Don’t make this shit worse, dude.”

“Really?!? Worse?!? How the hell could this shit get any worse, Ken?” I looked at B.  “You got an answer??? Anything to add that could make this more fucked up than it already is?”

“You enjoyed it,” she whispered to me.

“Fuck right I did.  I did enjoy it.  And I don’t fucking care, Buffy.  She was fucking my wife. Who let her.  So yes, I’d have fucking ripped her head off and goddamn thrown it out the window!  Sorry to interrupt what you were so obviously fucking _enjoying_ five minutes earlier.  With our kid downstairs no goddamn less.  Did you lose your fucking brain when she put her little magical love spell on you? That you could just forget me and run upstairs to fuck a tart while your kid was three feet away?!? You’ve been here a goddamn hour!” I moved closer to her.  She was dressed now but not in a defensive stance like me. Well not yet…

“I didn’t forget you, Faith!” She yelled back. “I couldn’t forget you.  Or stop loving you, you selfish fool.  But I loved her too. And I didn’t understand why. I was supposed to be here. Here with her. I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear right now, but it’s the damn truth.  I couldn’t help it.  So the spell it’s gone… but the residual is still around.  Because I did love her.  It wasn’t a letterman’s jacket spell like when we were in Sunnydale and…”

I stopped her.  “We’ve heard the fucking story!  So what? You know that you loved her? Is that it?  This shit’s not real, B!”

She shook her head.  “I know that.  I know all of that now.  But I don’t know how to stop what’s going on here,” she said pointing to her chest.  “My head is wrapped around it. But not here.” She pointed again. “And I should have been the one cheering you on after what she’s done to us.  To our family.  To Joy. To all of the slayers and people she’s killed but… I didn’t want you to hurt her.  I don’t know what that means.”

“Right,” I nodded.  “It means everything really.” I looked at Red. “Send me to my kid.”

“Don’t you think we should all go together?” Ken asked.

“No.  I don’t.” I told her.

She winced.  “Uhh… you do realize you are being way less than rational, right? I don’t know what’s going on with you, but you need to think a minute.”

I ignored her and turned to Red. “Take Buffy wherever. But she’s not coming around Joy.”

Buffy spun around.  “Why not?!?  You can’t keep me from her!”

“You were going to keep her from me. Were you not?  Well here’s me doing the same thing.  And until I know you’ve got her best interest at heart, I don’t want you around her.  If that means Ate is our magical little bodyguard for the time being, so be it.” I turned my back on her.  “Red, send me to them. Take her back to LA with you. I’m guessing Ate’s not there?”

Red nodded.  “She’s not.  I’ll send you now.”

“Don’t do this Willow,” Buffy warned.

“Faith, maybe you should…” Ken started.

“Hush!” Red told her.

“It’s okay,” I said, shaking my head at Willow. “Ken, go with her. I trust you.  Cause right now, I sure the fuck don’t trust B not to run off and find her golden and half dead slayer.  But I don’t want her around Joy till I know everything is copacetic. And right now… I don’t know shit.”

I closed my eyes and nodded at Red.

The last thing I hard was B calling my name. “Faith!”

It was definitely out of anger.

Wasn’t like I wasn’t full of my own. No way she was getting near my daughter. Not till I knew that bitch was dead and B was no longer under the spell.  Like completely free.  And not that wishy-washy bullshit she’d just fed me.

Fuck that.

 


	21. Choices

“MOM!!!!!”

My daughter’s voice rang down the hallway of the cabin. We’d been here a week now. I hadn’t spoken to anyone in L.A. but Red.  I knew that Marie Therese had “taken care” of our threat.  They hadn’t killed her.  I wasn’t sure how I felt about that… but they’d found enough of a coven to strip her of her magic. She was being held at what Red called an “undisclosed location.”  Which basically meant, “We aren’t telling you cause we’re afraid you’ll go and finish the job.” She wasn’t far off base.

We were in this cabin in the mountains somewhere in the Northwest. It was isolated and anything we’d needed, clothes included, Ate had somehow managed to acquire. There wasn’t much to do here, though we had television and apparently goddesses who spend time on this plane, liked television.  I don’t know. She didn’t say much really. And she didn’t stay around long. But she’d come through for me and no one knew we were here. 

Joy was frustrated, hence the screaming. She didn’t understand everything. To be honest, late at night… I didn’t either. But the truth was… I still couldn’t trust B. Ken consistently screamed through the phone when I was talking to Red about how stupid I was and how I needed to come home because I was well… stupid. I trusted Red though… and Red wasn’t so sure.  So we stayed put.

Which brings me to my daughter, who at this moment was also frustrated that I was making her study.  The other thing Ate came through with – schoolwork.  And trust me, I was as miserable as Joy.  There was a reason I’d dropped out of high school. Cause it sucked.

She came running into the den. I was flipping through the channels on the television.  We had a satellite (Jesus, I’d missed American television), and I was trying to watch a game and a movie with new hot actress that I didn’t know at the same time. If the satellite had taught me nothing else, I figured out I’d missed a hell of a lot in the last few years.

“I’m finished.  Do I have to read the rest of that chapter tonight? My head hurts.” She had her hand on her hip and she was pouting.  It struck me how much she looked like B. 

I swallowed the lump I felt.  “I guess not.  As long as you finished everything else?”

She nodded excitedly and plopped down beside me. I was eating popcorn and she stuck her hand in the bowl.  “This isn’t a balanced meal,” she said, shoving some in her mouth. 

I pulled the bowl back.  “Don’t eat it then.  I told you I’d cook you something.  What do you want?”

She shrugged and turned towards the TV. She reached for the remote.

“Oh hell no,” I told her.  “I was watching that.”

She rolled her eyes at me and laid it back down. Buffy mannerism number two. “It’s stupid.”

I rolled my eyes back.  “I’m not sure how you came to that stellar deduction seeing as you’ve only been sitting here for one minute now.”

She ignored me and took a drink of the soda I had on the coffee table.  I’d learned not to pour the copious of amounts of alcohol I wanted to drink into my soda because of that little trick.  Well that and I shouldn’t drink seeing as I was the only one here with her. But holy shit… I wanted to.

“I miss her.” She wasn’t looking at me. Instead, she decided to focus her eyes on the ‘stupid’ movie I was watching.

“I miss her too.  But…”  One of the reasons I hadn’t hightailed it back to L.A. besides the fact that Red had said stay put… B hadn’t wanted to talk to us.  Either of us.  And I’d asked. I told Red she could talk to J, even if she didn’t want to speak to me yet.  But she wouldn’t.  When Ken told us to come home it wasn’t because of Buffy.  I knew that.  B didn’t want us back.

Only problem was I didn’t know why.

“Maybe she just feels bad, Mom. Don’t you think that’s it?”

I’d honestly thought about that. I wasn’t sure what she was thinking. I knew at any moment that Joy could also poof right the fuck to her.  But she hadn’t.  And trust me, I was glad, but it did leave me wondering what the hell she knew that I didn’t.

“I honestly don’t know, kiddo.” But it’s about all I think about, I didn’t add.  “Can I ask you something?”

She nodded at me.

“Why haven’t you gone to see her? I mean your big secret’s out, right? It’s not like you couldn’t just transport to her.”  I tried not to hold my breath. 

She didn’t say anything for moment. “I can’t leave you,” she finally said.

I didn’t believe her.  “I don’t think you’re telling me the truth. You were completely willing to do it a week ago.”

She winced.  “It’s different now.”

“No way.  You totally don’t get to be cryptic.” I turned to her.  “Look at me.” When I was sure I had her full attention I continued. “What is it you’re not telling me?”

She sighed.  “She’s kinda not right,” she started.  She shook her head.  “I don’t mean not right, I just mean…” she thought for a moment. “She’s not herself. She’s not thinking…” She threw her hands on her face.  “Ugh… I don’t know how to say it.”

“Yeah, well I don’t know how you know it.”

“I just do.  I know that Dominique lady put a spell on her.  And I know Aunt Will is trying to fix it. Right?”

I nodded at her.  “It’s what she says…”

She nodded back.  “But it’s not working.  I can feel it. And I think I need to be here with you right now.”  She snuggled into my side.

“Me too.” I pulled her to me and wrapped my arms around her.  “Can I tell you a story?”

She pulled back and scrunched her nose at me. “Really?”  It was a valid question.  I wasn’t the one who normally told the stories in our family. “Is it a real story or a made-up one?”

I thought about that for a second. “Why don’t we call it made-up?”

“Deal,” she answered, snuggling back into me.

“Okay, so most kids… I guess that’s not the way to start it.” I thought for a minute.  “How did B usually start them?”

“Once upon a time,” she answered.

“That sounds a little too fairly tale.” I hugged her closer.  “That’s not really what this is…”

“Don’t tell it that way then.” She said. “Just start with there was this girl… that sound right?”

I nodded.  “Yeah. It does.  Okay, so there was this girl.  She was a little girl.  Always kind of scrawny.  Maybe cause she didn’t have enough to eat, but maybe because she was always outside and just running around the streets all the time.  Anyway, she was always dirty.  Scraped knees. That sort of thing.”

“She was a tomboy,” J interjected.

“Yeah, I guess she was.  I don’t think she knew that though.  But she stayed outside a lot.  Played with the neighborhood kids.  They used to play this game called capture the flag. Where they’d break up into two teams and tie a bandana around two signs in the neighborhood.  One team had to sneak down the block and get the other team’s flag before they were tagged out.  It was a blast.  Anyway.” I said, shaking my head.  “So she stayed outside. Playing.  I guess cause she didn’t like to go inside. Inside it wasn’t as much fun and there wasn’t anyone to play with.”  I shook my head.  “I’m a shitty storyteller, huh?”

She laughed beside me.  “No!  You can’t stop!”

“Okay. Okay.  So, one day this kid…vher mom comes home with some news. Apparently she’s going to be a big sister.  You can’t imagine how excited she is.  I mean come on; everyone wants a little brother or sister.  So she goes to bed that night and she’s so excited.  I mean this kid is pumped.  She’s thinking of names and how she’s going to teach it to play ball. And not to take any… crap and stuff, from kids on the playground.  And then next day she goes to school and she’s all bragging and stuff. Like ‘I’m gonna be a big sister,’ you know, stuff kids say.  She’s so proud. Maybe she doesn’t realize why or whatever, but… it gives her something.  Something to love.  And that’s all this kid wants.  Just something or someone to love.  And to love her back. Cause her mom… her mom isn’t so good with that.”

Joy pulled away from me again. “Did she have a daddy? Or another mom, like me?”

I shook my head.  “No.  Not really. Sometimes she had some people around, but… she didn’t really have but one parent.  She did have a grandmother, but…” I held my breath for a second, “…she passed away a little before all this happened.  So it was just the kid, you know?  A few months go by and she’s still like the most excited kid on the block. It’s all she can talk about. Her friends are all like ribbing her and stuff cause she’s being so silly.  And then this one kid… he’s a little punk and he’s always on her case and one day he says to her, ‘my ma said you’re lying.  You’re not getting a baby brother or sister.’ And she decks him and calls him a liar.  Cause that’s what she did.  She fought when she was mad. But it got her to thinking. Now she wasn’t like, you know, the brightest kid on the block… and hell she was still little, like seven or something, but… she knew what pregnant women looked like.  And her mom didn’t look pregnant.  So she goes to her Ma, and she finally just asks her. ‘When’s the baby coming?’ And her mom just looks at her funny and laughs.  Says that she doesn’t know what the kid is talking about.”

Joy gasped.  “What did she do?”

I shrugged.  “What could she do?  Her mom wasn’t someone you could really argue with.  So she just goes to her room.  She stops playing with the kids on the block and she starts doing other stuff. Reading comics and stuff. Sometimes, when it was late at night and her ma wasn’t home or something, she’d write stories though. I mean, she wasn’t very good at it, but she tried.”

“What did she write about?”

“That’s the thing,” I told her. “She’d write about how she wanted to be when she was big.  When she was an adult. And she knew… she knew she wanted to have someone to love.  Someone to love like she was gonna love this baby, you know?  She got smarter though and she never talked about it. Not to anyone. And when she got older, and stuff got… tougher for her… she still thought about it.  But she learned to keep it to herself.  When she got to be a teenager though, stuff happened. Lots of stuff. Some things she couldn’t help, but a heck of a lot of it she could.  And it was like everything that she touched she just kept screwing up. And then one day she thinks… just out of the blue… I’m never having kids.  No way.  No how. Not gonna screw up another person’s life.  It’s not right. Finally, something stops her from screwing up.  Really someone, but it doesn’t really matter… cause she stopped.  But she still kept thinking that.  She knew that this world could be all backwards and cruel and that the stuff that people thought just went bump in the night was actually real. Even after she got better. Even after she stopped screwing up… she never stopped thinking that.  Not until…”

Joy sat up straighter.  “Until what?”

“Until someone told her they were gonna give her a kid. Let me tell you, she was one freaked out chick.  She was so afraid. She’d seen all kind of stuff in her life, I mean things other people only dream about, but for some reason she was terrified of this kid.  Afraid something or someone would hurt it.  That she wouldn’t be able to protect it.  And then the baby was born.  She missed that part of it.  The birth. It was so scary and she… she just missed it.  Stuff happened, but a few days later… she saw her… this baby… for the first time.”

“And what happened?”

“That feeling… you know, the feeling she had when she was seven?  It came back. Only like a million times stronger. As soon as she held her, every single thing in her life changed.  And she knew what she had to do.”  I stopped for a moment.

She sat back.  “Are you serious?  What did she have to do?”

“She had to protect her, didn’t she? I mean, this girl… she’d loved people. She loved someone so much that it sometimes made her crazy, truthfully.  But the baby… the baby was a completely different ballgame.  Now she had a reason.”

“Reason?” She asked me.

I nodded.  “Yeah. A reason to live. Up until then, she’d had reasons to fight.  Reasons to not give up, but she’d never had a reason to exist.  But when they handed her the baby that day, she found one.” I paused. “And it was the best freaking feeling in the world.”

Joy wrapped her arms tighter around my waist and laid her head on my chest the way that B had done so many times before. “I know I wasn’t in your belly.”

I nodded but didn’t say anything. I didn’t figure she was finished.

“I mean I know that Momma was the one who had me. I love her cause she’s my mommy too. Cause she hugs me when she sees me. And lets me sleep in bed with you. And she always brushes my hair and tells me how special I am.  She sings to me. And cooks me dinner…”

“That is not burnt,” I interrupted.

She nodded.  “Yeah.  When I don’t feel well, she rubs my head too.  At night, sometimes she comes in my room and she sits on my bed till I go to sleep. Sometimes she reads me a book but sometimes she doesn’t.  Sometimes she just sits.  I mean, I love her. She’s my mommy. But…” she paused and pulled away from me.  She put her hands in her lap and looked up at me.  “You’re my mom. When I’m climbing on stuff, or doing something I’m not supposed to… you always make me stop.  I used to think it’s cause you didn’t trust me, but… I know it’s not.  I know it’s cause you want to protect me.  But when every one else treats me like a baby, and they try to hide stuff from me or they let me get away with stuff… you don’t.  And I know that Momma sits on my bed till I go to sleep but…” she half-smiled at me. “You always come in later. To make sure I’m asleep. And some nights, I know you’re there. Even if you think I don’t. And sometimes when I can’t sleep, and Momma lets me get in bed with you, it’s cause I want to sleep in the bed with  _you_. Cause she holds me all the time when she’s awake, but when you’re asleep, you hold me under you chin and I feel warm. Like nothing can get me. You make me feel safe.”

My breath hitched in my throat. I didn’t trust my voice so I just nodded at her.

“Mommy needs me a lot.  And I need her to.  But sometimes, I just need you.” She climbed into my lap and laid her head under my chin. “I feel safe here with you. Cause I know you’ll protect me. That’s your job. I don’t want to ever feel like I did at that slayer’s house.  I don’t want to think that I won’t get to see you again.  And I know that you just want me to be safe.  And that’s why we’re here.  I miss her so much… but I’m okay.”

She nestled her head against me and I held her. I loved her so fucking much it was blinding.  I missed B just as much, but I couldn’t trust her right now.  I’d never said that about her.  Not since Joy. But if it came down to a choice… well, there wasn’t one.  I could survive without B.  I wouldn’t want to. And the rest of my life would be a goddamn painful fucking mess.  But I could live.  But the little girl in my lap… I couldn’t live a minute without.  Not a minute. I was telling the truth. She was the reason I was alive. And I was going to do what was right. If that meant we stayed here until we got shit figured out, so be it. 

That night, she slept against my chest. Maybe she was right and I made her feel safe. The feeling was more than mutual though. I'd never felt safer in my life. 

After a few more days of seclusion, we'd taken to talking about Buffy like she was on vacation or something. 

"When Momma gets here, you think we should show her the lake?"

Or

"Do you think your momma would like this movie?”

Truth was, we were getting stir crazy. We were alone. We had everything we needed and if we didn't, it somehow magically appeared the next day, but... we missed everyone. Not just B. I mean especially B, but... we missed them all. 

Except Satsu. Fuck her. 

* * *

We'd been there almost two weeks when Red showed up in our living room. She hadn't called and said she was coming; so needless to say, we both almost peed in our pants. 

"Hi!" She'd materialized out of thin air. She ran up and hugged Joy. "Goddess, I've missed you two."

Joy hugged her back. "Me too, Aunt Will!"

I was still trying to jump start my heart. "Jesus, Red. You trying to kill me?" 

She pulled me to her. "No! I just needed to see you."

I hugged her back. "Us too. Only neighbors we have are bears."

She looked horrified. "Really?"

Joy shook her head. "Yeah, they're hibernating right now. Mom's messing with you."

Red laughed and nodded. "Yeah. She is. I've missed your bubbly humor, Faith."

I winked at her. "No Ken?" I didn't ask her the one question that was burning in my head. 

She shook her head. "No. Just me. No one knows I'm here but Giles and Angel. She'll kill me when she finds out though."

"So..." I started. "Just a friendly visit?"

I wasn't sure what I wanted her to say. She hadn’t mentioned B. I waited for her to speak. 

She took a deep breath and smiled sadly. "Everything is a mess right now, Faith." She looked at Joy, hesitant to say more. 

I shook my head. "She's a big girl, Red. And even if she weren’t, I'd just tell her anyway. We don't have many people to talk to out here."

Joy nodded at her. 

"It took me a while but I was able to figure out how to diffuse Dominique's spell. It was a doozy; let me tell you. I mean she'd like called up ancient magic to pull that off. Poor Buffy, she wanted to fight it. Even while she was under it. She tried so hard, but she just couldn't. I finally had to perform like this mystical surgery. I mean we almost didn't do it, cause it was so dangerous but she just wanted it gone. Anyway, it worked. We got rid of the magic and the hold Dominique had on her."

"When?" I asked her. 

"Two days ago. And I thought she'd, you know, get back to her old self. Cause, hello... Here you two are kinda waiting on it and everything. But... she just won't. I've never seen her like this, Faith. She's eaten up by guilt. I mean it's awful to watch."

I nodded. "I believe you," I mumbled. 

I guess it wasn't the reaction she was hoping for. "Right. So we can't get her to say much but I think... I think a lot of it comes from not being able to fight it."

"Meaning?" I asked. 

Joy was listening intently beside me. 

"When the mayor poisoned you, it was undeniable that you were gone. No one had ever fought that, Faith. No one. The fact you stopped it...that you were able to overcome it... was fascinating. And you did it for Joy. And then Buffy's poisoned, for lack of a better word, as well. And she couldn't. She didn't overcome it." She sighed. "And she's beating herself up right now."

I got it.  I really did.  I mean if I were in B’s shoes, I’d be doing exactly the same thing.  But I wasn’t.  And if I had to admit it to myself right now… I was just a little bit pissed off that she couldn’t overcome it.  What did that mean? That I could fight something that was arguably worse than what she had to fight?  That I was able to overcome it, and leave the mayor’s hideaway to save Joy?  And all Buffy could do was go upstairs and… and… fuck the enemy.  So yeah, maybe more than a little pissed off.

“Why do you think that is, Red? That she couldn’t fight it?”

She waited to answer for a minute. “I really don’t know, Faith. Does it matter? We did get rid of it. I mean we had to give you the potion to get that curse out of your system.  We technically did the same thing for her.”

I took a deep breath.  “But I came back on my own, didn’t I?  She had no intention of doing so.  Not until we stopped Dominique.”  I looked at Joy.  I didn’t want to upset her so I tempered what I was saying.  “I get she’s beating herself up.  But if she doesn’t want to see us yet… what exactly can we do?” I turned to J. “What do you think?”

She seemed a little surprised that I asked her at first.  “I think Mom’s right,” she finally told Red.  “If Momma wanted to see us, she could.  She won’t even talk to us on the phone.  Maybe she’s just not ready.”

Willow sighed and sat down.  “So what?  The two of you just stay here until she stops feeling guilty?  You know that doesn’t solve anything.  I thought you were here because you weren’t certain she wasn’t a threat. I’m here to tell you she’s not.”

I looked at Joy.  She nodded at me.  “She’s not.”

Red seemed surprised she could tell this, but she stayed silent.

I sat down across from her. “So what are you asking then?”

“You know what I’m asking.”

I turned to J.  “Do you wanna go?”

She sat down beside me. “I guess. But I don’t know if she’s ready to see us.”

Red nodded at her.  “Maybe not.  But the rest of us are.”

J nodded.  “Okay. Let’s go,” she said, grabbing my hand. She winked at me. “You won’t get sick this time.”

Before I knew it, we were standing in the lobby of the Hyperion.  I couldn’t fucking believe it.  I hadn’t gotten sick. Red was standing next to us.

“Wow! That’s awesome, Joy!” She’d cried.

Her voice brought Giles, Dawn and Xander into the room.

After much hugging and gushing, totally on their part, we were able to explain where we were.

“And don’t let Mom tell you there were bears,” J told them.  “Cause they’re hibernating right now.”

Giles laughed.  “Please tell me you’ve been studying while you were away.”

She nodded and hugged him.  “I tried to teach Mom French.  She’s not that good at it.”

He nodded back.  “Yes, well, she’s not that good at English either, is she?”

Dawn wouldn’t let go of Joy.  She had her hand on her shoulder.  “I feel like if I let you go, you’re gonna pop right out of here again.”

J laughed.  “I’m not going anywhere, Aunt Dawn.” She hugged her.  “I’ve missed you.”

She and Xander hugged her back together. “We’ve missed you too.”

About that time, Ken and Angel walked in.

She ran over and picked Joy up and threw her in the air.  I refrained from saying anything.

“Oh my god! Don’t you ever leave me again. Do you know how boring it is without you here?” Ken asked her.  She nodded to Angel.  “Look who’ve I’ve had to hang out with.”

Joy laughed and hugged her.  “I love you,” she said.

Ken kissed her head and passed her off to Angel, who was busy asking her about the wilderness and how bad my cooking was.

Kennedy walked over to me and punched me on the arm. “So, yeah…”

I nodded at her.  “Yup.”

We didn’t really do that whole… miss you, love you thing.  We had reps and shit.

“Where’s B?” I whispered to her, when I was sure no one else was listening.

She frowned a bit.  “She was outside, under the atrium with me and Angel when we heard you come in.  Uhh… she kinda went upstairs.”

I nodded at her.  “So she didn’t want to see her kid.  I mean I get not wanting to see me… whatever, but… really?”

She winced.  “I think you should go talk to her.  Maybe before Joy sees her?  She’s not… she’s not herself.  Not like that I mean…” she must have noticed my reaction.  “I mean the spell is gone, but… just go upstairs.  She’s in the same room you guys were in.”

I looked at Joy and she sort of nodded at me. I guess she’d kinda overheard.

Ken smiled.  “No worries, we got lots of time to catch up with the mini. Go.”

I nodded back and winked at J and slipped away.

I stood outside of the door for a few minutes. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to knock or not.  I knew she was inside, cause I could feel her.  Which meant, most definitely, that she could feel me too. When she didn’t invite me in, I figured fuck it and turned the handle.

There was a chair in the room. It was against the wall when I’d left. She’d pulled it over to the window though, and was sitting in it… her back to the door.  I just sorta stared at the back of her head. I had no fucking clue what to say.

Buffy finally broke the silence. “I wondered if Willow would come get you.”

“Yeah,” I answered her.

“Are you glad you’re back?”

I shut the door behind me but I didn’t move closer to her.  “We were getting sick of the wilderness.  Only so much TV you can watch. Believe me too… we watched everything.”

“Guess you missed that in Scotland.” It wasn’t a question.

I answered her anyway.  “Don’t really know what you’re missing till you get it back sometimes.”

She sighed.  Neither of us had moved.  “Am I supposed to know what that means?”

“Yeah, it means I didn’t know I’d miss the fucking television until I started watching it again.”  I wanted to add what the fuck did you think I meant? But I was smart enough not to.

“I’m glad your safe then.  And Joy’s safe.”

What the fuck?  Safe? I felt fucking safer there. “Safe, B?  We were safe there.  I’m feeling a little less safe right now, truth be told.”

She shook her head.  “I’m not going to hurt you, Faith.  Jesus.”

“And I didn’t think you were. Not physically. Though I am sure fucking glad I didn’t bring Joy up here to see you.  Cause the warm ass welcome you’ve given us so far has been nothing but awesome.”

She finally turned to look at me. “Welcome back,” she whispered.

“You glad I’m here?  Glad she’s here?  Want us to go back? Cause we can.  We don’t fucking want to and it’s not so much because you weren’t there, honestly.  It’s cause we were in damn seclusion.  Shit we haven’t seen another person in two weeks.”

“So that’s why you came back? Cause you didn’t want to stay there?”

I moved closer to her.  “Yes, Buffy, it is.  It’s definitely not because you wanted us back for god’s sake. Otherwise, why not come and get us? Why not even talk to us on the phone? And if not me, why not your freaking daughter, B?”

She faced me then.  “How about it’s because you wanted to see me? Is that why you came, Faith? To see me?”

I moved to answer her then I stopped. It was a valid question. We really didn’t come back to see her. Not specifically anyway. Or at least I didn’t. I wasn’t sure if I was ready or not.

“Wasn’t it, was it?” She asked. She stood up then. “You’re disgusted with me. With what you saw. I can’t really blame you, I guess.  I mean I know how you are… and honestly, I would be the same way probably.”

“It’s not even that that makes me so mad.”

She looked shocked.

“I mean yeah it pisses me off, don’t get me wrong, chickie.  But the fact that you did it with Joy in the house. Downstairs for god’s sake. Even under the spell, you should have known better, B.  It wasn’t like you’d stopped loving her or something. Just because you wanted to fuck your shiny new slayer.”

“Fuck you.” Wow! So Buffy did know dirty words.

“Am I right?”

“About what?”

“That you wanted to fuck that bitch so much that you conveniently overlooked the fact our baby was down the goddamn stairs while you did it!!!”

“Yes! Yes, Faith!  That’s exactly what I wanted and that’s exactly what I did! I slept with her. In her bed.  With my eight year old daughter not fifteen feet away probably. And I did it because I wanted to.” She picked up a lamp and threw it across the room.  “Because I fucking wanted to.” She sat down on the bed and started crying.

“Want me to feel sorry for you there, B?” I moved closer to her. “Cause I don’t.”

She raised her head and looked at me. “Feeling like murdering anybody, F?”

I rolled my eyes.  “That’s what this is about?  I lost my temper?  Yeah… I did. Not sure what that says about me. But I can tell you this… I did that because I was protecting my family.  Why’d you do what you did?”

She stood up and moved closer to me. “You’re jealous of something that wasn’t even my fault.”

I didn’t move.  “Fuck Buffy, I’m jealous of a goddamn table.  We’ve established the fact I’m irrational when it comes to things I love years ago.  But you’re missing the point of all of this.  I was mad that she was in bed with you.  I can think of a thousand different tortures I’d undergo not to see that shit again, but that isn’t it.  Not really. Or at least not all of it. She was trying to take my family. My child.  Do you fucking get that at all?”

“She’s my child too.”

I stepped back from her.  Honestly, I wanted to hit her.  I really did.  And if I didn’t give myself some space, I fucking would have.  And then nothing would have ever been solved.  “That’s always the line, B.  She’s my child.  You gave birth to her. I didn’t.  I’ve always been on the goddamn sidelines where she’s concerned. I don’t make the decisions. I don’t get a fucking say. I just nod like a freaking moron and let you take charge.  Cause she’s your kid. Well fuck you, blondie. Because I am goddamn sick of it. I love her as much as you do. I love her more than anything on this shitty fucking earth.  And if you think for one nanosecond that I’m gonna let someone take that away from me, you’re a fucking idiot.”

She sighed.  “I don’t know how to fix this.”

“I don’t even know if you want to, B. I’m tired of your shadow. I’m just tired of it. I love you and that’s never going to change. Ever.  But I’m so sick of being second slayer.  Second mom.  Second best. It’s bullshit and I deserve better.”

She shook her head.  “I’ve never said you were second, Faith.  That’s your own insecurities.  Not mine.”

I took a deep breath.  “Goddamn you’re deluded.” I moved around her and sat down on the bed.  “I get why people love you. I do.  I get why they follow you and wage goddamn slayer wars for you. I totally get it. Like I said, I’m at the front of the line.  But you are not what’s important here.  Not anymore. Even with that spell B… even with it… it was about your needs.  You didn’t fucking fight shit.  Not until we showed up. Do you know that shit didn’t work on Joy?  That she fought the spell? It didn’t affect her?”

She looked surprised.  I should’ve known the gang would protect her from that.

“She fought it off.  And when I found you… her, do you know what she said?”

She shook her head.

“She told me she couldn’t leave you. Even if it made her bad. Even if all those things Ate saw came true.  You needed her. She was gonna stay there and succumb to those demons because you didn’t fight them.” I ran my hand through my hair. “She was going to leave me because she couldn’t leave you.”

“I didn’t know that,” she whispered.

“Well now you do.  And you know why I’m angry.  And why I tried to kill that bitch.  Definitely doesn’t make it right… but she’s my child.  And that fact that anyone… you included… wanted to take her away from me… I snapped.”  I stood up. “If you blame me… fine. Blame me. But understand this – I’d fucking do it every single day of my life not to lose her. Even to you.”

She took my place and sat down. “So what do we do now?”

I shrugged.  “Don’t know.  I’m not looking to move back into the room with you at the present moment. But… you need to fix this shit with your daughter.  Cause your guilt is no goddamn excuse for her suffering.”

She nodded.  “I don’t know what to say to her.”

“I shrugged again.  “That’s your burden, B.  You’re then one that’s avoided her for two weeks.  Not me.”

“You wouldn’t have done the same thing?”

“Being away from her without my consent once was enough.  So no… I wouldn’t have.”

She frowned.  “I guess that gives you the high road then.  The good mom.”

“I don’t fucking care what you call it, Buffy.  It’s the truth. I’m tired of lying just to make you feel better.”

She turned her back to me.  “Is it too much to ask you to climb down off that throne and go get  _our_  daughter?”

“No,” I started.  “But I’m not leaving her in here with you alone.”

She shrugged, but didn’t say anything.

I left to go get Joy. 

She was still downstairs with the gang.

“Your momma wants to see you,” I told her. “That cool?”

She scrunched her face at me. “I guess,” she ventured. “Are you going with me?”

I nodded.  “Yeah.”

“Okay, then I do.”

Ken shook her head at me.  “I know you’re angry but if it’s any consolation, and I figure it’s not, she’s been taking this shit really hard.”

“It’s not,” I muttered, walking back up the stairs.

The door was open when we got back up there. B was sitting on the bed. I expected J to run in and hug her but she didn’t.  We both just sort of stood in doorway.

Buffy tried smiling at her.  “Hey,” she whispered.

“Hey,” Joy answered.  She finally walked over to her.  “I’ve missed you,” she told her.

B hugged her, but didn’t get up. “I’ve missed you more.”

I sat down in the chair Buffy was occupying earlier. I turned it around first though, so I could see them.  I didn’t have a lot to say, but I didn’t want to leave the room. 

Joy stood next to her for a moment. I figured she was waiting for Buffy to say more.  When she didn’t, she moved away from B and came and sat down beside me in the chair.

The move didn’t go unnoticed by B.

“I’m sorry,” Buffy finally said. “For not doing more when we were with Dominique.”

Joy nodded at her.  “It’s okay.  I’m not mad at you.  You couldn’t help it.”

B nodded back. 

Joy thought for a moment and then looked at me. She turned back to Buffy. “But I am kind of mad about after,” she whispered softly.

“After?” Buffy asked her.

“We missed you.  But you wouldn’t even talk to us.  Did I make you mad?”

I bristled beside her. 

B shook her head.  “No… it wasn’t… god, it wasn’t your fault. I wasn’t mad at you. Either of you.”

“Then I don’t understand why you would do that?”

Buffy sighed.  “I just…” she looked at me to help her.

I shrugged.

She sighed heavier this time. “I don’t know…”

“And you knew we were back too. You didn’t even come see us. Even if you are mad… I just don’t understand why is all.  We didn’t come back cause you didn’t want us to.  What if something would’ve happened to us?”

Buffy swallowed and looked away from her. She was staring out the window. “I wouldn’t let anything happen to either of you.  You know that.”

Joy shook her head.  “I don’t.  How could I know that?  We lived two whole weeks without you.  Not cause someone took you away like they did with Mom.  Cause you didn’t want to come get us.”

I decided to intervene.  I could tell B was about to cry.  “That’s not true, baby.  I didn’t let her.”

She turned to look at me.  “No.  You would have. I know you would have. If she had talked to us. If she would’ve said she was better we would have come home.  You missed her too.” She looked at Buffy.  “We pretended you were on vacation and stuff.  So it didn’t hurt.  You didn’t even try.”

“I’m sorry,” B choked out.

I didn’t want to see her cry.  Even if I wanted to throw her out the goddamn window she was so busy staring out… I hated to see her cry.

Joy was having a harder time believing her though. “And Mom’s still mad. I know that.  But she just wanted to see you too.  But you couldn’t even come downstairs.”  She sat back and snuggled into me. 

Buffy was crying silently across from us. I was torn because even after everything else I wanted to get up and go to her.  I couldn’t though.  Joy wrapped her arms around me and sighed.

“I’m sleepy.”

I motioned with my head at the bedroom adjacent to this one.  “Wanna go lay down?”

“Are you sleeping in here?” She asked me.

I looked at B but she didn’t move. “Not tonight, kiddo.”

She followed my gaze and watched B as she spoke. “Then neither am I,” she said. She stood up.  “I’m going to ask Uncle Angel to get us another room. Can I sleep in bed with you tonight too?”

I nodded softly and watched her walk out. She stopped before she walked out of the room.  “I love you, Mommy.”

She didn’t wait for B to reply though. That was a good thing. I didn’t think she was capable of doing so.

When she left I stood up, intent on following her.

Buffy’s voice stopped me.  “I don’t know how to fix this.”

I turned around and faced her. Her mascara was running down her cheeks. I thought it odd that she had the forethought to put fucking makeup on for some reason.    

“I really don’t know either.  But, I can’t do it for you.  Even if I wanted to.”

“She hates me.”

I shook my head.  “Then you must be deaf.  I’m pretty sure she said the opposite.” I sighed.  “I guess you need to figure out what’s important to you, Buffy. Your guilt or your kid. Cause you sure the fuck can’t have both. She’s too smart for that.”

“She loves you more.  She feels safe with you.”

I shook my head again.  “This isn’t a contest.  You’re her fucking mother, Bufffy.  All she wants is for you to hug her and tell her everything is gonna be okay.”

She raised an eyebrow at me.  “Is it? Are you going to forgive me?”

“This isn’t about us.  This is about the two of you.  But to answer your question… no, I’m not.  Not until you forgive yourself. And not until you fix shit with her. I won’t let you hurt her. That’s not a warning. And it’s not a threat. It’s the truth. If that means I have to take her away from here until you get what you need, so be it.  But she’s not gonna witness your downfall. So I can’t help you fix it. I’ll follow her every single time. We’re a package deal from now on out. Once everything is good with her, you and me can work on it.”

She nodded.  “I love you, Faith.”

I sighed, walking out of the room. “I love you more, Buffy.”

 


	22. Forgiveness

I can think of only a few times in my life where I’d been more uncertain.  Maybe after my watcher died and Kakistos was chasing me.  I wasn’t certain if I could even make it to Sunnydale. Much less if Buffy would help me.

In fact, most of my life, believe it or not, was marked by a cocky assurance I at least pretended to embody.  Even when I felt unsure, I mean, I still knew something would happen.  Something would always give.  Might not be what I wanted, but… closure had a way of showing up whether you expected it or not.

This was different though.  I wasn’t sure how we were going to figure this out. I was leaving it up to Buffy. I mean really B always came through, didn’t she?  I trusted her to do the right thing, even when I couldn’t, so… I knew this would work out, right?

Angel set Joy and I up with a room on the other side of the hotel.  Our room wasn’t a suite like the one B was in, but that was cool… I didn’t want to sleep without Joy anyway.  One thing the last few weeks had taught me – it was okay to let the kid sleep in the bed with you every once in a while. 

After we left B’s room, Red went to check on Buffy and to get us some clothes.  We were both exhausted and wanted to go to bed.  I made J take a bath though, since she hadn’t had one yet and I was trying to be responsible and stuff.  I grabbed the remote that was on the table… intent on watching television. Wasn’t sure how long that was gonna be a luxury. 

It didn’t take long for someone to knock on the door though.  I felt the slayer connection, but knew it wasn’t B.

“Come in, Ken,” I sighed. 

She opened the door slowly.  “You decent?”

I wasn’t sure why she always expected me to be without clothes or something. “No.  I just randomly stalk around naked when no one is in here.”

She rolled her eyes and shut the door. She laid our clothes down on the bed and sat down on the couch beside it.  “So… what’s up?”

“If you came in here to tell me I’m being stupid or whatever, just leave.  I’m tired.” I told her.

She shook her head.  “I didn’t.  I came to check on you.  I still have that right, don’t I?”

I nodded at her.  “I’m fine.”

“Yeah, you’re the epitome of fine,” she said. “I’m really sorry all this shit happened, by the way.  Whatever you think, I do hate to see you hurting.” She nodded with her head at the bathroom.   “Both of you.”

“I know that.” I answered.  “And thanks.”  I sat back against the headboard and crossed my feet.  “I’m sorry we drag you guys into our mess.”

She chuckled.  “Goes with the territory.  Don’t know what I’d be doing if you guys weren’t around.” She thought for a second. “Probably be really bored.”

I nodded.  “Probably.”

“Do you wanna talk?” She finally asked.

I shrugged.  “Don’t know what to say.  Get I’m being irrational.  Get it wasn’t B’s fault.  I totally get it. Doesn’t really change what I’m feeling though.”

“Well, it wasn’t her fault.  Not really.  I mean she was under a spell.  But…” she paused for a moment.  “But… you have every right to feel the way you do. If that were Will… I don’t know what I’d do. Even if she couldn’t stop herself… it was still too much to see.  You can’t help feeling betrayed.”

“Yeah,” I sighed.  “That’s not even it though.  I mean Joy…”

She nodded.  “Was downstairs.  Yeah. I know.  It’s crossed all our minds, Faith.” She frowned. “But far be it from me to judge her. I mean, I think she’s doing a pretty damn good job of that herself.”

I closed my eyes for a moment. “What am I supposed to do?”

“What do you want to do?”

I scoffed.  “Good question.  Part of me wants to go in there and hold her.  You have no idea how hard it is watching her suffer and not being able to stop it. But part of me…” I paused. “…part of me wants to take Joy away from here. Away from that. I don’t want her ever feeling like I did when I was a kid.  Like she wasn’t important.  She doesn’t need to see Buffy’s shit.  I want to protect them both, but they need different things.”

She nodded.  “Joy’s most important.  You can’t argue that fact. And I agree, Buffy’s meltdown or whatever it is shouldn’t be witnessed by an eight year old.  But, she’s gonna need you to forgive her at some point.” She sat up and put her hands on her knees.  “You know you’re stronger than her, don’t you?”

“Who?”

“Buffy.  You’re stronger than Buffy, Faith.”

I shook my head. “B could kick my ass five ways to Sunday.”

She nodded.  “Yeah.  She could. Wasn’t what I meant though. And you know it.”

“I don’t.” I whispered.

“You should.  But trying to tell you that you’re good at something is like trying to teach Xander to dance.  Ain’t gonna happen no matter how bored you get and how hard you try.”

I smiled.  “I really don’t want to know.”

“No seriously.  I was totally bored out of my mind when you guys were gone. Like insanely bored. Will was all worried about Buffy. Angel was all broody. Giles just wanted us to research. I didn’t even know what we were researching.  I mean come on… research?  When the bad was gone. I think he just does it to punish us. Thankfully Satsu left though.”

I perked up.  “Yeah, noticed she was gone.”

“I sorta told her to go.  Will crawled my ass about it, but we didn’t fucking need her. Hell, there was a mission anyway.”

“So what did you do all day?”

She shrugged.  “Well besides trying to teach Xander to have some rhythm, absolutely nothing. I mean… nothing productive. He and Andy and I watched movies.” She scrunched her face at me.  “I forgot how much I loved TV.”

I laughed.  “Holy shit! Me too.  What the hell is wrong with us?  Why wasn’t there a decent television in Scotland?  I feel like we’ve been on another planet for ten years.”

She shrugged.  “I swear I told Willow the same thing.  She just rolled her eyes at me.  She does that a lot.”

I smiled.  “Yeah, I’ve noticed.”

Joy came out of the bathroom. “Hey,” she said.

Ken smiled back.  “Hey.  Get all clean?”

She shrugged.  “Mom made me.”  She turned to me, “But that is her job so…”

Ken winked back.  “Yeah.  She’s got the tough job.  The rest of us get to play with you. She’s gotta be all bossy. Luckily, she takes to it.” She stood up and moved to leave.  “So, here are your clothes.  Go to sleep. Everything’s always better in the morning.”

She shut the door and we both crawled into bed. J snuggled up against me. She wasn’t lying; she was tired. So was I.  It didn’t take long before she was asleep. I followed soon after.

No matter what anyone ever says, waking up in a strange place is awful.  And that’s all I’d been doing the last month.  So when I was woken before morning, the first thing I did was pull Joy to me. Call it slayer instinct.  Or mom instinct. But the noise outside of the door had startled me.  It took me a moment to realize where we were.  When the door opened slowly, I held my breath. 

It didn’t cross my mind Buffy would come in here.

“Hi,” she whispered very softly.

There was a small sliver of light framing her. Anyone else and I probably would’ve jumped out of bed and kicked their ass.  But I knew B, even if I couldn’t really see her.  She left the door cracked and didn’t move.

“Hi,” I whispered back.  My voice was groggy.  I winced.  “Shut the door.”

She nodded and stepped inside. I reached over quietly and turned on the table lamp next to the bed.  A small bit of light flooded the room.  I looked down to see if Joy was still asleep.  She hadn’t moved. 

Buffy hadn’t moved away from the doorway. “Did I wake her?”

I shook my head and shifted away from her. “She wasn’t lying earlier. She’s really tired.” I pushed her hair out of her face.  “She really sleeps heavily, huh?  I mean the kid could sleep through a hurricane.  I never really realized….”

She looked down at her feet. “Can I come in?”

I shrugged.  “Already kinda in.”

“Further?”

I nodded.  “Don’t really expect you to stand in the doorway all night.” I shifted again and ran my hand through my hair.  “I wish we had a real bed. Like our bed.  I’m tired of getting used to sleeping in a strange bed.”

“You feel as homeless as I do?” She asked me.

“Yeah.  Don’t really know if I miss Scotland that much.  But I miss having a home.”

She moved and sat down on the couch close to the bed. “I really liked Florida. I mean I hated it because you were gone but… I liked it.  It was warm. Like here but different.” She shook her head. “I sound like an idiot.”

I didn’t say anything.

She sighed.  “Can I talk to you for a minute?  Tell you some things?  And you’ll just listen?”

I nodded.

“When we were there… in Florida… it was god… I can’t even describe it.  Joy was right about me.  I couldn’t get out of bed. Not for months. I kept thinking if I went to sleep, you know, when I woke up you’d be there.”

I kept quiet.  She’d asked me to.

“For you it was three weeks, but for me it was almost seven months.  Seven months without you. It was hell.  And I did try.  I mean I got better towards the end.  But I can’t explain the hell it is not knowing if you were safe. Not knowing if you are coming back. God… not knowing if someone is okay, is a special hell I don’t wish on anyone.”  She sighed.  “I ignored her. They were right. I took care of her, of course, but…” she took a deep breath and I could tell she was trying not to cry. “…so horrible. It was so so horrible.” She put her elbows on her knees and hid her face in her hands.  “It was a mistake.  Not doing what I should’ve where she was concerned.  I wish I could take it back.  And then… god that day I saw you.  It seems like months ago, now… but it was just a few weeks ago.  And then it… I mean, with Dominique…” she took another really deep breath. “Nothing seemed real. Not you coming back. Not those few hours with Dominique. Nothing.  Everything feels like I’ve been moving through mud.”

“B…”

She looked up and shook her head. “Please let me talk. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I’m so sorry for what I did. I really am.  To both of you.  I want it all to go away and for things to go back the way they were. But I know it can’t.” She took a few deep breaths and then stood up. “I just wanted you to know that. I’ll do whatever you want me to do. I’ll go away.  I’ll beg.  Whatever.” She started walking towards the door.

“Buffy, wait.”

She stopped and turned around.

“Do you want to sleep in here?” I whispered.

She didn’t move for a second and then she slowly nodded her head.  “Please?”

I nodded back. 

She moved to the other side of the bed and crawled in and lay on her side.  Joy was between us.  She took J’s hand and held it to her chest.  “I’m afraid you two won’t be here in the morning when I wake up.”

I reached over Joy and brushed B’s hair out of her eyes.  “Go to sleep. No one’s going anywhere.”

I realized, as she closed her eyes, that we’d only been in bed together twice since I’d disappeared.  Both times with Joy.  And we were terrified that night.  So scared. Tonight though, I could sleep. Maybe everything was still fucked up. Maybe we had a freaking long road ahead. But at least for tonight, I could touch them both and know they were safe. 

When I woke up the next morning, B was still asleep next to Joy.  She was holding her hand. Something inside of me broke then. Or melted.  Crumbled.  Whatever. But I remembered how much I really did love her.  Good god, I loved her. I couldn’t admit that I wasn’t still upset.  I wasn’t sure how I was gonna get over what I saw. But… to be honest, she really was under a spell.  Maybe she didn’t fight it enough.  Maybe several months ago I’d let a girl touch my thigh.  Maybe after ten years of being together, we were lucky we were still alive and in love. Maybe that was enough.

Truth was… Buffy was killing herself over this. And I could join her and make it worse or I could move past it.  I needed to move past it.  I also really needed a lobotomy to get it out of my head, but I was willing to try if she was.

She turned over and woke up a few minutes after I did. Joy was still asleep.

“Hey,” she whispered.

“Hey.”

She rubbed at her eyes. “Thanks for letting me sleep in here.”

I nodded.  “Seriously.  You’re her mom. Look at her.”

We both glanced at her.  She was curled into B’s side.  Buffy pulled her closer and hugged her.  “I love her as much as you do.”

It was the one thing I never doubted. No matter what happened, I’d never believed that B didn’t lover her. “Yeah, I know.  I figure that makes her pretty damn lucky.”

She smiled slightly at me.  “Probably.”

Joy turned in her arms and rubbed her eyes. I freaking loved when she did that cause she looked like such a little girl.  And just like Buffy.  It was enough to make me all sappy.

“Morning,” she whispered to Buffy. “I’m glad you’re in here.” She smiled at her.

B hugged her.  “Me too.” She kissed her forehead.  “I’ve really missed you.  I wish I could explain how much.”

Joy nodded.  “I missed you too.  Mom burned everything we ate.”

I smiled.  “Hey,” I swatted her arm.  “I tried.”

Buffy laughed.  “How did you survive?” She teased.

“Popcorn,” Joy and I said at the same time.

“Oh my god, Faith.” Buffy groaned. “Seriously?”

We both nodded.

I reached over and touched B’s hand. “See? We sorta need you.”

“Thanks,” she whispered back, squeezing my hand.

However there is always one that can kill a moment, even a small moment cause... our door burst open then.  Of course Ken barged in. 

“Oh thank god!” She said, when she saw B in bed with us.  “Will is having a freak out. ‘I know she’s in the building, Kennedy! I just don’t know where!’  Jesus.” She turned and yelled down the hallway.  “She’s in here!”

Red came running in behind her, almost slamming into her back.  Ken was kinda cool enough to catch her with a palm behind her back  “Oh good.  I was… not worried. Nope not worried. Just looking for you. That’s all.”  She smiled at Joy.  “Want pancakes?”

J hopped up before she could finish the question. “Yes!” She screamed, jumping into Ken’s arms.  “All I had to eat was popcorn for two weeks!”

Ken shot me a look.  “No shit, huh?  Well that’s just about the least shocking thing I’ve ever freaking heard.”

“You guys coming?” Red asked, following them out.

I looked at Buffy.  “In a minute.”

B nodded.

Red smiled.  “Take you time.  There’s lots of pancakes. And syrup.  And food.  For later. If you’d rather eat later. Cause you can eat later. Or now.  You can eat now.” She shook her head.  “I mean not that kind of… you know like food not…” She stopped.  “Ugh, never mind.  We’ll be downstairs,” she said, leaving.

B sat up and put her chin on her knees. “Do you think she’ll ever stop that?”

I shrugged.  “Rambling? I really friggin hope not.”

“Me too,” she smiled. 

I sat up beside her and put my hand on her knee. “I love you, you know.”

She nodded.  “I know you do.  I make it hard sometimes, I bet…”

“Maybe,” I said.  “But, I doubt I’m like the ideal wife all the time.”

She shook her head.  “Actually, you’re like the perfect wife.  Except for a few times.  I guess sometimes I just treat you like a… like a husband or something.” She smiled.  “That’s a dumb excuse, huh?”

“Not really.  I sorta play that role. I mean I could have at least learned to cook for the kid’s sake.” I scooted a little closer to her. “I honest to God never thought I’d have this though.  This life I mean. Or any life.  I thought I’d be out either saving the world. Or destroying it. Or dead, really. And as much as you drive me fucking insane… you gotta know I love you.  And I will never love anyone else.  And I’m okay with that.”

She reached over and touched my face. I was normally the one who initiated any kissing.  So it was strange feeling her hands against my cheeks.  It was even stranger feeling her pull me towards her.  But, it wasn’t bad.  Maybe I should’ve fought it.  Not given in and let all of this draw out longer, but… I couldn’t help it. I needed her.  When she pressed her lips against mine I forgot everything. Even if for that moment. I loved her.  Good god, how much was insane. 

And her kiss was timid.  It was sweet.  It reminded me of the old Buffy.  The one I could never have in Sunnydale.  The innocent one. 

She was the one who pulled away but she kept her hand on my cheek. She looked into my eyes and smiled at me. “I know that doesn’t fix things, but I really wanted to do it.”  She was speaking softly. 

I pulled her back to me and kissed her again. I wrapped my arms around her pulled her on top of me.  She was warm and that was all that mattered.  When we pulled away we were both breathing harder.

“I’m sorta glad you did,” I whispered into her hair.

She pressed her face into my neck. “I wish we could leave all of this behind.  Just go away. No more slaying. No more demons and witches and goddesses.  I just want so damn bad to be a normal family.”

I kissed the side of her head. “What’s normal anyway, baby? I mean we’ve lived most of our life not being normal.  If we were we wouldn’t have J.  We wouldn’t even know each other.”

She mumbled her agreement.  “I know I have like no right or anything but… can we go somewhere? Just for a little while? Just the three of us. I mean later after everything is you know, better and stuff.”

I took a deep breath.  “Yeah.  I’d kinda like that.” I hugged her.  “You know, I’ve never been to an amusement park.  I don’t mean like Disney World or some shit.  Just any park.”

She pulled back and looked at me surprised. “Seriously?”

I nodded.

I was lying on my back and she sat up, straddling my waist. “Oh my god… why did you never tell me that?  You would love it, Faith!”

I shrugged.  “I don’t know.  When I was younger I always wanted to and stuff and then we started transporting and shit. Holy hell, B… if it’s anything like that, I don’t wanna go.”

She bent down and kissed my cheek. “It’s nothing like that! It’s fun.  It’s roller coasters and cotton candy and silly games and…” she sounded like a little kid. “Oh my god… I want to go… Can we go?” She started hopping up and down.  “Please!?!”

I stilled her by putting my hand on her waist. “Well, first stop bouncing,” I smiled. “And okay, but you’ve got to promise I won’t get sick.”

She smiled back but was still. “I can’t promise that, goofball. You don’t have a very strong stomach! You get sick in the car.”

I sat up and pulled her to me. “That’s cause you’re driving, blondie.”

She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and pressed her forehead into mine.  “No way. My driving skills are impeccable.”

I leaned back and looked her in the eye. “You cannot be serious, B.”

She stuck her lip out.

“Buffy, you can do lots of things. Don’t get me wrong here or anything but… you drive like a drunk child.  Who’s blind.  That’s the scariest shit I’ve ever experienced.”

Her pout got deeper.

“Pout away, princess.  I’m telling the truth.”

She swatted my arm.  And fuck if that didn’t hurt.  Jesus.  “You could teach me.”

I rolled my eyes.  “Buffy, I don’t know anyone on this planet that has enough patience to teach you to drive.  I’d actually have better luck teaching the drunk, blind five year old.”

She winced so I kissed her again.

She sighed and pulled away.   “I’ll forgive you cause, you know, that was nice and all.  But I still think I’m capable of learning to drive… better. Cause I know how to drive.” She kissed my cheek.

I decided it best to not argue a moot point.

She most likely took my silence for agreement, cause she changed the subject. “Do you wanna go have breakfast with everyone?”

Part of me wanted to say no.  Because part of me wanted to stay here in bed with her. But, even so I wasn’t sure we were there yet.  Or at least, I wasn’t sure I was.  I finally nodded. “Yeah, let’s do that.”

She smiled and hopped up.  “I can’t believe you fed her popcorn everyday,” she muttered, pulling me out of the room.

“It was nutritious popcorn.” I told her. Seriously, I’d air-popped it.

She shook her head.  “The really sad thing is you honestly believe that.”

So what if I did?

She shook her head. “Did you make sure she washed her hair properly?” She asked me.

“Huh?”  What the hell?  Properly? What the fuck was she on about?

I shrugged. “She took showers and stuff. She was clean.”

I could tell she was trying really hard not to roll her eyes at me. “Yeah, but she gets tangles.”

I shrugged.  “I don’t know.  Smelled clean. Looked clean.  Therefore clean.  My philosophy.”  I grabbed her hand. “Plus, I didn’t drink. Or watch porn. And I made her read and do her schoolwork.  And I had to freaking go over it with her.” I stopped walking and pulled her hand. “You know what… there are some things, I want to not do.  Some things that are your job.  Schoolwork is definitely freaking one of them.  I do not understand French.”

She scrunched her face.  “Neither do I.”

I thought maybe she’d took that class in high school or something. “Who helps her with that shit, then?”

She shrugged.  “I don’t know.  Giles maybe? I know Kennedy speaks French.  I guess she helps her with it too.”

Uh what???? 

I opened and closed my mouth. “Did you just say Ken speaks French?”

She nodded.  “Yeah.  And Spanish. Of course she’s Hispanic so that makes sense.”

I screwed up my face.  Hold up…. “Ken’s Hispanic???”

“Uhhh yeah…” She answered like she wasn’t sure I was serious.

“No?  Really?” How’d I not know that?

She pulled me towards the kitchen. “I swear to god, I know everything about Willow.  I even know when her cycle is.  How can you not know your best friend’s Hispanic?”

Jesus Christ, like I needed to know when Ken was on her period.  What the fuck? “It never came up.”

She shook her head.  “I’m really sorry I treat you like the boy sometimes, Faith. But uhhh… sometimes you really really act like one.”

That was fair.

Everyone was in the kitchen when we walked in.

“Ken, are you freaking Hispanic?” I asked my best friend.  “Buffy just told me you were.  What the hell?”

She stopped the fork on her way to her mouth. “Oh my god! My secret’s out!” She frowned at B. “Good job telling her and all. Now I can never fool her.”

B rolled her eyes and sat down next to Joy.

Jesus what a smartass she was. “No seriously, how did I not know that?” I looked at J.  “Did you know that?”

She nodded.  “Yeah…”

I quirked my eyebrow and looked around the room.

Everyone else was nodding too.

Come on. “Is this like a conspiracy or something?” I asked Ken.

“No, you are just the most unobservant person on the planet. Actually, I’m not Hispanic.  I’m African American.”

I rolled my eyes and sat down. “You’re an ass. I observed that, didn’t I?”

She continued eating. “What the hell do you care anyway?” She asked me.

I shrugged picking up my plate. “I don’t really. I’m just surprised is all…”

“Did you know I was a girl, Faith? And kinda rich? Also, I’m a lesbian.” She put her finger to her head.  “Oh yeah… and a slayer.  And smarter than you.” She added, winking at Joy.

I surveyed the room carefully… I was kind of wondering if anyone else in here had some deep ass secret they were hiding from me. Like maybe Giles was a woman or something… Jesus…

B smiled at me.  “The rest of us are white, if that helps…”

What the fuck ever.  I sat down next to her.  I was timidly happy and for right now, that was enough.

Even if I was the most unobservant person on the planet.

 


	23. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!

“I absolutely do not care, Buffy. Do you hear me? I don’t care.  There is no way, no fucking how she is wearing that shit. Not now.  Not ever.  I will lock her in the freaking basement and you too if I have to.  But she’s not wearing it.”  I folded my arms across my chest.  I realized this was normally B’s move, angry arms and shit, but… hell to the no was my kid wearing that.

“Faith, you are being ridiculous. It’s a dance.  And not like  “on the table” variety either.  A school dance.” She picked the dress up and held it in front of her.  “It’s cute. She’s going to her first dance.” She smiled.

“The fuck she is.  And she sure the hell isn’t going in that thing.”  I gestured to the dress B was holding.  And let me explain dress here.  Cause you know – the word has a lot of connotations, right? I mean, there was like a communion dress, and a pioneer dress, and then there was a dress made for streetwalkers. This dress had a goddamn slit in it. What the fuck does this dress need a slit for?  She’s twelve for fuck’s sake. Who’s looking at her legs?

Yeah, twelve… been a while, huh? Life had been well… normal for a few years.  When I say normal, I mean normal in that “you’re a slayer and your daughter is some type of super being that we haven’t figured out yet” normal, but… so far, no monsters, no witches, no mayors, no crazy goddamn slayers, and I’ll admit that I’m conflicted on this one – no goddess.

After what you could call a careful reconciliation on both of our parts, Buffy and I had figured some things out. I could spare you most of the details but we’d decided to stay in Los Angeles.  It was the only place we honestly felt safe at this point. Also, Angel had more money than almost anyone (well save Ken, I guess) so we at least got these cool digs out of it.

After Ken and Red tied the knot, we’d even opened up our very own slayer school here in L.A.  Best part – we didn’t live there.  Awesome times a thousand, if you asked me.  Angel had rigged his freaking hotel up and out and most of us were still here, save Xander and Dawn who’d found their own place, gotten hitched, and wanted “alone” time.  Which was more than okay with B.  And Angel.

I dreaded the day Dawn told us she was expecting, cause there was no way that wasn’t coming… I didn’t have anything to wear to Xander’s funeral.

So here we were – and Joy was going to a dance. Buffy had nagged and nagged me about letting J go to a “real” school.  And this is what I got for it.  Boys. And dances.   And a dress that looked like a hooker rejected it cause it was too risqué. 

“Holy shit! What is that?” I heard Ken behind me.

I turned around.  “Exactly. This is the dress B wants Joy to wear tonight.”

Ken shook her head violently. “Oh hell no.”

Red walked in behind her.  “That’s adorable! Is that what’s she’s wearing?”

“No!” Ken and I both yelled.

“Yes!” B yelled at the same time.

Red smirked at Kennedy.  “Why are you chiming in?  And look at it?  It’s so cute! I love this color. What do you call it?”

“Whore-red,” I answered.

“Faith,” Buffy warned, rolling her eyes. She turned to face Will. “It’s burgundy.”

I rolled my eyes back.  “The fuck it is.  That is red.  Whores wear red.”

“Hey,” Red said.

I shrugged.  “Present company excluded.”

“I agree with Faith.  That dress is inappropriate.  Didn’t they have like a nice parka or something she could wear?” Ken chimed in.

Red and B ignored her.  In fact, they were ignoring both of us.  They took off down the hallway, giggling about hairstyles and makeup. 

I put my hand on my chest.  “I may have a heart attack,” I told Ken.  “I am so not ready for this.  This was supposed to come much much later.  Likes years from now.”

She nodded.  “I know.  Will said ‘it’s just a dance,’ when I told her the exact same thing.  I say we stake out this gymnasium or whatever it is.”

I sighed.  “B took my keys.”

She smirked.  “She didn’t take mine.”

“Right, like Red’s not got them in her pocket right now.  They conspire. That’s all they ever do. Conspire.  To kill me.  I get it now.”

Ken shrugged.  “I don’t think we’re gonna win this, but… when that little shit shows up here tonight we can scare the hell out of him.”

Yeah, you heard her.  She had a date.  Her school was having a Sadie Hawkins Dance.  And she asked some little snot-nosed punk to go.  Apparently she fretted about it for like a week or something. No one told me. Obviously because I would have talked her out of it. 

I checked the time on my phone. “Why are they getting ready now? Does it take four fucking hours to get ready for a middle school dance?  Really? I hate this.  It’s stupid.”

“Girls,” Ken muttered.

“Agreed.”

“Want to get a drink?” She offered.

I nodded.  I was gonna need way more than one drink. 

After Ken and I threw back a couple of shots of whiskey, I felt a little better.  We had to hide in one of the spare rooms to do it.  The sad sad state of my life.  But if they saw us drinking our asses were toast. 

At least it killed some time…

We went looking for the girls. It wasn’t difficult to find them, with all the squealing and shit coming out of our bedroom. I swear to God, B really got into this. I wanna put the kid in a bubble and she wants to dress her up like Pretty Woman and send her into the night.

The three of them were sitting on the bed when we walked in.  Buffy was putting fucking eyeliner on my twelve year old.  I refrained from screaming because I figured the kid appreciated B not stabbing her in the eye and shit.

“Hey Mom,” J said when we walked in. “Did you see my dress?”

I nodded curtly.

“Did you like it?” She was so damn excited.

Buffy cut her eyes at me.

I shrugged.  “Don’t you wanna wear pants?  You know, be different?  Every girl there is gonna be in a dress.”

Ken was nodding beside me.  “Pants are amazing.  You look good in pants.”

“Why would I wear pants do a dance?”

Red chuckled.  “Because the two of them haven’t had a dress on in fifteen years.”

Buffy smiled at Joy.  “When I was in high school, your mom went to the Homecoming dance with us.  And she wore a dress,” She put her fingers to lips, thinking.  “Black. Spaghetti straps. She looked amazing.”

Ken started laughing and punched me in the arm. “Loser.”

I growled at her.  “Shut up.  I was naïve.” I turned to B.  “Makeup? Really?  Does she need makeup?  She’s twelve.  Or did everyone in here forget that?”

“Faith, I think you were born with eyeliner on,” B answered.  “And besides. It’s just a little.” She moved so I could see Joy more fully.  “And look, she looks beautiful.”

I frowned slightly because she did. Look beautiful I mean. They’d curled her hair and it was laying sort of softly down her shoulders.  It had gotten a bit lighter since she’d gotten older.  And that wasn’t the only thing that had changed. She gotten taller, and though she wasn’t the tallest twelve year old, she was probably taller than B was at that age. It wasn’t hard to see she was gonna outgrow Buffy, height wise. (Though I normally kept that observation to myself.)   At some point in the last few months, she started wearing a bra.  It was training bra, but whatever… it was still disturbing.  I didn’t wear a bra at that age.  Hell, I didn’t wear a bra yesterday.  But it was hard to ignore the fact that she was, you know, developing or whatnot.  A lot of the kids at her school were still awkward, graceless, but she’d sort of skipped that stage of development and I’d been feeling like things were moving way too fast in the wrong direction.

“Why are you frowning?” J asked, picking up the mirror to look at herself.  “Do I look bad?”

Now Buffy had the full on “you answer this wrong and you’re sleeping on the couch for a month face.”  I knew it well. 

I tried smiling.  “No.  You like beautiful. Gorgeous. More than that.” I felt sort of sick.  “You know, another word for pretty that I don’t know.”

“Stunning,” Ken piped in ever so helpfully behind me.

Joy eyed me.  “Why do you look like that?  Stop worrying. It’s just a dance.”

“I realize it’s just a dance. Your mother has been kind enough to remind me of that pretty consistently for the past week.”

“It’s because you’re going with a boy,” Red told her.

I sighed.  “Okay. Maybe it is.  What do we know about this Matt kid anyway?”

“Mark,” Joy correct.

“Whatever.”

“Mark,” Buffy started, still giving me the evil eye. “is a sweet kid. And so are his parents. If you’d just take the time to get to know them.”

Buffy had them over last week for dinner. Could I help it that some damn Gavlock demon had decided to try and waste me and Ken that night in the cemetery. Hell, we were just getting in some slaying before dinner.  How the fuck were we supposed to know a damn demon with skin like freaking road tar would attack us? We were covered in shit when we got home.  Ken had at least the forethought to call ahead; cause B was springing this shit with his parents on me.  Couldn’t argue she didn’t know me, I guess. We had to sneak in the back door. It literally took us like two and half hours to get that shit out.  I’d caught all kinds of hell for that one.  Apparently, dinner was over and everyone was gone.  Angel said B apologized about a bajillion times because her partner was a bit “unpredictable,” and worked weird hours.  God only freaking knows what she told them I did for a living.

“So hows this gonna work?  We gonna take you guys to the dance?  Chaperone and what not?” Shit, I was a genius. Why didn’t I think of that before?

“No!” Joy squealed.  “His parents are taking us.  They’re coming here.  And you are not coming.  That would be so, ugh… just awkward.  I can’t have my parents there.  Gross.”

“Hey,” B said.

Joy winked at her.  “Not you,” she whispered.

“Holy shit, I can hear you,” I muttered. “Why would it be awkward? I’m cool.  Not to mention hot.  How the hell is that awkward?”

B closed her eyes and put her fingers on the bridge of her nose.  “You wanna answer this one?” She asked Joy.

Apparently I was giving her a headache. Tough shit.

Joy sighed.  “Cause you’re…” she paused and looked at Willow for help.

“Protective,” Red tried.

J nodded. “Yeah, protective. And sort over like hover-y and stuff. I mean when we start dancing you’d be standing right over us. ‘Don’t put your hand there, buster’ or something equally embarrassing.”

“Okay, first of all I wouldn’t say buster,” I said, putting my hands on my hips.

“Yeah,” Ken nodded.  “It’d be more like ‘you little motherfucker.’ “

Joy nodded back.  “I know; I was improvising.”

I groaned.  “And second of all, why the hell would the little motherfucker have his hands anywhere?  They should be by his side.  At all goddamn times.”

“How can they dance if his hands are by his side?” Red asked, genuinely confused.

“Who the hell dances at a middle school dance? They just sit around and drink punch and giggle.”

“Faith,” Buffy started. “I really hate to tell you, but you’ve been out of school a long time…”  She left that hanging in the air.

I took a deep breath.  I realized I wasn’t gonna win this but, no way I was verbally admitting defeat.  “Whatever, I’m going downstairs.  To wait,” I turned to go.  “And clean my gun,” I added over my shoulder.

“Mom!!!”

“Calm down, baby,” B told her. “She doesn’t have a gun.” She paused for a moment. “I don’t think.”

Ken and I went downstairs to watch the game. The Lakers were playing the Celtics. She’d been won over by what she called “hometown pride,” and was rooting for the Lakers.  It probably wasn’t the best distraction because the constant urge to punch her in the face when they scored and she started smirking like an asshole wasn’t doing anything to calm me down.

“Face!” She screamed at me after a particularly good shot.

“Face?  Are you serious?  What are you? Seven?  Shut the fuck up.” I mumbled.  I got up and got a beer.

“Are you not going to get me one?” She asked incredulously.

I shot her the bird.

“You are the sorest loser I’ve ever met.” She got up and got her own. 

“You are the biggest asshole I’ve ever met.”

“Jackass,” she mumbled.

“Fuckwad,” I mumbled back.

“Ahh, good to see you two getting along as always,” Giles said coming into the room.  “So the big dance is tonight?  Is Joy excited?”

“Whatever,” we both mumbled his way.

“Yes. I forgot you were both insane. My apologies,” he muttered, pouring himself a scotch.  He turned towards the television.  “Ugh, American sports.” He moved back out of the room.  “I’ll just go see Joy before her escort arrives.  Don’t want to crowd her, now do we?  Not with the two of you hanging around embarrassing her enough for the whole lot of us.”

I looked at the clock after he’d gone. “What time are Matt and his parents getting here?”

Before Ken could answer me, I heard B from the top of the staircase.  “Mark. And in like five minutes. So put the damn beers up and act at least halfway presentable.”

“Where’s Joy?” Ken asked her.

“Upstairs with Will.  Finishing touches and all.  And girls like to make an entrance.  I just decided to come down here so when they did arrive the two of you didn’t kill them and hide their bodies.”

“Smart,” Ken gave her.

B nodded.  “I know you well.”

About that time, there was a soft knock at the door and then it opened tentatively.  The thing about living in a hotel (even one semi-converted into a house) was people never knew when to knock or not.  Well that and the occasional tourist trying to rent a room.

“Hello?” We heard a female voice call from the doorway.

“Be good.” Buffy shot us both a look and walked into the lobby/foyer. 

We followed her out.

“Buffy, sorry.  We didn’t know whether to knock or not.”

Buffy shook her head at the woman standing on the landing.  She was a little older than us.  Blond hair. Her husband was standing behind her with his hand on the shoulder of the next thing I was probably going to have to kill.

“Caroline,” B smiled, all gracious and host-like. “Of course you can come in. We get that all the time.” She walked up and hugged her slightly. She hugged everybody. I was not hugging these people.

“I know we’re a little early, but this one…” she dropped her voice a little and put her hand on the side of her mouth. “…was a tiny bit nervous.”

Buffy smiled at the boy.  “How’s it going, Mark?”  She walked up and shook the father’s hand.  “Thanks for taking them, Clint.  We’d have been glad to do it.”

The dad, who was sort of ruggedly handsome if you liked that older dude kind of thing nodded at her.  “We’re happy to do it.”

Caroline rolled her eyes.  “That grimace he has is because I’m making him miss the game right now.  We have a DVR,” she called over her shoulder.

When she mentioned the game, B realized Ken and I were standing here like two out-of-place morons.  “Oh god! I’m sorry.  Clint, Caroline, this is Faith.  And this is Kennedy.  Willow’s partner.”

We all shook hands and did the “nice to meet you,” awkward as hell shit.

The dad pushed Mike forward.  “It’s nice to meet you,” the kid said, not making one bit of eye contact with me.

I nodded at him.  Buffy nudged me ever so not gently in the back. “You too,” I mumbled.

Ken shook his hand too.  I wasn’t sure, but B probably nudged her ass as well.

The little dude was standing there with a corsage in his hand.  Little girls would probably call him cute.  Sorta sandy blond hair all wispy like and stuff.  I was busy looking for horns.  Or any other signs of demonhood. He looked like he was about to puke.  Wish I could say I cared.

Before things could get anymore awkward, we heard Red at the top of the stairs.  And by we – I meant the three slayers.  She was whispering.  “I think they’re here,” she said.  “You ready?” J must have nodded, cause I didn’t hear her reply.

We turned to the steps at the same time. Even though the three normal people didn’t hear them, they followed our gaze.  And…

…out walked my daughter.  And she looked… I felt like something was sitting on my chest. She was… she was just…

“Wow,” I heard the kid mumble beside me. Again slayer hearing. But I couldn’t disagree. Even if I wanted to slap him for it.

“Oh my goodness,” his mother squealed. “Doesn’t she look gorgeous?” She smiled at Buffy.  And then her face seemed to recognize something as she looked at me out of the corner of her eye.

We got that shit all the time. Joy looked like me. It was not as evident as when she was little, but it was still there.  People could never figure it out.  We always had to go with the twin brother thing.  Thankfully though, she didn’t ask.

Clint pushed the kid again and he walked up to Joy after she glided down the stairs like a freaking angel.  “I got you a flower,” he said quietly.

Joy smiled at him shyly.  Shyly.  Seriously. This kid, who wasn’t scared of anything, was as nervous as he was.  God. Damn. It.  That was not good.

“Thanks,” she mumbled.

He opened it, and I had a fleeting fear that it was one of those flowers he had to pin onto her dress. And then he would touch her. And I didn’t want to murder him in front of his parents.  But it wasn’t. It was just a wrist corsage. And it matched her dress almost too perfectly.  I saw B wink at his mom. They’d planned that shit.

“So,” Dad said, clapping his hands. “You guys ready?”

They both smiled awkwardly and nodded.

“I can pick them up.  Willow and I already planned it,” Buffy said, walking them to the door.  Of course she had. And not told me.

“I’m sure Clint will be happy to let you,” Caroline smiled.  “So he can go home and watch that stupid game.  I don’t understand sports mentalities.”

B patted her on the back and turned to look at me. “Right there with you.”

She bent down and kissed J’s head. “Have fun, sweetie. Aunt Will and I will pick you guys up at ten o’clock.”

“It was nice to meet you,” Caroline said, shaking my hand. 

I nodded and tried to smile. I couldn’t stop staring at my daughter. Who was now holding hands with Mort.

B smacked me slightly.  “Forgive her.  She’s kind of a worrywart.”

Caroline nodded like she understood and followed them out.  I watched my daughter get into the car with her… ugh… date and drive off into the night.

B was looking at me strangely. “Are you deficient?”

“Why are you and Red picking them up?” I asked her.

“Well one, you scare Mark.  And two, you couldn’t even change your clothes?”

I looked down at what I was wearing – sweat pants and a hoodie.  Wasn’t like I was naked or anything.  “What? I’m not going to a dance.”

She looked at Red and rolled her eyes. Red nodded.

“Whatever,” Ken said.  “We’re going with.”

Red shook her head.  “No you’re not.  You’ve been drinking.  And I don’t mean just the beer.  I can smell whiskey. And where are they gonna sit if you two go?” She wiggled her eyebrow at me.  “Unless, you want her to sit on his lap in the middle of the backseat or something?”

“We have two SUVs,” Ken told her.

Buffy shook her head.  “You aren’t going. Go finish watching the game. Get drunk or whatever…”

I looked and Kennedy.  She raised her eyebrow.

“Really?” I asked her.  “Seriously?  You just gave us permission to get drunk?”

She nodded.  “Yes.  Besides, since the two of you didn’t even bother to change clothes or even look halfway presentable, Will and I are going out to dinner.  Without you.”

We both shrugged. 

“Have fun,” I called over my shoulder before she changed her mind.

After B and Red were gone, and a disappointing ass kicking for the Celtics, I started to get anxious.

“When was that fucking dance over?” I asked Ken, handing her a beer.

“Ten, I think Buffy said.”

I looked at the clock.  It was ten o’clock.  “So? Where are they?”

She shrugged.  “I don’t know.  Figure they have to drop him off.  All that kind of stuff. They’ll probably be here soon.” She took a swig.  “How much have we drank tonight?”

I shrugged.  “I don’t know… a lot.” I groaned.  I sat down and then stood back up, pacing.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Do you think I’m old?”

“What?” She asked, scrunching her face. “Old?”

“Yeah.  Old.” I took a drink.  “I feel old.”

She shrugged.  “Nah.  You don’t look old. What the hell’s wrong with you?”

I stopped pacing.  “I just, fuck… it’s like everyday something new.  You know?  I worry about shit. About Joy.  I mean it seems like yesterday she was a baby. It’s like it’s going by super fast or something.  Before we know it she’ll be eighteen and then…”

“Faith, I know we haven’t heard from Ate, but… I mean after what she said.  I think, well, I think things are different now.  But, regardless, Willow and Giles will figure it out. They always do. You can’t spend your life worrying…”

“I get it,” I said, cutting her off. “It’s not that. I don’t think Ate’s gonna do anything. I mean J’s got some big prophecy to fulfill or some shit.  I’m not talking about that.  I just mean that she’s getting older.  And that means, I’m getting old.”

She still looked confused. “Yeah, but you’re a slayer. We age helluva well if I do say so myself.”

“I don’t mean I look old.  Ugh.  Never mind.”

She rolled her eyes.  “Seriously.  What the hell are you talking about?”

I sat down.  “Joy,” I sat back and put my hands on my face.  “I mean, I’m like this mom.  I’m a mom.”

“Dad,” She chuckled a little. “And you’re drunk.”

I moaned.  “Granted.  But, I’m a parent. And I’ve been one for twelve years.” I pushed my hair out of my face.  “And one day, I may like be a grandparent or something.”

“So.”

“So?  So? I can’t handle that shit. I can’t handle her going to a dance with a boy.  Holy shit, can you imagine if I had grandkids what I’d do?  I’d have a heart attack if they fell down or something.  Cause I’m getting old…”

“Okay, I think that you’ve got a few years to wait. And… I think you should stop drinking. I know Buff said you could get drunk but I don’t want a whiney drinking buddy.  Plus, they’re gonna be home in a few minutes and when you start crying and shit, you’re gonna ruin J’s good time.  And then you’ll be sleeping somewhere else tonight.”

I nodded.  “You know what?  I need to reclaim my youth.”

She laughed.  “And how are you gonna do that?”

“We should go somewhere.”

She looked skeptical.  “Who?”

“Me and you.  Like to Vegas or something.”

“So… not only are you wasted, but apparently you’ve got a concussion.  There’s no way in hell they’re gonna let us go to Vegas.” But she looked hopeful. “Will they?”

“We don’t have to tell them we’re going to Vegas. We can just say we’re going to mountain climb or something.”

“And you want us to reclaim our youth by lying to our wives?”

I nodded.

“Right,” she said.  “Just checking.”  She sighed. “You realize that’s really stupid and bound to get us into heaps of trouble.”

I nodded. “Fuck it.  Why can’t we just tell them we’re going to Vegas? We’re grown women, aren’t we?”

Kennedy picked up the remote and began flipping through the channels.  “Because they won’t let us go.  Because we’re whooped. Because you’ll drag me to a strip club and even three days later, Willow will smell it on me. Cause she has the nose of a bloodhound.”

“Smell what on you?” Red said from the doorway.

“You’re back!” We both said.

“Where’s Joy?” I asked her.

“In the kitchen with Buffy.  Smell what on you?” She asked, turning to Ken.

“The alcohol.  You can always smell it.”

Red nodded.  “Right.  For some reason, I don’t believe you.” She pulled her up.  “Come on, let’s go to bed, drunk girl.”

“I’m not drunk,” Ken mumbled following her out.

I made my way to the kitchen. I had had a little too much to drink. I wasn’t wasted or anything, but shit… I was given permission.  I stopped outside the door.  I could hear whispering. Ha! Fuck that. Slayer hearing worked, drunk or not.

“And then they played that one song. You know the one.”

“Yeah,” B said anxiously.

“And then he asked me to dance. It was fun.  Even though he dances like all boys.  You know kind of bouncing around and stuff. But it was cool. And after we danced that when he asked me.”

I tried to be still.  What the fuck was she talking about?  Asked her what?

B squealed.  “I’m so excited.  Your first boyfriend. And he’s so cute.”

“Boyfriend?” I said and ran in.

“Faith!” B squealed again.

“What are you talking about? Boyfriend? You go to one dance and suddenly you’re dating?  You’re twelve.”

“Mommmm,” Joy whined. 

“What?” I asked. 

She rolled her eyes.  “Ugh.  Nothing. I’m going to bed.”

She stormed passed me and out of the kitchen.

“Faith, really?  Can’t you just say you ‘you looked pretty tonight’ and not go all batty about stuff for once?”

“Why does she have a boyfriend? You can’t think that’s acceptable.”

“Well, she’s twelve.  So basically that means that they ignore each other at school and tell their friends that they’re dating.  It’s not like they’re making out or anything.”

I put my hands over my eyes.  “Goddamn it, Buffy! Why do you wanna say shit like that?”

She took a deep breath.  “Look, she had a good time.  They’re kids. And you hurt her feelings.  Not to mention it was all creeptastic how you were eavesdropping and all.”

I sighed, defeated.  “I suck at this.  And I’m just gonna get worse.  The older she gets, I… I don’t think I can handle this.” I sat down on a stool in front of the bar.

She rubbed my back.  “You know you’re a great mom.” She put her arms around my waist and kissed the back of my neck.  “And a great wife.”

I leaned back against her.  “I know.  It just gets harder every freaking year.  Jesus.”

“Well, yeah… but it’s fun.  I never thought I’d have this.  And neither did you.” She put her head on my shoulder, and wrapped her arms tighter around me.  “Wanna go to bed?”

I nodded.  “Yeah, but I think I better go apologize first.”

She pulled away.  “I don’t think you need to apologize.  Just go tell her good night.  And that you love her.”

“Okay,” I said, pulling her to me for a kiss.

“Mmm hmm,” she said, pulling away. “And that she looked pretty.”

“Got it.”

When I got upstairs, Joy’s door was shut and the light was off. I could see the flicker of the television though. I knocked softly.

“Yeah?”

“Can I come in?”

“You’re going to anyway.”

And ouch.  I opened the door.  “You’re right.”

She had her back to the door when I opened it. She picked up the remote and muted the TV before turning to me.  “Did you want something?”

“I just wanted to say good night,” I said. I didn’t move from the doorway.

She flopped back over and put her back to me again. “Night.”

Okay, so obviously she was pissed. Or hurt.  Oh, fuck it.  What was the difference?

“And, uh… you looked amazing tonight.”

She huffed.

“What was that?” I asked her.

“Sure,” she muttered.

“No.  You did. I couldn’t really believe it. I mean you always look pretty. But tonight, the dress, the hair, everything.  I just, uh, realized that you were growing up.  And you did. You looked beautiful.” I shut the door and moved further into the room.  “I mean it.”

She still had her back to me but her shoulders were moving slightly. 

“Joy? Are you crying?”  I sat down on the bed.  She was crying.  I could hear her. I put my hand on her back. “Baby, what’s wrong? I’m sorry.”

She turned around and wiped her eyes.

I put my hand on her cheek.  “I’m sorry, sweetie.”

She shook her head.  “I’m not mad.” She wiped her face again. 

Fuck.  I couldn’t stand to see her cry.  Just, fuck. She was still lying down. I wanted to pick her and hold her. I used to do that when she was little. She was too big for that now.

She sat up.  “You really thought I looked beautiful?  You didn’t say anything.”

I nodded.  “I couldn’t breathe.”

She giggled.  At least she wasn’t crying.  “That’s silly.”

I shrugged.  “Completely serious.”

She smiled a little.  “Want to know a secret?”

“Sure,” I said, brushing her hair out of her eyes.

“I don’t like wearing make up. It feels yucky. And those shoes hurt my feet. Why do people wear shoes like that?”

“I have no freaking clue.” I laughed.  I lowered my voice.  “For the love, don’t tell your mother that.  You’ll break her heart.”  I tickled her. “So, this boy… do you like like him, like him?”

She scrunched her nose.  “Like him, like him?”

I sighed.  “You know, like does he make you feel like…” ugh, this was fucking hard. “…you know like you want to be his girlfriend?”

She shrugged.  “I guess.  He’s nice. And he makes me laugh. But I don’t wanna like, marry him or anything.  I think he just likes me cause I let him win at basketball the other day.”

I moaned.  “Don’t ever do that again.”

“Haha.  It was kind of funny.  He was just losing so bad and I felt sorry for him.  But then after he won, he kind of got all show off-y and stuff.”

Note to self – kick his ass.

She must’ve noticed my face.  “Nah, it was cool.  Sometimes I forget that I can always win.  You know?  Sometimes it’s okay to let someone else win.  It made him feel good. I didn’t care either way, so why not?”

I nodded.  “I guess you’re right.”

She shrugged.  “Plus, he’s a really good kisser.”

And my heart stopped.  Seriously, I couldn’t breathe.

Joy grabbed arms and shook me. “Mom, I’m kidding.” She shook me again. “Look at me, I’m kidding!”

I took a deep breath.  “That was not funny at all.”

“Well don’t blame me.”

“B?” I asked.

“She’s got a mean streak, doesn’t she?” She giggled.

“Sometimes,” I smiled, still trying to catch my breath.

She smiled back.  She looked at the door and then back at me. “Will you sleep in here? With me?”

Wow. “Really?”

She nodded.  “Yeah.”

I smiled at her.  “Of course,” I said, laying down beside her.  “I’d go tell B, but you know she’s listening outside your door, right?”

She laughed and nodded.  “Yeah.”

The door swung open.  “Really?”

I rolled my eyes.  “Buffy, we can feel you.”

She ran in and jumped on the bed. “Well, why didn’t you say anything? I was out there trying to be all stealthy and stuff.”

“And again, we can feel you.”

She crawled to the other side of the bed. “Whatever.  I’m sleeping in here too.” She pulled her hair into a loose ponytail.  She’d already changed clothes and washed her face.  It amazed me she could do that so fast.  She apparently was reading my mind as well.  “But, you’ve got to go brush your teeth.  I’m not sleeping in here with you if you don’t.”

I groaned but got up anyway.  “Fine, I’ll be back in a minute.”

I went to our bedroom and changed clothes, getting ready for bed.  After I brushed my teeth, I put my hands on the sink counter and looked in the mirror. I still looked good. Ken was right. We aged well.  I know, conceited and all but shit… there was no denying it. I smiled and scrunched my eyes and then I saw it… a wrinkle.  Between my eyebrows. What.  The.  Fuck. I knew it, I was getting old. Jesus H… and then I just stopped. I mean, I had to put this shit in perspective.  We’d been through about seven kinds of hell in the last fifteen years.  I wasn’t deluded enough to think that there wasn’t more coming either.  But fuck it – if all I had to show for it was one wrinkle, I guess I was lucky.

When I got back to J’s bedroom they were both asleep. I stood in the doorway and stared at them for a moment.  B always sleeps on her back.  Joy had one leg thrown over her and she was lying sideways.  How the hell did they get that comfortable that fast? 

I shook my head.  Sometimes I had to remind myself that they were mine. For a long time I didn’t feel like I deserved Buffy.  And every time I’d screwed up being a mom, I felt the same way about Joy.  I was wrong though.  I did deserve them.  And god knows I loved them more than anything in the world. 

I shut the door and moved closer to the bed, trying to figure out how the hell I was going to move J without waking them. I scooted her over as best as I could and crawled in.  I rolled onto my side and kissed Joy on the forehead.  She scooted closer to me, still sleeping and rolled onto her side, facing me. She snuggled against me and put her head under my chin.  I sighed and pulled her to me.  I was wrong earlier. She is bigger. But I can still hold her.

I closed my eyes.  I knew enough now to know that tomorrow could be different. Something could happen. Something could change. Something could come. Because something was always coming. But we’d stop it. Just like we always did. Because my little girl was special. And one day, we’d understand what her purpose really was. 

But until then, I was just going to be her mom. I was going to love her. I was going to protect her.

…And I was going to have a little talk with this Mark.

I was close falling asleep, until I felt a slight tapping on my arm.  I opened my eyes slowly. B was turned facing me.

“I love you,” she said softly, reaching over and kissing me.

“I love you more,” I mumbled against her.

She smiled and rolled back onto her back. “Oh, and Faith?”

“Yeah, babe?” I whispered.

“You are so not going to Vegas,” she chuckled and closed her eyes.

Fucking Kennedy.


End file.
